An Interview with the husband...

Take a moment and listen to the interview with my husband. Click here.

Don't forget about the Marriage Enrichment Conference this Saturday, October 25, 2014 at 9:30am.

God Bless!

Dispelling the myths of marriage. Myth #2: My marriage can't be helped...

Myth #2: My marriage can't be helped...there is no hope for us. God has not changed. He is the same God yesterday as He is today! If God can raise the dead, heal the sick, cause the blind to see; then why don't you believe that He can heal your marriage? When you go to the doctor for an illness, you are expecting the doctor to give you something that will make you feel better and cure your symptoms. But what will happen if the doctor prescribes medication and you don't take it as prescribed? Chances are you won't feel better. The same is true with God. First, we have to go to Him with our symptoms (pray about our problems in the marriage) and then we have to take the medicine (obey God's Word) and expect that something will happen. There is always hope for your marriage...as long as the two of you are still breathing; there is hope!


1 Corinthians 2:11 states that, "Who ever knows what you’re thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he’s thinking, but he lets us in on it "(MSG). Your spouse cannot read your mind; therefore, if something is wrong, they will only know if you tell them. Intimacy develops as you tear down the walls of defensiveness and become naked and unashamed before your spouse (Gen. 2:25). Stop believing the lie that the enemy is telling you - that there is no hope. There is hope for your marriage. Will the journey be easy? No. Nothing in life worth having is easy. Will there be stumbling blocks and will you get sidetracked? Possibly. But just like your Christian journey to build a better relationship with God...some days are going to be better than others. Don't give up! Keep pushing! Keep praying and reading God's Word! He does hear and answer His children (Ps. 116:1). There is hope for your marriage.

Dear Lord, I ask that you bless our marriages and heal them. Whatever problems we may have, I ask that you remove them now, in the name of Jesus. I ask that you come into our homes and quicken our spirits that we will want to have a deeper relationship with you; that we will take the time to read your Word and spend time with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Don't forget to register for the upcoming Marriage Conference on October 25 @ 9:30am. For more information, go to www.godsunionmm.com.

Dispelling the myths of marriage. Myth #1: There's nothing wrong with my marriage...

Myth #1: There's nothing wrong with my marriage... so I don't need to attend a marriage conference or class.
My husband and I started a marriage ministry in our home in 2007 because we understood the need for marriages to be strengthened. We also wanted to share our experience and let couples know that marriages can be blissful (even after infidelity)! Many couples get married only to experience a sense of dissatisfaction later and have no idea how to regain that satisfaction. Most of us expect that our spouses will change and become the person we want them to be; however, as we evolve and our desires change, we expect them to continually change. And when they don't change, we become bitter. Then what usually happens is that we become complacent in the state of dissatisfaction and believe the lie that there is nothing wrong with our marriages. Granted, there may be nothing wrong with your marriage; but why not make a good marriage great! However, if there is something wrong, why not get the tools to make it better?

When we started our ministry, we asked several couples to join us, but only two couples showed up. We don't know why the other couples did not attend; maybe they were busy or couldn't get a babysitter (or God's intervention). So for a couple of months we sat with two other couples once a month and used Gary Chapman's: A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage (which is now entitled: The Marriage You've Always Wanted), which would be the first tool in the handy tool kit we were building. The first chapter takes you right to God, Enhancing my conversation with God! This chapter taught us not only how to communicate with God, but also how He communicates with us. It also taught us how to develop a closer relationship with God by reading His Word and then responding to His Word. Just when I thought I knew how to have a relationship with God (because I taught Sunday School), it gets better! Now it's intentional and not just reading the bible to teach a class.

Many of us are using our parents or grandparents as examples of how to have a good marriage. But the truth of the matter is (and if you're honest) many of our parents or grandparents didn't have good marriages. They slept in separate beds (or bedrooms), they were abused or abusive (verbally, mentally or physically), they were controlled or controlling, they didn't respect each other, they didn't talk to each other, there was repeated infidelity, there was no relationship with God, and some of them were miserable but they stayed married because that's what you did back then.

So why attend a marriage conference or class? Because even if there's nothing wrong with your marriage, your marriage can become better! If you're not growing, then you're dying. Nothing stays the same. You're either progressing or regressing. Why not grow? What are you afraid of? But if there is something wrong with your marriage, wouldn't you want to make that discovery and then work to make it better? Eventually, the stuff you keep shoving under the rug is going to trip you. Our marriages won't grow if we don't "water" them.

Join us for a Marriage Enrichment Conference on Saturday, October 25, 2014 at 9:30am. This is a free event! Most conferences and workshops can cost anywhere from $25 - $200 or more (we've gone to a conference that was $179). Take advantage of this free event! Register today at www.godsunionmm.com.

Stay tuned for Myth #2...

Marriage Enrichment Conference 2014!

Join us Saturday, October 25, 2014 at 9:30am for a 
Free Marriage Enrichment Conference
New Salem Missionary Baptist Church
2237 S. Parkway East
Memphis, TN  38114
Register Now!

Let's dispel the myths of marriage and renew love today! 

Can my marriage be healed after infidelity? Part 4: Renewing Purpose

     




So I told you that about 10 years ago, my husband had an adulterous affair. Well, because of that, I now know my purpose (disclaimer: you don't have to go through a traumatic event to know your purpose). Before this happened, I had a strong feeling (Holy Spirit) to start a marriage ministry; however, afterwards I didn't want to because I wasn't sure if I was even going to stay married. Now, I understand that that had to happen for me to have a testimony to help other couples understand that God can heal your marriage after infidelity. Would I say that I wanted this to happen to fulfill my purpose? Of course not! Who wants to go through turmoil and embarrassment. But God! If I knew then what I know now, I would have done some things differently. I would have forgiven quickly and I would not have sought revenge. During the process of releasing forgiveness, I sinned a lot! I had an unforgiving heart. I had a hardened heart. I wanted to walk away from my marriage. I was evil and downright disobedient to God. I also didn't have the type of relationship then that I now have with my Father (Thank You Jesus!). This experience has taught me to depend on Christ more and to be obedient in spite of my spouse. You have to be accountable for your own sins. Your spouse can't go to heaven or hell for you and they can't save you from heaven or hell. Only what you do for Christ will last (1 Cor. 9:24-27). So with that said...my husband and I have renewed our purpose in Christ. We started a marriage ministry (God's Union) in our home in 2007 and even though I was still sinning (I still had an unforgiving heart); however, I was obedient to God's tug to start ministry.[Note: I'm not perfect - I am still a sinner saved by grace]. However, after a year of starting ministry, I was still purposely sinning. But I was tormented by my sin. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. My stomach was always in knots. I was miserable. I still wanted to seek revenge and I still wanted my husband to hurt like I did. But God! In 2008 we had a "come to Jesus" meeting with our ministry and it was then that I started to see an inkling of hope and started to allow the walls of hardness to come down. There was a lot of crying during this meeting...the ministry we started to help other couples was actually helping us! Look at how God works! Just to give you some dates - the affair took place in 2003; I found out in November of 2003; started marriage ministry January 2007; it was around July 2008 that I started wanting my marriage again.

Most of us aren't married to a spouse who wants to hurt us. They don't wake up in the morning with the purpose of making our lives miserable. However, when they do hurt us, we need to seek Christ and ask our Father for help in restoring the relationship and renewing our purpose. Exodus 9:16 says: But I have spared you for a purpose—to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth. Even though God was talking to Pharaoh here; I feel God was also talking to me. He spared my marriage for a purpose. I was going to walk away and miss the rewards I am now reaping. There is a purpose for your life and for your marriage. I know you think the purpose for your marriage is to make you happy. You can be happy, but you won't always be happy and there is a greater purpose that God has for your life and your marriage. Your marriage is to show God's love for the church (Ephesians 5:21-33). Now I'm not saying that in your purpose, you will start a ministry (but maybe you will); however, ask God what is it that you and your spouse are supposed to be doing to build up God's kingdom. Whether it's spreading the gospel with your loving actions toward one another or teaching a Sunday School class together, there is something that you are supposed to be doing to build up the kingdom of God. Now you can't fulfill your purpose if you don't know God. You have to get in His Word and talk to Him. You also have to be obedient to His Word. He has information for you. He wants great things for your marriage. Again, both of you need to know God. Seek Him with all your heart. Ask Him what His plans are for you. Renew your purpose with God and in your marriage. Do it today!
Check out Drs. Les and Leslie's post on The Purpose Driven Marriage .

I understand that there are many extenuating circumstances and you may not have a spouse that is willing to seek forgiveness or even turn from his/her adulterous behavior. But there is hope in God and remember sometimes separation is necessary until the other person seeks help. However, make sure that you have not sinned while trying to reconcile so if separation is needed, you will not have any regrets or feel guilty - knowing that you did all you could do to heal your marriage.

Let me know what you think. Leave a comment. Are you renewing your purpose? Have you searched the scripture for your meaning on earth? What insights have you gained? How will you use your marriage to fulfill God's kingdom?