However, what has happened is that we now have a generation of people with poor communication skills or just refusing to talk. I remember when I was teaching English to 10th graders (about 10 years ago) and they were asked to do a paper. I was shocked that so many of them used words (in their paper) like "cuz" instead of "because" or "btw" instead of "by the way" or "the @ symbol" instead of the word "at". One of the things I tried to express to them was that there was a type of dialect for every situation and in my class the dialect was that of correct English. I wanted them to know that it was socially acceptable to talk/text (with friends) using short phrases or abbreviations; however, in class or in professional situations they needed to know correct English.
Fast forward to 2015 and now there is a whole world of social media that seems to make talking face to face obsolete. Very few people actually read a good book and then have an analytical conversation about it or analyze a movie after they've watched it. Or what about just having an engaging conversation? How many conversations have you and your spouse had that were actually engaging and left you stimulated? I get excited when I see El read a book (even if it's on audio) because I know his brain is being stimulated which gives us more stimulating conversation, which is sexy as hell. It's hard to talk to someone who can't help you carry the conversation. You know those conversations that start out with a simple question such as "So, how was work or tell me about your day?" and the response is "It was good." then silence. So what was good about it? Did you see or hear anything interesting? What about a crazy customer or coworker? What did they do interesting? ...Our conversations shouldn't be short or curt. We're trying to build intimacy with our spouse. We need stimulating conversation to help us do this. Wouldn't you like to have more stimulating conversations with your spouse? If your answer is yes, then let me give you a few tips to have engaging communication.
1. Pay attention. Pay attention to events or other things happening around you. Be observant. Look for details in the world or TV shows/movies or things that might be left out that you could interject. Then think about those things. For example, what would happen if they introduced a new character to the TV show "Power" such as a long lost child of Tommy's? How would the show be different because of this child? Paying attention gives us more insight into things we might overlook and miss. This helps us analyze and question situations we might otherwise fail to notice. This also gives you something to discuss with your spouse.
2. Talk about your thoughts. Have you ever had a thought but didn't share it? For example, maybe you thought someone else's dress at church was pretty, but you didn't tell her. Share your thoughts with your spouse. He/She can't read your mind. Tell them what you're thinking about. Tell them if you're thinking about having sexual intercourse. Just because you put on a sexy negligee (nightgown) doesn't necessarily translate sex for your husband. Tell your spouse your thoughts. Tell them if they are sexy or if they look nice. (I guarantee you that someone else will share their thoughts with your spouse - so make sure they hear it from you first). And men, don't be afraid to share your thoughts. Let your wife know what you're thinking (if you are thinking something - lol). And women, just know that sometimes our husbands really are NOT thinking about anything. They have a "nothing" box in their brain that they actually go to and think about nothing. So if he says he isn't thinking about anything, chances are he isn't.
3. Ask questions. You may think that you know everything about your spouse because you've been married for 15+ years and you dated all throughout high school, but there is always more to learn. Ask if they're favorite color has changed. Or if they have a different favorite food. Or if there is something they always wanted to do but haven't had an opportunity to do yet. There are so many questions you can ask. How did your parents discipline you when you were a child? Did your family eat dinner together at the table? Did you take summer vacations and if so, where'd you go? Did you enjoy being an only child or wished you were the only child? Did you want a brother instead of a sister? Why? If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be and why? If you could change one thing about your life now what would it be and why? Are you content with your life or do you wish you had done something differently? Why? What car have you always wanted? What is your dream job? These are just a few questions you can ask your spouse. Ask these questions on a date night or a night at home. Make inquiries often. You'll be surprised what you learn about your spouse even after years of marriage. Gary Chapman's book Love Talk is full of questions you can ask your spouse. (It appears that this book is out of print, but there is an e-book version via Christianbook.com).
Married people need to set an example for the world to see God's love for the church. How can you be an example if you don't talk to your spouse? If you go to one end of the house and your spouse is in another part of the house, how can you build intimacy? How can there be closeness if you are always on the phone? Your spouse is right there in front of you! Be in the moment! Be present with your spouse!
Talking to my spouse everyday,
El & Zina
No comments:
Post a Comment