Out with the old and in with the new. Don't bring the same stuff from your marriage into the new year. Make this new year - new, fresh, lovely, and special. Stop holding grudges with your spouse. Forgive and walk into the new year with a different perspective on your marriage. Walk into the new year with a different perspective on your life. Start this new year serving God with your heart, mind, and soul. Start this new year serving your spouse, loving your spouse, being one with your spouse.
No matter where you are in your marriage, there is no better time than the present to make your relationship wonderful. There is always room for improvement. Just imagine if your spouse died tomorrow. How would you feel? "Give the flowers while they are still alive." In other words, spend time with your spouse now. Love your spouse today. Give them gifts, love them, share with them, and treat them kind. Most times we only get one shot at true love. We must make the choice to love our spouses as if they are our only true love and that we will never get another chance.
This is it. Out with the old. In with the new. It's a new year. What are you going to do with it?
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
God centered
Where is God in your life? Is He the first person you think about in the morning? Is He the person you reference throughout the day? Is He the last person you say good-night to? Where is God in your life?
Where is God in your marriage? Is He the person you focus on to help you through your problems? Is He at the center? Is His Holy Spirit leading your marriage and your thoughts toward and about your spouse? Do you allow God to give you guidance or do you rely on your own resources?
To be God centered means to put God in the midst of your mess. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. God wants to see you through. If we leave God at home when we go out, then we are saying we don't need Him. If we read His Word and don't respond to it, then we are saying Lord, I don't care about what you are saying. If we pray without considering His Will, then we are saying, Lord I can handle it; I don't need your way. God must be considered at all times. He is the source of all we need. He is there to help us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Leaving God at home, can be dangerous. Sometimes we feel as if we don't need to take God with us because we don't want to be convicted of our wrongness, but that's when God needs to be in the center. He can help us out of our pits of fiery furnaces if we put Him in the midst. God wants your marriage to be the best it can be. Allow God to be in the center.
How do I put God in the center? Communicate with Him daily.
When you read the Bible, respond to it by asking God for understanding, praising Him, or thanking Him for His Word. Then pray to God about the things on your mind. Continue to listen for His Voice to guide you throughout your day. Keep Him on your mind and in your heart constantly. Go to Him in pray continually.
Become God centered today!
Where is God in your marriage? Is He the person you focus on to help you through your problems? Is He at the center? Is His Holy Spirit leading your marriage and your thoughts toward and about your spouse? Do you allow God to give you guidance or do you rely on your own resources?
To be God centered means to put God in the midst of your mess. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. God wants to see you through. If we leave God at home when we go out, then we are saying we don't need Him. If we read His Word and don't respond to it, then we are saying Lord, I don't care about what you are saying. If we pray without considering His Will, then we are saying, Lord I can handle it; I don't need your way. God must be considered at all times. He is the source of all we need. He is there to help us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Leaving God at home, can be dangerous. Sometimes we feel as if we don't need to take God with us because we don't want to be convicted of our wrongness, but that's when God needs to be in the center. He can help us out of our pits of fiery furnaces if we put Him in the midst. God wants your marriage to be the best it can be. Allow God to be in the center.
How do I put God in the center? Communicate with Him daily.
When you read the Bible, respond to it by asking God for understanding, praising Him, or thanking Him for His Word. Then pray to God about the things on your mind. Continue to listen for His Voice to guide you throughout your day. Keep Him on your mind and in your heart constantly. Go to Him in pray continually.
Become God centered today!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Renewal
Renew your love life with your spouse. Make a date with your spouse. (and this is not just for the men - women, you too, can apply these tips in your marriage). Take your spouse to their favorite restaurant, sports game, for a walk in the park, or a romantic dinner at home. Let me give you a few tips:
Favorite restaurant - or any restaurant. Make plans ahead of time. Get dressed up. Invite your spouse with a nice little written invitation or a text message. Make sure they are able to go at the time you schedule the dinner date (so you won't be disappointed).
Sports game - if your spouse is a sports fanatic, get tickets to their favorite game and take them. If you can't afford the professional sports games; go to a high school game. Again make sure your spouse is available before you get the tickets. If you can't afford any game, plan to watch it on TV and prepare your spouse's favorite snacks for the evening.
Walk in the park or downtown - plan to go for a walk. Bring warm clothing for this time of the year. Bring a light picnic lunch, a blanket and find a quiet spot to sit and talk. Bring a favorite book (a marriage book or a poem book) to read to your spouse. Make sure the weather is not too cold and your spouse is available. As you walk, ask your spouse questions about their week, the day or what they are interested in. Ask where they see themselves in five years. What was their favorite date with you? What job would they love to have if they could work anywhere? What character from TV would they love to play? etc.
Romantic dinner - Plan a romantic dinner (don't worry if you can't cook - you can buy some food and serve it on dinner plates). Set the table, with candles, nice plates, cloth napkins (if you have them), wine glasses (even if you don't drink). Play some jazz or soft music. Dim the lights and light the candles. Serve dinner and talk about your marriage and love life. Concentrate on just the two of you. You might even want to slow dance in the living room afterwards.
Love your spouse. Renew your relationship. Show them that they are still special in your life. You should do this often. Renewal shouldn't take place only on special occasions. Renewal should take place at least twice a month. These are just some suggestions. Renewal can take many other forms. Write a poem or letter for your spouse. Run bath water for your spouse (with candles, cheese, grapes, etc). Place rose petals on the bed. Decorate the room with balloons and Hershey kisses on the bed. Clean the house for your spouse. Wash the car for your spouse. Renew your relationship. Love your spouse. They are a gift from God. Cherish their love.
Renew your relationship. Love your spouse.
Favorite restaurant - or any restaurant. Make plans ahead of time. Get dressed up. Invite your spouse with a nice little written invitation or a text message. Make sure they are able to go at the time you schedule the dinner date (so you won't be disappointed).
Sports game - if your spouse is a sports fanatic, get tickets to their favorite game and take them. If you can't afford the professional sports games; go to a high school game. Again make sure your spouse is available before you get the tickets. If you can't afford any game, plan to watch it on TV and prepare your spouse's favorite snacks for the evening.
Walk in the park or downtown - plan to go for a walk. Bring warm clothing for this time of the year. Bring a light picnic lunch, a blanket and find a quiet spot to sit and talk. Bring a favorite book (a marriage book or a poem book) to read to your spouse. Make sure the weather is not too cold and your spouse is available. As you walk, ask your spouse questions about their week, the day or what they are interested in. Ask where they see themselves in five years. What was their favorite date with you? What job would they love to have if they could work anywhere? What character from TV would they love to play? etc.
Romantic dinner - Plan a romantic dinner (don't worry if you can't cook - you can buy some food and serve it on dinner plates). Set the table, with candles, nice plates, cloth napkins (if you have them), wine glasses (even if you don't drink). Play some jazz or soft music. Dim the lights and light the candles. Serve dinner and talk about your marriage and love life. Concentrate on just the two of you. You might even want to slow dance in the living room afterwards.
Love your spouse. Renew your relationship. Show them that they are still special in your life. You should do this often. Renewal shouldn't take place only on special occasions. Renewal should take place at least twice a month. These are just some suggestions. Renewal can take many other forms. Write a poem or letter for your spouse. Run bath water for your spouse (with candles, cheese, grapes, etc). Place rose petals on the bed. Decorate the room with balloons and Hershey kisses on the bed. Clean the house for your spouse. Wash the car for your spouse. Renew your relationship. Love your spouse. They are a gift from God. Cherish their love.
Renew your relationship. Love your spouse.
Monday, November 17, 2008
God's Part, by Zina
Cupid shot an arrow,
aimed straight for your heart
to win love with a bow
was not God's intended part
He made marriage to be a show
for the whole world to know
that God has a love for His own
and through marriage, that love is shown
It's not about me; nor about you
God's love, grace, mercy, saving power
helps us deny self anew
and gives a fresh outlook of the hour
To cherish, honor, and forsake
A vow we should seriously take
for we make it in front of God and everyone
As we confess our love to become one
Do we truly understand what that really means?
Do we focus on God and use His Holy team?
Do we block out the world and their views?
Do we look to God for His Good News?
Cupid shot an arrow
aimed straight for your heart
to win love with a bow
was never God's intended part.
aimed straight for your heart
to win love with a bow
was not God's intended part
He made marriage to be a show
for the whole world to know
that God has a love for His own
and through marriage, that love is shown
It's not about me; nor about you
God's love, grace, mercy, saving power
helps us deny self anew
and gives a fresh outlook of the hour
To cherish, honor, and forsake
A vow we should seriously take
for we make it in front of God and everyone
As we confess our love to become one
Do we truly understand what that really means?
Do we focus on God and use His Holy team?
Do we block out the world and their views?
Do we look to God for His Good News?
Cupid shot an arrow
aimed straight for your heart
to win love with a bow
was never God's intended part.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Weekend to Remeber Update
If you were unable to attend this weekend's marriage retreat; you need not to miss the next one. We have been enjoying ourselves tremendously this weekend, since Friday night. I do not want the weekend to end; however, Sunday is our last day. Thus far we have learned how to keep God at the center of our marriages, stay focused on our spouse's needs, make them a priority in our lives, and love unconditionally. We wrote a love letter to our spouses and I can truly say this is a weekend to remember. We shared, cried, and learned to love again.
Thanks to Familylife.com/weekend
Thanks to Familylife.com/weekend
Monday, November 10, 2008
Love as an action
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Love is an action, not a feeling. God loved the world - and in loving the world, He did something: gave! And not only did He just give something; He gave His ONLY unique Son (Jesus). That we might be saved. However, we are saved only if we believe.
So if God loves by action; we also should love by action. How many times have you told your spouse you love them? What was their reaction? In the beginning, it was probably cute, sweet, and a cozy feeling was felt. But as time went on, just saying I love you, gets old. Let me give you a few examples. A man beats his wife and then apologizes and says: "You know I love you." A spouse commits adultery over and over, but then claims that they are sorry and they love their partner. A woman spends all of her time away from home, but tells her husband: "I love you, baby."
"What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love? You know, I'm sick and tired of men using love as if it's some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your *** home last night." (Boomerang)
I'm sick of tired of us throwing that word love around. Love is more than words. Love is an action. How do you show love? Go back to the first blog post. I listed several ways to show love by finding your spouses' love language and then speaking it. I'm revisiting love because God is love. 1 John 4:16: And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Even when you examine the book, The Love Dare, by Kendrick; he gives a 40 day challenge to show love by doing something everyday. When you get a chance, go see the movie: Fireproof (it is only playing at the Cordova cinema in Memphis), but the movie gives you a glimpse of a failed marriage that seems irreparable until one spouse takes the love dare.
The challenge to love is loving someone when they don't show you love in return. As humans we base our love on conditions (and this should not be the case). This means that I will love you if you look good. Or I will love you if you have money. Or I will love you if you love me. We should have agape love. Unconditional love; the kind of love that says I will love you no matter what! I will love you even when you don't look good. Or I will love you when you don't have money. Or I will love you even if you don't love me back. I can't explain why I love you, I just do. I just love you. Make love unconditional with spouse (no pun intended). Do love. Love actively!
Love is an action, not a feeling. God loved the world - and in loving the world, He did something: gave! And not only did He just give something; He gave His ONLY unique Son (Jesus). That we might be saved. However, we are saved only if we believe.
So if God loves by action; we also should love by action. How many times have you told your spouse you love them? What was their reaction? In the beginning, it was probably cute, sweet, and a cozy feeling was felt. But as time went on, just saying I love you, gets old. Let me give you a few examples. A man beats his wife and then apologizes and says: "You know I love you." A spouse commits adultery over and over, but then claims that they are sorry and they love their partner. A woman spends all of her time away from home, but tells her husband: "I love you, baby."
"What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love? You know, I'm sick and tired of men using love as if it's some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your *** home last night." (Boomerang)
I'm sick of tired of us throwing that word love around. Love is more than words. Love is an action. How do you show love? Go back to the first blog post. I listed several ways to show love by finding your spouses' love language and then speaking it. I'm revisiting love because God is love. 1 John 4:16: And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Even when you examine the book, The Love Dare, by Kendrick; he gives a 40 day challenge to show love by doing something everyday. When you get a chance, go see the movie: Fireproof (it is only playing at the Cordova cinema in Memphis), but the movie gives you a glimpse of a failed marriage that seems irreparable until one spouse takes the love dare.
The challenge to love is loving someone when they don't show you love in return. As humans we base our love on conditions (and this should not be the case). This means that I will love you if you look good. Or I will love you if you have money. Or I will love you if you love me. We should have agape love. Unconditional love; the kind of love that says I will love you no matter what! I will love you even when you don't look good. Or I will love you when you don't have money. Or I will love you even if you don't love me back. I can't explain why I love you, I just do. I just love you. Make love unconditional with spouse (no pun intended). Do love. Love actively!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Anniversary
Do you know what today is? It's our anniversary. November 9, 2008 will mark 12 years of marriage for my husband and me. I am very blessed to have this man in my life and although we don't and will never have the perfect marriage, I believe he is the man God sent to me and for whom I am supposed to be a helpmate. The Bible says "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10.
What about having an honorable, righteous, honest, and upright man? Those are wonderful qualities to possess for man or woman. So on this anniversary eve, I want to appreciate my husband for honor, honesty, uprightness, and righteousness. I want to appreciate him for loving me even when I am unlovable. I want to appreciate him for giving of himself time and time again. I want to appreciate him for his caring spirit and gentle heart. I want to appreciate him for choosing me to be his wife. I just want to tell him 'thank you'.
This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
Appreciation for our spouses doesn't have to happen once a year on our anniversaries. Appreciation should occur everyday. Never take your spouses for granted. Love them like this is your last day on earth with them. Tomorrow is not promised to any man; so love your spouse and appreciate them today. And for the record, love is not just saying the words, it is an action! So take action. LOVE!
What about having an honorable, righteous, honest, and upright man? Those are wonderful qualities to possess for man or woman. So on this anniversary eve, I want to appreciate my husband for honor, honesty, uprightness, and righteousness. I want to appreciate him for loving me even when I am unlovable. I want to appreciate him for giving of himself time and time again. I want to appreciate him for his caring spirit and gentle heart. I want to appreciate him for choosing me to be his wife. I just want to tell him 'thank you'.
This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
Appreciation for our spouses doesn't have to happen once a year on our anniversaries. Appreciation should occur everyday. Never take your spouses for granted. Love them like this is your last day on earth with them. Tomorrow is not promised to any man; so love your spouse and appreciate them today. And for the record, love is not just saying the words, it is an action! So take action. LOVE!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Weekend to Remember Retreat
Don't forget to register for the retreat. Group code #18375. You must call 1-800-FL-TODAY. The retreat date is November 14-16 for the Memphis Hilton Retreat. You only have until midnight, November 4, 2008 to use the group code for the Memphis retreat on the 14th-16th. So please hurry! Register Today!
Selfishness
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
We've read it and seen it a thousand times. But what does it really mean? God loved us before He even knew us. God loved us even when we weren't lovable. God loved us so much that He gave His only Son for us. Can you imagine sacrificing your own child for a dying world that you don't even know? A dying world that doesn't even care about your child. A dying world that is ungrateful. A dying world that is selfish. God's love for us was the most unselfish act of all.
I wonder how many of us can be unselfish for our spouse. I petition every one of you to do something for your spouse this week. Something completely and utterly unselfish. Something that you would not normally do. For example, men: wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner, etc. Women: take out the trash, wash the car, be intimate, etc.
Selfishness is embedded in our bodies, because we are born into it. We have to learn to deny ourselves in order to please our spouses. We also have to deny ourselves in order to please God.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2
Do something for your spouse. Love them.
We've read it and seen it a thousand times. But what does it really mean? God loved us before He even knew us. God loved us even when we weren't lovable. God loved us so much that He gave His only Son for us. Can you imagine sacrificing your own child for a dying world that you don't even know? A dying world that doesn't even care about your child. A dying world that is ungrateful. A dying world that is selfish. God's love for us was the most unselfish act of all.
I wonder how many of us can be unselfish for our spouse. I petition every one of you to do something for your spouse this week. Something completely and utterly unselfish. Something that you would not normally do. For example, men: wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner, etc. Women: take out the trash, wash the car, be intimate, etc.
Selfishness is embedded in our bodies, because we are born into it. We have to learn to deny ourselves in order to please our spouses. We also have to deny ourselves in order to please God.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2
Do something for your spouse. Love them.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Forgiveness
"Forgiveness means more than saying sorry." (From the movie Just Friends).
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. Matthew 18:35.
Every day we are given new mercies and new grace. God continues to bless us even when we don't deserve it. So how is it that we are unable to forgive our spouses when they fail us? Everyone of us is human. We are all capable of mistakes. In fact, we continue to make mistakes everyday - but God is like a big eraser. He erases our mistakes and they are no longer visible, not even the imprint. When someone looks at us, they don't even know that we made the mistake - there is no trace of it, no record.
So why can't we forgive our spouses? Sometimes it's hard to forgive people. I know. But let's look at it from a different perspective. Let's examine this from the other side. If you make a mistake and feel really bad about your error, don't you want to be forgiven for your wrongness? Of course you do! You want God to forgive you every time you ask Him.
Forgiveness is not about you. Your marriage is not about you. Your life is not about you. God has a purpose for everything in your life. Things happen in your life so that in the end, God gets the glory. Your marriage represents Christ's love for the church. When people see your marriage, they should see the love between a husband and a wife as representation of Christ's love for His church (people). When people see you forgiving your spouse, they see a representation of God's love for His people and God's grace and mercy. So unless you don't want or need forgiveness, then you have no reason to forgive anyone else. But I beg to differ that we all need forgiveness; therefore, we should all forgive. Read Matthew 18:21-35 in its entirety about the unmerciful servant. And remember when your spouse does something that hurts you - they don't necessarily mean to, they don't know that they did it, they don't know what they are doing, or they aren't saved. So we could do several things: we could be mad, hold a grudge, seek revenge; but as Christians none of these are Godly. We should; however, pray for them, pray for ourselves, seek reconciliation, forgive them (even if they don't ask - remember it's not about us), and love them. We could also do something nice for them - write them a letter, give them a card, send flowers, give a hug or kiss, etc. I know this sounds strange but in order to heal and get past the hurts once you've reconciled you will need to do something to erase the memory of the scar. Doing something nice for that person every time you think about the hurt will eventually replace the hurt feelings with lovely feelings. This won't be easy at first, pray for guidance, strength, and the love that God gives. And notice that the word forgive has the word give in it.
Now forgive.
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. Matthew 18:35.
Every day we are given new mercies and new grace. God continues to bless us even when we don't deserve it. So how is it that we are unable to forgive our spouses when they fail us? Everyone of us is human. We are all capable of mistakes. In fact, we continue to make mistakes everyday - but God is like a big eraser. He erases our mistakes and they are no longer visible, not even the imprint. When someone looks at us, they don't even know that we made the mistake - there is no trace of it, no record.
So why can't we forgive our spouses? Sometimes it's hard to forgive people. I know. But let's look at it from a different perspective. Let's examine this from the other side. If you make a mistake and feel really bad about your error, don't you want to be forgiven for your wrongness? Of course you do! You want God to forgive you every time you ask Him.
Forgiveness is not about you. Your marriage is not about you. Your life is not about you. God has a purpose for everything in your life. Things happen in your life so that in the end, God gets the glory. Your marriage represents Christ's love for the church. When people see your marriage, they should see the love between a husband and a wife as representation of Christ's love for His church (people). When people see you forgiving your spouse, they see a representation of God's love for His people and God's grace and mercy. So unless you don't want or need forgiveness, then you have no reason to forgive anyone else. But I beg to differ that we all need forgiveness; therefore, we should all forgive. Read Matthew 18:21-35 in its entirety about the unmerciful servant. And remember when your spouse does something that hurts you - they don't necessarily mean to, they don't know that they did it, they don't know what they are doing, or they aren't saved. So we could do several things: we could be mad, hold a grudge, seek revenge; but as Christians none of these are Godly. We should; however, pray for them, pray for ourselves, seek reconciliation, forgive them (even if they don't ask - remember it's not about us), and love them. We could also do something nice for them - write them a letter, give them a card, send flowers, give a hug or kiss, etc. I know this sounds strange but in order to heal and get past the hurts once you've reconciled you will need to do something to erase the memory of the scar. Doing something nice for that person every time you think about the hurt will eventually replace the hurt feelings with lovely feelings. This won't be easy at first, pray for guidance, strength, and the love that God gives. And notice that the word forgive has the word give in it.
Now forgive.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Interactions between a husband and wife
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
What does it mean to be kind? Some synonyms are affectionate, loving, generous, sympathetic, caring, nice, benevolent, considerate to name a few.
What does it mean to be tenderhearted? easily moved to love, pity, or sorrow, compassionate, kind, gentle, tender
What does it mean to be forgiving? merciful, lenient, pardoning, forbearing, sympathetic
When we look back at Ephesians 4:32 and really examine this verse, first we see the conjunction and which tells us that something else goes with this verse. If we look at the verse before this one we will find these words: Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (Ephesians 4:31). This verse tells us to put all bitterness (resentment, hostility, sourness) away. Meaning don't indulge in bitterness. Don't allow bitterness to reside in you or your heart. Don't be bitter. It also says to put away malice (hatred, spite, meanness), anger (irritation, annoyance, fury), clamor [clamour] (shout, scream, yell), and evil speaking (wickedness, sin, immorality). When you look at the real meaning of these words and really understand what it is God is saying, you begin you understand verse 32 a little better. This is also a command. God is not asking us to do this, He is telling us to do it. He is telling us to put away evil things and be kind. He is telling us to be loving to one another. What is our premise for wanting to do these things? God, Himself. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
1 John 4:8 says: He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
So if we put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking; we can be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving toward one another. But the verse doesn't end there-it ends with what God has already done for us and continues to do for us. So if we are in need of kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness, why can't we give these things to our spouses?
Think about it. Ask God to help you love your spouse the way He loves your spouse. And then BE kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. This is a command!
What does it mean to be kind? Some synonyms are affectionate, loving, generous, sympathetic, caring, nice, benevolent, considerate to name a few.
What does it mean to be tenderhearted? easily moved to love, pity, or sorrow, compassionate, kind, gentle, tender
What does it mean to be forgiving? merciful, lenient, pardoning, forbearing, sympathetic
When we look back at Ephesians 4:32 and really examine this verse, first we see the conjunction and which tells us that something else goes with this verse. If we look at the verse before this one we will find these words: Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (Ephesians 4:31). This verse tells us to put all bitterness (resentment, hostility, sourness) away. Meaning don't indulge in bitterness. Don't allow bitterness to reside in you or your heart. Don't be bitter. It also says to put away malice (hatred, spite, meanness), anger (irritation, annoyance, fury), clamor [clamour] (shout, scream, yell), and evil speaking (wickedness, sin, immorality). When you look at the real meaning of these words and really understand what it is God is saying, you begin you understand verse 32 a little better. This is also a command. God is not asking us to do this, He is telling us to do it. He is telling us to put away evil things and be kind. He is telling us to be loving to one another. What is our premise for wanting to do these things? God, Himself. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
1 John 4:8 says: He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
So if we put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking; we can be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving toward one another. But the verse doesn't end there-it ends with what God has already done for us and continues to do for us. So if we are in need of kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness, why can't we give these things to our spouses?
Think about it. Ask God to help you love your spouse the way He loves your spouse. And then BE kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. This is a command!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Prayer
Do you talk to God? If so, how often? Does He talk to you? If so, how often? Do you listen when He speaks? It is important that we talk to God. In your marriage, the most essential part is God. He should be your center. He should be your guide. He should be at the head of your house. If God is not the focus in your marriage, then your marriage won't survive. We must remember to keep Him in our hearts always - even when times are good. It is usually in those times that we seem to forget about God because everything is going well. But we must never forget about God.
Pray with your spouse when you wake up in the morning. Pray with your spouse before you go to bed at night (and bow down on your knees). Pray with your spouse before every meal. Pray with your spouse whenever.
How do you pray with your spouse? You can pray silently with your spouse and when you are finished you quietly say "amen" and wait for your partner to finish (Gary Chapman - A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage). Or one spouse can pray aloud for both parties. Or you can pray conversationally. Which is where one spouse begins to pray and then pauses; then the partner begins to pray elaborating on the same topic and then pauses for the first spouse to continue to pray until the two finish (Gary Chapman - A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage).
So pray with your spouse. Pray for your spouse. Pray. Talk to God and listen to God.
Pray with your spouse when you wake up in the morning. Pray with your spouse before you go to bed at night (and bow down on your knees). Pray with your spouse before every meal. Pray with your spouse whenever.
How do you pray with your spouse? You can pray silently with your spouse and when you are finished you quietly say "amen" and wait for your partner to finish (Gary Chapman - A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage). Or one spouse can pray aloud for both parties. Or you can pray conversationally. Which is where one spouse begins to pray and then pauses; then the partner begins to pray elaborating on the same topic and then pauses for the first spouse to continue to pray until the two finish (Gary Chapman - A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage).
So pray with your spouse. Pray for your spouse. Pray. Talk to God and listen to God.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Infidelity
Infidelity is a touchy topic. Okay. Here we go.
When a spouse goes outside of the marriage for whatever (romance, conversation, intimacy, love, etc.) it can leave a nasty burn at home. Some marriages are scarred through infidelity with a lifelong reminder of a child. Some marriages are burned so badly the bridge is no longer there. Other marriages are glued back together only to find out the adhesive wears off and the stickiness fades.
Then there are the marriages that God fixes after infidelity and both parties are restored to complete fullness and the scar from the burn is invisible as if it were never there.
There is no reason why a man or a woman should commit adultery, but sometimes they do. And just because they do, this doesn't mean it is the end of the world. God can take our worst circumstances and turn them into something miraculous. Something spectacular. Sometimes we feel as if the infidelity of our spouse was brought on because of something we did or didn't do, the fact remains that it is wrong. When we are married, we take a vow to love one another and forsake all others. However, this doesn't automatically make us unable to cheat. We aren't instantly enclosed in a "spouse bubble" and the only one who can get in is our spouse. We have to make a conscious decision to stay faithful. To love the one we're with no matter what - even if they are unlovable. All of us are unlovable at some point in time (and God continues to give us another chance).
Let's make a conscious decision today to stay in love with the one God allowed us to be with and commit completely to them. Leave outsiders just where they are - on the outside. Don't allow infidelity to ruin your marriage or your testimony to others. Remember our marriages are a representation of God's love for the church. So when people see your marriage they should see God's love so much that they will want to be a part of His family.
Infidelity. Okay. There it goes.
When a spouse goes outside of the marriage for whatever (romance, conversation, intimacy, love, etc.) it can leave a nasty burn at home. Some marriages are scarred through infidelity with a lifelong reminder of a child. Some marriages are burned so badly the bridge is no longer there. Other marriages are glued back together only to find out the adhesive wears off and the stickiness fades.
Then there are the marriages that God fixes after infidelity and both parties are restored to complete fullness and the scar from the burn is invisible as if it were never there.
There is no reason why a man or a woman should commit adultery, but sometimes they do. And just because they do, this doesn't mean it is the end of the world. God can take our worst circumstances and turn them into something miraculous. Something spectacular. Sometimes we feel as if the infidelity of our spouse was brought on because of something we did or didn't do, the fact remains that it is wrong. When we are married, we take a vow to love one another and forsake all others. However, this doesn't automatically make us unable to cheat. We aren't instantly enclosed in a "spouse bubble" and the only one who can get in is our spouse. We have to make a conscious decision to stay faithful. To love the one we're with no matter what - even if they are unlovable. All of us are unlovable at some point in time (and God continues to give us another chance).
Let's make a conscious decision today to stay in love with the one God allowed us to be with and commit completely to them. Leave outsiders just where they are - on the outside. Don't allow infidelity to ruin your marriage or your testimony to others. Remember our marriages are a representation of God's love for the church. So when people see your marriage they should see God's love so much that they will want to be a part of His family.
Infidelity. Okay. There it goes.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Love Notes/Letters
Dear Lovers,
Remember when you were dating and you would write a love letter to your mate? You may have had a special way to fold the letter so that it would be unwrapped for more pleasure. You may have had a special pen that you wrote the letter in so that it would look enticing. You may have had a special type of perfume or cologne that you sprayed on the letter so your mate would have a scent in which they would remember.
Well why not write a love letter to your spouse? Why not tell him or her about how special they are to you or how they make you feel? Why not make a little questionnaire for them to fill out on different things you want to know about them, such as their favorite restaurant, favorite movie, movie they would like to go see, favorite type of clothing, favorite store, dreams they haven't accomplished, etc.? Why not? Write your spouse a letter and put it in a nice envelope or use your special fold. Type it on the computer with a different font other than Times New Roman. Print it on color paper. Put it in a colored envelope. Spray cologne or perfume on it. Draw hearts or diamonds on the envelope or use clip art. Leave it under their pillow or in a drawer. Give it to them over dinner that you prepare. Do something nice for your spouse; write a love letter. It's small, but it's meaningful. They'll appreciate you for it.
With Love,
Always
Remember when you were dating and you would write a love letter to your mate? You may have had a special way to fold the letter so that it would be unwrapped for more pleasure. You may have had a special pen that you wrote the letter in so that it would look enticing. You may have had a special type of perfume or cologne that you sprayed on the letter so your mate would have a scent in which they would remember.
Well why not write a love letter to your spouse? Why not tell him or her about how special they are to you or how they make you feel? Why not make a little questionnaire for them to fill out on different things you want to know about them, such as their favorite restaurant, favorite movie, movie they would like to go see, favorite type of clothing, favorite store, dreams they haven't accomplished, etc.? Why not? Write your spouse a letter and put it in a nice envelope or use your special fold. Type it on the computer with a different font other than Times New Roman. Print it on color paper. Put it in a colored envelope. Spray cologne or perfume on it. Draw hearts or diamonds on the envelope or use clip art. Leave it under their pillow or in a drawer. Give it to them over dinner that you prepare. Do something nice for your spouse; write a love letter. It's small, but it's meaningful. They'll appreciate you for it.
With Love,
Always
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Weekend to Remember Retreat
Family Life www.familylife.com/weekend is hosting a Weekend to Remember Retreat for couples. This is a time to reconnect with your spouse, find new love with your spouse, rekindle old love, or keep love alive. Please visit their website and check out the information for the Weekend to Remember Retreat. The retreat date for Memphis, TN is November 14, 15, & 16 at the Hilton Memphis. If this date is not convenient, you may use the group code for any of the retreat dates until July 2009.
If you use the group code #18375 you can save $80/per couple. When using the group code, you must call 1-800-FL-TODAY in order to register. You cannot use the group code online.
God's Union Marriage Ministry would love for you to join our group in November for a weekend to remember. Again marriage is too important to allow it to slowly dissolve. Join us! Keep your marriage alive!
If you use the group code #18375 you can save $80/per couple. When using the group code, you must call 1-800-FL-TODAY in order to register. You cannot use the group code online.
God's Union Marriage Ministry would love for you to join our group in November for a weekend to remember. Again marriage is too important to allow it to slowly dissolve. Join us! Keep your marriage alive!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
God's Union Marriage Ministry
Marriage is ordained by God. With this said, then why do so many married couples get divorced? We live in a society where marriage is not taken seriously. Just look at Hollywood; couples are switching spouses with every new movie, with every new music release, or with every new season. In order for our children to grow up with healthy views about family, we must show them a picture of a healthy family. If spouses are arguing, fighting, unlovable, that affects the children. Many of our children are angry and unloved. They can't change their attitude if they have no examples of how to be loving and kind. It starts at the top. The father and mother (preferably the husband and wife) have to show love, exhibit love, give love and then the children will learn from example. You have trusted someone enough to marry them, but you don't give them the love and support they need to continue in that love. Before you got married, you were inseparable, in love, attentive, and romantic. Now after the wedding, you're separated, out of love, inattentive, and not romantic. Now you don't have time. Now you are tired. Now you are mad. Now you are... The list goes on and on. Well you had time before (where did it go?) and you haven't changed. You weren't tired before (staying up until 4 in the morning on the phone) and you haven't changed. You weren't mad before (nothing made you mad - you were in love) and you haven't changed. You weren't... and you haven't changed!
Ephesians 5:25 says: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
This is a command from God, not a request or a suggestion. It starts at the top. The husband is the top (after God). Then the wife. We need to start with love. Loving each other the way God loves us.
How do you love someone? Find out what makes them feel loved and then do that which makes them feel loved. Speak their love language (Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages). In his book, he talks about five love languages that make a person feel loved.
1. Words of affirmation - you feel loved if your spouse tells you nice things or writes you nice letters. i.e. 'you look nice', 'dinner was great', I like your hairstyle', 'that suit looks good on you'
2. Physical Touch - you feel loved if your spouse gives you gentle touches. i.e. rubs your shoulder, strokes your hair, touches your thigh, gives you a hug or gentle kisses, sexual intimacy
3. Receiving Gifts - you feel loved if your spouse buys you gifts. (they don't have to be expensive). i.e. box of candy, roses, jewelry, book, etc.
4. Quality Time - you feel loved if your spouse spends time with you. i.e. quality time is time away from distractions such as the TV or newspaper. You spend time talking and listening to spouse. Take a walk with spouse. Play a board game. Read to spouse.
5. Acts of Service - you feel loved if your spouse does things for you. i.e. vacuums, does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, makes up the bed, picks up dry cleaning, picks up dinner, etc.
Many people may have more than one love language but there is always a dominant language (one that you prefer over all of them). If your spouse speaks this language enough, your love tank will be full and you will feel loved. Therefore love is in the air and the children feel loved. But both spouses need to feel loved. Love is not a one way street. Once you master the love languages, you can ask your spouse, "How is your love tank, today?" If it is not full, then you know what you need to do. Think about: if your spouse died tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you feel as if you did your best to make them feel loved? Or would you wish for more time with them for a second chance to get it right? Get it right the first time. Get it right now!
Ephesians 5:25 says: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
This is a command from God, not a request or a suggestion. It starts at the top. The husband is the top (after God). Then the wife. We need to start with love. Loving each other the way God loves us.
How do you love someone? Find out what makes them feel loved and then do that which makes them feel loved. Speak their love language (Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages). In his book, he talks about five love languages that make a person feel loved.
1. Words of affirmation - you feel loved if your spouse tells you nice things or writes you nice letters. i.e. 'you look nice', 'dinner was great', I like your hairstyle', 'that suit looks good on you'
2. Physical Touch - you feel loved if your spouse gives you gentle touches. i.e. rubs your shoulder, strokes your hair, touches your thigh, gives you a hug or gentle kisses, sexual intimacy
3. Receiving Gifts - you feel loved if your spouse buys you gifts. (they don't have to be expensive). i.e. box of candy, roses, jewelry, book, etc.
4. Quality Time - you feel loved if your spouse spends time with you. i.e. quality time is time away from distractions such as the TV or newspaper. You spend time talking and listening to spouse. Take a walk with spouse. Play a board game. Read to spouse.
5. Acts of Service - you feel loved if your spouse does things for you. i.e. vacuums, does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, makes up the bed, picks up dry cleaning, picks up dinner, etc.
Many people may have more than one love language but there is always a dominant language (one that you prefer over all of them). If your spouse speaks this language enough, your love tank will be full and you will feel loved. Therefore love is in the air and the children feel loved. But both spouses need to feel loved. Love is not a one way street. Once you master the love languages, you can ask your spouse, "How is your love tank, today?" If it is not full, then you know what you need to do. Think about: if your spouse died tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you feel as if you did your best to make them feel loved? Or would you wish for more time with them for a second chance to get it right? Get it right the first time. Get it right now!
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