But the disorder didn't stop with those areas. We've allowed it to spill over into our marriages, as we continue to live "single" lives. Lives of isolation - without our spouses and without God (Mark 10:7-8). Nothing has changed in our walk, yet we are expecting a change in our marriage (Ephesians 4:22-24). We are quick to give up and walk away (when most of should have did that before the wedding), instead of fight for our marriage. Furthermore, this disorder has caused a strain on our children. We have young people growing up in households where there is discord and this discord is a direct hypothesis for their future actions. As a result, there are more couples living together without the option of marriage and those that do marry already have a plan of escape prepared if things don't work out. So what can we do?
1. Start with self! You can't change your spouse or anyone for that matter. Change yourself. Give your life to God and really let him steer you from here on out. Ask Him to show you those areas in which you need to change or improve. Then start improving yourself. Take it one day at a time and you don't have to tell anyone you're doing this. They'll notice without you saying a word. Even your spouse will notice. Stay connected to the vine so you can continually grow in Christ (John 15:4-6).
2. Read marriage information. Read all you can about marriage. There is a wealth of information about Christian/biblically based marriages that will inspire you and help you become a better spouse. Don't just read the information, start changing. There are also videos and podcasts to view or listen to if you're not a reader.
3. Get involved. Many couples think a marriage enrichment class is just for those struggling in the marriage. That is quite the contrary. A marriage enrichment class is exactly what it says - enrichment. Most of us will have a few good days and think we are fine and don't need a class. But what are a few good days compared to a lifetime? Enrichment helps you gain a lifetime of good days (or at least more good days than bad). It's also a place to share your successes and pain with a group of people that can support you and lift you up in prayer.
4. Date each other! Most couples stop dating after they get married. It's important to keep dating. El and I have a standing date night (every Saturday). And don't just go on a date, but get dressed up and talk to each other on the date. A good date book is Love Talk, by Gary Chapman or 10 Great Dates, by the Arps. Or if you need help, contact me, I'll give you a list of questions to ask each other on a date. You may also want to surround yourself with another Godly couple that you can go out with or visit. Having other Godly couples keeps your marriage interesting and you can hold each other accountable. It also gives you someone of the same sex to talk to with similar experiences.
5. Just do it! Stop wasting time and start having the marriage God wants for you. Start spending time with Christ by reading His word and praying. Start obeying God's statutes. Start spending more time with your spouse (at least 2 hours a day). Be at the door with a smile when they come home from work. Hug and kiss them. Let them know you're glad they're home. Cuddle with them at night. Stay in the room with them even if you don't like what they're watching on TV. Be in the kitchen while they're cooking. Save your conversation for your spouse and listen attentively when they talk to you. Life is short. Start having the married life you deserve today!
Love,
El and Zina
We're praying for your marriages!
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