Dear Former Marriage...

El and I get the opportunity to mentor other couples so we witness their struggles first hand. Sometimes it's difficult to get a couple to understand that things will get better if they just stay the course and continue to work hard and practice the skills we're teaching. Not all of the couples we mentor make it. That's sad to say. 

It's also sad to say that some of those couples used to be El and I. We used to keep score, hold grudges, not talk for days, be judgmental and disrespectful. We were unloving and sometimes downright hateful. Our former marriage was not healthy and we were headed for divorce court. So what changed? El and I changed. We changed the way we thought about our marriage and we changed the way we thought about each other. We began to think like team players working toward the same goal and not competitors. We started learning how to have a better marriage and not only were we learning skills but we were practicing those skills. If I could write a letter to my former marriage, this is what I'd say.

Dear Former Marriage,
Remember when you met your spouse, dated, and decided to be together for life. Don't ever forget that feeling. Don't ever forget the love you have for each other. You are a beautiful couple and you will have some struggles. However, you have a foundation. You both are in church and started teaching Sunday School. Study the Word more than just right before Sunday morning. Not only should you study the Word but you should live a life that is pleasing to God every day not just on Sunday. Get involved in a marriage class and go to marriage conferences as often as possible. Start early in the marriage learning about effective communication, meeting each other's love languages, and spend time together. 

You're going to have struggles but don't stay in that space. Don't remain upset with each other and spend quality time together often. 

Dear Former El and Zina - you're going to experience infidelity but don't fret! You will get it through it and even though it seems like you won't, trust me... you will get through it. And when you come through on the other side, life will be sweeter than ever. God has a purpose for your marriage and life. HE is going to use you both to reach other couples. But you will have to live this example out loud. Don't be afraid. God will be with you every step of the way. And best of all, you will get to enjoy the fruit of your labor. You will be happier than you've ever been. You will have peace and unspeakable joy! 

Love,

Your Future Marriage


Marriage is work. Hard work. There will be times that you feel like leaving. There will be times that you want to scream, throw things, and maybe fight. Hang in there. It will get better. You're going to have to practice having a better marriage. You have to believe you can have a better marriage.