I want to revisit the Love & Respect concept (Ephesians 5:33) and the crazy cycle from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Dr. Gary Chapman has discussed the five love languages for spouses. I want to examine the language of respect for the next couple of days. Webster Dictionary defines respect as an act of giving particular attention : consideration. We are going to examine respect as it relates to this definition.
What does it mean to give particular attention to or show consideration? Since the bible commands a woman to be respectful to her husband, I will be dealing with the wives on this respect issue (don't take it personal, ladies). Okay, back to giving particular attention or showing consideration. Well, when you pay close attention to something, you study it, you examine it, you take good care of it. Think about how you are with your children or other children. You watch their movements carefully, you cater to them, you make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable, you show consideration, kindness. Okay now think about that concept with your spouse. Pay close attention to them. watch their movements carefully, cater to them, make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable, show consideration and kindness.
It is impossible for you know about your spouse without paying close attention to them as well as communicating with them. Spend time with them, catering to their needs. Speak their love language; but most importantly-speak their language of respect. Well you might ask: "What about me? What do I get in return? What if they don't love me or respect me back? What if they don't receive it?" Philippians 2:3 says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. When it comes to our spouses, we should not be selfish. Remember your marriage is not about you. Your life is not about you. Your marriage is about showing others the love God has for the church. You should be an example of that love. Your reward comes from God.
Respect your husbands. Love them. Show consideration for their needs. Pay particular attention to them. Do it today.
Ephesians 5:33, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Patience
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
We are a society that wants everything fast. We microwave our food in 3 minutes. We drive 80 mph. We won't wait if the line is too long. We hate to sit at the doctor's office more than an hour. We won't leave a message if the voicemail takes too long to pick up. We can't wait for the weekend or vacations or just the next day to come. We go through online courses that take 8 weeks to complete. We rush through accelerated programs to get out in a hurry. We are a society that wants everything fast. But patience is a virtue.
Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."
We must learn to be more patient. Patient with our spouses and all their inadequacies. We must learn to be patient with their love. We must learn to be patient. God does not work on our time. He works in His own time. Being patient with our spouses doesn't mean allowing them to use and abuse us, it means that we wait on God to work in their lives and in the meantime, we are patient. We are praying. We are protecting. We are providing. We are prevailing.
Look for opportunities to be patient with your spouse this week. Instead of expecting and wanting everything fast. Sit back and relax and enjoy the ride. Take time to smell the roses. Take time to see the sun rise. (If you haven't, it's a gorgeous sight.) Take time to see the sun set. This is also a beautiful sight. Take time to look for the good in your spouse. If you look close enough, you'll find something that they have of value to add to your relationship. Remember God is patient with us everyday. Be patient to others. Be patient with your spouse.
Be patient with them, God isn't finished with them yet.
We are a society that wants everything fast. We microwave our food in 3 minutes. We drive 80 mph. We won't wait if the line is too long. We hate to sit at the doctor's office more than an hour. We won't leave a message if the voicemail takes too long to pick up. We can't wait for the weekend or vacations or just the next day to come. We go through online courses that take 8 weeks to complete. We rush through accelerated programs to get out in a hurry. We are a society that wants everything fast. But patience is a virtue.
Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."
We must learn to be more patient. Patient with our spouses and all their inadequacies. We must learn to be patient with their love. We must learn to be patient. God does not work on our time. He works in His own time. Being patient with our spouses doesn't mean allowing them to use and abuse us, it means that we wait on God to work in their lives and in the meantime, we are patient. We are praying. We are protecting. We are providing. We are prevailing.
Look for opportunities to be patient with your spouse this week. Instead of expecting and wanting everything fast. Sit back and relax and enjoy the ride. Take time to smell the roses. Take time to see the sun rise. (If you haven't, it's a gorgeous sight.) Take time to see the sun set. This is also a beautiful sight. Take time to look for the good in your spouse. If you look close enough, you'll find something that they have of value to add to your relationship. Remember God is patient with us everyday. Be patient to others. Be patient with your spouse.
Be patient with them, God isn't finished with them yet.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Love & Respect (Dr.Emerson Eggerichs)
Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
In Eggerichs's book, Love & Respect, he talks about the Crazy Cycle that spouses get on in a battle for love and respect. Women want to feel loved and men need to feel respected. As our ministry begins to study this book, a few thoughts crossed my mind. I wondered if I am respectful to my husband (learning that my disrespect makes him react unloving). I also wondered am I able to identify times when I am being disrespectful or times when I'm about to be disrespectful and stop myself. It is important that as women, we embrace Ephesians 5:33 in it's entirety. It is a command from God. Sometimes, as women, we tend to think that just because we make more money, have the better job, have been independent long before we got married, or may not need our spouse financially- that we can say whatever, do whatever, and act however. The fact of the matter is God did not design us to be independent of our spouses. He (God) designed us for man, Genesis 2:18 says The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We are the man's helpmate. We are to complement our spouses. I am not saying accept any and everything he does without recourse, but when you confront him-do it RESPECTFULLY. You don't have to put up with his horrible actions, but you DO have to respect him as a man. You do because God commanded it. You can also confront him respectfully without a condescending tone.
Men need to be respected. Give it to them and they will give you the love you need in return.
In Eggerichs's book, Love & Respect, he talks about the Crazy Cycle that spouses get on in a battle for love and respect. Women want to feel loved and men need to feel respected. As our ministry begins to study this book, a few thoughts crossed my mind. I wondered if I am respectful to my husband (learning that my disrespect makes him react unloving). I also wondered am I able to identify times when I am being disrespectful or times when I'm about to be disrespectful and stop myself. It is important that as women, we embrace Ephesians 5:33 in it's entirety. It is a command from God. Sometimes, as women, we tend to think that just because we make more money, have the better job, have been independent long before we got married, or may not need our spouse financially- that we can say whatever, do whatever, and act however. The fact of the matter is God did not design us to be independent of our spouses. He (God) designed us for man, Genesis 2:18 says The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We are the man's helpmate. We are to complement our spouses. I am not saying accept any and everything he does without recourse, but when you confront him-do it RESPECTFULLY. You don't have to put up with his horrible actions, but you DO have to respect him as a man. You do because God commanded it. You can also confront him respectfully without a condescending tone.
Men need to be respected. Give it to them and they will give you the love you need in return.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Receive Love
Your spouse is a gift from God. Receive them as such.
Can you imagine Adam refusing to receive Eve (a gift from God)? Can you imagine rejecting any thing God offers? Well when we don't love our spouses the way we are supposed to, we are in a way rejecting God's gift. God gives us companionship and what do we do with it? We talk down to each other, we talk about each other, we complain, etc. But if we were alone without a mate, we would complain about that. Enjoy the gift God has given you. Enjoy your spouse. Your time is limited on earth so make the most of every day.
Receive Love.
Can you imagine Adam refusing to receive Eve (a gift from God)? Can you imagine rejecting any thing God offers? Well when we don't love our spouses the way we are supposed to, we are in a way rejecting God's gift. God gives us companionship and what do we do with it? We talk down to each other, we talk about each other, we complain, etc. But if we were alone without a mate, we would complain about that. Enjoy the gift God has given you. Enjoy your spouse. Your time is limited on earth so make the most of every day.
Receive Love.
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