Yearning for closeness

I love spending time with El. One of the reasons I wanted to marry him was because we were such good friends and I liked being around him. Willard Harley (Marriage Builders) suggests married couples spend at least 15 hours a week to develop intimacy and build love deposits. This is about 2.5 hours a day. If you think about it, the more enjoyable time you spend with someone the more you want to be around them. And when you can't be around them, you feel sad. When I am unable to spend substantial time with just El, I feel depressed. I'm selfish when it comes to El. I don't want to share him with anyone else. I don't need thrills or any special things when I'm with him. I just need El. I yearn for closeness and intimacy with El and sometimes I think this can be overwhelming for him. It is humanly impossible for El to fulfill all of my needs. In those times, I seek God's guidance especially when we are struggling to regain closeness during the busy seasons of our lives. 

However, in seeking guidance from the Lord, I was reminded of how much God wants to spend time with just me in a close intimate relationship. No thrills. Nothing special. Just me. God is a selfish and jealous God (Exodus 34:14; 20:4-5). He doesn't like sharing us. He longs to spend time with just us. Oh how sorrowful God's heart must be when His children ignore Him or worship other gods. John 3:16 states that God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son... What a mighty God we serve! God wants to be reconciled with us so much that He was willing to give His one and only Son to have a relationship with us (sinful people that don't even know Him). What an awesome God we serve! How great and merciful is He! 

The Lord yearns for closeness with you. Just you. Are you drawing nigh to God? Are you longing for a close and intimate relationship with Him as He is for you? Do you spend adequate time talking to Him, listening to Him, and pleasing Him? If you were brutally honest, what score would you receive for time spent with the Master? 
As I think about the times I may get lonely, I have to stop and think about how my Heavenly Father must feel at times. I don't want Him to allow things to happen in my life to make me draw nearer to Him. I want to draw nigh to Him on my own. And I don't want to call on Him only when I'm in need. I want to have a close intimate relationship of knowing Him everyday (John 17:3). I want to have the kind of relationship Enoch had with Him (Genesis 5:24). God is faithful. He never leaves us...we leave Him. He is waiting for us with open arms (1 Corinthians 16:23). He is yearning for closeness with us. Just us!

Do you yearn for closeness with God? If so, seek Him today. 
1. Listen to Him by reading His Word and obeying His statutes.
2. Talk to Him by praying about how His Word has inspired you or ask Him questions if you don't understand what He has said to you.
3. Just do it! Stop saying you'll start tomorrow. Spend more time with God today!
4. Make Him a priority. Don't give God your leftovers (your tired prayers at the end of the day; give Him your first fruits). Rise early to spend time with Him. Seek Him all throughout the day. 

God is yearning for closeness with you. Will you disappoint Him? 

What do your kids think about you?

What do your kids think about you? New Video from our son's perspective. If you cannot view the video, click HERE.

Accepting your spouse's differences

Will you accept your spouse's differences? Or will you try to change them? Click HERE if you are unable to view video.

Safeguarding your marriage

Safeguarding your marriage. Join the discussion. What safeguards are you taking to protect your marriage? If you can't view the video, please click HERE. 

War Room (the movie) Reflections

Our marriage group decided to get together to see the movie, War Room, and I must say that I was a little skeptical at first. It's not that I didn't want to see the movie, but I didn't necessarily need to see the movie opening weekend. I was skeptical because I was unsure of the acting skills since there was a newcomer to the screen. However, I was pleasantly surprised. No, that is an understatement! I was utterly impressed. Priscilla Shirer has always been a favorite of mine long before her debut, but her portrayal of Elizabeth Jordan was unequivocally authentic. She made me cry, laugh, and I even felt convicted at times. See, I've experienced infidelity in my own marriage and I wish I would have handled that experience the way Elizabeth did...with prayer. In fact, I wish I could say that I handle every area of my life with prayer. Don't get me wrong, I do pray. However, I don't pray for battle - in a 'war room' the way Elizabeth was taught to pray (by Miss Clara). 

But after seeing this movie, I will start praying like Miss Clara and Elizabeth. My son has already started cleaning out his room preparing his 'war corner'. I was convicted about the amount of time I spend in prayer. I spend quite a bit of time listening to sermons and devotions, but I'm ashamed to say that my prayer life is lacking. God speaks to us through His Word and we speak to Him through prayer. And in order to build a relationship we have to spend time with God. We have to read God's Word and then respond in prayer. Take some time (real time) to get to know Christ. Get in your 'war room' and take all your burdens to Him (Psalm 55:22).  

And by the way, go see the movie "War Room"! I'm going to see it again! 

GUMM outing and movie (War Room) reflections!

Go see War Room!! You will not be disappointed! If you can't see the video, please click HERE!

Roles & Responsibilities

Have a discussion about roles and responsibilities with your significant other or your spouse. If you don't see the video, click HERE.

The Kissing Game

Many of you may not remember the song I Like the Way (The Kissing Game), by Hi-Five; that says: "I like the way you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game, I like the way you keep me looking forward to another day." How awesome is that? Someone who inspires you and makes you smile. 

The other day this song was playing while I was in the kitchen and El grabbed me and we started slow dancing and singing along with the song. I appreciate these moments of intimacy, where it seems as if it's just us in the world. Time stopped for that moment while we were in the kitchen swaying back and forth. I thought, he's my man and I'm his woman. We've been through storm together and now we can see the rainbow and I believe there's a pot of gold at the end of it. We're taking the time to enjoy each other and to be close and to be in the moment. To enjoy each other's kisses. To talk about everything. To listen attentively and regurgitate information later for more stimulating conversation. To let each other know we're here and we're not going anywhere. To block out the world and all it's negativity. To be quiet sometimes in our space together. To be free from judgment and fear. To worship together. To praise together. To play the kissing game. 


Make time to be in the moment with your spouse...

1. Stop and smell the roses. Slow down and enjoy the little things with them. Enjoy that story they tell that may take them forever to finish; notice the inflection in their voice and the excitement on their face. Dance in the middle of the kitchen. Pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time the next time you go to the grocery store. Walk in the rain. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Enjoy these moments today! 
2. Think positive thoughts. It's easy to concentrate on all the things your spouse isn't doing. But what about those things your spouse does that you do like? What about those qualities that impress you? Focus on those things. And pray about the other things. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Think positive thoughts today! 
3. Play the kissing game. Blindfold your spouse and sneak kisses on different parts of their body. Make some kisses soft and some wet and sensuous. You may want to lick parts of their body to tease them. See how long you can hold a kiss when your spouse first comes home. Ask your spouse where is his/her favorite spot for you to kiss. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Play the kissing game today!


I like the way you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game, I like the way you keep me looking forward to another day.


Playing the kissing game every chance we get,
El & Zina

Money Talks

A discussion about money. If you can't see the video, click HERE.

People don't talk no more...all they do is this!

Social media has taken over...so much so that many people can't seem to unplug from their technology. They have to be tuned in to social media. Have you ever watched the people around you when you go out? Just look around and you'll see that most people are on their phones or looking at their phones. When you check statuses on Facebook, you'll quickly get a glimpse of someone's life - what restaurant they went to, what they're buying at the store, where they went out of town, the people they find funny in their family... the list goes on. 

However, what has happened is that we now have a generation of people with poor communication skills or just refusing to talk. I remember when I was teaching English to 10th graders (about 10 years ago) and they were asked to do a paper. I was shocked that so many of them used words (in their paper) like "cuz" instead of "because" or "btw" instead of "by the way" or "the @ symbol" instead of the word "at". One of the things I tried to express to them was that there was a type of dialect for every situation and in my class the dialect was that of correct English. I wanted them to know that it was socially acceptable to talk/text (with friends) using short phrases or abbreviations; however, in class or in professional situations they needed to know correct English. 

Fast forward to 2015 and now there is a whole world of social media that seems to make talking face to face obsolete. Very few people actually read a good book and then have an analytical conversation about it or analyze a movie after they've watched it. Or what about just having an engaging conversation? How many conversations have you and your spouse had that were actually engaging and left you stimulated? I get excited when I see El read a book (even if it's on audio) because I know his brain is being stimulated which gives us more stimulating conversation, which is sexy as hell. It's hard to talk to someone who can't help you carry the conversation. You know those conversations that start out with a simple question such as "So, how was work or tell me about your day?" and the response is "It was good." then silence. So what was good about it? Did you see or hear anything interesting? What about a crazy customer or coworker? What did they do interesting? ...Our conversations shouldn't be short or curt. We're trying to build intimacy with our spouse. We need stimulating conversation to help us do this. Wouldn't you like to have more stimulating conversations with your spouse? If your answer is yes, then let me give you a few tips to have engaging communication.

1. Pay attention. Pay attention to events or other things happening around you. Be observant. Look for details in the world or TV shows/movies or things that might be left out that you could interject. Then think about those things. For example, what would happen if they introduced a new character to the TV show "Power" such as a long lost child of Tommy's? How would the show be different because of this child? Paying attention gives us more insight into things we might overlook and miss. This helps us analyze and question situations we might otherwise fail to notice. This also gives you something to discuss with your spouse. 

2. Talk about your thoughts. Have you ever had a thought but didn't share it? For example, maybe you thought someone else's dress at church was pretty, but you didn't tell her. Share your thoughts with your spouse. He/She can't read your mind. Tell them what you're thinking about. Tell them if you're thinking about having sexual intercourse. Just because you put on a sexy negligee (nightgown) doesn't necessarily translate sex for your husband. Tell your spouse your thoughts. Tell them if they are sexy or if they look nice. (I guarantee you that someone else will share their thoughts with your spouse - so make sure they hear it from you first). And men, don't be afraid to share your thoughts. Let your wife know what you're thinking (if you are thinking something - lol). And women, just know that sometimes our husbands really are NOT thinking about anything. They have a "nothing" box in their brain that they actually go to and think about nothing. So if he says he isn't thinking about anything, chances are he isn't.  

3. Ask questions. You may think that you know everything about your spouse because you've been married for 15+ years and you dated all throughout high school, but there is always more to learn. Ask if they're favorite color has changed. Or if they have a different favorite food. Or if there is something they always wanted to do but haven't had an opportunity to do yet. There are so many questions you can ask. How did your parents discipline you when you were a child? Did your family eat dinner together at the table? Did you take summer vacations and if so, where'd you go? Did you enjoy being an only child or wished you were the only child? Did you want a brother instead of a sister? Why? If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be and why? If you could change one thing about your life now what would it be and why? Are you content with your life or do you wish you had done something differently? Why? What car have you always wanted? What is your dream job? These are just a few questions you can ask your spouse. Ask these questions on a date night or a night at home. Make inquiries often. You'll be surprised what you learn about your spouse even after years of marriage. Gary Chapman's book Love Talk is full of questions you can ask your spouse. (It appears that this book is out of print, but there is an e-book version via Christianbook.com). 

Married people need to set an example for the world to see God's love for the church. How can you be an example if you don't talk to your spouse? If you go to one end of the house and your spouse is in another part of the house, how can you build intimacy? How can there be closeness if you are always on the phone? Your spouse is right there in front of you! Be in the moment! Be present with your spouse! 

Talking to my spouse everyday,
El & Zina

Deal or No Deal?

Join us as we discuss deal breakers and red flags in your relationships. Tell us what your deal breakers are. Some of our deal breakers were that neither of us wanted to date someone who smoked (cigarettes or weed), someone who was an alcoholic, or someone who misused drugs. You need to know your deal breakers and don't deter from them. If you see red flags, don't ignore them. Pay close attention to them. 


If you don't see the video, please click HERE. 

The Quick Fix Marriage!

Marriages are going to have conflict. Why wouldn't they? You have two people, a man and woman, who are completely different by nature and by upbringing. You weren't raised the same way your spouse was. You each have different experiences from your childhood. You each have different beliefs and views about child rearing, life, careers, money, interests, etc. So why wouldn't you have conflict? The key is not to be conflict free in marriage. The key is to learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner and to be good at resolving conflict so you aren't holding grudges. Learning how to resolve conflict effectively takes time and practice.

However, what I've discovered is that most couples want a quick fix! Looking at El and I one would think we arrived at this "happy" place overnight. That is far from the case. Our first couple of years were a little rocky. We have always been best friends; however, we didn't know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. We argued, fussed, fought, and held grudges. We would make up and then continue the cycle of conflict again. Don't get me wrong, El and I had a really good marriage, we just didn't know how to handle conflict and no matter how mad we were we never mentioned divorce. But my point is we had to learn how to communicate better and we had to learn how to handle conflicts. 

Today, we have very few conflicts. And when we do, we resolve them quickly by discussing our feelings. There was no quick fix to how we arrived at this point. We've been married almost 19 years and we are still learning how to be married the way God intended us to be. So let me share a few tips for a quick fix marriage lasting marriage!

1. Christ! I know you've heard this before, but you can do absolutely NOTHING WITHOUT GOD! You cannot do your marriage without Christ in the center. And this is not lip service. You (as an individual) have to have a solid relationship with Christ. He (Christ) has to be the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind at night and all throughout the day. You have to KNOW Christ! 

2. Time. You have to SPEND TIME with your SPOUSE. You can't live a separate life and just have a fly by night marriage. You should be spending at least 2 hours a day with your spouse according to Dr. Willard Harley and I agree. Not only should you be spending at least 2 hours a day with your spouse, those 2 hours should be enjoyable hours with your spouse (or why would you want to do it). For example, doing things you both like to do together. El and I spend just about every free minute with each other. We wake up in the morning and read our devotions (separately). Then we talk while getting dressed. We IM each other via Yahoo Messenger throughout the day. We hug and kiss in the evening. We talk some more about our day, such as 'what was funny, interesting, exciting, etc'. We share important information with each other (schedules, bills, etc.). We talk about our plans for our days off, date nights, weekend, etc. We may watch a movie or TV program together. We analyze and talk about the shows we watch. Then we have pillow talk at night and hold each other. We spend time together. Enjoyable time! I'm anxious and excited to be around El and he feels the same way. 

3. Friendship. Become your spouse's BFF! Let them be the first person you want to tell good news to. Enjoy their company as you would a same sex friend. Laugh with them. Joke with them. Your marriage doesn't have to always be so serious. Laughter is good for the soul. Be best friends. El is my best friend!

4. Transparency. Be OPEN and HONEST about your feelings. Most conflict in marriage is because someone has withheld their true feelings and then when they are tired, they explode. Stop sweeping stuff under the carpet. Tell your spouse how you feel (of course with love). Let them know if they've hurt your feelings. And discuss calmly how you can overcome these issues. Work on resolving conflict effectively. If you need help, pick up a book. There are several books on how to resolve conflict in marriage. I recommend He Wins, She Wins, by Willard Harley and the accompanying workbook. Also, on Dr. Harley's website, Marriage Builders, there is a wealth of free information (including articles and questionnaires) to help you have a better marriage. El and I have a better marriage because we have not only been teaching marriage information but we are practicing it! 

5. Touch. Touch and love on each other often. Hug and squeeze each other tightly and hold the hug for at least 60 seconds. When you kiss, hold your kisses and make kissing noises. Slide your tongue in each other's mouth. Gently suck each other's tongue and upper/bottom lip. It's okay, you're married! Kiss your spouse's neck. You'll be surprised at how sensual kissing is. Kiss other body parts as well (i.e. hands, feet, legs, thighs, chest...you get the picture). El and I play a little game where he kisses my neck and then I turn my head so he can kiss the other side and I turn my head again and I keep this up until I'm satisfied with the kisses. Hold hands. Grab your spouse's hand and hold it tight. Hold hands whenever you're together (in the mall, while shopping, at church, on a date, in the movies, at dinner, in the house, whenever). Touch your spouse often. Touch their arm, leg, shoulder, wherever. You'll be surprised how much touch is needed and welcomed even if it's not your spouse's love language. This is not my love language but I enjoy and yearn for El's touches. 

There is no quick fix marriage. Marriages are going to experience conflict. What you want is a marriage where you and your spouse are able to resolve conflict quickly and get on with the life God has intended for you. 

How do you and your spouse resolve conflict? Are you expecting a quick fix or are you willing to work on having a godly marriage? Share your thoughts. 

Working on a lasting marriage,
El and Zina

New Video: Intimacy (In to me, see!)

El and I discuss three types of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Keep the conversation going. Tell us what you and your spouse are doing to keep intimacy in the marriage. 

If you can't see the video, click HERE. 

What's in a name?

 I've always liked my name. I remember asking my mom why she named me Zina. She stated that she used to watch a TV show, in the 1960s, called The Doctors and the Nurses, which starred Zina Bethune and she liked the name so she named me Zina. Even though this name is a lot more popular today (still not used frequently) than it was in the 1970s, when I tell people my name, I still get surprised comments about how unique my name is. At first, my mom thought of naming me after her - Senorita. Her father got her name from a poem entitled, Little Senorita. I don't know the author of this poem; however, I remember finding the poem in a book when I was in first grade, but have not seen it since. Thankfully, she did not name me Senorita, but she did come up with a middle name for me that was similar to her first name: Sheranda, pronounce Sha-ran-da (long 'a' sound), exactly as it looks. I have a cousin who is named after me. Her first name is Sharanda, pronounced Sha-run-da. Growing up, my brother would make fun of my name by making it a sentence: Zina, she ran da hall (my maiden name is Hall). Actually, it's kind of funny. But his name is also funny - Leroy Hall, Jr. named after our father. I've always called him Roy, though. 

My son's name is Cervantes Jeans Henry. However, this was not the name given to him at birth. He had another name, but his nickname has always been CJ. So you're probably wondering why his name changed? Well, in 1996 I married this awesome man named Eldridge Henry, II. I was eager to take his last name: Henry, especially since my initials would not change (lol - just joking). I love hearing his name and my last name. His nickname, Big El, is usually what I'm called when his friends see me. "Are you Big El's wife?" or "Hey, Mrs. Big El!" However, at home he's just El (or Big Daddy or Big Red or okay that's enough-lol) to me. However, when CJ was 15, we made the decision to change his name (for reasons I won't go into), by removing the first and last name and the Jr. he was given at birth and adding Henry to come up with Cervantes Jeans Henry. There's that name again. I even love saying it and typing it. I'm proud to be a Henry (okay more on this later). 

I've never dated anyone named Eldridge nor had I ever met anyone with this name. I remember after a year of us being married I wanted to surprise El with a tattoo of his name on my leg, but I had to look at my checkbook to make sure I was spelling it correctly (ha). Don't judge me...I wanted to make sure I got it right. Tattoos are permanent (lol). I was (and still am) proud to be married to El. I have heard women protest giving up their last name or hyphenated it with their husband's. I was proud to become a Henry. For me, this meant I was becoming a part of El's family. I was becoming his wife. I was becoming his. And I'm okay with that. I'm glad to say I belong to him. My new name signifies that I am married. I'm taken. I'm off the market. Our last names signify unity. And now that CJ is also a Henry, we are more unified than ever. When I hear CJ's name called at church or elsewhere, I perk up, because he is linked to his father and mother. He's ours. And other people don't have to question who he belongs to - he's a Henry. Hopefully, we're setting a good example and he's proud to be a part of our family. Hopefully, he's proud to be a Henry. (I think he is because he wanted to change his name as much as we wanted to). No more walking into the school and being called Mrs. Jeans. Ugh! That was not and has never been my last name. I would constantly have to correct CJ's teachers - "It's Mrs. Henry, thank you." Oh but when he got to high school - "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Henry! CJ has been..." You get the picture. We were identified by his last name which is also our last name. [For those of you that had children after marriage and have never lived in a blended family, this may not seem like a big deal to you. I grew up in a household where my parents' last name was the same as mine. My parents were married until my father died. However, as a single parent, me and my son had different last names and that didn't change when I got married. It means a lot to me (and always has) to have a unified family, not just in name but in Christ as well.] 

Maybe a name is not that important to you. That's fine. I was just thinking about how it makes me feel to be associated with my husband. I was thinking about the warm and cozy feeling I feel when I'm out and people recognize me as "Big El's wife" or "Mrs. Henry". Or when they recognize CJ as "Little El" or "Little Henry". I also like it when El is recognized as "Zina's man" (inside joke) "Mr. Zina" or "You Ms. Henry's husband? (this question is usually from former students and coworkers). My name - Mrs. Zina Sheranda Henry - signifies I belong to a wonderful man and we're family! 

H-honoring
E-encouraging
N-nurturing
R-respectful
Y-youthful



What does your name mean to you? Share your thoughts or your own acronym. 

Love,
Mrs. Zina Sheranda Henry (Big El's wife) 

New Video - Why get married?

New video available on YouTube now! Watch as El and I discuss marriage. Do you want to get married? What are your reasons? Instead of concentrating on your reasons, ask God to send you a spouse and then start preparing yourself for the spouse He sends you. It starts with developing a relationship with Christ. 

Click here if you don't see the video. 

Love,
El & Zina

What's wrong with married people?

Just about every day we hear about the breakdown of some one's marriage. Either by infidelity or other trust issues. Married people just can't seem to get it together. So what's wrong? Well there's a breakdown of the family when the marriage is broken. God designed marriage (Genesis 2:24) and this design was never to be abused the way it is today in our society. Two pure (virgins) people (a man and woman) were supposed to come together, marry, and start a family (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). However, with the onset of pre-marital births, divorces, and remarriages, things have gotten out of order. The family is suffering today because we are doing things out of order. This is not to fuss at anyone who has had a child out of wedlock, divorced, or remarried (I was a single mother, myself); this is just to call your attention to the facts. 

But the disorder didn't stop with those areas. We've allowed it to spill over into our marriages, as we continue to live "single" lives. Lives of isolation - without our spouses and without God (Mark 10:7-8). Nothing has changed in our walk, yet we are expecting a change in our marriage (Ephesians 4:22-24). We are quick to give up and walk away (when most of should have did that before the wedding), instead of fight for our marriage. Furthermore, this disorder has caused a strain on our children. We have young people growing up in households where there is discord and this discord is a direct hypothesis for their future actions. As a result, there are more couples living together without the option of marriage and those that do marry already have a plan of escape prepared if things don't work out. So what can we do? 

1. Start with self! You can't change your spouse or anyone for that matter. Change yourself. Give your life to God and really let him steer you from here on out. Ask Him to show you those areas in which you need to change or improve. Then start improving yourself. Take it one day at a time and you don't have to tell anyone you're doing this. They'll notice without you saying a word. Even your spouse will notice. Stay connected to the vine so you can continually grow in Christ (John 15:4-6). 
2. Read marriage information. Read all you can about marriage. There is a wealth of information about Christian/biblically based marriages that will inspire you and help you become a better spouse. Don't just read the information, start changing. There are also videos and podcasts to view or listen to if you're not a reader.
3. Get involved. Many couples think a marriage enrichment class is just for those struggling in the marriage. That is quite the contrary. A marriage enrichment class is exactly what it says - enrichment. Most of us will have a few good days and think we are fine and don't need a class. But what are a few good days compared to a lifetime? Enrichment helps you gain a lifetime of good days (or at least more good days than bad). It's also a place to share your successes and pain with a group of people that can support you and lift you up in prayer.  
4. Date each other! Most couples stop dating after they get married. It's important to keep dating. El and I have a standing date night (every Saturday). And don't just go on a date, but get dressed up and talk to each other on the date. A good date book is Love Talk, by Gary Chapman or 10 Great Dates, by the Arps. Or if you need help, contact me, I'll give you a list of questions to ask each other on a date. You may also want to surround yourself with another Godly couple that you can go out with or visit. Having other Godly couples keeps your marriage interesting and you can hold each other accountable. It also gives you someone of the same sex to talk to with similar experiences. 
5. Just do it! Stop wasting time and start having the marriage God wants for you. Start spending time with Christ by reading His word and praying. Start obeying God's statutes. Start spending more time with your spouse (at least 2 hours a day). Be at the door with a smile when they come home from work. Hug and kiss them. Let them know you're glad they're home. Cuddle with them at night. Stay in the room with them even if you don't like what they're watching on TV. Be in the kitchen while they're cooking. Save your conversation for your spouse and listen attentively when they talk to you. Life is short. Start having the married life you deserve today! 

Love,
El and Zina
We're praying for your marriages!

New Video: How to be "happy" in your marriage?

Are you "happy" in your marriage? View the video as El and I give 3 tips on happiness in the marriage. 

How are you and your spouse staying happy in your marriage? Leave your comments below.

Note: Please be patient with me and the blog posts. I am studying to take the counseling exam and will be back to writing soon. I'll try to do some quick posts in between studying but I can't promise. Lol.  

Love,
El & Zina

Let's talk about sex!

View the latest GUMM video - a discussion about sex!

Don't forget to share, comment, and subscribe. We want to hear from you! 
El & Zina

The Love Experiment...

Have you ever asked your spouse if there is anything you could do to improve your marital relationship? What about if there is anything you could do to serve them?

For the next 7 days let's try a love experiment. Okay? Okay. It's not going to take too much effort (at least I hope not). But for the next 7 days - I want you to ask your spouse if there is anything you can do to improve your marital relationship and if there is anything you could do to serve them. And then I want you to do it. Don't think about it. Just do it.



Good marriages are built out of service to one another. They don't just happen. If you want a good marriage or a great marriage, you are going to have to push self aside and serve your spouse (Galatians 5:13-14). Don't expect anything in return. Just serve. Here are a list of things you can do to serve:
1. Pack their lunch and leave a little note for them.
2. Make the bed and decorate it with a rose, a card, or a teddy bear.
3. Make breakfast and bring it to them in bed.
4. Cook dinner and be quick to get their condiments, refills, etc.
5. Initiate sex and don't just initiate - take the time to light candles, dress the part (or undress), wear perfume/cologne, etc.

Service is not a bad word. We can experience the joy of seeing our spouse fulfilled (which in return will make them want to serve you). Try the love experiment for 7 days and see the difference in your marriage.

Let us know how it went! I'll check back with you in 7 days.

Note: El and I are teaching the marriage class this week at New Hope MBC - Enterprise for Vacation Bible School. June 22-25. 6pm nightly. Please come out and join us!

New Hope MBC - Enterprise
2731 Enterprise 
Memphis, TN 38114

If you have any questions, please email us at godsunion@comcast.net 
Register (just for a head count) HERE. 

The Lifeless Marriage Pt. 4: keeping the marriage alive

Remember, I stated that other parts of our body can be injured and we can still survive. However, if the heart stops the body dies. When a person is comatose, they are hooked up to a breathing machine to keep them alive. Many comatose patients can live for years as long as they are connected to the breathing machine. There have even been cases of comatose patients becoming impregnated and giving birth to healthy babies. But once the machine is disconnected, the patient dies.

The lifeless marriage (or any marriage) must stay connected to God in order to stay alive. Once you disconnect from God, your marriage starts to die. Not only do you need to stay connected to God; but you also need to apply His statutes. God's book (the bible) gives us the tools we need to have the marriage God intends for us. The problem is that many of us don't utilize the statutes from the Word. Instead we utilize the principles from the World.

The Word says:	The World says:
Two become one (Genesis 2:24)	Two remain two – live separate lives
Naked & unashamed (Genesis 2:25)	Naked & shame – keep secrets/don’t be transparent because you can get hurt
Don’t fornicate (1 Corinthians 6:18)	Sex is not sacred – sow your oats; test the waters before marriage to see if you’re compatible sexually
Marriage is serious & sacred (Mark 10:9)	Marriage is not that important; if you aren’t happy just get a divorce
Husband, satisfy your wife and wife, satisfy your husband sexually (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)	Every man (or woman) for himself; selfish love is alright
Husbands love your wives (Ephesians 5:33)	Husbands don’t have to sacrifice – it’s whatever he wants
Wives respect your husbands (Ephesians 5:33)	Wives emasculate your husband – he doesn’t deserve respect
Think before you speak (James 1:19)	You don’t have to guard your tongue; speak your mind
Be kind and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32)	Hold grudges and make your spouse pay for their wrongs

In order to keep your marriage alive, you must refrain from following the world's guidelines. You have to stay connected to God if you want to be prosperous (John 15:1-8). Your marriage needs God! You can't do this without Him.

Here are a few tips to keeping your marriage alive:

1. Communicate daily - I can't stress this enough! God made us relational creatures (Genesis 2:18). We enjoy and need the company of others. In your marriage, your spouse should get most of your attention. No one or no thing should ever come before your spouse. Keep your spouse informed (of all things); be transparent (Genesis 2:25). Tell your spouse your feelings, fears, dreams, and hopes. And listen intently. 

2. Spend time together - this should be obvious, but you will be surprised how many married couples do not spend time together. She has her own set of friends and hangs out with them. He has hobbies that pull him away from her. Spend as much time together as possible. With all the time you spend at work, caring for children, or other things, you need time with just your spouse.

3. Pray together - you will build intimacy with each other and with God. Take your issues to God and thank God for your successes. Do a devotional together. Share bible verses with each other. Don't scold one another on how little he/she may know about the bible, but share information to build intimacy. 

4. Have sex often - sexual intimacy draws us closer to our spouse (Genesis 4:1). God wants you to enjoy sexual intercourse. In the confounds of marriage, it's all good! Sexual intimacy also lessens the chance of temptation (1 Corinthians 7:5). 

5. Love and respect each other - Ephesians 5:33 speaks of husbands loving wives and wives respecting husbands. Husbands, ask your wife what you can do to love her like she needs to be loved. You may even want to have her take the 5 Love Languages quiz to find her love language. Wives, ask your husband how you can be respectful and ask him to identify times when you've been disrespectful in the past (so you can correct that behavior). 

The most important thing is to apply God's word in your marriage and apply practical tools to help your marriage thrive and stay alive. El and I have to work every day at making our marriage intentional. We ask each other often if there are areas we need to improve. We pray together. We discuss devotions with one another. We spend a lot of time together. We laugh. We are transparent with one another. We aren't perfect and we still have moments where we have small arguments/disagreements; but we've learned to forgive quickly and often. We've learned to put God in the center. He is the third cord in our marriage (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

Thank you for reading this series. I hope you have been able to bring life back to your marriage. If you have a success story, please share it below in the comments section. We'd love to hear from you. 

May God bless your union!