Are you using your marriage tools?

Ephesians 5:33 says: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

My husband and I went to a Love & Respect Marriage Conference this weekend at Bellevue Baptist Church. Our marriage ministry is currently studying this book. It was interesting to reflect on the conference afterwards because I was wondering would I learn anything different or get any new information. El and I were talking about how most (and I use that word loosely) married couples have been given information or tools to use in our marriages; but we don't. And it's not that we don't know how, we make a conscious decision not to use these tools. Well to say the least, I did learn something new. Emerson helped us understand what Ephesians 5:33 is really saying to us. He helped us focus our energy on God when we try to be loving or respectful. To focus on God and not our spouse.

Okay, let me back up to the meaning of this scripture. Simply put, husbands are to love their wives (even when they are unlovable) and wives are to respect their husbands (even when they don't deserve it; haven't earned it, or are disrespectful & unloving toward us). This sounds hard. And I agree, it is hard. If you are in like or in love with your spouse right now, this doesn't sound like much. But if you have ever been mad at them, this is very hard. It is hard to love a woman who continually criticizes you, puts you down, tells you you are worthless, less than a man. It is hard to respect a man who doesn't show you love, cuddles with you, only wants sex, or doesn't want to be around you. This is hard. But Emerson encouraged us to picture God standing over the shoulder of our spouse; so that when we feel like being unloving or disrespectful we will quickly remember that it is God who told us to be loving and respectful and we are not hurting our spouses so much as we are hurting and disobeying God. This command came from God, not our spouses. When we fail to do what the bible says (or what God says), we are being disobedient. And you can't say, "I didn't know". We must obey God. We can't say, "Well Lord, they are making me act this way." No man has control over you. Or you can't say, "God knows my heart." Yeah He does and He is not pleased, because what's in your heart will come out in your actions; and God should be in your heart.

So, as we pondered the many couples who would probably walk away from the conference and say, "That was a good conference," but then return to their old ways & thinkings; we began to pray and thank God. Not too long ago, we were one of those couples. We had the tools, but we weren't using them. We knew what the bible said, but we didn't care. We were continually spinning on the "Crazy Cycle" and would get on that wheel several times a week. Through prayer and ministry we began to become aware of things that would get us on the "Crazy Cycle"and we used our marriage tools to get us off. As we began to use more tools: praying together everyday, being kind to one another, communicating effectively, being compassionate & loving, seeking & giving forgiveness freely; we began to see a change in our marriage. We started having a healthy, happy, & loving marriage. We started to see a change in our family. We are using our marriage tools.

When you don't use the tools, it's like going to church every week and then placing the bible on the table when you get home until the next week. You never talk about God during the week. You don't pray. You don't give Him praise. You just wait until service the next week and then you continue the same routine over and over. Nothing in your life changes. You don't put your faith into practice. You don't put your patience into practice. You don't have trials & if you do, you don't handle them well because you don't know God. You don't witness to anyone. You don't do any ministry. You life is stagnant. Well when you are married, you have to polish the marriage. You cannot remain stagnant. You have certain tools that should be used to help your marriage grow and flourish. God should be at the center of all this. Then you should begin to use other tools. And if you don't have any tools or don't have enough, visit our website; there you will find conferences to attend that will give you the tools needed for a thriving marriage. Or you can email me at godsunion@comcast.net . Whatever you do, don't sit back and do nothing. God did not intend for our marriages to be stagnant and stale. He wants us to live in harmony, peace, and love. He wants us to be happy in our marriages. God is so awesome that He knew everything we would go through in life, so He gave us an instructional manual to help us along the way. And all we have to do now is USE it.
Are you using your marriage tools? If not, start today!

When everything seems fine?

Psalm 100: 1Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
2Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

When everything seems to be going fine, beware! Be cautious not to let your guard down. Praise God and continue to pray. Continue to walk in His Word. It is when everything is going fine, that we begin to think we don't need God. We begin to think that we are okay without going to church. We think it's okay not pray. That we don't have to be watchful. That we don't need to spread the good news. However, it is when everything is going fine, that we should be praising His Name. For God is almighty and wonderful!

There have been some trying times in my marriage. Some times when I didn't think God was around. But lately, everything has been going fine. I can't remember the last time El & I had a serious argument. Or the last time we were really upset with each other. We have been using the tools that God has given us and the tools we've learned in conferences to have a healthy, happy marriage. I enjoy waking up beside him, still watching him sleep as he rolls over. I enjoy talking to him throughout the day, letting him know that I am thinking about him by texting him little messages. I can't wait for him to get home from work, so we can sit on the couch and sometimes watch TV or do nothing but talk. I love our date nights, when our son is at work and we can alone time without any interruptions. I like hearing the made up songs he sings even though they don't always make sense. I admire the way he handles his customers when I hear bits and pieces of his conversation while he's at work. I'm in love with him. Everything is going fine.

With that said, I know the enemy is somewhere lurking around waiting for me to let my guard down; but I have bad news for the enemy. The enemy won't catch me off guard, because I know and understand who I belong to. I know who holds all power in HIS hands. I know that God is real. And I continue to worship Him, praise Him, depend on Him, thank Him, love Him, give Him reverence, give Him benevolence, talk about Him... God is my all. God is why everything else in my life is possible. God is my very reason for existence. God is the very reason for my husband's existence. Do I take any of that for granted? NO! I know life can end in the blink of an eye. I know that tomorrow is not promised to any man.

When everything seems fine, don't let the enemy catch you slipping. Don't forget about God just because you don't have any prayer requests or all your bills are paid. When everything is fine, give God more praise and worship. Pray fervently. Be grateful. Spread the good news to others about your very fine life. When everything seems fine, thank God!

Thank you Lord for your precious blessings. Thank you for keeping us mindful of you always. Thank you for your love, grace, and mercy. Thank you for loving us inspight of ourselves. Thank you for being God. Help us to be all that you have called us to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Are you watching closely?

But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry. (2 Timothy 4:5).

The world is full of thrills and fun. People are carelessly spending more time doing things for their own personal enjoyment than ever before. People are moving away from what the Word tells us to their own devices for personal gain and support. No longer are we living in a society where we stand firm on what God says. People would rather find something that supports what they are saying. So as married couples, we have to be watchful. Marriages are under attack now more than ever. The enemy is preying on pastors, especially. So you may be asking, what can I do?

First, you can understand that others are watching. As a married couple, your living example should be proof to others what God's love is like for His people. People should see your marriage and see a representation of God's love for the church. And people are watching, whether you want them to or not. So instead of giving them the Jerry Springer show that they expect; give them another show: one that God would want you to give them (living testimony). Understand that others are watching.

Second, your marriage is a ministry. When others see you happy and blissful, you are showing them that it is possible to be happy in a marriage. However, if you show that you are unhappy, that is ministering to them also. But if we follow the Word in our marriages and allow it to be our instructional manual; we will be able to show a positive ministry to others. Your marriage is a ministry.

Third, you can abide in God's Word. Let the Word of God saturate your very being and allow the Holy Spirit to rule over your life. God should be on your mind every moment of the day. He should be your all. Abide in God's Word.

...Are you watching closely?
There's another part of this question I want you to consider. Are you watching your spouse closely? Are you paying attention to their wants, needs, desires, etc.? Watching your spouse with a close eye will give you insight into their likes & dislikes; their preferences, their special requests. We should be trying to please our spouse and one way to do that is to know them. You can get to know them by watching them. Of course communication is also another way to get to know them, but watch them also. Watch their body language when you talk to them. Watch their habits: the way they eat, sleep, talk, walk, what music they listen to, how they respond to others, watch. Not like in a stalker kind of way, but in a way that you notice them. There are certain things you should know about your spouse: like how they order food when they go to certain restaurants; or what shoes hurt their feet; or how they like their food prepared; or what their favorite outfit is; or who's their favorite sport's team; or where they like to sit in the movies; or what is their favorite movie; or what their favorite past time is; or what gas station they like to go to; or how they like their clothes ironed; or...
The point is be watchful.

I know that El likes extra mayo on his sandwiches. That he eats his french fries first before his hamburger because he doesn't like them cold. That he starts out sleeping on his right side, but will end up on the left before morning. That he likes his shirts ironed so the crease will show in the sleeve and the collar will lay flat. That he loves his son and will do just about anything for him. That he takes his job seriously and can tell you anything about stereos. That he shakes his leg and pats my back when he is on the phone. That he likes to make up songs. That he likes Transformers and basketball (& he likes when I show interest in both of them). I've been watching him. I am still watching him. And I like watching him. Why not? Who else am I going to watch?

Are you watching closely? Keep watching.

Do you like your spouse?

The past three weeks have been extremely busy. El & I were teaching vacation Bible school for two weeks and then we traveled to Detroit for the National Baptist Congress. I did a lot of thinking during the 10-11 hour drive to & from Detroit. I thought about how much I've learned since we started doing marriage ministry. But it is amazing how we learn things and how quickly we forget them.

I say all this to say that sometimes when you are cooped up in a car with someone for hours and there is nothing else to distract you, this can be a determining factor to finding out just how much you like (not love) your spouse. Most of us love our spouses, but do we like them? El & I had a few disagreements (to say the least) but we remembered to use the tools we learned. We realized that we were on the crazy cycle (of unlove & disrespect). We were challenged to resolve conflict quickly and in an unhurtful manner. We evaluated each other's love tank (to determine if either needed a fill-up). We also examined "the root" of the problem (one: I didn't want to be in Detroit; & two: El was tired from the drive, work, & other activities).

When we arrived back home, we evaluated the trip and discussed if we each had a good time. It was nice to get away and I really didn't care where we were as long as I was with him. The hotel was nice and we enjoyed the made to order omelets every morning and the cocktail hour each night. (Those two things were the highlights of the day; probably because they were free). We played Gin Rummy almost every night & ordered pizza three of the five nights we were there. We managed to break away from my mother and our son when we went to late night service & afterwards drove around Detroit & talked. We went to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night one night and joked with cashier. El learned the workers' names in the hotel and by Tuesday evening was speaking to them as if they were his old friends from high school. I caught up on some pleasure reading (staying up to 3am because I couldn't put the book down - and sorry it wasn't a marriage book). We played with the navigation unit in the car laughing about how we missed a turn twice in the same day & if the unit could talk; it would probably call us idiots for missing that turn twice. We all got a history lesson (compliments of El) about the buildings in Detroit. We were entertained with a wedding party on Friday afternoon. We even got a workout in the gym (one night with treadmill & bike; another night - El was in the pool & I was on the treadmill). I got a chance to watch him through the window and I waved whenever he popped his head out of the water. We talked about how Michael Jackson ruined our chance to go to the Motown Museum because there were too many people there & we didn't want to be in the crowd. (And by no means, do we take his death lightly.) We laughed about how we couldn't fit all the luggage in the van on the way back because we had an extra passenger. El put his suitcase on top and we prayed it didn't rain. (It would have been National Lampoon's Family Vacation all over again - LOL). I think it is safe to assume, we had a good time.

I don't just love El; I like him.

It is important to use the tools of marriage (starting with God & the Bible; then get around other Godly married couples; visit biblical based marriage conferences). Then don't just love your spouse; like them. Enjoy being with them. Talk with them. Hold hands. Kiss. Tickle each other. Laugh together. Dance together. Joke with each other. Life is too short and time passes fast. Make the most of your time with your spouse. Be your spouse's best friend. Try liking them, not just loving them.

Why don't we quit playing?

Why are we playing house?

Let me explain. We are married, we live in the same house; but we are playing games with each other. You know it is really time to stop playing house. We are not little kids anymore playing with dolls, playing doctor and patient, or playing house. We are grown people and we need to grow up. We need to realize that our spouses are a gift from God. We are wasting precious time when we don't treat our spouses with love and respect. Again God commands us to love our spouses and He commands us to respect our spouses. (Ep. 5:33) Why are we not doing what God has COMMANDED us to do. When we don't do this; we are disobedient, plan and simple. There are no excuses. We're disobeying God's command. God wants our marriages to be successful and fulfilled. The devil on the other hand wants to destroy your marriage. The devil wants you to be unhappy, unfulfilled, and unGodly. Don't give in to the devil's trickery. Don't allow the devil to steal your joy. Don't let the devil destroy your marriage.

Put God in the center of your marriage. I know you have heard this before, but we need a revival. We need rejuvenating in our marriages. Too many of us are just going through the motions; we are not really living in God's Will. We are not doing what God has called us to do. God is not going to accept mediocrity; He wants your whole heart. He wants all of you: body, mind, and soul.

Quit playing games. Quit playing house. Quit playing.
Get real with your spouse and get real with your self. Do what God has called you to do, be real in your marriage.

Are you tired of playing, yet? If not, you ought to be. Eventually your game is going to lead to disaster and destruction. God is tired of playing with you. He wants His people to be leaders and set apart. Our marriages shouldn't resemble those in the world. Our marriages should resemble the love that Christ has for the church (an unconditional love).

Are you tired of playing? If not, you should be. Game over.

The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains your love language and what things make you feel loved. Below is my love language. If you want to know your language or your spouse's love language, click on take the quiz. Both of you will need to take the assessment to find out your love language. Then begin speaking each other love language. Love with action.

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	10
Acts of Service:	8
Receiving Gifts:	6
Words of Affirmation:	3
Physical Touch:	3

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

The Devil's Trickery

The devil is always on the prowl. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10). The devil is very tricky. He knows each of our weaknesses and he plays on them. How can you protect your home? By continuing in prayer. And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint. (Luke 18:1). Not only should we pray, but also be vigilant. Keep an eye out for the devil. Be aware.

Don't allow simple disagreements to blow up into a huge argument. Take the high road, and calmly talk things out with an open heart and listening ear.
Don't allow too much time to come between you and your spouse; in other words have quality time as much as possible.
Don't let a day go by where you haven't spoken to each other. Everyday spend some time talking and listening to your spouse.
Don't go to bed angry, allowing things to fester. Resolve conflicts quickly.
Don't forget the little things. Be romantic. Love each other. Say nice things to each other daily.
Don't be afraid to be intimate. This doesn't always mean having intercourse, but sometimes it means cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc.
Don't be afraid to be sexually intimate. Sexual intercourse releases stress and brings you closer to your spouse. (women don't be afraid to initiate sex).
Don't forget to say, "I love you". So many times we think our spouses know it, but it is nice to hear it.
Don't forget to show love as well. Saying it is lovely, but showing it is divine.
Don't be fooled by the devil's trickery. He will throw you a curve ball at you when you least expect it. And if you are not looking, you will fall right into his trap; and if you are not careful, you'll get stuck and won't be able to get out.

When the devil is on the prowl, just know that a blessing is somewhere around the corner. So don't miss your blessing. Shake the devil off and stump on his head.

Prayer:
Father God, help us to be mindful of You always. Keep our minds and hearts stayed on You, that You will keep us from falling. Make us the type of Godly spouses You would have us to be. Give us the tools to be all that You have called us to be. Keep all danger, seen and unseen, far away. Help us to love our spouses as You love them. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Complacency

Complacency. We all know the word too well. It is when we become satisfied with the way things are. When we let our guards down and say all is well and I don't have to anything else but what I'm doing right now.


Don't let complacency ruin your marriage. When you become complacent, you allow the devil to come in and destroy your marriage. We should continue to look for interesting ways to improve our marriage, rejuvenate the love, and revitalize those feelings of romance. Your spouse will be amazed at your efforts to keep your relationship fulfilled.


I am reminded of the five love languages when I think about complacency. My love language is quality time and when I don't get that from my spouse; I tend to get moody, irritable, and sometimes angry. In the frustrations of my feelings, in which I am well aware, I begin to feel withdrawn from my husband. It is at these times, that we have become complacent in our relationship and it is at these times that we open the door for the devil to come in. So what do I do when that happens? I simply (and gently) remind my husband that my love tank is low. He usually knows it before I tell him and will say, "I know I have been slacking. I will make it up to you." And he does. I also know when his love tank is low. His love language is physical touch. There are times when my schedule is so hectic that I am pulled in several directions and I have forgotten to fill his love tank. It is then that I must fill his tank. Recognizing your spouse's low levels and being able to fill them is important in your marriage.

So don't let complacency ruin your marriage. Continue to be alive in your marriage. Keep your spouse's love tank full. Continue to be romantic in your relationship. Love your spouse unconditionally even when they seem unlovable. And wives respect your husbands even when they seem undeserving of your respect.


Do little unexpected things for your spouse to show you care and to keep your relationship exciting.

Write them a love note, cook a special dinner, take them out, clean up the house, wash the clothes, write love notes on the mirror with a dry erase marker, love them.
Get up and do it now! Don't be complacent.

For Keeps Marriage Conference

Need rejuvenation in your marriage?
Need a break from the kids, work, & the stresses of life?
Need some fun and relaxation with your spouse?

Join us at the For Keeps Marriage Conference on Saturday, April 18, 2009 from 9am until 12pm.
Visit the website for more details.

God in Me

{On Saturday, March 21 I spoke at my church for our Women's Meeting and I wanted to share that lesson with the bloggers.}

The song by Mary Mary says
It’s the God in me.
You see her style you think she’s nice
You look at her whip you say the whip is tight
You look at her crib you thinking she paid
You look at her life you think she’s got it made
But everything she got; the girl’s been given
She calls it a blessing, but you call it living
When it comes to money she can be a hero
She writes them checks with a whole lot of zeros
But whatcha don’t know is when she gets home
And gets behind closed doors she hits the floor
And whatcha can’t see is she’s on her knees
It’s the God in me
You think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me

Is it the God in you? Are we really striving to be more like God? Are we really working on having a relationship with God? Do we even know what that relationship looks like? We’ve gone through so many failed relationships that maybe we don’t know what a relationship is supposed to be like. We may not have had a good example of what a relationship is supposed to be. Maybe we came from a single parent home and didn’t have a relationship with our dad. Maybe we came from a two parent home but didn’t have a relationship with either parent. Maybe we were raised by another relative and didn’t know either parent. Our first experience with relationships usually begins with our parents. They are the most important people in our lives. But if we didn’t have a good example, then we may not know how to be in a good relationship now. Our past experiences usually shape our future relationships.

Webster’s definition of relationship is the state of being related or interrelated or the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship & a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings & then a romantic or passionate attachment.

So how do you have or commit yourself to a good relationship? First we need a good relationship with God, so we may have other successful relationships.

First, we need to seek God. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; an all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)
Seeking God will not only make our relationship with God better, but it will also help our other relationships flourish. Because in seeking God; we won’t be seeking gossip. We’ll be so consumed in seeking God that we won’t have time to seek anything else.

Secondly, read the Bible. The bible is God’s way of communicating to His people. God talks to us through the Word. If we are reading the bible often we are listening to God speak to us. And when we do this often we won’t have time to listen to anything negative.

Third, we need to pray to God. Luke 18:1 says that men ought to always pray, and not faint. When we read our bible, God is talking to us; but when we pray- we are talking to God. If we are praying (or talking) to God always or often, then we won’t have time to talk about anyone else.

Then last, be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). When we are not conforming to the world’s standards, we are being obedient to God. The world says it’s okay to have premarital sex. The world says it’s okay to talk about your fellow sisters and brothers. The world says it’s okay to not need a man because you can do anything by yourself. The world says it’s okay to come to church when you want. The world says you don’t have to pray, fast, or read the bible. The world says don’t trust God we were created by evolution. The world will have you believing that you don’t need to get your relationship right with God. But if we are transformed or changed with a renewed mind in Christ, our relationships on earth will be better because we will have a new heart, a new spirit, and a new mind.

A new heart that will truly love those around us. A new spirit that will pray for those around us. A new mind that we will think differently about those around us.

What is your relationship with God like? Do you seek God daily? Do you listen to God by reading His word? Do you talk to God by praying often? Do you strive to be more like God?

What is your relationship with your fellowman like? Do you seek to do them good always? Do you listen to them when they need a shoulder to cry on? Do you listen without judging and without telling someone else? Do you talk to them and give them Godly advice or counsel?

Are you ready to get your relationships in order? Then renew your relationship with God today. And then renew your relationships with others. Remember that we are not perfect and we may continue to fall while we’re working on getting it right, but don’t let your fall keep you down. Get UP!
Again, Mary Mary says:
Get up cause you can’t stop, Get up got a lot to do; 24 hours almost gone. Get up don’t sit there; get up if you wanna get there. Clocks don’t stop & time won’t wait.
First – seek God
Second – Read your bible
Third – Pray always
Fourth – Be transformed

Your relationships with others should be a reflection of your relationship with God.
When people look at you – they should be able to say: It’s the God in you!

The Perversion of Thought

The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. (Genesis 6:5)

Since the beginning of time, man has had wicked or evil thoughts. That is no different from today’s mankind. The problem is our perversion of thought can turn something not so bad into something evil and totally misconstrued.

For example, a wife who has had her heart broken can begin to get over her pain, but suddenly her thought process takes her right back to the very day she received her pain and her mental rotors start turning and before she knows it, she is ready to hurt somebody (preferably her husband). Or that husband who has had a bad day comes home and nothing’s been prepared for dinner gets extremely upset and his psyche tells him his wife is no good and does not love him.

The perversion of thought. Our minds work in mysterious ways. The mind is so powerful that it can create a movie in seconds, download a video in a minute, and play it back rewinding sections at a time to show the same scene over and over. Our minds can pick up an image and hold on to it for years or the same mind can scan an image and completely delete it from the files never to be seen again. How is it that the mind can work so well?

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Proverbs 18:21). Usually what is in our minds comes out of our mouths. So if we are not careful, we may say something we later regret.

So you may ask: how do I keep from having perverted thoughts? The answer is simple: keep your mind stayed on Jesus. But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29). By seeking God, you will be praying, reading your bible, fasting, spreading the good news about God, changing your heart, etc. The only way to revert your perverted mind is to keep it on Jesus. Keep Him everywhere you go. Keep Him on your mind always. And when perverted thoughts come up, rebuke them, and pray to God. Ask Him to help you.

Don’t let your perverted thoughts keep you from living peacefully.

Make a date!

You remember when you used to date? You would call up that person and ask them out. Why can't you date your spouse? You can!

Dating 101...

• Plan an evening, day, or morning date for your spouse (make sure their schedule is clear and babysitters have been arranged)
• Send them an email, text, or letter (or a simple phone call) and invite them on a date with you
• You may want to say, "I hope you don't have any plans, because I would like to take you to lunch, dinner, etc." or "Will you meet me for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, etc." or "I was wondering if you would like to meet me to watch the sunset or sunshine" or "I would like to take a walk with you this evening" (you get the point)
• Next make sure you have something you would like to talk about with your spouse - you can ask them a series of questions (and it's okay to have them written out); or you may have a riddle for them to complete; or a puzzle; etc
• Make sure you have stimulating conversation - make a point to talk about the things that interest your spouse (so women if you are making the date - talk about the things that interest him)
• Be cordial, polite, and kind, and respectful
• Plan a follow up date (kind of like a follow up appointment) "We will meet again same time, same place next week" or "See you when you get home for dessert" or "Next time I'll pick the place"
• Make the date memorable (you can do this by giving your make a token symbolizing the date - for example: a letter, a poem, a candy or real necklace, a candy ring, a flower, a bookmark, a book, a golf tee, a picture, or a small gift bag of little goodies (such as chocolate, potato chips, gum, pens, note cards, teddy bear, footies, etc.{check your dollar stores or corner stores}); some small token showing your appreciation for them)
• Take time to date your spouse - this is how you continue to grow in love with them and continue to get to know them
• And tune everyone else out while you are on your date; don't bring your cell phone or talk about the people around you; focus on your spouse

(I know we've talked about romantic ideas before, but it is important to continue to do these things. Life is too short. Don't take your spouse for granted. Go on a date).

~This is not just for the men, either. Ladies you can also plan a date for your husband. :)

It's the little things

Valentine's day has come and gone, but that does not mean that you have to stop being romantic. Take a look at the e-card I sent my spouse. All week before Valentine's day we were competing to see who could do the most creative and romantic thing. I started with a box of dove chocolates with personalized notes on each wrapper (courtesy of dove.com). He came back with a dozen chocolate roses from dove & a teddy bear. I received two dozen roses on Thursday. We continued to give cards and little notes and e-cards. Don't let Valentine's day be a day of the past or just something you do once a year. Make everyday Valentine's day! E-cards are free. Send one to your spouse today.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Love & Respect, part 2

Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Respect part two. Wives you must respect your husbands. Again husbands are supposed to love their wives and we are supposed to respect our husbands. Well you may ask yourself, what does respect look like in a relationship? That question is what does respect look like in your relationship? Respect is different in every relationship. A man would rather be alone and unloved than disrespected. He values respect in a relationship over every other emotion or feeling. So how do you respect the man in your life? First, if you have no idea, you may want to ask your spouse. Find out what makes him feel respected and find out what things make him feel disrespected. Beware though! You may not like his answers, but LISTEN. Really listen to him. I suggest that you ask him when you have quiet time with just the two of you. And then practice what you've heard from him. Practice respect with your husband. Practice showing respect to your husband in front of others. Practice respect. Wife respect your husband.

Then beware again. When you begin to respect him, he will continue to love you. It is the crazy cycle that Emerson talks about: the husband needs to be respected in order to show love and the wife must be loved in order to show respect. So who breaks the cycle of unloving & disrespectfulness? Who cares. But wives if you waste time trying to wait on him to love you before you will respect him, then you are wasting precious time. If he dies tonight, will it matter who broke the cycle? I doubt it. But you will be sorry that you didn't take the first step. Break the cycle. Respect your husbands. Not only will you be loved, but it is a command from God- so if nothing else you will be obedient to God and that is reward enough in itself.

Respect your spouse.

Love & Respect

I want to revisit the Love & Respect concept (Ephesians 5:33) and the crazy cycle from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Dr. Gary Chapman has discussed the five love languages for spouses. I want to examine the language of respect for the next couple of days. Webster Dictionary defines respect as an act of giving particular attention : consideration. We are going to examine respect as it relates to this definition.

What does it mean to give particular attention to or show consideration? Since the bible commands a woman to be respectful to her husband, I will be dealing with the wives on this respect issue (don't take it personal, ladies). Okay, back to giving particular attention or showing consideration. Well, when you pay close attention to something, you study it, you examine it, you take good care of it. Think about how you are with your children or other children. You watch their movements carefully, you cater to them, you make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable, you show consideration, kindness. Okay now think about that concept with your spouse. Pay close attention to them. watch their movements carefully, cater to them, make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable, show consideration and kindness.

It is impossible for you know about your spouse without paying close attention to them as well as communicating with them. Spend time with them, catering to their needs. Speak their love language; but most importantly-speak their language of respect. Well you might ask: "What about me? What do I get in return? What if they don't love me or respect me back? What if they don't receive it?" Philippians 2:3 says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. When it comes to our spouses, we should not be selfish. Remember your marriage is not about you. Your life is not about you. Your marriage is about showing others the love God has for the church. You should be an example of that love. Your reward comes from God.

Respect your husbands. Love them. Show consideration for their needs. Pay particular attention to them. Do it today.

Ephesians 5:33, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Patience

1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

We are a society that wants everything fast. We microwave our food in 3 minutes. We drive 80 mph. We won't wait if the line is too long. We hate to sit at the doctor's office more than an hour. We won't leave a message if the voicemail takes too long to pick up. We can't wait for the weekend or vacations or just the next day to come. We go through online courses that take 8 weeks to complete. We rush through accelerated programs to get out in a hurry. We are a society that wants everything fast. But patience is a virtue.

Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

We must learn to be more patient. Patient with our spouses and all their inadequacies. We must learn to be patient with their love. We must learn to be patient. God does not work on our time. He works in His own time. Being patient with our spouses doesn't mean allowing them to use and abuse us, it means that we wait on God to work in their lives and in the meantime, we are patient. We are praying. We are protecting. We are providing. We are prevailing.

Look for opportunities to be patient with your spouse this week. Instead of expecting and wanting everything fast. Sit back and relax and enjoy the ride. Take time to smell the roses. Take time to see the sun rise. (If you haven't, it's a gorgeous sight.) Take time to see the sun set. This is also a beautiful sight. Take time to look for the good in your spouse. If you look close enough, you'll find something that they have of value to add to your relationship. Remember God is patient with us everyday. Be patient to others. Be patient with your spouse.

Be patient with them, God isn't finished with them yet.

Love & Respect (Dr.Emerson Eggerichs)

Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In Eggerichs's book, Love & Respect, he talks about the Crazy Cycle that spouses get on in a battle for love and respect. Women want to feel loved and men need to feel respected. As our ministry begins to study this book, a few thoughts crossed my mind. I wondered if I am respectful to my husband (learning that my disrespect makes him react unloving). I also wondered am I able to identify times when I am being disrespectful or times when I'm about to be disrespectful and stop myself. It is important that as women, we embrace Ephesians 5:33 in it's entirety. It is a command from God. Sometimes, as women, we tend to think that just because we make more money, have the better job, have been independent long before we got married, or may not need our spouse financially- that we can say whatever, do whatever, and act however. The fact of the matter is God did not design us to be independent of our spouses. He (God) designed us for man, Genesis 2:18 says The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We are the man's helpmate. We are to complement our spouses. I am not saying accept any and everything he does without recourse, but when you confront him-do it RESPECTFULLY. You don't have to put up with his horrible actions, but you DO have to respect him as a man. You do because God commanded it. You can also confront him respectfully without a condescending tone.

Men need to be respected. Give it to them and they will give you the love you need in return.

Receive Love

Your spouse is a gift from God. Receive them as such.

Can you imagine Adam refusing to receive Eve (a gift from God)? Can you imagine rejecting any thing God offers? Well when we don't love our spouses the way we are supposed to, we are in a way rejecting God's gift. God gives us companionship and what do we do with it? We talk down to each other, we talk about each other, we complain, etc. But if we were alone without a mate, we would complain about that. Enjoy the gift God has given you. Enjoy your spouse. Your time is limited on earth so make the most of every day.

Receive Love.

A New Year

Out with the old and in with the new. Don't bring the same stuff from your marriage into the new year. Make this new year - new, fresh, lovely, and special. Stop holding grudges with your spouse. Forgive and walk into the new year with a different perspective on your marriage. Walk into the new year with a different perspective on your life. Start this new year serving God with your heart, mind, and soul. Start this new year serving your spouse, loving your spouse, being one with your spouse.

No matter where you are in your marriage, there is no better time than the present to make your relationship wonderful. There is always room for improvement. Just imagine if your spouse died tomorrow. How would you feel? "Give the flowers while they are still alive." In other words, spend time with your spouse now. Love your spouse today. Give them gifts, love them, share with them, and treat them kind. Most times we only get one shot at true love. We must make the choice to love our spouses as if they are our only true love and that we will never get another chance.

This is it. Out with the old. In with the new. It's a new year. What are you going to do with it?

God centered

Where is God in your life? Is He the first person you think about in the morning? Is He the person you reference throughout the day? Is He the last person you say good-night to? Where is God in your life?

Where is God in your marriage? Is He the person you focus on to help you through your problems? Is He at the center? Is His Holy Spirit leading your marriage and your thoughts toward and about your spouse? Do you allow God to give you guidance or do you rely on your own resources?

To be God centered means to put God in the midst of your mess. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. God wants to see you through. If we leave God at home when we go out, then we are saying we don't need Him. If we read His Word and don't respond to it, then we are saying Lord, I don't care about what you are saying. If we pray without considering His Will, then we are saying, Lord I can handle it; I don't need your way. God must be considered at all times. He is the source of all we need. He is there to help us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Leaving God at home, can be dangerous. Sometimes we feel as if we don't need to take God with us because we don't want to be convicted of our wrongness, but that's when God needs to be in the center. He can help us out of our pits of fiery furnaces if we put Him in the midst. God wants your marriage to be the best it can be. Allow God to be in the center.

How do I put God in the center? Communicate with Him daily.
When you read the Bible, respond to it by asking God for understanding, praising Him, or thanking Him for His Word. Then pray to God about the things on your mind. Continue to listen for His Voice to guide you throughout your day. Keep Him on your mind and in your heart constantly. Go to Him in pray continually.

Become God centered today!