So I told you that about 10 years ago, my husband had an adulterous affair. Well, because of that, I now know my purpose (disclaimer: you don't have to go through a traumatic event to know your purpose). Before this happened, I had a strong feeling (Holy Spirit) to start a marriage ministry; however, afterwards I didn't want to because I wasn't sure if I was even going to stay married. Now, I understand that that had to happen for me to have a testimony to help other couples understand that God can heal your marriage after infidelity. Would I say that I wanted this to happen to fulfill my purpose? Of course not! Who wants to go through turmoil and embarrassment. But God! If I knew then what I know now, I would have done some things differently. I would have forgiven quickly and I would not have sought revenge. During the process of releasing forgiveness, I sinned a lot! I had an unforgiving heart. I had a hardened heart. I wanted to walk away from my marriage. I was evil and downright disobedient to God. I also didn't have the type of relationship then that I now have with my Father (Thank You Jesus!). This experience has taught me to depend on Christ more and to be obedient in spite of my spouse. You have to be accountable for your own sins. Your spouse can't go to heaven or hell for you and they can't save you from heaven or hell. Only what you do for Christ will last (1 Cor. 9:24-27). So with that said...my husband and I have renewed our purpose in Christ. We started a marriage ministry (God's Union) in our home in 2007 and even though I was still sinning (I still had an unforgiving heart); however, I was obedient to God's tug to start ministry.[Note: I'm not perfect - I am still a sinner saved by grace]. However, after a year of starting ministry, I was still purposely sinning. But I was tormented by my sin. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. My stomach was always in knots. I was miserable. I still wanted to seek revenge and I still wanted my husband to hurt like I did. But God! In 2008 we had a "come to Jesus" meeting with our ministry and it was then that I started to see an inkling of hope and started to allow the walls of hardness to come down. There was a lot of crying during this meeting...the ministry we started to help other couples was actually helping us! Look at how God works! Just to give you some dates - the affair took place in 2003; I found out in November of 2003; started marriage ministry January 2007; it was around July 2008 that I started wanting my marriage again.
Most of us aren't married to a spouse who wants to hurt us. They don't wake up in the morning with the purpose of making our lives miserable. However, when they do hurt us, we need to seek Christ and ask our Father for help in restoring the relationship and renewing our purpose. Exodus 9:16 says: But I have spared you for a purpose—to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth. Even though God was talking to Pharaoh here; I feel God was also talking to me. He spared my marriage for a purpose. I was going to walk away and miss the rewards I am now reaping. There is a purpose for your life and for your marriage. I know you think the purpose for your marriage is to make you happy. You can be happy, but you won't always be happy and there is a greater purpose that God has for your life and your marriage. Your marriage is to show God's love for the church (Ephesians 5:21-33). Now I'm not saying that in your purpose, you will start a ministry (but maybe you will); however, ask God what is it that you and your spouse are supposed to be doing to build up God's kingdom. Whether it's spreading the gospel with your loving actions toward one another or teaching a Sunday School class together, there is something that you are supposed to be doing to build up the kingdom of God. Now you can't fulfill your purpose if you don't know God. You have to get in His Word and talk to Him. You also have to be obedient to His Word. He has information for you. He wants great things for your marriage. Again, both of you need to know God. Seek Him with all your heart. Ask Him what His plans are for you. Renew your purpose with God and in your marriage. Do it today!
Check out Drs. Les and Leslie's post on The Purpose Driven Marriage .
I understand that there are many extenuating circumstances and you may not have a spouse that is willing to seek forgiveness or even turn from his/her adulterous behavior. But there is hope in God and remember sometimes separation is necessary until the other person seeks help. However, make sure that you have not sinned while trying to reconcile so if separation is needed, you will not have any regrets or feel guilty - knowing that you did all you could do to heal your marriage.
Let me know what you think. Leave a comment. Are you renewing your purpose? Have you searched the scripture for your meaning on earth? What insights have you gained? How will you use your marriage to fulfill God's kingdom?
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