Are you working on your marriage?

I've put in a lot of hours studying in college for a bachelor's degree, master's degree, educational specialist degree, and then another master's degree. I've had my share of tests, research, papers, and projects. I worked really hard to make A's in college and do my best. I sacrificed a lot of time to make sure I did well. I put in the same time if not more in raising our son. Making sure he had a home cooked meal at least five days a week. Teaching him to read, write, and do chores around the house. Helping him with homework and projects. Loving him and teaching him about Christ. I also worked hard as a teacher. Preparing lessons that were engaging. Offering tutoring after school hours. Attending workshops to improve my skills or learn new ones. I say all of this to ask, Are you working on your marriage? Many of us spend countless hours working on some project or task. However, we neglect the gift from God. Instead of making an effort to be a better spouse, we'd rather surf Facebook or watch Empire or hangout with our friends. We'll spend hours engaged in other activities, but when it comes to our marriage we neglect it. 

How do we go about working on our marriage anyway? Well there are several things you can do and many of them you can start doing today!
1. Spend some time with God. How much time? As much time as you need, but make sure it's productive. Start your day with God. Wake up and read a devotion along with scripture and then pray and ask God for guidance and/or understanding. Talk to Him throughout the day and before you go to sleep. Spending time with God will give you the strength later to be a better spouse. To be less selfish and more serving. A true relationship with God will benefit your married life more than you know. It is only because of God that my marriage is still standing today. And it is because of God that we are still in love and happy! 
2. Spend time with your spouse. How much time? At least 2.5 hours a day. When you and your spouse awake in the morning, greet each other with warm touches and soft voices. Acknowledge your spouse when they come home from work with a hug and an excited voice. Talk to them throughout the day (if it's possible) via text or phone. Go on date once a week. Laugh together. Keep them informed. El and I spend time together every day. We make sure we go on a date at least once a week. Stop saying you don't have time. Make the time! You make the time for everything else.
3. Spend some time learning. How much time? Go to a marriage conference at least once a year. Read a good marriage book together at least every other month or every month. Listen to a marriage podcast every week or every day. Read a marriage devotion every day. Make sure you discuss ideas/thoughts with your spouse and don't forget to apply the knowledge you've gained. When you attend a workshop for your job, your boss is expecting you to apply those skills when you return back to work. The same is true in your marriage. When you learn or discover a new skill, apply it in your marriage. El and I don't have a great marriage by chance. We have to practice effective communication. We have to practice forgiveness. We have to work on our marriage. And we have to work on it every day. It's just like pruning a garden. If you ignore it soon weeds will grow, insects will invade it, and you garden will suffer. If you don't work on your marriage, it can suffer and eventually die. Make sure you are watering and pruning your garden.
4. Spend some time evaluating. How much time? Every week. In order for you to know if you're working on your marriage, you will need an evaluation. Just like your yearly evaluation on your job, your spouse can give you a weekly evaluation of how well you are doing as a spouse. Don't get defensive if you are not making an A. Keep trying and keep practicing. You'll get it right! Then you can learn a new skill and begin to put it into practice. El and I ask each other often, "How is your love tank?" If the love tank is anything other than full, the follow up question is "What can I do to make it better?" Don't expect your marriage to just be wonderful without some evaluation. 
5. Spend some time reflecting. How much time? Maybe once a week or monthly. Think about areas where you need to improve and areas where you are doing well. Ask your spouse ideas on how to improve those weak areas and work together to become better spouses. Reflection allows us time to view ourselves and analyze our flaws. It doesn't make us weak to admit that we need improving. It makes us mature and it shows that we care about the health of our marriage. I spend a lot time analyzing ways I can become a better spouse. I pray and ask God to make me a better wife. To make me the wife that El needs. I think about conversations where I could have said something different or extended grace quicker. I know the struggles of having a full plate with work, school, kids, etc. and wondering how do I make time for my marriage. If you invest in your marriage, I promise you'll see the rewards. I have. And I was about to walk away thinking my marriage was dead and that it could not be resurrected. But Glory be to God! Not only can He raise Lazarus from the dead, but He can resurrect dead marriages. However, you still have to put in some work! 

I hope you will take the time to improve the quality of your marriage. Even if your marriage is scoring an A+, there's always room to learn new skills for maintenance. It's when you stop learning that your marriage grows stagnant. Are you working on your marriage? I hope the answer is yes!

Still working,
Zina