Infidelity

Infidelity is a touchy topic. Okay. Here we go.

When a spouse goes outside of the marriage for whatever (romance, conversation, intimacy, love, etc.) it can leave a nasty burn at home. Some marriages are scarred through infidelity with a lifelong reminder of a child. Some marriages are burned so badly the bridge is no longer there. Other marriages are glued back together only to find out the adhesive wears off and the stickiness fades.

Then there are the marriages that God fixes after infidelity and both parties are restored to complete fullness and the scar from the burn is invisible as if it were never there.

There is no reason why a man or a woman should commit adultery, but sometimes they do. And just because they do, this doesn't mean it is the end of the world. God can take our worst circumstances and turn them into something miraculous. Something spectacular. Sometimes we feel as if the infidelity of our spouse was brought on because of something we did or didn't do, the fact remains that it is wrong. When we are married, we take a vow to love one another and forsake all others. However, this doesn't automatically make us unable to cheat. We aren't instantly enclosed in a "spouse bubble" and the only one who can get in is our spouse. We have to make a conscious decision to stay faithful. To love the one we're with no matter what - even if they are unlovable. All of us are unlovable at some point in time (and God continues to give us another chance).

Let's make a conscious decision today to stay in love with the one God allowed us to be with and commit completely to them. Leave outsiders just where they are - on the outside. Don't allow infidelity to ruin your marriage or your testimony to others. Remember our marriages are a representation of God's love for the church. So when people see your marriage they should see God's love so much that they will want to be a part of His family.

Infidelity. Okay. There it goes.

Weekend to Remember Retreat

Family Life www.familylife.com/weekend is hosting a Weekend to Remember Retreat for couples. This is a time to reconnect with your spouse, find new love with your spouse, rekindle old love, or keep love alive. Please visit their website and check out the information for the Weekend to Remember Retreat. The retreat date for Memphis, TN is November 14, 15, & 16 at the Hilton Memphis. If this date is not convenient, you may use the group code for any of the retreat dates until July 2009.

If you use the group code #18375 you can save $80/per couple. When using the group code, you must call 1-800-FL-TODAY in order to register. You cannot use the group code online.

God's Union Marriage Ministry would love for you to join our group in November for a weekend to remember. Again marriage is too important to allow it to slowly dissolve. Join us! Keep your marriage alive!

God's Union Marriage Ministry

Marriage is ordained by God. With this said, then why do so many married couples get divorced? We live in a society where marriage is not taken seriously. Just look at Hollywood; couples are switching spouses with every new movie, with every new music release, or with every new season. In order for our children to grow up with healthy views about family, we must show them a picture of a healthy family. If spouses are arguing, fighting, unlovable, that affects the children. Many of our children are angry and unloved. They can't change their attitude if they have no examples of how to be loving and kind. It starts at the top. The father and mother (preferably the husband and wife) have to show love, exhibit love, give love and then the children will learn from example. You have trusted someone enough to marry them, but you don't give them the love and support they need to continue in that love. Before you got married, you were inseparable, in love, attentive, and romantic. Now after the wedding, you're separated, out of love, inattentive, and not romantic. Now you don't have time. Now you are tired. Now you are mad. Now you are... The list goes on and on. Well you had time before (where did it go?) and you haven't changed. You weren't tired before (staying up until 4 in the morning on the phone) and you haven't changed. You weren't mad before (nothing made you mad - you were in love) and you haven't changed. You weren't... and you haven't changed!

Ephesians 5:25 says: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
This is a command from God, not a request or a suggestion. It starts at the top. The husband is the top (after God). Then the wife. We need to start with love. Loving each other the way God loves us.

How do you love someone? Find out what makes them feel loved and then do that which makes them feel loved. Speak their love language (Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages). In his book, he talks about five love languages that make a person feel loved.
1. Words of affirmation - you feel loved if your spouse tells you nice things or writes you nice letters. i.e. 'you look nice', 'dinner was great', I like your hairstyle', 'that suit looks good on you'
2. Physical Touch - you feel loved if your spouse gives you gentle touches. i.e. rubs your shoulder, strokes your hair, touches your thigh, gives you a hug or gentle kisses, sexual intimacy
3. Receiving Gifts - you feel loved if your spouse buys you gifts. (they don't have to be expensive). i.e. box of candy, roses, jewelry, book, etc.
4. Quality Time - you feel loved if your spouse spends time with you. i.e. quality time is time away from distractions such as the TV or newspaper. You spend time talking and listening to spouse. Take a walk with spouse. Play a board game. Read to spouse.
5. Acts of Service - you feel loved if your spouse does things for you. i.e. vacuums, does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, makes up the bed, picks up dry cleaning, picks up dinner, etc.
Many people may have more than one love language but there is always a dominant language (one that you prefer over all of them). If your spouse speaks this language enough, your love tank will be full and you will feel loved. Therefore love is in the air and the children feel loved. But both spouses need to feel loved. Love is not a one way street. Once you master the love languages, you can ask your spouse, "How is your love tank, today?" If it is not full, then you know what you need to do. Think about: if your spouse died tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you feel as if you did your best to make them feel loved? Or would you wish for more time with them for a second chance to get it right? Get it right the first time. Get it right now!