Are you using your marriage tools?

Ephesians 5:33 says: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

My husband and I went to a Love & Respect Marriage Conference this weekend at Bellevue Baptist Church. Our marriage ministry is currently studying this book. It was interesting to reflect on the conference afterwards because I was wondering would I learn anything different or get any new information. El and I were talking about how most (and I use that word loosely) married couples have been given information or tools to use in our marriages; but we don't. And it's not that we don't know how, we make a conscious decision not to use these tools. Well to say the least, I did learn something new. Emerson helped us understand what Ephesians 5:33 is really saying to us. He helped us focus our energy on God when we try to be loving or respectful. To focus on God and not our spouse.

Okay, let me back up to the meaning of this scripture. Simply put, husbands are to love their wives (even when they are unlovable) and wives are to respect their husbands (even when they don't deserve it; haven't earned it, or are disrespectful & unloving toward us). This sounds hard. And I agree, it is hard. If you are in like or in love with your spouse right now, this doesn't sound like much. But if you have ever been mad at them, this is very hard. It is hard to love a woman who continually criticizes you, puts you down, tells you you are worthless, less than a man. It is hard to respect a man who doesn't show you love, cuddles with you, only wants sex, or doesn't want to be around you. This is hard. But Emerson encouraged us to picture God standing over the shoulder of our spouse; so that when we feel like being unloving or disrespectful we will quickly remember that it is God who told us to be loving and respectful and we are not hurting our spouses so much as we are hurting and disobeying God. This command came from God, not our spouses. When we fail to do what the bible says (or what God says), we are being disobedient. And you can't say, "I didn't know". We must obey God. We can't say, "Well Lord, they are making me act this way." No man has control over you. Or you can't say, "God knows my heart." Yeah He does and He is not pleased, because what's in your heart will come out in your actions; and God should be in your heart.

So, as we pondered the many couples who would probably walk away from the conference and say, "That was a good conference," but then return to their old ways & thinkings; we began to pray and thank God. Not too long ago, we were one of those couples. We had the tools, but we weren't using them. We knew what the bible said, but we didn't care. We were continually spinning on the "Crazy Cycle" and would get on that wheel several times a week. Through prayer and ministry we began to become aware of things that would get us on the "Crazy Cycle"and we used our marriage tools to get us off. As we began to use more tools: praying together everyday, being kind to one another, communicating effectively, being compassionate & loving, seeking & giving forgiveness freely; we began to see a change in our marriage. We started having a healthy, happy, & loving marriage. We started to see a change in our family. We are using our marriage tools.

When you don't use the tools, it's like going to church every week and then placing the bible on the table when you get home until the next week. You never talk about God during the week. You don't pray. You don't give Him praise. You just wait until service the next week and then you continue the same routine over and over. Nothing in your life changes. You don't put your faith into practice. You don't put your patience into practice. You don't have trials & if you do, you don't handle them well because you don't know God. You don't witness to anyone. You don't do any ministry. You life is stagnant. Well when you are married, you have to polish the marriage. You cannot remain stagnant. You have certain tools that should be used to help your marriage grow and flourish. God should be at the center of all this. Then you should begin to use other tools. And if you don't have any tools or don't have enough, visit our website; there you will find conferences to attend that will give you the tools needed for a thriving marriage. Or you can email me at godsunion@comcast.net . Whatever you do, don't sit back and do nothing. God did not intend for our marriages to be stagnant and stale. He wants us to live in harmony, peace, and love. He wants us to be happy in our marriages. God is so awesome that He knew everything we would go through in life, so He gave us an instructional manual to help us along the way. And all we have to do now is USE it.
Are you using your marriage tools? If not, start today!