After we release forgiveness, we need to rebuild the trust if we want our marriage to be completely healed. Rebuilding trust can be a long and arduous process. However, in order to rebuild trust, both parties involved must be willing and submit to the Lord's Will. This is not always an easy process because when someone betrays your trust, you are expecting them to betray it again. But trust can be rebuilt. Trust me!
Finally, after many years, my husband and I have rebuilt the trust in our marriage. Often, I'm asked, "So, do you really trust him?" And I reply, "I trust God to protect me and my marriage. My husband is human and he will make mistakes. I put my trust in a perfect God!" This may sound like I don't trust him. However, I do. I'm not looking through phone records or expecting him to mess up. But he is also doing his part - by guarding my heart and keeping me informed so I won't assume or be blindsided. Rebuilding trust doesn't mean that you are a fool and will be blind to another offense. It also doesn't mean that you will continue to expect that person to mess up again. You have to turn your attention to God - a perfect God that will protect you and your marriage. People are human and we are imperfect. So we will let you down and we will mess up. That is why God sent His Son to die for our sins; because God knew that we would need new mercy and grace every day! Rebuilding trust also means the offender must be an open book with their lives (phone, email accounts, whereabouts, etc.) Trust cannot be rebuilt if secrets are constantly kept and if the offender is still unable to be located when away from his/her spouse. Remember it takes both parties to rebuild trust. And every time there is another offense, you move back to square one in rebuilding trust.
Rebuilding trust in your marriage means granting new mercy and grace every day. Your spouse is never going to be perfect. They are never going to do what you want them to do at the very moment you want them to do it. We rebuild trust by surrendering to God and allowing Him to get our spouse back on track. However, the offender has to make a concerted effort to rebuild trust as well. He/She can't just act like nothing happened and expect you to get over it. They have to seek reconciliation and they have to make sure they are being honest and open in the marriage. Now the key here is for both of you to have a real relationship with God. Without a relationship with God, you will not be able to grant new mercy and grace. You will not be able to have peace in your marriage after infidelity and you will constantly be waiting for your spouse to mess up again. So you may be saying well what if I have a relationship with God but my spouse doesn't, then what? Good question...then you're going to have to pray for both of you. You are going to have to stay on knees before God asking Him to heal your marriage. You are going to have to stay in the Word seeking guidance from God. Again, this is not a license for your spouse to cheat repeatedly and expect your love. If your spouse is a habitual cheater, then he/she may need to seek professional help and you may need to separate until they seek help so you won't be putting yourself at risk for STDs or emotional abuse.
Remember rebuilding trust is two-fold. Just as your marriage takes two people; so does rebuilding trust! The person offended slowly breaks down the walls of a hardened heart and the offender seeks to regain trust by being open and keeping their spouse informed. The two of you must work at rebuilding trust.
**A good book is Guard Your Heart, by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg.
**Here's a quick podcast on Forgiveness and Trust by Gary Chapman Click Here
What do you think? Do you think it is possible to rebuild trust after infidelity? Why or why not? Share your thoughts.
Read Part 3 - Restoring Intimacy
No comments:
Post a Comment