Sunday, December 27, 2015

Laughter in Marriage

If you are unable to view this video, please click HERE.

Laughter is good for the soul. Proverbs 17:22






#ezdates Contest is still going on until December 31, 2015! Post your pictures on Instagram using the hashtag #ezdates

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Contest Giveaway - #ezdates

If you are unable to view the video, click HERE.







Giveaway! Earlier this year we challenged you to go on dates and post your date pics. As we close out the year, we are giving you a chance to win a $25 Visa e-gift  card. Below are the details to enter the drawing.



1. Go to Instagram...

2. Follow Zina @zhenry88

3. Tag 2 couples/friends in the comment section of contest post

4. Post a photo (old or new) of you and your boo on your page and hashtag #ezdates then tell us how you will continue to date in 2016.

5. Tag Zina (@zhenry88)



Contest will run through December 31, 2015. Winner announced on January 1, 2016



We are also giving away a $25 Visa e-gift card to Rod and Tracee Coleman for being faithful in using #ezdates!

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Creating your own traditions

If you can't view the video, click HERE.

A discussion about creating your own traditions that please you and your spouse. As the holiday season is upon us, we want to make sure that our traditions are not creating stress in the home.




Thursday, December 10, 2015

Are you guarding your heart?

Photos courtesy of Keith Jefferson
Lingering eyes. Lustful thoughts. Long conversations with the opposite sex. Loving touches. Are you guarding your heart? Are you protecting your marriage from outside threats? Or are you wide open, allowing anyone to penetrate your heart and make you feel a certain kind of way? Affairs aren't always sexual. They can be emotional as well. In fact, most emotional affairs may be more detrimental because a deep bond has been formed. Affairs also don't just happen over night. They are developed over time. Over talks at work. Over coffee. Over drinks. Over lunch. Over dinner. Over night. Over time. And don't think that you are an exception. Every marriage is susceptible to an outside affair. If you are not guarding your heart and your marriage, it will be quite easy for an outside threat to happen. 

So how do you guard your heart? 

1. Spend time with your spouse. Spend as much time as you can. Dr. Harley from Marriage Builders suggests 15 hours a week. And don't think that you can't spare that kind of time. We make time for what we want. 
2. Pray together. Pray for each other. Pray for the marriage. Prayer works. But most couples do not pray for their marriage or their spouse. Pray that God will protect your marriage from harm and that He will keep temptations away from your marriage. Pray that God will make you both the spouses you need to be for each other. 
3. Be honest. Don't be afraid to tell your spouse what you are thinking or feeling. Make sure you speak the truth in love. If your feelings were hurt, tell your spouse. If you don't want to go to a particular restaurant, tell your spouse. There will be times for compromise; however, you need to be honest with your spouse so you will not build up resentment. 
4. Love them hard. Love your spouse with hugs, kisses, touches, sex, etc. Love them as much as possible to keep temptation away. Hold your spouse's hand. Give them long hugs. Listen when they talk by turning and giving them eye contact. Share your heart with your spouse and not with others of the opposite sex.
5. Go to bed together. Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time, even if one of you is not sleepy, still go to bed. Finish your TV program in the bedroom if it doesn't bother your spouse. But going to bed together keeps you from being tempted to search social media sites looking for someone to talk to. Going to bed together also allows you to spend more time together and build intimacy. 

Guard your heart. Guard your marriage. Enjoy the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18 paraphrased).

Sunday, November 29, 2015

It's the little things!

El & I discuss the little things that keep the spark in your marriage. Romance doesn't stop when you get married. You should continue to romance your spouse and this is not just for men; women you should also continue the romance. A website to assist you in the romance area is The Dating Divas at http://thedatingdivas.com

If you are unable to view the video, click HERE.




Wednesday, November 25, 2015

What are you thankful for?

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what God has done and is doing in your life. It's a time to relax and celebrate with family and friends. Eat turkey and dressing and watch football. What are your family traditions? Have you made your own traditions or are they passed down from generations? 

This year, El and I will be spending Thanksgiving enjoying each other's company. We don't have any specific plans, unlike past Thanksgivings that were spent with family. We have so much to be thankful for; not just on Thanksgiving, but everyday. God has truly been awesome and we have to acknowledge His goodness! 

El is thankful for 

  • God's grace and mercy
  • me (his wife)
  • and his son, CJ
I am thankful for 
  • God's awesome love and favor
  • My family and friends (especially my husband and son)
  • and peace of mind
Of course this list could go on and on because we have so much to be thankful for. 


What 3 things are you thankful for this season?




Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Power of Prayer

If you can't view the video, click HERE.

Join our discussion about the power of prayer and how prayer is needed in your marriage.

Let us know if there are any topics you would like to see?

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Anniversary Photo Shoot! 11-9-15

If you are unable to view video, please click HERE.



Enjoy a few pictures from our Anniversary Photo Shoot.

Photos courtesy of Keith Jefferson [on IG - @graffitti_greatness].

Music courtesy of our son - C Ma"J"or [on IG - @cmajorslodownent].
#ezdates #godsunionmm #gummytc

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Unequally Yoked

If you cannot view video, please click HERE









[For those dating and the singles]
Are you listening to God's voice when it comes to whom you should date seriously? Are you living the life God has called you to live. Let Christ guide you in the direction He would have you to go as it relates to life and your future spouse. You will save  yourself years of heartache if you allow Christ to send you a spouse instead of trying to force someone to be your spouse that God has not placed in that position.

#gummytc #ezdates #godsunionmm 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

It's our anniversary!

Join El and I in a discussion on how we've survived 19 years of marriage. The highs and lows and what we've learned. Stay tuned for pictures from our anniversary photo shoot! Coming soon. If you can't view the video, click HERE.



Monday, November 9, 2015

Another year... and this makes 19!

I love your kisses
You may recall the anniversary blog from last year. Well, today we are celebrating year 19! Wow, what a year this has been. I'm still in love with this awesome man. He's still my best friend and I still enjoy spending all my time with him.

There is no traditional wedding gift for the 19th year; however, my bae did an incredible job in the gift department.


Our family 11.9.1996
Our special day 19 years ago!
Our napkins from the reception




















His gifts to me:
  • New wedding ring - Marquis diamond ring with ring guard
  • Sunday afternoon photo shoot (pics coming soon) around the city of Memphis
  • Dinner 










My gifts to him:
  • Two Titanium wedding bands
  • 10 balloons filled with love notes (idea courtesy of Dating Divas)
  • Dinner and movie
  • Two cards 
Love is in the atmosphere! I thank God for my best friend. I thank God for another year with my best friend. I am so grateful for our love. I thank God for our purpose and the guidance to do ministry together. Thank You, Lord for giving us another year!


Dear El,
There is no one I would rather do life with. You were definitely sent by God to be my Boaz. Thank you for choosing me to share your life. Thank you for making me a priority. Thank you for providing for our family. Thank you for giving me security. Thank you for parenting our son. Thank you for being an awesome man, husband, father, friend, protector, mentor, and lover. I love you and I respect you. 

Always,
Your wife, Z (Your Schnuky)


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Tuesday Tip #8: Marriage Ministry

El and I started a marriage ministry in our home in 2007. We had no idea that that very ministry would minister to our own marriage. Eight years later we are still learning how to be the best spouses we can be to each other. The secret -- we have to live what we preach. Not only do we have to study material before we present it, but we also have to live out what we're presenting. We don't get to stand in front of other couples and not practice what we preach. It's important to El and I to be living examples of God's love for the church and the church's reverence to God. Are we perfect? Hell no, far from it. Do we still argue? Yes, certainly. The difference now is that we know how to resolve conflict quicker and we're eager to forgive. We still don't have this marriage thing mastered. But we are working every day. We are working every day. We are working every day. We. Are. Working. Every. Day! Marriage is work! We never threaten divorce. We never stay angry longer than an hour. We never sleep in separate rooms or beds. We never hit below the belt (calling names, cussing, or talking about parents). We never physically hit each other (we have in the past, but we don't anymore). We never stop loving one another. We never stop caring. And most importantly, I think, we spend a bunch of time with each other. We spend so much time together that we don't have time for outside mess, outside threats, outside influences, or any other outsiders.  

Furthermore, the couples that come to us for mentoring are usually coming to us with issues we've just dealt with or are dealing with at that moment and so we are not just helping them but we are helping our marriage as well. We're learning a new way of looking at our issues. We often have an "aha" moment and realize that we could resolve an issue another way. God knows exactly what He is doing and He knows what we need. 

I'm not saying you have to do ministry together to have a great marriage. However, why not try studying the Word together or doing marriage devotions together and discussing them. It will enhance your marital relationship and you'll gain new insights on how to have a great marriage. In fact, there is a Lifelong Love Marriage Summit happening now. It's free and online! You and your spouse can watch the videos and discuss it in the privacy of your own home. And if you'd like to discuss publicly, you can do so by leaving a comment here or on our Facebook page

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Resolving Conflict

How do you and your spouse handle conflict? El & I share 4 tips on how to resolve conflict. Click HERE if you cannot view video.



Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Tuesday Tip #7: Who's your BAE?


The Urban Dictionary defines bae as "before anyone else" or as the word baby, shortened. I call El "bae" all the time. I started calling him "bae" early this year instead of saying baby. I think I picked it up from hearing Jay Z and Beyonce use the term. It wasn't until a few months ago that I decided to look it up and see if there was some weird meaning and to make sure I wasn't insulting El. I was delighted to find the meaning as "before anyone else". 

I make a concerted effort to put El first. I don't just say I put him first. I actually do it. I make sure that my friends and family members know that I like spending time with El and any time he's off work and at home, I will be unavailable. I try to make sure that my schedule accommodates time for El. Most problems in marriage begin because we aren't spending enough time with our spouse or our spouse doesn't feel as if they are a priority. It's easy to say that you put your spouse first; however, to actually exemplify they are first, is difficult.

I'm glad to call El "bae". He is before anyone else (except Christ). And I don't just say he is "bae"; I make sure he knows it. I plan to spend time with him so he knows how important he is to me. There are days/hours that are carved out just for him. Your spouse should feel as if they are a priority in your life.

So who's your BAE?

FYI - Join us this Sunday, October 25, 2015 for marriage enrichment at New Salem Missionary Baptist Church, 2237 S. Parkway East, 38114 at 5:30pm (room 143).


Sunday, October 18, 2015

Got time?

How much time are you spending with your spouse? 15 hours a week? Click HERE if you can't view video.



Thursday, October 15, 2015

Are you up for the challenge?

 The couples in our marriage group have been challenged to spend 15 hours a week with their spouse. We've been challenged before; however, this time we are going to log our time to see if we're measuring up. We're using Dr. Willard Harley's Time for Undivided Attention Worksheet and Graph to document our time. We're also using his Recreational Enjoyment Inventory to find activities we'll enjoy doing together as a couple. [We've already taken the Love Busters and Emotional Needs questionnaire to find our how to stop withdrawing love units and start making love deposits.] I would like to encourage you and your spouse to join us in our journey to have healthier and stronger marriages. You can find all the information you need on the Marriage Builders website as well as in the links above. 

Right now you may be thinking, "I do not have 15 hours a week to spare." That's a common response El and I hear when we make this challenge. So we like to suggest how a couple can find the time by using the time in the morning, afternoon, at night before bed, etc. El and I looked at the actual data of time that we have per week, which is approximately 168 hours minus 8 hours of sleep per night equaling 112 awake hours per week. If you spend 15 hours a week with your spouse, this is only 13% of your time per week. 13%! You mean to tell me that you don't have 13% of your time to spare for your spouse? The one you vowed to love til death? Our marriages are worth more than 13%! 15 hours per week is only about 2.5 hours a day. So let's say you don't have 2.5 hours each day. Okay, try to get as close as 2.5 hours a day as possible and when you have more time, spend it together. For example, on your days off, you may get 5 hours or more. You may have 15 minutes at night for pillow talk or 30 minutes during lunch. Find the time to spend with your spouse so you can build a stronger marital bond. 

It's amazing how much time you spent with your spouse before marriage and how much of that time seems to have vanished after the wedding. You took an interest in your spouse's conversation before marriage and now you just wish they'd shut up. You wanted to be around your spouse every moment before marriage and now you don't care if they come home. You were eager to please your spouse before marriage and now you could care less about their needs. What happened to the love? What happen to the care in your marriage? Many of you would say, life happened or we had children or we work too many hours. However, I beg to differ. You may seem to be busier than when you first married, but I'm sure you still find time for those things you really want to do in the midst of your busyness such as tennis, golf, time with friends, etc. Your marriage should be your first priority (after God) [Genesis 2:24]. Make time for your spouse today. Stop making excuses! The rewards are so awesome. When you're happy in your marriage, you're actually happier in every other area of your life. That's why I'm always smiling and glowing! I'm extremely happy in my marriage. And I can say that even after dealing with infidelity. Make time for your spouse today!

Join us in the 15 hour challenge. Use the tools above and start spending 15 hours a week with your spouse today. Don't forget to post your date or time spent together pictures on FB on IG using the #ezdates

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Why don't you know Jesus?

On Tuesday as I walked into work, El called me to tell me his store (where he works) was being shut down and they were asked to pack up their belongings and vacate the building. The locks were being changed and the store was closing. I asked El was he going to be okay and I assured him that everything would be alright. As I was talking to El, I received a message on my phone (in big bold letters) from the Cornelius and Heather Lindsey app: "DON'T WORRY! THINGS ARE GOING TO WORK OUT!" I already knew this, but it was nice for the Lord to send
reassurance. He is so awesome! I screenshot this message and texted it to El. When I hung up the phone, I immediately starting praising God. Counting it all joy! (James 1:2) because God is in control. God is always in control! ALWAYS! Sometimes we don't understand what God is doing, but He is always in control.

I suggested El file for unemployment and then go home and chill. I asked him did he want to go eat when I got off work or did he need me to bring something home. I wasn't worried. I wasn't stressed. I was on to the next subject: dinner. God was in control. There was no need for me to worry. ...And just so you know, I've worked a part-time job for the last 4 years and my hours had recently been reduced from 30 to 15 hours a week. However, when I got off the phone with El, my supervisor made the announcement that she needed us to work more hours. Look at God! In the midst of what others may see as a terrible situation, God was in control.

Well, El went home, filed for unemployment and started putting in applications; however, the next morning he got a call from the owner stating that the stores will re-open on Thursday and everyone was to report back to work! Hallelujah! Praise God! Look at God! He is always in control!

So why don't you know Jesus? Why don't you believe what He says? God is faithful! So many people quote bible scriptures and post phrases as if they know Jesus, but when trials and tribulations come their way, they falter. They panic. They start to question Him. They run around trying to solve the problem themselves. They don't trust Him. However, when you know Jesus, you can have peace. You don't have to panic. You don't have to question Him or try to solve your problems.

When you really know Jesus....
1. You don't panic. El's phone was ringing off the hook. Everyone was calling wanting to know what he was going to do and letting him know that they were going to put in a good word for him for a job elsewhere. People were wondering what they were going to do and how they were going to get it done. There's no need to panic when you know Christ. You do your part and God will do His. He's in control.
2. You go to the source. We went straight to Jesus. First, giving Him praise and then thanking Him for what we know He is able to do even if He doesn't do it. On Sunday, Trey (Frank Ray, III) spoke during offering and told us to release what we were holding on to so God could open a window and pour down a blessing that we won't have room enough to receive it (Malachi 3:10). Trey said after we release what we're holding, we were to open our hands and pull down our blessings. I was thanking God for His word, His blessings, His love, His faithfulness, for Him alone.
3. You don't change your countenance. CJ came home from work and saw El's truck in the driveway (before he was scheduled to be off). CJ wasn't the least worried about why his dad was home, yet he was excited that El was home. He was going to spend some time with dad and he was happy. El wasn't sad or depressed. He was completing online applications and he was at peace. God was in control.
4. You go to sleep. El and I weren't up pacing the floor that night. Instead we could barely stay awake even to watch TV. We weren't fazed. We weren't concerned. We went to sleep. God was in control. We've seen Jesus work miraculously in our lives before and this was just one more time for God to show up and show out!

Do you know Jesus? Really...do you know Him? Do you know Him when trials and tribulations come your way? Because we can all say we know Him when things are going well, but when life takes us by surprise, do we still know Him?

El will report to work on Thursday; his mini vacation is over. Lol. Praise God! God is faithful! He's in control! Thank you, Lord!

Lord, You are so faithful and so awesome. You are always just. Thank you for showing up and showing out one more time. Thank you for peace. Thank you for loving us even though we are not deserving of your love. Thank you, Father! Thank you! In Jesus' Name. 

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Other types of affairs

Affairs are not just physical or emotional. There are other affairs. If you cannot view the video, click HERE.







Thursday, October 1, 2015

Yearning for closeness

I love spending time with El. One of the reasons I wanted to marry him was because we were such good friends and I liked being around him. Willard Harley (Marriage Builders) suggests married couples spend at least 15 hours a week to develop intimacy and build love deposits. This is about 2.5 hours a day. If you think about it, the more enjoyable time you spend with someone the more you want to be around them. And when you can't be around them, you feel sad. When I am unable to spend substantial time with just El, I feel depressed. I'm selfish when it comes to El. I don't want to share him with anyone else. I don't need thrills or any special things when I'm with him. I just need El. I yearn for closeness and intimacy with El and sometimes I think this can be overwhelming for him. It is humanly impossible for El to fulfill all of my needs. In those times, I seek God's guidance especially when we are struggling to regain closeness during the busy seasons of our lives. 

However, in seeking guidance from the Lord, I was reminded of how much God wants to spend time with just me in a close intimate relationship. No thrills. Nothing special. Just me. God is a selfish and jealous God (Exodus 34:14; 20:4-5). He doesn't like sharing us. He longs to spend time with just us. Oh how sorrowful God's heart must be when His children ignore Him or worship other gods. John 3:16 states that God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son... What a mighty God we serve! God wants to be reconciled with us so much that He was willing to give His one and only Son to have a relationship with us (sinful people that don't even know Him). What an awesome God we serve! How great and merciful is He! 

The Lord yearns for closeness with you. Just you. Are you drawing nigh to God? Are you longing for a close and intimate relationship with Him as He is for you? Do you spend adequate time talking to Him, listening to Him, and pleasing Him? If you were brutally honest, what score would you receive for time spent with the Master? 
As I think about the times I may get lonely, I have to stop and think about how my Heavenly Father must feel at times. I don't want Him to allow things to happen in my life to make me draw nearer to Him. I want to draw nigh to Him on my own. And I don't want to call on Him only when I'm in need. I want to have a close intimate relationship of knowing Him everyday (John 17:3). I want to have the kind of relationship Enoch had with Him (Genesis 5:24). God is faithful. He never leaves us...we leave Him. He is waiting for us with open arms (1 Corinthians 16:23). He is yearning for closeness with us. Just us!

Do you yearn for closeness with God? If so, seek Him today. 
1. Listen to Him by reading His Word and obeying His statutes.
2. Talk to Him by praying about how His Word has inspired you or ask Him questions if you don't understand what He has said to you.
3. Just do it! Stop saying you'll start tomorrow. Spend more time with God today!
4. Make Him a priority. Don't give God your leftovers (your tired prayers at the end of the day; give Him your first fruits). Rise early to spend time with Him. Seek Him all throughout the day. 

God is yearning for closeness with you. Will you disappoint Him? 

Sunday, September 27, 2015

What do your kids think about you?

What do your kids think about you? New Video from our son's perspective. If you cannot view the video, click HERE.



Sunday, September 20, 2015

Accepting your spouse's differences

Will you accept your spouse's differences? Or will you try to change them? Click HERE if you are unable to view video.



Sunday, September 13, 2015

Safeguarding your marriage

Safeguarding your marriage. Join the discussion. What safeguards are you taking to protect your marriage? If you can't view the video, please click HERE



Thursday, September 3, 2015

War Room (the movie) Reflections

Our marriage group decided to get together to see the movie, War Room, and I must say that I was a little skeptical at first. It's not that I didn't want to see the movie, but I didn't necessarily need to see the movie opening weekend. I was skeptical because I was unsure of the acting skills since there was a newcomer to the screen. However, I was pleasantly surprised. No, that is an understatement! I was utterly impressed. Priscilla Shirer has always been a favorite of mine long before her debut, but her portrayal of Elizabeth Jordan was unequivocally authentic. She made me cry, laugh, and I even felt convicted at times. See, I've experienced infidelity in my own marriage and I wish I would have handled that experience the way Elizabeth did...with prayer. In fact, I wish I could say that I handle every area of my life with prayer. Don't get me wrong, I do pray. However, I don't pray for battle - in a 'war room' the way Elizabeth was taught to pray (by Miss Clara). 

But after seeing this movie, I will start praying like Miss Clara and Elizabeth. My son has already started cleaning out his room preparing his 'war corner'. I was convicted about the amount of time I spend in prayer. I spend quite a bit of time listening to sermons and devotions, but I'm ashamed to say that my prayer life is lacking. God speaks to us through His Word and we speak to Him through prayer. And in order to build a relationship we have to spend time with God. We have to read God's Word and then respond in prayer. Take some time (real time) to get to know Christ. Get in your 'war room' and take all your burdens to Him (Psalm 55:22).  

And by the way, go see the movie "War Room"! I'm going to see it again! 


Sunday, August 30, 2015

GUMM outing and movie (War Room) reflections!

Go see War Room!! You will not be disappointed! If you can't see the video, please click HERE!














Sunday, August 23, 2015

Roles & Responsibilities





Have a discussion about roles and responsibilities with your significant other or your spouse. If you don't see the video, click HERE.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The Kissing Game

Many of you may not remember the song I Like the Way (The Kissing Game), by Hi-Five; that says: "I like the way you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game, I like the way you keep me looking forward to another day." How awesome is that? Someone who inspires you and makes you smile. 

The other day this song was playing while I was in the kitchen and El grabbed me and we started slow dancing and singing along with the song. I appreciate these moments of intimacy, where it seems as if it's just us in the world. Time stopped for that moment while we were in the kitchen swaying back and forth. I thought, he's my man and I'm his woman. We've been through storm together and now we can see the rainbow and I believe there's a pot of gold at the end of it. We're taking the time to enjoy each other and to be close and to be in the moment. To enjoy each other's kisses. To talk about everything. To listen attentively and regurgitate information later for more stimulating conversation. To let each other know we're here and we're not going anywhere. To block out the world and all it's negativity. To be quiet sometimes in our space together. To be free from judgment and fear. To worship together. To praise together. To play the kissing game. 


Make time to be in the moment with your spouse...

1. Stop and smell the roses. Slow down and enjoy the little things with them. Enjoy that story they tell that may take them forever to finish; notice the inflection in their voice and the excitement on their face. Dance in the middle of the kitchen. Pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time the next time you go to the grocery store. Walk in the rain. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Enjoy these moments today! 
2. Think positive thoughts. It's easy to concentrate on all the things your spouse isn't doing. But what about those things your spouse does that you do like? What about those qualities that impress you? Focus on those things. And pray about the other things. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Think positive thoughts today! 
3. Play the kissing game. Blindfold your spouse and sneak kisses on different parts of their body. Make some kisses soft and some wet and sensuous. You may want to lick parts of their body to tease them. See how long you can hold a kiss when your spouse first comes home. Ask your spouse where is his/her favorite spot for you to kiss. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Play the kissing game today!


I like the way you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game, I like the way you keep me looking forward to another day.


Playing the kissing game every chance we get,
El & Zina

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

People don't talk no more...all they do is this!



Social media has taken over...so much so that many people can't seem to unplug from their technology. They have to be tuned in to social media. Have you ever watched the people around you when you go out? Just look around and you'll see that most people are on their phones or looking at their phones. When you check statuses on Facebook, you'll quickly get a glimpse of someone's life - what restaurant they went to, what they're buying at the store, where they went out of town, the people they find funny in their family... the list goes on. 

However, what has happened is that we now have a generation of people with poor communication skills or just refusing to talk. I remember when I was teaching English to 10th graders (about 10 years ago) and they were asked to do a paper. I was shocked that so many of them used words (in their paper) like "cuz" instead of "because" or "btw" instead of "by the way" or "the @ symbol" instead of the word "at". One of the things I tried to express to them was that there was a type of dialect for every situation and in my class the dialect was that of correct English. I wanted them to know that it was socially acceptable to talk/text (with friends) using short phrases or abbreviations; however, in class or in professional situations they needed to know correct English. 

Fast forward to 2015 and now there is a whole world of social media that seems to make talking face to face obsolete. Very few people actually read a good book and then have an analytical conversation about it or analyze a movie after they've watched it. Or what about just having an engaging conversation? How many conversations have you and your spouse had that were actually engaging and left you stimulated? I get excited when I see El read a book (even if it's on audio) because I know his brain is being stimulated which gives us more stimulating conversation, which is sexy as hell. It's hard to talk to someone who can't help you carry the conversation. You know those conversations that start out with a simple question such as "So, how was work or tell me about your day?" and the response is "It was good." then silence. So what was good about it? Did you see or hear anything interesting? What about a crazy customer or coworker? What did they do interesting? ...Our conversations shouldn't be short or curt. We're trying to build intimacy with our spouse. We need stimulating conversation to help us do this. Wouldn't you like to have more stimulating conversations with your spouse? If your answer is yes, then let me give you a few tips to have engaging communication.

1. Pay attention. Pay attention to events or other things happening around you. Be observant. Look for details in the world or TV shows/movies or things that might be left out that you could interject. Then think about those things. For example, what would happen if they introduced a new character to the TV show "Power" such as a long lost child of Tommy's? How would the show be different because of this child? Paying attention gives us more insight into things we might overlook and miss. This helps us analyze and question situations we might otherwise fail to notice. This also gives you something to discuss with your spouse. 

2. Talk about your thoughts. Have you ever had a thought but didn't share it? For example, maybe you thought someone else's dress at church was pretty, but you didn't tell her. Share your thoughts with your spouse. He/She can't read your mind. Tell them what you're thinking about. Tell them if you're thinking about having sexual intercourse. Just because you put on a sexy negligee (nightgown) doesn't necessarily translate sex for your husband. Tell your spouse your thoughts. Tell them if they are sexy or if they look nice. (I guarantee you that someone else will share their thoughts with your spouse - so make sure they hear it from you first). And men, don't be afraid to share your thoughts. Let your wife know what you're thinking (if you are thinking something - lol). And women, just know that sometimes our husbands really are NOT thinking about anything. They have a "nothing" box in their brain that they actually go to and think about nothing. So if he says he isn't thinking about anything, chances are he isn't.  

3. Ask questions. You may think that you know everything about your spouse because you've been married for 15+ years and you dated all throughout high school, but there is always more to learn. Ask if they're favorite color has changed. Or if they have a different favorite food. Or if there is something they always wanted to do but haven't had an opportunity to do yet. There are so many questions you can ask. How did your parents discipline you when you were a child? Did your family eat dinner together at the table? Did you take summer vacations and if so, where'd you go? Did you enjoy being an only child or wished you were the only child? Did you want a brother instead of a sister? Why? If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be and why? If you could change one thing about your life now what would it be and why? Are you content with your life or do you wish you had done something differently? Why? What car have you always wanted? What is your dream job? These are just a few questions you can ask your spouse. Ask these questions on a date night or a night at home. Make inquiries often. You'll be surprised what you learn about your spouse even after years of marriage. Gary Chapman's book Love Talk is full of questions you can ask your spouse. (It appears that this book is out of print, but there is an e-book version via Christianbook.com). 



Married people need to set an example for the world to see God's love for the church. How can you be an example if you don't talk to your spouse? If you go to one end of the house and your spouse is in another part of the house, how can you build intimacy? How can there be closeness if you are always on the phone? Your spouse is right there in front of you! Be in the moment! Be present with your spouse! 

Talking to my spouse everyday,
El & Zina

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Deal or No Deal?



Join us as we discuss deal breakers and red flags in your relationships. Tell us what your deal breakers are. Some of our deal breakers were that neither of us wanted to date someone who smoked (cigarettes or weed), someone who was an alcoholic, or someone who misused drugs. You need to know your deal breakers and don't deter from them. If you see red flags, don't ignore them. Pay close attention to them. 


If you don't see the video, please click HERE

Thursday, August 6, 2015

The Quick Fix Marriage!



Marriages are going to have conflict. Why wouldn't they? You have two people, a man and woman, who are completely different by nature and by upbringing. You weren't raised the same way your spouse was. You each have different experiences from your childhood. You each have different beliefs and views about child rearing, life, careers, money, interests, etc. So why wouldn't you have conflict? The key is not to be conflict free in marriage. The key is to learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner and to be good at resolving conflict so you aren't holding grudges. Learning how to resolve conflict effectively takes time and practice.

However, what I've discovered is that most couples want a quick fix! Looking at El and I one would think we arrived at this "happy" place overnight. That is far from the case. Our first couple of years were a little rocky. We have always been best friends; however, we didn't know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. We argued, fussed, fought, and held grudges. We would make up and then continue the cycle of conflict again. Don't get me wrong, El and I had a really good marriage, we just didn't know how to handle conflict and no matter how mad we were we never mentioned divorce. But my point is we had to learn how to communicate better and we had to learn how to handle conflicts. 

Today, we have very few conflicts. And when we do, we resolve them quickly by discussing our feelings. There was no quick fix to how we arrived at this point. We've been married almost 19 years and we are still learning how to be married the way God intended us to be. So let me share a few tips for a quick fix marriage lasting marriage!

1. Christ! I know you've heard this before, but you can do absolutely NOTHING WITHOUT GOD! You cannot do your marriage without Christ in the center. And this is not lip service. You (as an individual) have to have a solid relationship with Christ. He (Christ) has to be the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind at night and all throughout the day. You have to KNOW Christ! 

2. Time. You have to SPEND TIME with your SPOUSE. You can't live a separate life and just have a fly by night marriage. You should be spending at least 2 hours a day with your spouse according to Dr. Willard Harley and I agree. Not only should you be spending at least 2 hours a day with your spouse, those 2 hours should be enjoyable hours with your spouse (or why would you want to do it). For example, doing things you both like to do together. El and I spend just about every free minute with each other. We wake up in the morning and read our devotions (separately). Then we talk while getting dressed. We IM each other via Yahoo Messenger throughout the day. We hug and kiss in the evening. We talk some more about our day, such as 'what was funny, interesting, exciting, etc'. We share important information with each other (schedules, bills, etc.). We talk about our plans for our days off, date nights, weekend, etc. We may watch a movie or TV program together. We analyze and talk about the shows we watch. Then we have pillow talk at night and hold each other. We spend time together. Enjoyable time! I'm anxious and excited to be around El and he feels the same way. 

3. Friendship. Become your spouse's BFF! Let them be the first person you want to tell good news to. Enjoy their company as you would a same sex friend. Laugh with them. Joke with them. Your marriage doesn't have to always be so serious. Laughter is good for the soul. Be best friends. El is my best friend!

4. Transparency. Be OPEN and HONEST about your feelings. Most conflict in marriage is because someone has withheld their true feelings and then when they are tired, they explode. Stop sweeping stuff under the carpet. Tell your spouse how you feel (of course with love). Let them know if they've hurt your feelings. And discuss calmly how you can overcome these issues. Work on resolving conflict effectively. If you need help, pick up a book. There are several books on how to resolve conflict in marriage. I recommend He Wins, She Wins, by Willard Harley and the accompanying workbook. Also, on Dr. Harley's website, Marriage Builders, there is a wealth of free information (including articles and questionnaires) to help you have a better marriage. El and I have a better marriage because we have not only been teaching marriage information but we are practicing it! 

5. Touch. Touch and love on each other often. Hug and squeeze each other tightly and hold the hug for at least 60 seconds. When you kiss, hold your kisses and make kissing noises. Slide your tongue in each other's mouth. Gently suck each other's tongue and upper/bottom lip. It's okay, you're married! Kiss your spouse's neck. You'll be surprised at how sensual kissing is. Kiss other body parts as well (i.e. hands, feet, legs, thighs, chest...you get the picture). El and I play a little game where he kisses my neck and then I turn my head so he can kiss the other side and I turn my head again and I keep this up until I'm satisfied with the kisses. Hold hands. Grab your spouse's hand and hold it tight. Hold hands whenever you're together (in the mall, while shopping, at church, on a date, in the movies, at dinner, in the house, whenever). Touch your spouse often. Touch their arm, leg, shoulder, wherever. You'll be surprised how much touch is needed and welcomed even if it's not your spouse's love language. This is not my love language but I enjoy and yearn for El's touches. 

There is no quick fix marriage. Marriages are going to experience conflict. What you want is a marriage where you and your spouse are able to resolve conflict quickly and get on with the life God has intended for you. 

How do you and your spouse resolve conflict? Are you expecting a quick fix or are you willing to work on having a godly marriage? Share your thoughts. 

Working on a lasting marriage,
El and Zina

Monday, August 3, 2015

New Video: Intimacy (In to me, see!)

El and I discuss three types of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Keep the conversation going. Tell us what you and your spouse are doing to keep intimacy in the marriage. 


If you can't see the video, click HERE

Friday, July 31, 2015

What's in a name?

 I've always liked my name. I remember asking my mom why she named me Zina. She stated that she used to watch a TV show, in the 1960s, called The Doctors and the Nurses, which starred Zina Bethune and she liked the name so she named me Zina. Even though this name is a lot more popular today (still not used frequently) than it was in the 1970s, when I tell people my name, I still get surprised comments about how unique my name is. At first, my mom thought of naming me after her - Senorita. Her father got her name from a poem entitled, Little Senorita. I don't know the author of this poem; however, I remember finding the poem in a book when I was in first grade, but have not seen it since. Thankfully, she did not name me Senorita, but she did come up with a middle name for me that was similar to her first name: Sheranda, pronounce Sha-ran-da (long 'a' sound), exactly as it looks. I have a cousin who is named after me. Her first name is Sharanda, pronounced Sha-run-da. Growing up, my brother would make fun of my name by making it a sentence: Zina, she ran da hall (my maiden name is Hall). Actually, it's kind of funny. But his name is also funny - Leroy Hall, Jr. named after our father. I've always called him Roy, though. 


My son's name is Cervantes Jeans Henry. However, this was not the name given to him at birth. He had another name, but his nickname has always been CJ. So you're probably wondering why his name changed? Well, in 1996 I married this awesome man named Eldridge Henry, II. I was eager to take his last name: Henry, especially since my initials would not change (lol - just joking). I love hearing his name and my last name. His nickname, Big El, is usually what I'm called when his friends see me. "Are you Big El's wife?" or "Hey, Mrs. Big El!" However, at home he's just El (or Big Daddy or Big Red or okay that's enough-lol) to me. However, when CJ was 15, we made the decision to change his name (for reasons I won't go into), by removing the first and last name and the Jr. he was given at birth and adding Henry to come up with Cervantes Jeans Henry. There's that name again. I even love saying it and typing it. I'm proud to be a Henry (okay more on this later). 

I've never dated anyone named Eldridge nor had I ever met anyone with this name. I remember after a year of us being married I wanted to surprise El with a tattoo of his name on my leg, but I had to look at my checkbook to make sure I was spelling it correctly (ha). Don't judge me...I wanted to make sure I got it right. Tattoos are permanent (lol). I was (and still am) proud to be married to El. I have heard women protest giving up their last name or hyphenated it with their husband's. I was proud to become a Henry. For me, this meant I was becoming a part of El's family. I was becoming his wife. I was becoming his. And I'm okay with that. I'm glad to say I belong to him. My new name signifies that I am married. I'm taken. I'm off the market. Our last names signify unity. And now that CJ is also a Henry, we are more unified than ever. When I hear CJ's name called at church or elsewhere, I perk up, because he is linked to his father and mother. He's ours. And other people don't have to question who he belongs to - he's a Henry. Hopefully, we're setting a good example and he's proud to be a part of our family. Hopefully, he's proud to be a Henry. (I think he is because he wanted to change his name as much as we wanted to). No more walking into the school and being called Mrs. Jeans. Ugh! That was not and has never been my last name. I would constantly have to correct CJ's teachers - "It's Mrs. Henry, thank you." Oh but when he got to high school - "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Henry! CJ has been..." You get the picture. We were identified by his last name which is also our last name. [For those of you that had children after marriage and have never lived in a blended family, this may not seem like a big deal to you. I grew up in a household where my parents' last name was the same as mine. My parents were married until my father died. However, as a single parent, me and my son had different last names and that didn't change when I got married. It means a lot to me (and always has) to have a unified family, not just in name but in Christ as well.] 

Maybe a name is not that important to you. That's fine. I was just thinking about how it makes me feel to be associated with my husband. I was thinking about the warm and cozy feeling I feel when I'm out and people recognize me as "Big El's wife" or "Mrs. Henry". Or when they recognize CJ as "Little El" or "Little Henry". I also like it when El is recognized as "Zina's man" (inside joke) "Mr. Zina" or "You Ms. Henry's husband? (this question is usually from former students and coworkers). My name - Mrs. Zina Sheranda Henry - signifies I belong to a wonderful man and we're family! 

H-honoring
E-encouraging
N-nurturing
R-respectful
Y-youthful



What does your name mean to you? Share your thoughts or your own acronym. 

Love,
Mrs. Zina Sheranda Henry (Big El's wife) 

Sunday, July 26, 2015

New Video - Why get married?

New video available on YouTube now! Watch as El and I discuss marriage. Do you want to get married? What are your reasons? Instead of concentrating on your reasons, ask God to send you a spouse and then start preparing yourself for the spouse He sends you. It starts with developing a relationship with Christ. 



Click here if you don't see the video. 

Love,
El & Zina

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

What's wrong with married people?

Just about every day we hear about the breakdown of some one's marriage. Either by infidelity or other trust issues. Married people just can't seem to get it together. So what's wrong? Well there's a breakdown of the family when the marriage is broken. God designed marriage (Genesis 2:24) and this design was never to be abused the way it is today in our society. Two pure (virgins) people (a man and woman) were supposed to come together, marry, and start a family (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). However, with the onset of pre-marital births, divorces, and remarriages, things have gotten out of order. The family is suffering today because we are doing things out of order. This is not to fuss at anyone who has had a child out of wedlock, divorced, or remarried (I was a single mother, myself); this is just to call your attention to the facts. 

But the disorder didn't stop with those areas. We've allowed it to spill over into our marriages, as we continue to live "single" lives. Lives of isolation - without our spouses and without God (Mark 10:7-8). Nothing has changed in our walk, yet we are expecting a change in our marriage (Ephesians 4:22-24). We are quick to give up and walk away (when most of should have did that before the wedding), instead of fight for our marriage. Furthermore, this disorder has caused a strain on our children. We have young people growing up in households where there is discord and this discord is a direct hypothesis for their future actions. As a result, there are more couples living together without the option of marriage and those that do marry already have a plan of escape prepared if things don't work out. So what can we do? 

1. Start with self! You can't change your spouse or anyone for that matter. Change yourself. Give your life to God and really let him steer you from here on out. Ask Him to show you those areas in which you need to change or improve. Then start improving yourself. Take it one day at a time and you don't have to tell anyone you're doing this. They'll notice without you saying a word. Even your spouse will notice. Stay connected to the vine so you can continually grow in Christ (John 15:4-6). 
2. Read marriage information. Read all you can about marriage. There is a wealth of information about Christian/biblically based marriages that will inspire you and help you become a better spouse. Don't just read the information, start changing. There are also videos and podcasts to view or listen to if you're not a reader.
3. Get involved. Many couples think a marriage enrichment class is just for those struggling in the marriage. That is quite the contrary. A marriage enrichment class is exactly what it says - enrichment. Most of us will have a few good days and think we are fine and don't need a class. But what are a few good days compared to a lifetime? Enrichment helps you gain a lifetime of good days (or at least more good days than bad). It's also a place to share your successes and pain with a group of people that can support you and lift you up in prayer.  
4. Date each other! Most couples stop dating after they get married. It's important to keep dating. El and I have a standing date night (every Saturday). And don't just go on a date, but get dressed up and talk to each other on the date. A good date book is Love Talk, by Gary Chapman or 10 Great Dates, by the Arps. Or if you need help, contact me, I'll give you a list of questions to ask each other on a date. You may also want to surround yourself with another Godly couple that you can go out with or visit. Having other Godly couples keeps your marriage interesting and you can hold each other accountable. It also gives you someone of the same sex to talk to with similar experiences. 
5. Just do it! Stop wasting time and start having the marriage God wants for you. Start spending time with Christ by reading His word and praying. Start obeying God's statutes. Start spending more time with your spouse (at least 2 hours a day). Be at the door with a smile when they come home from work. Hug and kiss them. Let them know you're glad they're home. Cuddle with them at night. Stay in the room with them even if you don't like what they're watching on TV. Be in the kitchen while they're cooking. Save your conversation for your spouse and listen attentively when they talk to you. Life is short. Start having the married life you deserve today! 

Love,
El and Zina
We're praying for your marriages!