Does the world know you're in love?

The divorce rate is steadily rising and what's worse is the divorce rate within the Christian community is almost as high as the secular world. How are Christian marriages supposed to show an example of God's love for the church if we are not exhibiting that love in our homes? Does the world know you love your spouse? When others see you and your spouse, does it make them want a marriage like yours? Or do they think it is better to stay single? Maybe you and your spouse don't care what the world thinks about your marriage. Or maybe you put up a good front in public to make people believe that you're happy and behind closed doors you aren't even speaking. However, you can only play act for so long and your actions will show your real happiness. 

Now do I expect for you and your spouse to be smiling and loving every moment of every day? Not at all. There will be some times that you will be upset with your spouse. There will be moments when you've been hurt. But don't allow your pain to fester. Resolve conflicts quickly so you don't lose that precious time. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Love each other today! And love each other hard. 

On June 1, 2016, El and I will start a 30 day of love photo challenge on Instagram. We hope you'll join us. The purpose is to show the world that married couples are in love. That we do love on each other and marriage is awesome. Join us by posting pictures pertaining to the theme for each day and tag your pictures using the hashtag #gulove2016 (the gu stands for God's Union). Oh, did I mention that we will be giving away cash prizes? 

Does the world know you're in love? I hope you'll take this opportunity to show them. 

Are you truly content?

Can you look at someone and tell if they are genuinely happy or that they have great joy? Have you ever noticed the joy on someone's face that you run into at the store? Do you notice how radiant your coworkers are when they come into work in the morning? Or is it just the opposite, the people around you seem angry and aggravated for no reason? 

Does your own happiness or joy spill over into every area of your life? Can others see you are genuinely content? Do your coworkers like to be around you because of your delightful spirit? I believe when you are truly content in your marriage, you will be truly content in other areas of your life. And others will be able to see the contentment you exhibit. 

God provides this type of joy in your life as well. When you know who you belong to, you don't worry. When you have a real relationship with Christ, you have a certain kind of joy! A joy that's an unspeakable joy. But what if that joy was combined with the joy of having a loving and supportive spouse that also has a real relationship with Christ? A spouse that wants to please you because pleasing you would please God? A spouse that loves you like Christ loves you? A spouse that wants to be a better person? What if you had this kind of spouse? What if you were this kind of spouse? Close your eyes for a moment. Can you envision this kind of life? Think about how your life would be different if you and your spouse had this type of marriage. How different your conversations would be. How you handle conflict would be different. How much time you spend apart would be different. How your intimacy level would be different. 

Ephesians 5:22-32 describes marriage in comparison to Christ and the church. The message bible explains it well: 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

Whew! What a marriage? So, are you truly content? Are you married to someone who pleases Christ? Are you a spouse that is pleasing to Christ? If not, what's stopping you from being the best spouse ever and being truly content? You won't always have good days, but I guarantee your good days will outnumber your bad ones. 

Signed,

Truly Content! 

I bet you didn't know...

While in a dating relationship, there are many things that we learn about one another. Usually, you spend a lot of time talking and getting to know your partner. Hopefully, you are also taking the time to examine if the relationship is right for you, especially if you are thinking about marriage. 

When El and I dated, we spent a lot of time talking. One of the things I really liked about El was the fact that I could be myself with him. Not my made up self, but my real self. The real self that didn't need lipstick on before he could see me. The real self that didn't have to be a size 8. The real self that could burp and fart around him without shame (I'm just being real here). This is not to say that I disrespected El or didn't care about him, but it was just the opposite. I allowed El to see a part of me that no one else had ever seen and I didn't care that he was looking. In fact, I wanted him to see me. I wanted to show him every facet of me. All the good and all the bad of me. And that's when it hit me...El was the one for me! He was the one God had sent just for me! And I didn't care about seeing all of him either. I wanted to know everything about El. All the nitty gritty grimy stuff about him. And I love every piece of him. I want to share some of those pieces of us with you. So I'm giving you 5 things I bet you didn't know about us. It's okay if you already know these things, just pretend you don't, lol! And I'm only giving you 5 because you can't know everything about us, we have to keep some things sacred, gosh!

5 things I bet you didn't know about El 

I bet you didn't know that when El laughs, sometimes he snorts...and I love it!

I bet you didn't know that El makes up a song about everything and sings all time...and even though sometimes it gets on my nerves, I still love it!

I bet you didn't know that sometimes I catch El staring at me from across the room...and I love it!

I bet you didn't know that El loves spending time with CJ (our son), talking about whatever...and I love it!

I bet you didn't know that El supports me unconditionally...and I love it!

5 things I bet you didn't know about me

I bet you didn't know that I struggle to lose weight (because I love food) but also because I think I look good in my clothes...and El loves it!

I bet you didn't know that I want to spend all my free time with El...and I think he loves it! (lol)

I bet you didn't know that I can't go to sleep without the TV on...and it drives El crazy!

I bet you didn't know that I love cute hairstyles but don't particularly like doing my hair and will throw on a wig with the quickness...and I hope El loves it!

I bet you didn't know that I am super crazy about our son but we play fight often...and it drives El crazy! 

I bet you didn't know that El and I love each other like crazy and love spending time together. We love you too and we want the best for your marriages and relationships. We pray for you often. 

What are 5 things you didn't know about your spouse or significant other? Take the time to find out something new about him/her. Feel free to share what you discover.

 

Don't Judge a book by it's Cover

I'm a former English Teacher and an avid reader. I love books. I like how I'm drawn to a book by its colorful cover. The smell of new pages and interesting summary gets me every time. However there are times when I've almost passed up a good read because of an unattractive cover. This happens in life as well. We have a certain picture in mind of how we want our spouse to look and we might even pray to God for particular characteristics. Then we pass up those persons God sends our way because they aren't packaged the way we think they should be.

That was almost the case with El and I. I was praying to God for a spouse and I asked Him for all the great qualities I think a man should have. But when I met El, I almost passed him up because he wasn't packaged the way I thought he should be. God knew what I needed and God sent me exactly what I needed. I just didn't know at the time El was the one. But I'm so glad I decided to open the cover and turn a few pages to peruse the contents before setting the book down for good. I only needed to read the prologue and the summary to determine that El was going to hold my interest. And I was right! He was certainly a page turner but not in the way that I will finish reading him quickly. He has sequels that will never end. In fact there are parts of his story that haven't been written yet and when they're published I'll be first in line to get the one and only copy.

Don't judge a book by its cover. For those of you who are single, your book may be staring you right in the face. And for those married, dust that book jacket off and explore the endless possibilities of love. How is your story going to end?

No cash No gas - video

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Tuesday Tip #11: Endless Love

From the outside, El and I appear to have it all put together. However, even though we've come a long way, we still have a long way to go. We have learned so much about being married through marriage conferences, books, podcasts, and teaching. Our marriage class lesson this past Sunday was based on Bill Elliff's 8 Lies that Destroy Marriage. One of the lies states, "If I don't love my spouse any longer, I should get a divorce." 

This lie resonated with me because I thought about the time period when I felt as if I no longer loved El because of infidelity and I wanted a divorce. But God! If I had not stayed, we would not have gotten to reap the wonderful benefits that we now enjoy. Sometimes it may seem that because you no longer love your spouse that divorce is inevitable. But love can be restored and renewed (read "Can my marriage be healed after infidelity"). We're living proof, our love has been restored and renewed! We have been through the fire and come out on the other side as pure gold. 

Our love is endless. El is my best friend and even though we don't always see eye to eye, one thing is for sure, I will always love him and he will always love me. And this isn't the kind of love that just says we love. This is the kind of love that shows we love! Is it perfect? Never. But it's real! 

Is your love endless? 

This week's tip is to look for those good qualities in your spouse and tell them how much they mean to you. Make your love endless. 




Check in with us and let us know how you did!

Tuesday Tip #10: Are you fleeing from temptation?

I just completed a 7 day devotion on temptation. I started the devotion to help me gain control over my food addiction and stray from the temptation of overeating. But what about the temptation we encounter as a married couple? Do we recognize the enemy's trickery? Do we know when we're being tempting? Do we know how to flee? Are we calling on Christ in times such as these? God has given us an escape route when we encounter temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). The success of your marriage relies on you being able to flee temptation. And don't think that this temptation is going to announce it's arrival or give you a loud trumpet's warning. No! Temptation comes slyly and many times we don't realize we've been hit until it is too late. 

How to flee temptation...
1. Pray diligently that God will keep you alert and that you will be able to recognize immediately when temptation presents itself.
2. Pray that you will flee instantly and not entertain any thoughts of the sweet nectar.
3. Stay in God's Word by devouring it daily.
4. Spend all of your free time with your spouse. Enjoy each other's company often to ward off temptation.
5. Repeat steps 1-4. 

Let me know how well you did this week in fleeing temptation. 

Are there any tips you'd like to see? Let me know. 

Tuesday Tip #9: Stop blaming your spouse...

"She won't talk to me!" "He never listens!" "She is always on the phone." "He is never on time." "I'm waiting on him to do that before I can do this." 

STOP! Stop blaming your spouse. When you go before God in the last days, He is not going to accept your excuses. It will not matter what your spouse did. God is only concerned about what you are doing. Are you reading His Word and abiding in Him? (John 15:4). Are you praying for your spouse to be man/woman of God? Are you exhibiting a godly mindset when dealing with your spouse? God wants to use your marriage to show the world His love for the church. Don't let Him down. 

This week's tip: Don't blame your spouse for anything this week. Be more understanding and listen to his/her complaints in a different way in which you hear a cry for what they need. Then try to meet that need. Treat your spouse with adoration and show him/her how much you love them. 

Let me know how well you did this week. Leave your comments below. 

Rejuvenate your marriage!

Now that Spring has arrived, many of us are doing the traditional "Spring Cleaning". Getting rid of the old, packing up the winter coats and boots, and reorganizing space is the norm. However, as we begin to organize our physical space, we should think about our personal space. The space between two spouses. The atmosphere in the home. Does your marriage need to be rejuvenated or revived? When was the last time you went on a date, just the two of you? When was the last time you held hands? Looked into each other's eyes? Laughed at something funny together? Shared the last piece of cake together? It amazes me how much time we sacrifice for other things but then allow our marriage to wither away. If you are not making your spouse a priority, then your marriage is going to suffer. And stop making excuses! Excuses are like (you know)...everyone has one. When you make excuses, you're basically saying that you are a sorry excuse for a spouse and not willing to try. Why stay married and miserable if you are not going to put forth effort. You're wasting your time and your spouse's time. Shit or get off the pot! (In El's voice) 

Here are some quick tips to rejuvenate your marriage today!
1. Embrace often! In the morning when you wake up, hold your spouse close to you for a few moments. Embrace in the bed before you get up. Lock eyes if you can. Say a silent prayer for your spouse. 
2. Text or call often! Text your spouse little love notes throughout the day to let them know you are thinking about them. Call them and chat for a few moments about a funny story or give a quick run down of your day. 
3. Hold hands often! When you are walking in a store or anywhere together, grab your spouse's hand. Don't worry who grabs who's hand first, just grab their hand. Hold hands whenever you have the opportunity. 
4. Talk often! Talk in the morning, afternoon, at night, often. Catch up with each other daily. Don't let a day go by without talking to your spouse and getting updates on what is going on in their life. 
5. Do nice things often! Find out what your spouse likes and then do those things often. Like send flowers (and women - men like flowers also), buy candy, get a card, write a letter or note, watch their favorite movie or TV show with them, cook for them, wash their car, etc. This list is infinite! 

Photo courtesy of Keith Jefferson

Rejuvenate your marriage today and everyday! You only have this one life. If you are not happy it's your own fault. If your marriage is at a stalemate, seek help. Get the tools you need today to have a wonderful marriage and start using them today! 

Hashtag Contest!

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Spontaneity in Marriage

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El and I discuss our spontaneous date night! And we want to hear from you. How spontaneous are you in your relationship? Share those moments with us below.

the one that got away...

Picture courtesy of Keith Jefferson Photos

Have you ever thought about your past relationships and wondered about "the one that got away"? You know, the one boyfriend or girlfriend that you wish you pursued or treated better? That one special person that you wonder what if...? 


Well I was thinking about "the one that might have got away". El, my husband. I was thinking about the what ifs... 

Picture courtesy of Keith Jefferson Photos

What if I didn't tell him he could call me? What if I didn't spend spring break with him? What if I didn't visit his job or go to lunch with him that day? What if I didn't have him over my house several nights of the week? What if I didn't meet his friends and family? What if I didn't let him meet my friends and family? What if I didn't accept his offer to be his girlfriend? What if I didn't move in with him? What if I didn't marry him? What if I walked away in the beginning because we argued? What if I divorced him after he cheated? What if I didn't fall in love with him all over again ever day? What if...? 

Picture courtesy of Keith Jefferson Photos

I am thankful every day that I didn't let this one get away! That I trusted God and stayed. That I didn't let El get away. Is your spouse the one that you will let get away? Rejuvenate love today! Not just for Valentine's Day, but Every Day!

Valentine's Day Tips

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Valentine's Day is a week away! Make sure you are prepared! And women, the men in your life also want to feel special! Don't forget them.

Husbands as leaders in the home

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El and I attended a marriage conference on Saturday, January 30, 2016 at Longview Baptist Church in Olive Branch, MS - "Love Worth Fighting For" with Kirk Cameron and Warren Barfield.



El shares his take aways from the conference to help the men be leaders in the home.

Marriage Resources

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Marriage Resources that El and I have used (or using) to help you have a better marriage.



The Marriage Code (& study guide), by Bill & Pam Farrell

The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage (& prayer/study guide), by Stormie Ormatian

Love and Respect (& workbook), by Emerson Eggerichs

A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage (bible study), by Gary Chapman

His Needs Her Needs (participant's guide & video), by Willard Harley

"Still" Away

Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. Mark 1:35. 

Anybody who knows me, knows that I am not a morning person. However, I feel as though that may not be the whole truth. I am not a morning person when I have to get up for work but I seem to be a morning person when I get up do something I want to do. Basically, it's all about what we want to do. There have been times that I stayed up all night and woke early the next day because I was excited about the what that day was going to bring. 

Jesus made a habit of rising early to spend time with His Heavenly Father. He was excited about what the day was going to bring. In the verse above, Jesus got up before daybreak and went to an isolated place. A place away from His disciples and all the distractions. I'm sure He didn't take His cell phone or laptop. He stole away to be alone with God. 

"Still" Away...
1. Be Still (Ps. 46:10) - God does not change. He is always with you even when you can't trace Him. 
2. Still Pray (Luke 18:1) - Even when you don't know what to pray for, just go to God and be still. 
3. Still Love (1 Corinthians 16:14) - Even if you have been hurt in the past, still love. Let your love penetrate hurt. 
4. Still Worship (John 4:24) - Depend on God for your strength. Worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. 
5. Still Praise (Ps. 145) - Praise God always! No matter your situation, imitate David, and praise The Lord.
6. Still be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18) - In all things, give thanks! If Paul can do it, so can we. 

What's keeping you from "stilling" away to be with Jesus? 

Marriage Evaluation

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Have you ever evaluated your marriage? We have evaluations at work to determine job performance. Why not evaluate our marriages to determine our performance as a spouse? Watch as El and I share ideas on how to evaluate your marriage.



Link for marriage evaluation:

http://www.christiancounselingofmansfield.com/resources/Marriage-Evaluation.pdf 

Did you resolve to have a better marriage in 2016?

Photo courtesy of Keith Jefferson

The beginning of every new year yields itself to new resolutions. Sometimes we resolve to do something we've never done before. Sometimes we resolve to improve in an area that we failed at the previous year. Whatever your resolve is, El & I want to challenge you to have a better marriage in 2016. And not just this year but every year.

So, first what's stopping you from having a better marriage? Is it an unforgiving heart? Past hurts that have not been reconciled? In-laws or relatives? A demanding job? Children? Past relationships? Hobbies? What ever the reasons (or excuses), let's resolve to not allow these things or anything to keep us from having a better marriage. Well, you might be thinking this is easier said than done. True. Marriage is work. Hard work. It takes time and energy to make your marriage better.

Photo courtesy of Keith Jefferson

So, the next question is are you willing to do whatever it takes to have a better marriage? Offer forgiveness? Reconcile past hurts instead of sweeping them under the rug? Resolve conflicts with in-laws and relatives and decide to keep them out of your marital affairs? Take a less demanding job or manage your work time better? Put your spouse before the children? Let go of past relationships and those hurts that accompany them? Give up those hobbies that take time away from your spouse? Again, let's eliminate those reasons (or excuses).

Photo courtesy of Keith Jefferson

Finally, are you willing to spend more time with your spouse than you ever have before? Are you willing to just sit in the room with them and watch a program you despise but makes them happy? Are you willing to serve them by doing dishes even though you hate doing dishes? Are you willing to have sexual intercourse with them even when you don't feel like it because you know it will bring pleasure to them? Are you willing to be selfless in your marriage and love your spouse the way God intended?

Photo courtesy of Keith Jefferson

Did you resolve to have a better marriage in 2016? If not, will you make this resolution promise with El and I this year? Let's show the world God's love by having not only a godly marriage, but a blessed marriage! Let's show the world how we hold hands in public. Kiss lovingly. Smile at each other across a room. Hurry to get home. Have date nights frequently. Let's prove to them that marriages are alive and well! That it is possible to be married and be happy and in love.

Let's promise to have a better marriage this year and every year hereafter!

Photo courtesy of Keith Jefferson

New Year's Resolutions...

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Let's resolve to have better marriages in 2016!

1. Communicate better

2. Read a marriage book together

3. Attend a marriage class/seminar together



Tell us what your New Year's Resolutions are...



Congratulations to kee_is_unbreakable Kesher Dunn and her husband for winning the #ezdates challenge and $25 Visa e-gift card.

Laughter in Marriage

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Laughter is good for the soul. Proverbs 17:22

#ezdates Contest is still going on until December 31, 2015! Post your pictures on Instagram using the hashtag #ezdates