Dispelling the myths of marriage. Myth #3: There's nothing new we can learn...

Myth #3: There's nothing new we can learn...we already know everything there is to know about each other and our marriage won't change. Do you remember your childhood? Do you remember the toys you used to play with or the friends you used to have? Wow, how times have changed! You made it through puberty to adulthood and things have changed again. You've learned new things about the world and about yourself. You're finding out that there is always something new to learn. Just as your life continues to change, so will your marriage. It will continue to grow or it will become stagnant and stale. If you aren't learning new things about each other, then you're not paying close attention.

There will be obvious changes, such as outer appearance: hair, weight loss, new clothes, cologne, etc. However, there will also be some internal changes as your spouse grows closer to God, loses a job, gets a promotion, loses a family member, children leave home, etc. It's important to notice these changes and how they affect your spouse. As you grow together and learn new things, you'll build intimacy with your spouse. How interesting would it be to study your spouse and learn new and exciting things about him/her? Instead of trying to change your spouse into the person you want them to be, try appreciating them for who they are and learn new things about them. Why not learn how to be a better spouse so your marriage will continue to grow? Think about all the wonderful new discoveries you'll make about them by watching their little idiosyncrasies and learning to love those things that make your spouse who they are. God loves us just the way we are. He only tries to mold us into a reflection of Him. Why not try to see your spouse through God's lenses? You may discover just how wonderfully made they are.

Here are few tips to help you study your spouse (I'm sure you can easily add to this list):
1. Watch and study their breathing at night (I know this sounds creepy). I used to try to match the rhythm of my breathing to El's at night so that we would inhale and exhale at the same time.
2. Observe their morning routine: how they brush their teeth, shave, comb hair, etc. I love watching El in the morning as he brushes his teeth and then rinses with mouth wash and tries to hold a mumbling conversation (which by the way, I understand) with a mouth full of Listerine.
3. Listen intently to their conversation - even when you don't want to. There are so many things you can learn about a person by listening to them. Notice the inflection in their voice as they excitedly recap their day's events or talk about their favorite sports team. Not only do I listen to El, but I also try to recall the information later to let him know I was paying attention. Your spouse will know that you care about them if they feel you are listening to them. Listening also helps you discover the innermost parts of your spouse's heart. Their sharing can enlighten you to little insights you may have never known.
4. Notice the way they order food. I know that El likes extra mayonnaise on his sandwiches and no onions. He likes his steak medium well with ketchup (not steak sauce). He doesn't eat anything spicy and he doesn't drink alcohol. It's nice to know your spouse's favorite foods and how they like it prepared.
5. Take notes! Literally...write down things that you observe about your spouse to help you remember. When El and I first married, I wrote down his pants size, dress shirt size, and boxer size so I could surprise him with gifts. Keep a notebook or take notes on your phone of little things that you notice about your spouse that they would love. Such as their favorite cologne/perfume, favorite color, size of their clothes, where they like to shop, their favorite candy, etc.

Keep learning your spouse. For as long as you are married, never stop learning your spouse! There's always something new you can learn. Keep learning and watch your marriage flourish!