Tuesday Tip #7: Who's your BAE?

The Urban Dictionary defines bae as "before anyone else" or as the word baby, shortened. I call El "bae" all the time. I started calling him "bae" early this year instead of saying baby. I think I picked it up from hearing Jay Z and Beyonce use the term. It wasn't until a few months ago that I decided to look it up and see if there was some weird meaning and to make sure I wasn't insulting El. I was delighted to find the meaning as "before anyone else". 

I make a concerted effort to put El first. I don't just say I put him first. I actually do it. I make sure that my friends and family members know that I like spending time with El and any time he's off work and at home, I will be unavailable. I try to make sure that my schedule accommodates time for El. Most problems in marriage begin because we aren't spending enough time with our spouse or our spouse doesn't feel as if they are a priority. It's easy to say that you put your spouse first; however, to actually exemplify they are first, is difficult.

I'm glad to call El "bae". He is before anyone else (except Christ). And I don't just say he is "bae"; I make sure he knows it. I plan to spend time with him so he knows how important he is to me. There are days/hours that are carved out just for him. Your spouse should feel as if they are a priority in your life.

So who's your BAE?

FYI - Join us this Sunday, October 25, 2015 for marriage enrichment at New Salem Missionary Baptist Church, 2237 S. Parkway East, 38114 at 5:30pm (room 143).

Got time?

How much time are you spending with your spouse? 15 hours a week? Click HERE if you can't view video.

Are you up for the challenge?

 The couples in our marriage group have been challenged to spend 15 hours a week with their spouse. We've been challenged before; however, this time we are going to log our time to see if we're measuring up. We're using Dr. Willard Harley's Time for Undivided Attention Worksheet and Graph to document our time. We're also using his Recreational Enjoyment Inventory to find activities we'll enjoy doing together as a couple. [We've already taken the Love Busters and Emotional Needs questionnaire to find our how to stop withdrawing love units and start making love deposits.] I would like to encourage you and your spouse to join us in our journey to have healthier and stronger marriages. You can find all the information you need on the Marriage Builders website as well as in the links above. 

Right now you may be thinking, "I do not have 15 hours a week to spare." That's a common response El and I hear when we make this challenge. So we like to suggest how a couple can find the time by using the time in the morning, afternoon, at night before bed, etc. El and I looked at the actual data of time that we have per week, which is approximately 168 hours minus 8 hours of sleep per night equaling 112 awake hours per week. If you spend 15 hours a week with your spouse, this is only 13% of your time per week. 13%! You mean to tell me that you don't have 13% of your time to spare for your spouse? The one you vowed to love til death? Our marriages are worth more than 13%! 15 hours per week is only about 2.5 hours a day. So let's say you don't have 2.5 hours each day. Okay, try to get as close as 2.5 hours a day as possible and when you have more time, spend it together. For example, on your days off, you may get 5 hours or more. You may have 15 minutes at night for pillow talk or 30 minutes during lunch. Find the time to spend with your spouse so you can build a stronger marital bond. 

It's amazing how much time you spent with your spouse before marriage and how much of that time seems to have vanished after the wedding. You took an interest in your spouse's conversation before marriage and now you just wish they'd shut up. You wanted to be around your spouse every moment before marriage and now you don't care if they come home. You were eager to please your spouse before marriage and now you could care less about their needs. What happened to the love? What happen to the care in your marriage? Many of you would say, life happened or we had children or we work too many hours. However, I beg to differ. You may seem to be busier than when you first married, but I'm sure you still find time for those things you really want to do in the midst of your busyness such as tennis, golf, time with friends, etc. Your marriage should be your first priority (after God) [Genesis 2:24]. Make time for your spouse today. Stop making excuses! The rewards are so awesome. When you're happy in your marriage, you're actually happier in every other area of your life. That's why I'm always smiling and glowing! I'm extremely happy in my marriage. And I can say that even after dealing with infidelity. Make time for your spouse today!

Join us in the 15 hour challenge. Use the tools above and start spending 15 hours a week with your spouse today. Don't forget to post your date or time spent together pictures on FB on IG using the #ezdates. 

Why don't you know Jesus?

On Tuesday as I walked into work, El called me to tell me his store (where he works) was being shut down and they were asked to pack up their belongings and vacate the building. The locks were being changed and the store was closing. I asked El was he going to be okay and I assured him that everything would be alright. As I was talking to El, I received a message on my phone (in big bold letters) from the Cornelius and Heather Lindsey app: "DON'T WORRY! THINGS ARE GOING TO WORK OUT!" I already knew this, but it was nice for the Lord to send
reassurance. He is so awesome! I screenshot this message and texted it to El. When I hung up the phone, I immediately starting praising God. Counting it all joy! (James 1:2) because God is in control. God is always in control! ALWAYS! Sometimes we don't understand what God is doing, but He is always in control.

I suggested El file for unemployment and then go home and chill. I asked him did he want to go eat when I got off work or did he need me to bring something home. I wasn't worried. I wasn't stressed. I was on to the next subject: dinner. God was in control. There was no need for me to worry. ...And just so you know, I've worked a part-time job for the last 4 years and my hours had recently been reduced from 30 to 15 hours a week. However, when I got off the phone with El, my supervisor made the announcement that she needed us to work more hours. Look at God! In the midst of what others may see as a terrible situation, God was in control.

Well, El went home, filed for unemployment and started putting in applications; however, the next morning he got a call from the owner stating that the stores will re-open on Thursday and everyone was to report back to work! Hallelujah! Praise God! Look at God! He is always in control!

So why don't you know Jesus? Why don't you believe what He says? God is faithful! So many people quote bible scriptures and post phrases as if they know Jesus, but when trials and tribulations come their way, they falter. They panic. They start to question Him. They run around trying to solve the problem themselves. They don't trust Him. However, when you know Jesus, you can have peace. You don't have to panic. You don't have to question Him or try to solve your problems.

When you really know Jesus....
1. You don't panic. El's phone was ringing off the hook. Everyone was calling wanting to know what he was going to do and letting him know that they were going to put in a good word for him for a job elsewhere. People were wondering what they were going to do and how they were going to get it done. There's no need to panic when you know Christ. You do your part and God will do His. He's in control.
2. You go to the source. We went straight to Jesus. First, giving Him praise and then thanking Him for what we know He is able to do even if He doesn't do it. On Sunday, Trey (Frank Ray, III) spoke during offering and told us to release what we were holding on to so God could open a window and pour down a blessing that we won't have room enough to receive it (Malachi 3:10). Trey said after we release what we're holding, we were to open our hands and pull down our blessings. I was thanking God for His word, His blessings, His love, His faithfulness, for Him alone.
3. You don't change your countenance. CJ came home from work and saw El's truck in the driveway (before he was scheduled to be off). CJ wasn't the least worried about why his dad was home, yet he was excited that El was home. He was going to spend some time with dad and he was happy. El wasn't sad or depressed. He was completing online applications and he was at peace. God was in control.
4. You go to sleep. El and I weren't up pacing the floor that night. Instead we could barely stay awake even to watch TV. We weren't fazed. We weren't concerned. We went to sleep. God was in control. We've seen Jesus work miraculously in our lives before and this was just one more time for God to show up and show out!

Do you know Jesus? Really...do you know Him? Do you know Him when trials and tribulations come your way? Because we can all say we know Him when things are going well, but when life takes us by surprise, do we still know Him?

El will report to work on Thursday; his mini vacation is over. Lol. Praise God! God is faithful! He's in control! Thank you, Lord!

Lord, You are so faithful and so awesome. You are always just. Thank you for showing up and showing out one more time. Thank you for peace. Thank you for loving us even though we are not deserving of your love. Thank you, Father! Thank you! In Jesus' Name. 

Other types of affairs

Affairs are not just physical or emotional. There are other affairs. If you cannot view the video, click HERE.

Yearning for closeness

I love spending time with El. One of the reasons I wanted to marry him was because we were such good friends and I liked being around him. Willard Harley (Marriage Builders) suggests married couples spend at least 15 hours a week to develop intimacy and build love deposits. This is about 2.5 hours a day. If you think about it, the more enjoyable time you spend with someone the more you want to be around them. And when you can't be around them, you feel sad. When I am unable to spend substantial time with just El, I feel depressed. I'm selfish when it comes to El. I don't want to share him with anyone else. I don't need thrills or any special things when I'm with him. I just need El. I yearn for closeness and intimacy with El and sometimes I think this can be overwhelming for him. It is humanly impossible for El to fulfill all of my needs. In those times, I seek God's guidance especially when we are struggling to regain closeness during the busy seasons of our lives. 

However, in seeking guidance from the Lord, I was reminded of how much God wants to spend time with just me in a close intimate relationship. No thrills. Nothing special. Just me. God is a selfish and jealous God (Exodus 34:14; 20:4-5). He doesn't like sharing us. He longs to spend time with just us. Oh how sorrowful God's heart must be when His children ignore Him or worship other gods. John 3:16 states that God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son... What a mighty God we serve! God wants to be reconciled with us so much that He was willing to give His one and only Son to have a relationship with us (sinful people that don't even know Him). What an awesome God we serve! How great and merciful is He! 

The Lord yearns for closeness with you. Just you. Are you drawing nigh to God? Are you longing for a close and intimate relationship with Him as He is for you? Do you spend adequate time talking to Him, listening to Him, and pleasing Him? If you were brutally honest, what score would you receive for time spent with the Master? 
As I think about the times I may get lonely, I have to stop and think about how my Heavenly Father must feel at times. I don't want Him to allow things to happen in my life to make me draw nearer to Him. I want to draw nigh to Him on my own. And I don't want to call on Him only when I'm in need. I want to have a close intimate relationship of knowing Him everyday (John 17:3). I want to have the kind of relationship Enoch had with Him (Genesis 5:24). God is faithful. He never leaves us...we leave Him. He is waiting for us with open arms (1 Corinthians 16:23). He is yearning for closeness with us. Just us!

Do you yearn for closeness with God? If so, seek Him today. 
1. Listen to Him by reading His Word and obeying His statutes.
2. Talk to Him by praying about how His Word has inspired you or ask Him questions if you don't understand what He has said to you.
3. Just do it! Stop saying you'll start tomorrow. Spend more time with God today!
4. Make Him a priority. Don't give God your leftovers (your tired prayers at the end of the day; give Him your first fruits). Rise early to spend time with Him. Seek Him all throughout the day. 

God is yearning for closeness with you. Will you disappoint Him?