Reminiscing

LOVE

I just want you to listen to the words of this song, by Kirk Franklin. Really listen and read the words below. And then think about God's love for us and the love you have for your spouse.

Listen now!
Love, by Kirk Franklin.
Paitent love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat 4 times)

Verse 1
Love a word that comes and goes
But few people really know what it means to really love somebody
Love though the tears may fade away
I'm so glad your love will stay
'cause i love you and you show me
Jesus what it really means to love

Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat twice)

Repeat verse 1

Bridge
The nights that i cry you love me
When i should have died you love me
I'll never know why you love me
Its a mystery now that i can finally see Jesus

When all was gone you love me
You gave me a song that you love me
Now i can go on 'cause you love me
Its a mystery now that i can finally see Jesus

Repeat Bridge

What it really means
What it really means
What it really means
To love .............................................................

Patient patient kind
That's love
To love...........................
Patient patient kind
That's love

My BFF

Remember when you were younger and you had a best friend. Some of us still have that same best friend or someone else who is our best friend. You know the best friend that you talked on the phone with all the time. The best friend you went shopping with. The best friend you played sports with. The best friend that cried with you during a good movie. The best friend that you just wanted to be around all the time.

My BFF (Best Friend Forever) is my husband. He is the person I want to talk on the phone with all the time. He is the person I want to go shopping with. He is the person I play games with (chess, connect four, Life, Uno, etc). He is the person I cried with several times during a good movie. He is the person I want to be around all the time. I never get tired of spending time with him. I never get tired of being around him.

It's funny when I think about how we have several days carved out just for us.
Sunday is church and usually nap day
Monday is relaxation day with a movie
Tuesday is church night and not much else
Wednesday is fun day with dinner and a movies (lately it's been marriage bible study night - which is also very fun)
Thursday is down time
Friday is Cracker Barrell night for cod fish and family night
Saturday is usually date night

Do I look forward to all of these days and nights? YES! I am anxious each week for the upcoming events. I can't wait for date night which isn't always on Saturdays; sometimes we'll do an impromptu date in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the week. I enjoy every moment that we spend together. I don't want to waste any of that time harboring ill feelings toward El. So if we have a conflict, we try to resolve it quickly and in a Godly manner.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because in a world where many women have best friends and men hang out with their best buddies-we forget about our spouses. We spend all of our time trying to get married and then we disregard our spouses. Instead we spend more time with other people; doing things with them and not including our spouse.

Genesis 2:24 says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.

Become one with your spouse. Take the time to really get to know them. Spend as much time as possible with them. Make your marriage intentional. And why not make your spouse your BFF.

Are you in the wilderness?

The book of Deuteronomy deals with the people of Israel around the time Moses led the people out of bondage and into freedom under God's guidance. This book also talks about much of the people's disobedience to the Lord and how they repeatedly disobeyed God, grumbled and complained, questioned God, and even wished that they were dead or back in slavery in Egypt. Eventually Moses joined the people and sinned against God as misery can be contagious. The people were right on the outskirts of their promised land, when Joshua and Caleb agreed that the land could be taken over and that God was with them. Once the Israelites were finally in their promised land, God told them not to conform to the people of the land. He told them that after they take over the land, that they were to still hold on to God's statutes. But the people again disobeyed God. So even though they were literally out of the wilderness, they were figuratively still in captivity; and eventually they were taken captive by the Babylonians because of their disobedience.

Are you in the wilderness in your marriage? Are you wandering aimlessly not really knowing how to get to the promised land? Are you reacting to your spouse's emotions, instead of being proactive? Are you being loving and respectful? Are you filling your spouse's love tank on a regular basis? Are you praying for your spouse and with your spouse daily? Are you reading the Word of God and responding to God's Word daily? Are you in the wilderness?

Sometimes we know exactly what to do in our marriage to keep our spouses content, but we fail to do it. Sometimes we know exactly what buttons to push to make our spouses upset, and we do it often. We need to see our spouses as God does. Think about it. How many times do you make mistakes and want God to forgive you? Probably every moment of the day. God loves us with an unconditional love. No matter what we do or have, God loves us. His grace and mercy is new everyday (Lamentations 3). So why can't we love our spouse like God loves us? By human nature, that may be impossible; but spiritually and with God's help, it is quite possible.

As El and I embark on new missions to save marriages, we are encountering couples that seem to be in the wilderness. They are just going through the motions of being married but they are really wandering. On the outside everything seems okay. They smile, nod at the right time, hold hands when they think someone's looking, they finish one another's sentences, they appear to be the perfect married couple. But they're in the wilderness. God can't save them because they don't want to be saved. They want to stay right where they are. They want the stage to continue to be their backdrop. They need the lights and the camera to perform their next scene. We used to be one of those couples. We put on the makeup before we left the house and in between scenes we did a touch up or changed clothes for the next part. What's good is that God brought us out of the wilderness, but not until we wanted to come out. We were just like the Israelites, we complained, grumbled, and questioned God. Why is this happening to me? Why me, Lord? But most of the turmoil we had brought upon ourselves by being disobedient to God. Not doing what His word says to do. Trying to do things our own way. Until we poured out our heart to God and repented for sinfulness (selfishness, unforgiving hearts, disobedience), we couldn't be content. We were wandering aimlessly with face paint. God restored our marriage and stripped us naked (thanks Zenobia for that word) to each other so we weren't ashamed to be exposed. God allowed us to really see Him and each other. He allowed us to see the gift He had given us (each other). And we allowed God to really step in our marriage and be the head, the guide, the center, the everything.

I don't know about you, but if you are anything like the Israelites, I'm sure you don't like being in the wilderness. Even though they grumbled and complained, it was their fault that they were in the wilderness because of their disobedience. Don't be like the Israelites, disobedient. Live your life according to Christ's. Get out of the wilderness. Allow God to move your marriage to the promised land, a land flowing with milk and honey. Trust God today and get out the wilderness.

Are you using your marriage tools?

Ephesians 5:33 says: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

My husband and I went to a Love & Respect Marriage Conference this weekend at Bellevue Baptist Church. Our marriage ministry is currently studying this book. It was interesting to reflect on the conference afterwards because I was wondering would I learn anything different or get any new information. El and I were talking about how most (and I use that word loosely) married couples have been given information or tools to use in our marriages; but we don't. And it's not that we don't know how, we make a conscious decision not to use these tools. Well to say the least, I did learn something new. Emerson helped us understand what Ephesians 5:33 is really saying to us. He helped us focus our energy on God when we try to be loving or respectful. To focus on God and not our spouse.

Okay, let me back up to the meaning of this scripture. Simply put, husbands are to love their wives (even when they are unlovable) and wives are to respect their husbands (even when they don't deserve it; haven't earned it, or are disrespectful & unloving toward us). This sounds hard. And I agree, it is hard. If you are in like or in love with your spouse right now, this doesn't sound like much. But if you have ever been mad at them, this is very hard. It is hard to love a woman who continually criticizes you, puts you down, tells you you are worthless, less than a man. It is hard to respect a man who doesn't show you love, cuddles with you, only wants sex, or doesn't want to be around you. This is hard. But Emerson encouraged us to picture God standing over the shoulder of our spouse; so that when we feel like being unloving or disrespectful we will quickly remember that it is God who told us to be loving and respectful and we are not hurting our spouses so much as we are hurting and disobeying God. This command came from God, not our spouses. When we fail to do what the bible says (or what God says), we are being disobedient. And you can't say, "I didn't know". We must obey God. We can't say, "Well Lord, they are making me act this way." No man has control over you. Or you can't say, "God knows my heart." Yeah He does and He is not pleased, because what's in your heart will come out in your actions; and God should be in your heart.

So, as we pondered the many couples who would probably walk away from the conference and say, "That was a good conference," but then return to their old ways & thinkings; we began to pray and thank God. Not too long ago, we were one of those couples. We had the tools, but we weren't using them. We knew what the bible said, but we didn't care. We were continually spinning on the "Crazy Cycle" and would get on that wheel several times a week. Through prayer and ministry we began to become aware of things that would get us on the "Crazy Cycle"and we used our marriage tools to get us off. As we began to use more tools: praying together everyday, being kind to one another, communicating effectively, being compassionate & loving, seeking & giving forgiveness freely; we began to see a change in our marriage. We started having a healthy, happy, & loving marriage. We started to see a change in our family. We are using our marriage tools.

When you don't use the tools, it's like going to church every week and then placing the bible on the table when you get home until the next week. You never talk about God during the week. You don't pray. You don't give Him praise. You just wait until service the next week and then you continue the same routine over and over. Nothing in your life changes. You don't put your faith into practice. You don't put your patience into practice. You don't have trials & if you do, you don't handle them well because you don't know God. You don't witness to anyone. You don't do any ministry. You life is stagnant. Well when you are married, you have to polish the marriage. You cannot remain stagnant. You have certain tools that should be used to help your marriage grow and flourish. God should be at the center of all this. Then you should begin to use other tools. And if you don't have any tools or don't have enough, visit our website; there you will find conferences to attend that will give you the tools needed for a thriving marriage. Or you can email me at godsunion@comcast.net . Whatever you do, don't sit back and do nothing. God did not intend for our marriages to be stagnant and stale. He wants us to live in harmony, peace, and love. He wants us to be happy in our marriages. God is so awesome that He knew everything we would go through in life, so He gave us an instructional manual to help us along the way. And all we have to do now is USE it.
Are you using your marriage tools? If not, start today!

When everything seems fine?

Psalm 100: 1Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
2Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

When everything seems to be going fine, beware! Be cautious not to let your guard down. Praise God and continue to pray. Continue to walk in His Word. It is when everything is going fine, that we begin to think we don't need God. We begin to think that we are okay without going to church. We think it's okay not pray. That we don't have to be watchful. That we don't need to spread the good news. However, it is when everything is going fine, that we should be praising His Name. For God is almighty and wonderful!

There have been some trying times in my marriage. Some times when I didn't think God was around. But lately, everything has been going fine. I can't remember the last time El & I had a serious argument. Or the last time we were really upset with each other. We have been using the tools that God has given us and the tools we've learned in conferences to have a healthy, happy marriage. I enjoy waking up beside him, still watching him sleep as he rolls over. I enjoy talking to him throughout the day, letting him know that I am thinking about him by texting him little messages. I can't wait for him to get home from work, so we can sit on the couch and sometimes watch TV or do nothing but talk. I love our date nights, when our son is at work and we can alone time without any interruptions. I like hearing the made up songs he sings even though they don't always make sense. I admire the way he handles his customers when I hear bits and pieces of his conversation while he's at work. I'm in love with him. Everything is going fine.

With that said, I know the enemy is somewhere lurking around waiting for me to let my guard down; but I have bad news for the enemy. The enemy won't catch me off guard, because I know and understand who I belong to. I know who holds all power in HIS hands. I know that God is real. And I continue to worship Him, praise Him, depend on Him, thank Him, love Him, give Him reverence, give Him benevolence, talk about Him... God is my all. God is why everything else in my life is possible. God is my very reason for existence. God is the very reason for my husband's existence. Do I take any of that for granted? NO! I know life can end in the blink of an eye. I know that tomorrow is not promised to any man.

When everything seems fine, don't let the enemy catch you slipping. Don't forget about God just because you don't have any prayer requests or all your bills are paid. When everything is fine, give God more praise and worship. Pray fervently. Be grateful. Spread the good news to others about your very fine life. When everything seems fine, thank God!

Thank you Lord for your precious blessings. Thank you for keeping us mindful of you always. Thank you for your love, grace, and mercy. Thank you for loving us inspight of ourselves. Thank you for being God. Help us to be all that you have called us to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Are you watching closely?

But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry. (2 Timothy 4:5).

The world is full of thrills and fun. People are carelessly spending more time doing things for their own personal enjoyment than ever before. People are moving away from what the Word tells us to their own devices for personal gain and support. No longer are we living in a society where we stand firm on what God says. People would rather find something that supports what they are saying. So as married couples, we have to be watchful. Marriages are under attack now more than ever. The enemy is preying on pastors, especially. So you may be asking, what can I do?

First, you can understand that others are watching. As a married couple, your living example should be proof to others what God's love is like for His people. People should see your marriage and see a representation of God's love for the church. And people are watching, whether you want them to or not. So instead of giving them the Jerry Springer show that they expect; give them another show: one that God would want you to give them (living testimony). Understand that others are watching.

Second, your marriage is a ministry. When others see you happy and blissful, you are showing them that it is possible to be happy in a marriage. However, if you show that you are unhappy, that is ministering to them also. But if we follow the Word in our marriages and allow it to be our instructional manual; we will be able to show a positive ministry to others. Your marriage is a ministry.

Third, you can abide in God's Word. Let the Word of God saturate your very being and allow the Holy Spirit to rule over your life. God should be on your mind every moment of the day. He should be your all. Abide in God's Word.

...Are you watching closely?
There's another part of this question I want you to consider. Are you watching your spouse closely? Are you paying attention to their wants, needs, desires, etc.? Watching your spouse with a close eye will give you insight into their likes & dislikes; their preferences, their special requests. We should be trying to please our spouse and one way to do that is to know them. You can get to know them by watching them. Of course communication is also another way to get to know them, but watch them also. Watch their body language when you talk to them. Watch their habits: the way they eat, sleep, talk, walk, what music they listen to, how they respond to others, watch. Not like in a stalker kind of way, but in a way that you notice them. There are certain things you should know about your spouse: like how they order food when they go to certain restaurants; or what shoes hurt their feet; or how they like their food prepared; or what their favorite outfit is; or who's their favorite sport's team; or where they like to sit in the movies; or what is their favorite movie; or what their favorite past time is; or what gas station they like to go to; or how they like their clothes ironed; or...
The point is be watchful.

I know that El likes extra mayo on his sandwiches. That he eats his french fries first before his hamburger because he doesn't like them cold. That he starts out sleeping on his right side, but will end up on the left before morning. That he likes his shirts ironed so the crease will show in the sleeve and the collar will lay flat. That he loves his son and will do just about anything for him. That he takes his job seriously and can tell you anything about stereos. That he shakes his leg and pats my back when he is on the phone. That he likes to make up songs. That he likes Transformers and basketball (& he likes when I show interest in both of them). I've been watching him. I am still watching him. And I like watching him. Why not? Who else am I going to watch?

Are you watching closely? Keep watching.