Laughter in Marriage

If you are unable to view this video, please click HERE.

Laughter is good for the soul. Proverbs 17:22

#ezdates Contest is still going on until December 31, 2015! Post your pictures on Instagram using the hashtag #ezdates

Contest Giveaway - #ezdates

If you are unable to view the video, click HERE.







Giveaway! Earlier this year we challenged you to go on dates and post your date pics. As we close out the year, we are giving you a chance to win a $25 Visa e-gift  card. Below are the details to enter the drawing.



1. Go to Instagram...

2. Follow Zina @zhenry88

3. Tag 2 couples/friends in the comment section of contest post

4. Post a photo (old or new) of you and your boo on your page and hashtag #ezdates then tell us how you will continue to date in 2016.

5. Tag Zina (@zhenry88)



Contest will run through December 31, 2015. Winner announced on January 1, 2016



We are also giving away a $25 Visa e-gift card to Rod and Tracee Coleman for being faithful in using #ezdates!

Creating your own traditions

If you can't view the video, click HERE.

A discussion about creating your own traditions that please you and your spouse. As the holiday season is upon us, we want to make sure that our traditions are not creating stress in the home.

Are you guarding your heart?

Photos courtesy of Keith Jefferson

Lingering eyes. Lustful thoughts. Long conversations with the opposite sex. Loving touches. Are you guarding your heart? Are you protecting your marriage from outside threats? Or are you wide open, allowing anyone to penetrate your heart and make you feel a certain kind of way? Affairs aren't always sexual. They can be emotional as well. In fact, most emotional affairs may be more detrimental because a deep bond has been formed. Affairs also don't just happen over night. They are developed over time. Over talks at work. Over coffee. Over drinks. Over lunch. Over dinner. Over night. Over time. And don't think that you are an exception. Every marriage is susceptible to an outside affair. If you are not guarding your heart and your marriage, it will be quite easy for an outside threat to happen. 

So how do you guard your heart? 

1. Spend time with your spouse. Spend as much time as you can. Dr. Harley from Marriage Builders suggests 15 hours a week. And don't think that you can't spare that kind of time. We make time for what we want. 
2. Pray together. Pray for each other. Pray for the marriage. Prayer works. But most couples do not pray for their marriage or their spouse. Pray that God will protect your marriage from harm and that He will keep temptations away from your marriage. Pray that God will make you both the spouses you need to be for each other. 
3. Be honest. Don't be afraid to tell your spouse what you are thinking or feeling. Make sure you speak the truth in love. If your feelings were hurt, tell your spouse. If you don't want to go to a particular restaurant, tell your spouse. There will be times for compromise; however, you need to be honest with your spouse so you will not build up resentment. 
4. Love them hard. Love your spouse with hugs, kisses, touches, sex, etc. Love them as much as possible to keep temptation away. Hold your spouse's hand. Give them long hugs. Listen when they talk by turning and giving them eye contact. Share your heart with your spouse and not with others of the opposite sex.
5. Go to bed together. Whenever possible, go to bed at the same time, even if one of you is not sleepy, still go to bed. Finish your TV program in the bedroom if it doesn't bother your spouse. But going to bed together keeps you from being tempted to search social media sites looking for someone to talk to. Going to bed together also allows you to spend more time together and build intimacy. 

Guard your heart. Guard your marriage. Enjoy the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18 paraphrased).

It's the little things!

El & I discuss the little things that keep the spark in your marriage. Romance doesn't stop when you get married. You should continue to romance your spouse and this is not just for men; women you should also continue the romance. A website to assist you in the romance area is The Dating Divas at http://thedatingdivas.com

If you are unable to view the video, click HERE.

What are you thankful for?

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what God has done and is doing in your life. It's a time to relax and celebrate with family and friends. Eat turkey and dressing and watch football. What are your family traditions? Have you made your own traditions or are they passed down from generations? 

This year, El and I will be spending Thanksgiving enjoying each other's company. We don't have any specific plans, unlike past Thanksgivings that were spent with family. We have so much to be thankful for; not just on Thanksgiving, but everyday. God has truly been awesome and we have to acknowledge His goodness! 

El is thankful for 

• God's grace and mercy
• me (his wife)
• and his son, CJ

I am thankful for 

• God's awesome love and favor
• My family and friends (especially my husband and son)
• and peace of mind

Of course this list could go on and on because we have so much to be thankful for. 

What 3 things are you thankful for this season?

The Power of Prayer

If you can't view the video, click HERE.

Join our discussion about the power of prayer and how prayer is needed in your marriage.

Let us know if there are any topics you would like to see?

Anniversary Photo Shoot! 11-9-15

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Enjoy a few pictures from our Anniversary Photo Shoot.

Photos courtesy of Keith Jefferson [on IG - @graffitti_greatness].

Music courtesy of our son - C Ma"J"or [on IG - @cmajorslodownent].
#ezdates #godsunionmm #gummytc

Unequally Yoked

If you cannot view video, please click HERE. 

[For those dating and the singles]

Are you listening to God's voice when it comes to whom you should date seriously? Are you living the life God has called you to live. Let Christ guide you in the direction He would have you to go as it relates to life and your future spouse. You will save  yourself years of heartache if you allow Christ to send you a spouse instead of trying to force someone to be your spouse that God has not placed in that position.

http://godsunionmm.com 

#gummytc #ezdates #godsunionmm 

It's our anniversary!

Join El and I in a discussion on how we've survived 19 years of marriage. The highs and lows and what we've learned. Stay tuned for pictures from our anniversary photo shoot! Coming soon. If you can't view the video, click HERE.

Another year... and this makes 19!

I love your kisses

You may recall the anniversary blog from last year. Well, today we are celebrating year 19! Wow, what a year this has been. I'm still in love with this awesome man. He's still my best friend and I still enjoy spending all my time with him.

There is no traditional wedding gift for the 19th year; however, my bae did an incredible job in the gift department.

Our family 11.9.1996

Our special day 19 years ago!

Our napkins from the reception

His gifts to me:

• New wedding ring - Marquis diamond ring with ring guard
  
• Sunday afternoon photo shoot (pics coming soon) around the city of Memphis
• Dinner 

My gifts to him:

• Two Titanium wedding bands
• 10 balloons filled with love notes (idea courtesy of Dating Divas)
• Dinner and movie
• Two cards 

Love is in the atmosphere! I thank God for my best friend. I thank God for another year with my best friend. I am so grateful for our love. I thank God for our purpose and the guidance to do ministry together. Thank You, Lord for giving us another year!

Dear El,

There is no one I would rather do life with. You were definitely sent by God to be my Boaz. Thank you for choosing me to share your life. Thank you for making me a priority. Thank you for providing for our family. Thank you for giving me security. Thank you for parenting our son. Thank you for being an awesome man, husband, father, friend, protector, mentor, and lover. I love you and I respect you. 

Always,

Your wife, Z (Your Schnuky)

Tuesday Tip #8: Marriage Ministry

El and I started a marriage ministry in our home in 2007. We had no idea that that very ministry would minister to our own marriage. Eight years later we are still learning how to be the best spouses we can be to each other. The secret -- we have to live what we preach. Not only do we have to study material before we present it, but we also have to live out what we're presenting. We don't get to stand in front of other couples and not practice what we preach. It's important to El and I to be living examples of God's love for the church and the church's reverence to God. Are we perfect? Hell no, far from it. Do we still argue? Yes, certainly. The difference now is that we know how to resolve conflict quicker and we're eager to forgive. We still don't have this marriage thing mastered. But we are working every day. We are working every day. We are working every day. We. Are. Working. Every. Day! Marriage is work! We never threaten divorce. We never stay angry longer than an hour. We never sleep in separate rooms or beds. We never hit below the belt (calling names, cussing, or talking about parents). We never physically hit each other (we have in the past, but we don't anymore). We never stop loving one another. We never stop caring. And most importantly, I think, we spend a bunch of time with each other. We spend so much time together that we don't have time for outside mess, outside threats, outside influences, or any other outsiders.  

Furthermore, the couples that come to us for mentoring are usually coming to us with issues we've just dealt with or are dealing with at that moment and so we are not just helping them but we are helping our marriage as well. We're learning a new way of looking at our issues. We often have an "aha" moment and realize that we could resolve an issue another way. God knows exactly what He is doing and He knows what we need. 

I'm not saying you have to do ministry together to have a great marriage. However, why not try studying the Word together or doing marriage devotions together and discussing them. It will enhance your marital relationship and you'll gain new insights on how to have a great marriage. In fact, there is a Lifelong Love Marriage Summit happening now. It's free and online! You and your spouse can watch the videos and discuss it in the privacy of your own home. And if you'd like to discuss publicly, you can do so by leaving a comment here or on our Facebook page. 

Resolving Conflict

How do you and your spouse handle conflict? El & I share 4 tips on how to resolve conflict. Click HERE if you cannot view video.

Tuesday Tip #7: Who's your BAE?

The Urban Dictionary defines bae as "before anyone else" or as the word baby, shortened. I call El "bae" all the time. I started calling him "bae" early this year instead of saying baby. I think I picked it up from hearing Jay Z and Beyonce use the term. It wasn't until a few months ago that I decided to look it up and see if there was some weird meaning and to make sure I wasn't insulting El. I was delighted to find the meaning as "before anyone else". 

I make a concerted effort to put El first. I don't just say I put him first. I actually do it. I make sure that my friends and family members know that I like spending time with El and any time he's off work and at home, I will be unavailable. I try to make sure that my schedule accommodates time for El. Most problems in marriage begin because we aren't spending enough time with our spouse or our spouse doesn't feel as if they are a priority. It's easy to say that you put your spouse first; however, to actually exemplify they are first, is difficult.

I'm glad to call El "bae". He is before anyone else (except Christ). And I don't just say he is "bae"; I make sure he knows it. I plan to spend time with him so he knows how important he is to me. There are days/hours that are carved out just for him. Your spouse should feel as if they are a priority in your life.

So who's your BAE?

FYI - Join us this Sunday, October 25, 2015 for marriage enrichment at New Salem Missionary Baptist Church, 2237 S. Parkway East, 38114 at 5:30pm (room 143).

Got time?

How much time are you spending with your spouse? 15 hours a week? Click HERE if you can't view video.

Are you up for the challenge?

 The couples in our marriage group have been challenged to spend 15 hours a week with their spouse. We've been challenged before; however, this time we are going to log our time to see if we're measuring up. We're using Dr. Willard Harley's Time for Undivided Attention Worksheet and Graph to document our time. We're also using his Recreational Enjoyment Inventory to find activities we'll enjoy doing together as a couple. [We've already taken the Love Busters and Emotional Needs questionnaire to find our how to stop withdrawing love units and start making love deposits.] I would like to encourage you and your spouse to join us in our journey to have healthier and stronger marriages. You can find all the information you need on the Marriage Builders website as well as in the links above. 

Right now you may be thinking, "I do not have 15 hours a week to spare." That's a common response El and I hear when we make this challenge. So we like to suggest how a couple can find the time by using the time in the morning, afternoon, at night before bed, etc. El and I looked at the actual data of time that we have per week, which is approximately 168 hours minus 8 hours of sleep per night equaling 112 awake hours per week. If you spend 15 hours a week with your spouse, this is only 13% of your time per week. 13%! You mean to tell me that you don't have 13% of your time to spare for your spouse? The one you vowed to love til death? Our marriages are worth more than 13%! 15 hours per week is only about 2.5 hours a day. So let's say you don't have 2.5 hours each day. Okay, try to get as close as 2.5 hours a day as possible and when you have more time, spend it together. For example, on your days off, you may get 5 hours or more. You may have 15 minutes at night for pillow talk or 30 minutes during lunch. Find the time to spend with your spouse so you can build a stronger marital bond. 

It's amazing how much time you spent with your spouse before marriage and how much of that time seems to have vanished after the wedding. You took an interest in your spouse's conversation before marriage and now you just wish they'd shut up. You wanted to be around your spouse every moment before marriage and now you don't care if they come home. You were eager to please your spouse before marriage and now you could care less about their needs. What happened to the love? What happen to the care in your marriage? Many of you would say, life happened or we had children or we work too many hours. However, I beg to differ. You may seem to be busier than when you first married, but I'm sure you still find time for those things you really want to do in the midst of your busyness such as tennis, golf, time with friends, etc. Your marriage should be your first priority (after God) [Genesis 2:24]. Make time for your spouse today. Stop making excuses! The rewards are so awesome. When you're happy in your marriage, you're actually happier in every other area of your life. That's why I'm always smiling and glowing! I'm extremely happy in my marriage. And I can say that even after dealing with infidelity. Make time for your spouse today!

Join us in the 15 hour challenge. Use the tools above and start spending 15 hours a week with your spouse today. Don't forget to post your date or time spent together pictures on FB on IG using the #ezdates. 

Why don't you know Jesus?

On Tuesday as I walked into work, El called me to tell me his store (where he works) was being shut down and they were asked to pack up their belongings and vacate the building. The locks were being changed and the store was closing. I asked El was he going to be okay and I assured him that everything would be alright. As I was talking to El, I received a message on my phone (in big bold letters) from the Cornelius and Heather Lindsey app: "DON'T WORRY! THINGS ARE GOING TO WORK OUT!" I already knew this, but it was nice for the Lord to send
reassurance. He is so awesome! I screenshot this message and texted it to El. When I hung up the phone, I immediately starting praising God. Counting it all joy! (James 1:2) because God is in control. God is always in control! ALWAYS! Sometimes we don't understand what God is doing, but He is always in control.

I suggested El file for unemployment and then go home and chill. I asked him did he want to go eat when I got off work or did he need me to bring something home. I wasn't worried. I wasn't stressed. I was on to the next subject: dinner. God was in control. There was no need for me to worry. ...And just so you know, I've worked a part-time job for the last 4 years and my hours had recently been reduced from 30 to 15 hours a week. However, when I got off the phone with El, my supervisor made the announcement that she needed us to work more hours. Look at God! In the midst of what others may see as a terrible situation, God was in control.

Well, El went home, filed for unemployment and started putting in applications; however, the next morning he got a call from the owner stating that the stores will re-open on Thursday and everyone was to report back to work! Hallelujah! Praise God! Look at God! He is always in control!

So why don't you know Jesus? Why don't you believe what He says? God is faithful! So many people quote bible scriptures and post phrases as if they know Jesus, but when trials and tribulations come their way, they falter. They panic. They start to question Him. They run around trying to solve the problem themselves. They don't trust Him. However, when you know Jesus, you can have peace. You don't have to panic. You don't have to question Him or try to solve your problems.

When you really know Jesus....
1. You don't panic. El's phone was ringing off the hook. Everyone was calling wanting to know what he was going to do and letting him know that they were going to put in a good word for him for a job elsewhere. People were wondering what they were going to do and how they were going to get it done. There's no need to panic when you know Christ. You do your part and God will do His. He's in control.
2. You go to the source. We went straight to Jesus. First, giving Him praise and then thanking Him for what we know He is able to do even if He doesn't do it. On Sunday, Trey (Frank Ray, III) spoke during offering and told us to release what we were holding on to so God could open a window and pour down a blessing that we won't have room enough to receive it (Malachi 3:10). Trey said after we release what we're holding, we were to open our hands and pull down our blessings. I was thanking God for His word, His blessings, His love, His faithfulness, for Him alone.
3. You don't change your countenance. CJ came home from work and saw El's truck in the driveway (before he was scheduled to be off). CJ wasn't the least worried about why his dad was home, yet he was excited that El was home. He was going to spend some time with dad and he was happy. El wasn't sad or depressed. He was completing online applications and he was at peace. God was in control.
4. You go to sleep. El and I weren't up pacing the floor that night. Instead we could barely stay awake even to watch TV. We weren't fazed. We weren't concerned. We went to sleep. God was in control. We've seen Jesus work miraculously in our lives before and this was just one more time for God to show up and show out!

Do you know Jesus? Really...do you know Him? Do you know Him when trials and tribulations come your way? Because we can all say we know Him when things are going well, but when life takes us by surprise, do we still know Him?

El will report to work on Thursday; his mini vacation is over. Lol. Praise God! God is faithful! He's in control! Thank you, Lord!

Lord, You are so faithful and so awesome. You are always just. Thank you for showing up and showing out one more time. Thank you for peace. Thank you for loving us even though we are not deserving of your love. Thank you, Father! Thank you! In Jesus' Name. 

Other types of affairs

Affairs are not just physical or emotional. There are other affairs. If you cannot view the video, click HERE.

Yearning for closeness

I love spending time with El. One of the reasons I wanted to marry him was because we were such good friends and I liked being around him. Willard Harley (Marriage Builders) suggests married couples spend at least 15 hours a week to develop intimacy and build love deposits. This is about 2.5 hours a day. If you think about it, the more enjoyable time you spend with someone the more you want to be around them. And when you can't be around them, you feel sad. When I am unable to spend substantial time with just El, I feel depressed. I'm selfish when it comes to El. I don't want to share him with anyone else. I don't need thrills or any special things when I'm with him. I just need El. I yearn for closeness and intimacy with El and sometimes I think this can be overwhelming for him. It is humanly impossible for El to fulfill all of my needs. In those times, I seek God's guidance especially when we are struggling to regain closeness during the busy seasons of our lives. 

However, in seeking guidance from the Lord, I was reminded of how much God wants to spend time with just me in a close intimate relationship. No thrills. Nothing special. Just me. God is a selfish and jealous God (Exodus 34:14; 20:4-5). He doesn't like sharing us. He longs to spend time with just us. Oh how sorrowful God's heart must be when His children ignore Him or worship other gods. John 3:16 states that God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son... What a mighty God we serve! God wants to be reconciled with us so much that He was willing to give His one and only Son to have a relationship with us (sinful people that don't even know Him). What an awesome God we serve! How great and merciful is He! 

The Lord yearns for closeness with you. Just you. Are you drawing nigh to God? Are you longing for a close and intimate relationship with Him as He is for you? Do you spend adequate time talking to Him, listening to Him, and pleasing Him? If you were brutally honest, what score would you receive for time spent with the Master? 
As I think about the times I may get lonely, I have to stop and think about how my Heavenly Father must feel at times. I don't want Him to allow things to happen in my life to make me draw nearer to Him. I want to draw nigh to Him on my own. And I don't want to call on Him only when I'm in need. I want to have a close intimate relationship of knowing Him everyday (John 17:3). I want to have the kind of relationship Enoch had with Him (Genesis 5:24). God is faithful. He never leaves us...we leave Him. He is waiting for us with open arms (1 Corinthians 16:23). He is yearning for closeness with us. Just us!

Do you yearn for closeness with God? If so, seek Him today. 
1. Listen to Him by reading His Word and obeying His statutes.
2. Talk to Him by praying about how His Word has inspired you or ask Him questions if you don't understand what He has said to you.
3. Just do it! Stop saying you'll start tomorrow. Spend more time with God today!
4. Make Him a priority. Don't give God your leftovers (your tired prayers at the end of the day; give Him your first fruits). Rise early to spend time with Him. Seek Him all throughout the day. 

God is yearning for closeness with you. Will you disappoint Him? 

What do your kids think about you?

What do your kids think about you? New Video from our son's perspective. If you cannot view the video, click HERE.