Friday, March 27, 2015

I'm married, but I'm not happy!

"I'm not happy anymore, so I think I should get a divorce." 
"I know God does not want me to stay in this state, so we should divorce and go our separate ways." 
"There's got to be more out there than this. I deserve to be happy."
"If he/she was truly my soulmate, we wouldn't have all these problems." 
"I'm not sure I ever loved him/her. It's time for me to be happy." 

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1:2-4)


Happiness depends on what is happening around you, but joy is predicated on your relationship with Christ. James states that we should consider it great joy when face trials. Why? Because the testing of our faith produces growth and perseverance. And once we are fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 

Diamonds are made by very high temperatures and extreme pressure beneath the earth's surface. The combination of extreme heat and pressure and the movement to the surface quickly forms this beautiful diamond. But the diamond doesn't become what it is without trials (heat and pressure). Just like the diamond, we too have to endure heat and pressure to become what God wants us to become. Without trials, we don't rise to our full potential. Without trials, we forget God. Without trials, we think we're in control. Without trials, we can't exhibit the fruit of Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). So does this mean that you will never be happy? Of course not. However, happiness is predicated on things happening around you; your circumstances. And if you think about your circumstances when your spouse is not being loving or respectful, then you will not feel happy. On the other hand, if you believe your joy (which is a state of contentment) is predicated on internal factors such as your relationship with Christ, then you will always be content no matter what. 

You won't be happy in your marriage all the time, but if you have a relationship with Christ, you'll be able to look to God when your needs are not being met and know that He is able to supply those needs when your spouse isn't. We're human and flawed and God did not design us to be able to meet every need. If He did, then there would be no need for Christ. God wants us to depend on Him. That's why we have trials, so we can go to Him. He's our daddy! And a damn good one! You can go to Him with anything and He'll never tell anyone. He's always just. He loves us unconditionally, even when we're unlovable. 

So by now, you may be saying, "That's all good, but my spouse ____." Okay, I know, but no matter what you put in the blank, God is able! He created marriage, but I feel as if many people forget that. We go to God for everything else except for our marriages. We don't pray for our spouses to be better spouses. We don't pray for ourselves to be better spouses. We don't pray for temptation to be kept away or for us to escape it. Sometimes, we're stuck in our mess and we don't want to go to God. But those are the times that we should run to him. During a season of my life, when I wanted to be mad at El for his indiscretion, I was running away from God. I was sinning by being unforgiving and disrespectful. I was convicted, but I didn't want to stop being angry. However, I wasn't hurting El...I was hurting myself. I was separating myself from God. And that's what sin will do. In our sinning, the enemy will have us believe that there is something better out there other than our spouse. The enemy will get you to believe the lie that you deserve to be happy and that there is no way you can be happy with this spouse. So you harbor resentment and look for an escape and you think divorce is your only option. But it's not! If you truly turn to God, He'll help you discover a new marriage with the same spouse. (Hallelujah! I could shout right there!) Are all your days going to be blissful? NO! But with God, you'll have true joy and peace even in the midst of an unhappy season. 


I'm married and truly happy! I also have joy that only God can give! 

Are you searching for happiness or joy? Do you depend on Christ to meet your every need or are you putting your trust in a flawed spouse who is unable to meet your every need? Are you praying for your marriage and being specific about how you want God to intercede? Are you expecting a new marriage with the same spouse? 

Father, I come to you on behalf of all marriages, asking that you first forgive us of our sins and then be in the center and the forefront of our marriages. That you will heal those marriages that are hurting. That you will show us where we need to improve and make us better spouses for the mate you have given us. That you will give us patience and in our waiting, you will comfort us and supply those needs our spouses are unable to supply. Help us to build a strong relationship with You daily! In Jesus' Name. Amen. 

No comments:

Post a Comment