DAY 17 of 30 Day Challenge

"And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18)

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women criticize their mates, their husbands may long for solitude. Be careful today not to criticize your mate, but look for ways to encourage him personally and publicly.

Speaking of communication, does your husband communicate with you? God has made you a companion and helper for your husband, and part of being "one flesh" with him is the privilege of sharing and discussing personal needs and concerns. Thank God for that wonderful gift. Thank your husband for communicating with you.

If your spouse does not communicate as you wish, look for ways that he communicates that are normal for him--smiling at you, nodding his head, even a pleasant "grunt!"--and then thank him for letting you know that he cares. Perhaps he needs to be lovingly taught how to communicate. Be patient with him . . . and listen when he does speak.

Lord, help me to affirm my husband as he communicates more with me. Help me not to be criticizing so that he won't want to share with me through communication. Help me to lift him up and not judge him and to listen to him attentively when he is talking. Thank You for a husband that wants to communicate with me and not anyone else. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 16 of 30 Day Challenge

"Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
(2 Peter 3:18a)

Sometimes we live so close to our spouse that we fail to see him as others do; we only see our husband's faults.

Take a step back. Perhaps he is growing spiritually in ways you have failed to appreciate. How can you encourage his growth in a fresh, new way? Remember--your husband is accountable to God for his spiritual development. You are accountable to God to encourage and not hinder that growth.

Can you identify an area of spiritual strength in your husband? Does he pray or read his Bible regularly? Does he like to read about or discuss spiritual matters? Does he go to church with you? Is he a spiritual leader? What do others say about him? If you can identify a specific area, praise him for that.

If not, pray earnestly that God will work in his heart, and watch for signs of spiritual growth in the future.

Lord, I want to thank You for a praying husband, for a church-going husband, for a husband that loves You and reverences You. Thank You that he is trying to serve You for the benefit of our family. And Lord help him to be the man that You would have him to be. The husband that You would have him to be, not what I want, but what You want him to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 15 of 30 Day Challenge

"Let your speech always be with grace." (Colossians 4:6a)

Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If everything my family and friends knew about my husband came from a filter of what I've said about him, what would they think of my husband?" Do you need to change the filter?

Do you speak positively about your husband to others, or do you complain and criticize? Your speech should reflect 1 Corinthians 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never "rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area; be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests."

Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8b). Present your husband before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse. Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may come back to him, and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never tearing him down.

Don't forget: you are always criticizing--or encouraging--before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace.

Lord, do not allow the enemy to penetrate my heart and in turn speak evil of my husband. Help me to always be uplifting in my speech about him and to say only good things about him to others. Use me as a vessel in which only good things are poured out of about my husband-that when others hear they will know how great he is. Lord I can only do this with Your help. Remind me that this is exactly what I would want to hear about myself from my husband. Help me to see him with Your eyes. Thank You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 14 of 30 Day Challenge

"The righteous man walks in his integrity." (Proverbs 20:7a)

Every week there are news reports about men who gave in to temptations and compromised what they said they believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden infidelity, and hypocritical leaders. It's so easy to focus on these things and ignore those who are being honest, faithful, and genuine. As you continue in the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge", determine to look for ways that your husband stands against the culture.

Is your spouse a man of integrity? Is he fair in his dealings with people? Does he understand the meaning of justice? Is he honest in business? Unhypocritical in his faith? Consider all the ways a man can live in integrity, and praise your husband for one of them.

As you have the opportunity--as it is appropriate--share examples of your husband's honesty and integrity with others.

Dear God, help my husband to remain faithful to his vows and keep all temptation away from him. Thank You, Lord that he has not fallen into the trap of temptation and that if he does, You will make a way of escape. Thank You for protecting my family from harm and the scars of unfaithfulness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 13 of 30 Day Challenge

"I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me." (Song of Solomon 7:10)

The sexual relationship. It's one of those elements--along with money and children--that can derail a marriage through negative comments. Negativity destroys intimacy, but encouragement builds and strengthens the marriage bond.

Let's get practical here. Is your husband a "good lover?" Have you told him so? Be specific. Let him know when he pleases you. Most husbands genuinely want to please their wives, especially in this important area of marriage.

In moments of intimacy, do you find your mind wandering? This can change as you focus on something wonderful about your husband. Realize that your husband wants intimacy with you. His desire is toward you.

Does this area of your marriage need some work? Remember that this is a sensitive area for men. Be sure to encourage his lovemaking and masculinity in positive ways.

Dear Lord, help me to appreciate my husband as a lover. Make our marriage bed one of great satisfaction that my desire is only to him and him alone. Help to see my husband as a beautiful creation from You and to tell him that he is a great lover and mean it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

The Adjustment Bureau

I was watching a movie the other night called The Adjustment Bureau. I had already seen the previews, so I knew a little bit about the theme of the movie. It is about a man who is running and leading for senate but something in his past surfaces (which could keep him from winning) and he his numbers begin to plummet. Then he meets a lady and instantly they fall in love, but he doesn't get her name or number. However, he runs into her again on a bus and this time he gets her number. This is where the adjustment bureau comes in to change his fate or destiny because he can't be with this woman. He is supposed to eventually run for president; and she is eventually going to be a world renowned ballet dancer. But if the two of them stay together, they will crush each other's dream...because basically they will want to spend all their time together and not pursue their goals with as much effort as they did before. Sound familiar?

Well all of this made me think about the adjustments in our own lives. How sometimes we take a detour instead of going the same way home from work and we avoid an accident. Or we are running late for work and we avoid traffic. Or we decide to go to this particular gathering and we meet our husband or wife. Or we choose this store to shop in and we meet our new best friend. Chance occurrences, surprise meetings, fate, destiny...or God?

When we're really in tune with the Holy Spirit (our adjustment bureau), He will guide our footsteps and tell us when to go left, when to go right, when to keep straight, when to stop. He will keep us from that big accident, that traffic jam, from the wrong husband or wife. The Holy Spirit will help us become who we are destined to be: senator, president, cashier, store clerk, student, counselor, teacher, fireman, postal worker, coach, professional ball player, etc. In the movie, the adjustment bureau's job was to keep David and Elise away from each other and to get David's life back on track to be president; but they weren't able to control David. But that's not the case with our God. God is always in control...however, sometimes He allows us to do what we want...like the children of Israel from this week's Sunday school lesson. (They were disobedient when God told them to kill all of the Canaanites, but they didn't and they began to worship the gods of Canaan (Baal and Ashtaroth)and upset God so much that the hand of God was upon them for evil. Read the story in Judges 2 when you get a chance). But sometimes God allows us to do what we want and then when we get into trouble, we tend to call on Him. But again when everything is fine, we seem to forget Him.

This movie made me think about our relationship with God and how important it is to have one. I can't begin to tell you how many mistakes I made because I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit. I know that He has always talked to me and you have heard Him too, but thought that you should have followed your first mind (that was the Holy Spirit) but if you are not in tune with Him, His voice is real faint and you can barely hear Him. It's that inner voice that tells us when we're doing wrong...when we're going the wrong way...when we need to go this way or that way...when we need to help someone...when we need to speak to someone...when we need to listen to someone...when we need to be obedient. How many times have you had a conversation with a stranger and afterwards, you thought "Wow, I needed that!" Jesus promised us a comforter and that comforter is the Holy Spirit (John 14:26) And because of our disobedience; we are sometimes put into situations where we're unhappy and calling on God about our situation. But God wants you to check with Him before you make decisions that will cause you grief. Most of the time, we don't have to check with Him...if we just read our manual (the Bible) then we will know what to do in many situations because He has already told us and He has given us examples of people who were in the same situation and how they conquered or failed and their consequences. God has given us everything we need to survive in this world, but many of us don't take the time to read the manual (in fact I wrote a blog about reading the manual - that we read a manual for our car, for putting together a bookshelf, for fixing a leak, etc. but we won't read our manual to know what we are to do).

Okay, back to the movie- how many people have you met over the years and later you thought...that was supposed to be husband or my wife but you let them get away and now it's too late? Or maybe you were like the characters in the movie - they decided no matter what; they were going to be together and they took that chance? We don't have the luxury to see into the future like this couple; but we do have a God that can give us the wisdom to know who is right and wrong for us. We don't need the "adjustment bureau"; we have our own: God; Jesus; the Holy Spirit. Do you need an adjustment? Have you talked to your adjustment bureau lately? Have you read the manual lately? Do you need an adjustment?

DAY 12 of 30 Day Challenge

"With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)

Part of the difficulty you may face as you continue in this 30-day challenge is that you really are struggling to find positive things to praise your husband for. Perhaps the problem is not with your husband. Have you checked your own heart?

Sometimes we get disillusioned because of our own unreasonable or unrealistic expectations (Proverbs 13:12). It may not be that our mates are doing something wrong; it's simply that we expect too much in some areas.

Our expectations must be met in God alone, and then we will have the right perspective to ask God for the healing and grace we need to respond to others.

How sad that we give more grace to others than to those in our own homes. Today, try to look at your husband through eyes of grace. Verbally thank your husband for what he is already doing.

Lord, help me to find positive things to say about my husband. Help me to put my expectations in You and not in my husband. Help me to understand that he is not able to fulfill all my needs and that only You alone can do that. But sometimes it is hard for me to grasp this idea. Help me to be mindful of this and to turn to You when my husband does not fulfill my needs. Thank You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 11 of 30 Day Challenge

Day 11

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)

Women who are constantly negative toward their husbands--especially by speaking evil of them to others--show great disrespect. Determine not to do that today (or ever!). This challenge to encourage is closely connected to submission.

Men respond to women who respect them. What do you respect about your husband? Part of that respect includes submission to his authority. Let your husband know how respecting him makes it easier to submit to his leadership. Show your respect in public by listening to him and smiling at him when he speaks. Place your hand in his as you walk together.

If you feel there is nothing to respect, search harder . . . nearly every man has some core characteristic that can be nurtured and respected. In any case, you must still cultivate a submissive spirit to his position of leadership . . . "as to the Lord."

Lord, help me to remember my husband as the leader of our family. Help me to respect him and submit to his authority as he submits to You. Thank You for a husband that is leading by example and following God's example. Thank You, Lord for my husband. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 10 of 30-day Challenge

Day 10
"Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant!" (Song of Solomon 1:16a)

We all crave appreciation. We want to know that we are valued and loved. Early love letters probably reflected your admiration of your husband, but if you're not careful, your spouse will forget why you were drawn to him. If you still have any of your old love letters, re-read them for clues to deepen your current level of appreciation for your spouse.

When we spend time criticizing our husbands, we lose time that could be spent
admiring them. As you consider various ways to encourage your husband, ask, "How can I admire him?"

Does your husband know that you think he is attractive? What was one of the
characteristics in your husband that first drew you to him? Was it a physical
characteristic, or something else?

Was it his gentle, compassionate eyes? Kindness or concern for others? An easy-going confidence? A steadiness that comes from trusting in the Lord? Strength of character in a culture that lacks integrity? Do you see at least a glimpse of that characteristic in him today? Whatever it is, tell him!


Lord, remind me of how attractive my husband is and help me remember his love for me. Help me not to take him for granted. Help me to admire him and lift him up. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 9 of 30-day Challenge

Day 9

"Be swift to hear, slow to speak . . ." (James 1:19b)

We are often so busy speaking that we don't take time to listen. We are so quick to offer a comment--negative or positive--that we don't really "hear" our husband's heart. Remember, we have two ears and only one mouth. We need to listen more!

As you continue in your 30-day challenge, hear the Lord's admonition: "Be swift to hear."

If listening is a real problem for you, play a game with yourself. See if you can listen to your husband for one whole day, only speaking when asked a question. If your husband notices the difference, explain that you are learning to listen more--not only to God, but also to him.

One easy way to express admiration for your husband is to ask a question about something he enjoys, and then listen to his response. If it's an area of personal familiarity, keep asking questions until you learn something you didn't know, then tell him, "Wow, I didn't know that!"

***
Okay, Ladies is this a hard one for you? We all like to talk, but let's just listen.

Lord, help me to listen to my spouse more. Help me to really pay attention to what he is saying. Help me to focus on him completely when he is talking (and not doing something else - while listening). Thank You that I have a husband that is willing to talk to me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 8 of 30-day Challenge

How are you doing with the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge"? In case you've forgotten, here's the challenge:

* You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband, or to anyone else.

* Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband and to someone else.

"But who can find a faithful man?" (Proverbs 20:6b)

Faithfulness is a wonderful but rare quality today, especially in regard to marriage. Do you understand how important this quality is? Your challenge is to continue to root out all negative speaking, and plant seeds of encouragement instead. You may be amazed at what will grow.

Contemporary culture often entices men to be unfaithful to their wedding vows and spiritual commitments. Appreciate your husband's faithfulness--how he is loyal to you. Let him know that you are glad he has "stick-to-it-iveness" in your marriage. Appreciate his faithfulness to God.

If you have an unfaithful husband, this is a difficult area for you. Pray, speak the truth in love, remain faithful yourself, and discover ways to encourage faithfulness in your mate. The Bible says that husbands may "be won by the conduct of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1b). You may also want to seek counsel from a mature, godly individual or couple.

Lord, I pray that you will keep all temptation away from my husband. Help him to remain faithful to his vows and to his wife. Give him a way of escape when he is tempted. I thank You for his faithfulness to me and our family. I thank You that I have a husband that is committed to me and only me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 7 of 30-day Challenge

Day 7

"Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease! For riches certainly make themselves wings." (Proverbs 23:4, 5b)

"That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth, that I may fill their treasuries." (Proverbs 8:21)

Money is the root of much marital discord. Ask yourself, "Am I being negative toward my husband in the area of finances?" Determine not to speak evil of your husband in this area. Discover ways to encourage and help him instead.

Does your husband handle finances wisely? Does he make good financial investments, based on biblical principles? Does he have a budget? Does he make wise decisions about purchases--checking many sources before he buys? Is he a good steward of his money before the Lord? Let him know how much you appreciate his strengths in financial matters.

If he is weak in this area, encourage any good decisions that he does make. Perhaps you can help him, if he's open to the idea, by organizing financial files or providing other practical assistance. Or, if he wants you to handle the finances, ask for his input before you make decisions that will affect him.

***

Ladies, it has almost been a week... how are you feeling about the challenge? Are you being an encourager? Hopefully you are staying on track. Remember this is about the time that you want to journal your progress and your thoughts. I am sure that each of you are doing an excellent job! Keep it up!

Lord, I come to You again...to say thank You! Thank You for a wonderful man of God, one who knows how to handle our finances and is not frivolous with our funds. Lord, thank You for a man who takes care of our home and supports our family. And Lord, if my husband is struggling in this area, please bless him that he will do better. That he will be the husband You have called him to be and that he will be a good steward over our finances. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 6 of 30-day Challenge

Day 6
"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31b)

Do you recognize and appreciate your husband's creativity? Or do you criticize and demean his efforts? Instead of negativity, determine to be positive. Perhaps you can help your husband see that his efforts are an opportunity to glorify God.

Is your husband the "creative" type? Does he have any artistic gifts? What is that special "knack" he has? Affirm him for his handiwork--a hobby, music, gardening, tinkering with cars, working with wood, etc. Remember: Even if he doesn't measure up to your standards, praise his efforts. If your budget allows, buy him a book or magazine that will continue to encourage his special skill or talent.

If you have a hard time finding his "creative side," understand that men's creativity sometimes is related to their work. Find something he does to make his job run more smoothly or something he does that adds value to his work, and let him know that you have noticed.

Make his day--Praise his accomplishments in public, while he is listening.

Lord, You made my husband - and I am thankful. I thank You for his creativity, for his gifts, and for his love. Thank You, Lord for making such a wonderful creation for I know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord (Romans 8:28). In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 5 of 30-day Challenge

Day 5

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29)

Another way to describe the positive side of this "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge" is by using the word "edify," which means, "to build up." Negative comments only discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build.

Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is especially important with other family members.

Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband's mother know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you respect your husband, love him, and support him--in spite of whatever flaws and weaknesses he may have.

Dear Lord, remind me that my husband is special and a gift from you. He could have chosen any woman, but he chose me. Remind me that our marriage is a gift and help me to edify him always despite his flaws and weaknesses. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 4 of 30-Day Challenge

"Let him labor, working with his hands what is good . . ." (Ephesians 4:28b)

We are all accountable for the things we say, both negative and positive words. Have you embraced the challenge to speak only positive things to your husband and to others about him? Here's a suggestion that touches the core of your husband's world.

Some women take their husband's career for granted, and they show it in many ways. Do you "dump" on your husband at the end of the workday, or do you strengthen and encourage him with your words? A wise wife will make her husband feel that she values and appreciates his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others.

If your husband is out of work, unable to work, or refuses to work, you'll need to be more creative. Praise him for a character quality that you see in him that would be a vital part of a successful career - such as persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, good with people, good listener, determination, etc.

Father God, help me to accept my husband for who he is and to accept his career. Help me to show my appreciation by not adding to his stress. Help me to not take his career for granted. Show me ways that I can be appreciative and build him up. In Jesus' name, Amen.

30-Day Challenge DAY 3

Day Three
Love suffers long, and is kind. (1 Cor. 13:4)
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ
Jesus. (Phil. 4:19)
Love indeed suffers long and is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge,
determine today that you will not say anything negative to or about your husband.
Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement.
If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank
him for his kindness and consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to
be both tough and tender.
Sometimes it's difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender—especially if he hasn't had
role models in these areas. If he's not a considerate person, appeal to him for help
without complaining. Let him know that it's hard for you to handle some things alone.
Then, when he moves in to help, don't insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is
responding, and express your gratitude.
Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc.
Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart.

Ladies, I know you are doing a great job with this challenge. I hope by now since it's the weekend that you have had a chance to journal a little and record your thoughts, your changes, your demeanor, or your husband's changes. Maybe he's wondering why you have been so nice the last couple of days. Hopefully this not too out of character for you.

Father God, we come to tell you thank you for blessing us with a wonderful husband. Help us not to take him for granted and to appreciate even the little things he does such as taking out the garbage, getting my car washed, calling me throughout the day, going to work, & for loving me. Thank you that you've allowed me to wake up every morning and find he is still living and beside me. I know that there are some women that have lost their husbands, thank you Lord for allowing me to spend more time on earth with mine. Help me to continue to be a blessing to him, daily. Thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

30-Day Challenge DAY 2

Day Two
Through love serve one another. (Gal. 5:13b)
How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing and encouraging your
husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say
something negative? We hope you're off to a good start. (If you blew it, don't give up - start again today!) There are so many practical things you can praise, if you look for them.

Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help
around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget
allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn't
think it's part of a "Honey Do" list!
Maybe your husband's not a handyman, but does he run errands for you? Let you go
first? Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength.


Okay, Ladies - this is day 2! If you didn't do so well yesterday, that's okay. Dust yourself off and try again!

Father God as we struggle with our own shortcomings, give us strength. Help us to understand that our husbands will never be able to supply all of our needs - that's Your job! But give us comfort when they fall short and help us to still be what they need even when they are not being what we need. And Lord, be swift to pick up the slack so we won't even notice that they haven't met our needs. Thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com
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30-Day Challenge DAY 1

Day One
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does
him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Prov. 31:11-12)

To refresh your memory, here's the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge for the next 30
days:
 You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
 Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your
husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!
To help you get started, have you ever thanked your husband for choosing you above
all other women? He found you attractive as a person, and appreciated you. Though
many circumstances in your marriage may have changed, let your husband know that
you are glad God led you together, and that you want to be a blessing to him for the rest of your marriage. Let him know that he can trust you to be in his corner.
One of the best opportunities to express your gratitude is first thing in the morning. How do you greet your husband each morning? Is he confident in your love? Give him a "wake up call" that he'll never forget—a big "I love you" and an "I'm so glad I'm your wife!" and you may want to add: "I respect you"!

Suggestions for creativity with this: instead of just saying it; write a letter to him expressing this. Write it on pretty stationary and place it in a matching envelope and spray a little perfume on the letter (not too much, you don't want the ink to run). If you don't have any stationary - don't let that stop you, write it on notebook paper or computer paper. Then slip the letter underneath his pillow or in his pants pocket or his lunch (that you prepared). Be creative! Have fun with this!


So what are your thoughts? Day one doesn't seem too hard. Take a deep breath...exhale...now go encourage your husband (or significant other). You can do it! You can do all things through Christ that has strengthened you. (Philippians 4:13)

Father God, please bless every woman reading this post and completing this challenge...give her the strength and compassion to be the wife you've called her to be. Let her light so shine that men will see and that You will get the glory. Allow her to be a blessing to her husband and help her to build him up and not tear him down. In Jesus name, Amen.

Are you up for the challenge?

I was reading Every Woman's Marriage, by Shannon & Greg Ethridge, last night and I had to get a few bandages for the cuts I sustained while reading. I was reminded that I have fallen short in my marriage in the way I handle situations, my attitude, and my conversation. There was a part in the book where the wife explains how she was working in all these different ministries at church and her husband only worked at his job - he wasn't involved in any ministries at the church and she wondered why, so she asked him why he wasn't more involved in ministry like she was. And do you want to know what he said? He told her that when he married her, God told him that she would be his ministry...and until further notice he was not to have another one. Ouch! You mean marriage is a ministry? Yes it is... and a very lucrative ministry (it may not bring you financial revenue, but the profit you gain is great in comparison). If this husband had been involved in different ministries at church and if he worked a full-time job, then when would he have time for his wife? She would probably not be happy with that situation either. She realized that his working 50 hours a week - provided time for her to be a part of different ministries without having to worry about going to work, taking care of a family, and being a good wife. That, basically he supported and provided for them while her job was taking care of the home and doing ministry. She then began to be thankful for his non-involvement in other ministries.

Sometimes we can be so caught up in doing church business that we forget about our families. How can we be effective ministers to others outside our home, if we are neglecting those inside the home. How can I minister to a couple about their relationship and the time they spend when I haven't invested that time in my own relationship? Our marriages are to be examples to the world about God's love for the church; but if our marriages don't reflect that image, then the world is getting the wrong picture. This husband clearly understood his role as a husband and knew his role in ministry. How many of us can say the same? Wives do you know your role as a wife and in ministry? Do you know when you are doing too much outside the home and not putting that same energy into your spouse? The bible says we are to be helpmates (Gen. 2:18)- this encompasses many areas: encourager, builder, lifter, supporter, lover, server, forgiver, respecter, encourager. (Don't get bent out of shape with some of these titles) God has called us as wives to reverence our husbands (Ephesians 5:33b); let's start by encouraging them. The best thing you can do for a man is to let him know you got his back. That when the world has failed him, you won't. That when the world has let him down, you'll build him back up. Pick your husband up! Don't let him fall; because when he falls...you fall - you are one flesh.

So I am challenging the wives to step up this month (starting July 1) and minister to your husbands. I am giving you a challenge. And that challenge is to encourage your husbands for 30 days! You can't say anything negative about your husband, to your husband, or to anyone else. I know what you're thinking - wow, 30 days - that's a long time; but he is worth more than 30 days...this should be a life time commitment. But I'm also challenging you to keep a journal (for your own personal use) about how you feel, how the process is going, what are some changes you see in your spouse, what are some changes you see in yourself, etc. And then finally if you want to post comments or share anything (as long as it's not negative about your husband), please feel free to do so. You can post comments here or send them to my email: godsunion@comcast.net. And lastly, I will encourage you! I know this won't be an easy month for some of you who accept the challenge. But know that I will be praying for you and your marriages every night. I will try to post the challenge every day and words of insight and encouragement. But you will not be alone. There will be a host of other women and we'll be connected spiritually through our journey. And God will be with you - allow Him to work through you and don't forget to go to Him daily for yourself, your marriage, and for strength. I love you and I look forward to hearing from you. Share this information with other married women, engaged women, or women in relationships.

It's time to build up our men! Are you up for the challenge?

For information, go to Revive Our Hearts or click on the title of this post above.

Marriage Conference with New Hope Enterprise

To view this poster in its entirety, go to http://zhenry88.edu.glogster.com/false/

Convenient Christianity

Why are so many Christians or (non-Christians) turning to other religions? Or why do you think people don't take Christianity seriously? Maybe it's because we are practicing Convenient Christianity... you are a Christian when it's convenient for you. For example, you are a Christian on Sunday during church service because you know someone is watching; you are a Christian on Wednesday during Bible Study; you are a Christian when someone at work mentions they are a Christian too; you are practicing Convenient Christianity!

So when do you read the Word of God to have His statutes embedded in your heart? How often do you pray - having intimate conversation with God and not just, "God is good, God is great, let us thank Him for our food, Amen", or "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep..."? When do you practice Godly wisdom and are you able to be Godly in the face of adversity? How often do you witness to others either verbally or non-verbally? Do you have a real relationship with God; one that is not flaky, one that is rooted in faith and trust--where you believe God enough to not only save your soul, but also pay your bills? Where is your faith?

Do you pursue obedience to God or slavery to the enemy? Are you walking with God or running for the devil? Is God your father or are you the son of lies? Where is your loyalty? Are you a Christian; a child of God; joint heir with Christ everyday, every hour, every minute, every second? Or do you put on the mask of Christianity when it suits you?

Is this too much for you to think about right now? Am I asking too many questions? Are you feeling guilty about your Christian walk? Sorry to inconvenience you...

Are you working? (I Go to Work, Part 2)

Little did I know that my last post would end up being my mantra and that I'd be singing it even when I didn't want to. Shortly after posting the blog, I went to work and I went to work hard. Just a quick run down of my schedule: I work five days a week, teach aerobics 3 days a week & work out 2 more days other than that, attend bible study 1 day a week, attend church service 1 day a week, attend class 2 days a week (yes I'm back in school), cook dinner at least 2 days a week, study every day of the week (whether it's for school, Sunday school, marriage ministry, or hospitality ministry), conduct a marriage meeting twice a month, have a hospitality meeting once a month, date night once (sometimes twice) a week, pillow talk at least 3 times a week, wash clothes, grocery shop, and I'm sure I'm leaving something out... have I made you tired yet? ...I go to work.

I don't say all of this to make it seem as if I want sympathy. I say this to call your attention to the date night and the pillow talk. No matter how busy your schedule gets, don't forget your spouse. Everything in life is work... but your marriage is work also. I feel energized to get away for a few hours with my husband once a week. And even though I may be exhausted at night, the pillow talks are so refreshing and informative. It's like pulling out your PDA and reviewing your schedules so you keep each other abreast on upcoming events. Throughout the day we make it a point to talk to (or text) each other even if it's just a few minutes at a time. Steal some time for your spouse. Pencil them in your PDA. Make your marriage intentional.

I ask again, are you working? Now are you working on the right things? Break time is over! Get back to work.

"I Go to Work"

The famous rapper, Kool Moe Dee, released his third album entitled Knowledge is King in May of 1989 where the song, I Go to Work appears. This rap song explains that what Kool Moe Dee does (rapping) is actually a job, contrary to popular belief. In this song, his lyrics state that he puts a lot of effort into his writing; making the analogies between rapping and being a doctor, an architect, and a boxer. That he is very much skilled in what he does and if you think that this is not a job, think again, rapping is very much work for Kool Moe Dee. I don't write, I build a rhyme...And if it's weak when I'm done; renovate and build another one... ...You wanna know my occupation? I get paid to rock the nation. Very powerful words by Kool Moe Dee twenty years ago.

Well marriage is work... It may not seem like a real job, but it is. Parenting is work... School is work... Life is work... Relationships are work... Serving God is work... Are you working? As long as it is day... Night is coming when no one can work. (John 9:4). Anything in life worth having is work.

On your job, if you don't work, you don't get paid and you may get fired. You can't sit around and expect the work to get done on its own.

Being a parent is work. Children have needs at every stage of their lives. At birth they need close supervision and care. As a toddler they need guidance and love. As a preschooler they need nurturing and instruction. As a preteen they need sheltering and quality time. As a teenager they need guidance and correction. As an adult they need advice and a listening ear. Parenting is work.

School is work. You go to school twelve plus years, do homework, complete projects, write papers; only to graduate and do it all over again in college. But learning should be an ongoing process for the student as well as the person not in school. School/learning is work.

Life is work. We're conceived, struggle to get here, grow into adulthood, experience failures and successes, meet good and bad people, make mistakes, etc. But it's all a learning process and it's all work.

Relationships are work. You have to work at being a friend: being considerate, saying thank you, I'm sorry, are you alright, what can I do to make it better, etc. Being in a committed relationship is work. The relationship doesn't mature on its own. You have to work.

Serving God is work. You can't just be a pew rider. You have to get involved and stay involved. You have to come to bible study, not just Sunday service. You have to read the Word yourself. You have to pray often. You have to live Godly. You have to be obedient to the Word. You have to witness to others. Serving God is work.

Marriage is work. You can't just say "I do" and then "don't". You have to work. "I do" means: I do and will love you. I do and will encourage you. I do and will respect you. I do and will make our house a home. I do and will work to make our marriage a Godly marriage. I do and will accept you just as you are. Marriage is work.

Are you working? If not, get busy!
Gotta go ...I got work to do.

Common Courtesy

Hello. Good morning. Thank you. You're welcome. Excuse me. Please. Is there anything you need? How are you? I miss you. You look nice. I appreciate you. I'm sorry.

There is nothing wrong with a little common courtesy. We learned it grade school. We practiced how to be courteous and cordial. We apply it on our jobs. Why can't we use it in our homes, with our spouses, with our children, with our friends, and relatives?

So many times we take each other for granted and assume we don't have to be courteous because "they know we love them" or "they know how we feel". Your spouse does not know how you feel unless you show it. And what better way to show it than with words and deeds. Let them know that you do appreciate them for preparing dinner. That you are sorry for not calling when you were going to be late. That you do miss them when they are away. That it is a good morning every time you wake up next to them.

Common courtesy - basically the little things you do to make your loved one feel special. It only takes a moment.

Scenario One:

Husband: "Honey I just called to let you know that I was running late and that I should be home before 5pm".

Wife: "Thank you for calling. I really appreciate that. I'll keep your dinner warm."

Scenario Two:

Wife: "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to wash your gym clothes. I will try to get to it by the weekend."

Husband: "That's okay. I know you've been busy. I thank you for thinking about me."

Scenario Three:

Wife: "I'm going in the kitchen, is there anything I can get for you; another dinner roll; some more tea?"

Husband: "Oh sure, I would like some more tea, please."

Scenario Four:

Husband: "Good morning, beautiful."

Wife: "Well hello to you to."

Common courtesy. It only takes a moment. It lasts a lifetime. Safeguard your spouse's heart. Be kind. Be courteous. (Ephesians 4:32).

**It's also okay to use this courtesy with friends, relatives, & people who cross our paths. :)

Thank you.

Where is God in your relationship?

By now most people know about Carrie and Big from Sex and the City and how they finally got married after dating for several years, living together, being jilted at the alter, breaking up, and then getting back together only to finally marry. But where was God in their relationship?

Or how about the four couples that vacation every year together in Why did I get married?: Sheila & Mike (now the Sheriff, Troy), Angela and Marcus, Patricia and Gavin, and Dianne and Terry. Each of these couples struggling with their own issues and problems. Sheila and Troy with financial burdens and trust issues. Angela and Marcus struggling with trust issues. Patricia and Gavin struggling with forgiveness and power. While Dianne and Terry are struggling with intimacy and communication. But again where was God in their relationships?

Or what about the movie Boomerang, Marcus is the ladies' man, dating a different woman every night until he meets his match with Jackie and she treats him the way he's been treating every woman. With a taste of his own medicine, he sulks and finds true love in Angela but doesn't know it until it's too late. At the end of the movie, he eventually gets back with Angela and it seems as if they will live happily ever after. But where was God in their relationship?

Or what about the latest movie, Just Wright. Leslie Wright meets what seems to be the perfect man, Scott McKnight, until her best friend, Morgan, intrudes. Scott thinks Morgan is the perfect woman for him until he is hurt on the court and she feels as if his life is going no where so she leaves him. When Leslie becomes his personal physical therapist, their relationship grows. In the end, Leslie gets her man. But where was God in their relationship?

How about your marriage? Is it a story book romance? Did you have the perfect wedding with all the right floral arrangements and six course meal? Did you wear the long white flowing dress studded with pearls and diamonds? Did you adorn the finest jewelry past down from generations? Did you have on the designer tuxedo with the paisley bow tie and cummerbund? Did you have an outdoor wedding at Botanic Gardens at sunset? Did you have twelve bridesmaids and groomsmen? Did you set doves free at the end of the ceremony and ride away on a horse and carriage? Maybe you had the best photographer and videographer. You probably shared memories with friends and family in your big white cloth covered photo album. You bought several different outfits for each part of the wedding. You had five different cakes because you couldn't decide which one you liked the best. After all of this... after all of this... where is God in your relationship?

Was HE there when you met your spouse? Was HE there when you started dating? Was HE there when you moved in together? Was HE there during the proposal? Was HE there when you started planning the wedding? Was HE there at the wedding ceremony? Was HE there on the honeymoon? Was HE there while you were planning to have children? Was HE there after the children came? Was HE there while your were raising your children? Where is HE in your life; in your relationship; in your relationships? Where is God? Has anyone seen HIM lately?

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33) Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

Don't lose sight of God!

I’m staying…and you’re gonna love me

Veiled Tunisian Women

There was a popular movie out called: Dreamgirls. It was a story about an African-American female singing group (Effie, Deena, & Lorrell), striving to make it big in the industry in the 1960s. The lead singer (Effie) was slightly overweight, but had a gorgeous singing voice. As the ladies became famous, Effie fell in love with the manager of the group (Curtis). Eventually he decided it would be better if Deena was the lead singer because of her physical appearance and her ability to cross over to pop. He eventually fell for this woman and her status and replaced Effie. Upon arriving late to a rehearsal and finding out that she had been replaced by Curtis’ secretary, she became very upset and sang the very popular song, “I’m staying and you’re gonna love me.” However, in the end, he left her and eventually married Deena.

Similarly, a woman in the bible by the name of Ruth declared the same thing: I’m staying…and you’re gonna love me. The story of Ruth is one of the most acclaimed love stories in the bible. It speaks of a love that is ready to denounce all of the past for a new beginning. This story begins with a woman named Naomi who, with her husband and two sons, leaves Bethlehem (their home) because of a famine. They travel to Moab (a city filled with worshippers of idol gods). When they settle in Moab, the family is hit with tragedy as Naomi’s husband dies. After staying another ten years in Moab, the two sons marry Moabite women and then tragedy strikes again. The two sons die. Naomi is left without anyone to care for her except her two daughters-in-law. After hearing that the famine is over in Bethlehem, she decides to go back home. She begins her travels with her daughters-in-law, but then tells them to go back home to their mothers where they may marry again and live joyful lives. Orpah decides to go, but Ruth is determined to stay with her mother-in-law; as she states in Ruth 1:16: “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” She also goes on to say that wherever Naomi is buried, she wants to be buried there also. Ruth is denouncing her family, friends, and everything she has ever known to be with Naomi and her God. After years of worshipping idol gods, Ruth decides that Naomi’s God is with who she wants to be. “I’m staying…and you’re gonna love me.

How many of us are willing to stay with God no matter what? In sickness and in health? In riches or poverty? For better or for worse? Are we with God when times seem hard? Are we with God when it seems as if He is not with us? Are we staying…and know that He is gonna love us?

What about your spouse? Are you staying and making them love you? Are you trying to be the spouse God has called you to be? Are you with your spouse in bad and good times? In sickness and in health? In richness and poverty? For better or for worse? And think about that for a moment…it’s easy to be there for the health, richness, and better. But what about the sickness, poverty, and worse? Are you caring for them, supporting them, and being kind to them? Are you being loving and respectful? Are you staying? And are they gonna love you?

Why can’t we get it right?

What’s wrong with Christians that we always seem to go astray? Why do we continually go to church praising the roof off while we’re there only to walk out the door and curse somebody in the parking lot? Why do we pretend that we love God; but act like we don’t know Him at work? Why do we constantly backbite and gossip about others instead of helping them to be better? Why are our marriages failing almost as quickly as the world’s? Why aren’t we willing to work on the marriage that God has designed and ordained? Why are we so quick to throw in the towel; only to be bitter and lonely? Why can’t we get it right?

In every walk of life, there appears to be an instructional manual on how to build, construct, repair, and maintain. When you buy any equipment from the store, such as a bookcase, a table, a lawn mower, a bar-b-que grill, etc. there is an instructional manual. The manual tells you how many pieces came with the item and how the pieces fit together. The manual tells you approximately how long it will take to put the item together. The manual gives you phone numbers to call if you have any questions or problems with the items you’ve bought. The manual even gives you instructions on where to return the items if any pieces are missing and where to order additional pieces. When you buy a car, there is an instructional manual in the glove department. This manual tells you how often to get the oil change, where all the secret compartments are located, and how the car works. When a woman becomes pregnant, there is a manual that tells her what to expect during her pregnancy, how long she will be pregnant, what will happen during each stage of pregnancy, what to expect during labor and during the healing process after the baby is born. When the baby is born there is another manual that tells her how to care for the child; what things to expect during the first six weeks, how the child’s schedule will differ from hers, what things to feed the baby, and how to raise the child.

Now I’ve said all this to say: when you get married, there is no instructional manual (per se) on how to be married and stay married. Everything else we encounter comes with an instructional manual except for our marriage. But God has given us an instructional manual; not only on how to be married, but also on everything pertaining to us as children of God. So if God has given us His Word (the bible) as our instructional manual, then why can’t we get it right? We have the proper tools: the bible is our paper manual; the Words tell us how many pieces (body parts) have come with the item that was bought (God purchased us with the price of His Son). There are instructions on how to build, construct, repair, and maintain. So why can’t we get it right?

Because we haven’t opened the manual. Or we haven’t read the manual. Or we aren’t reading the manual and talking to the Person who wrote the manual. We aren’t obeying God’s word. In fact, we have been disobeying God’s word for so long and on several topics other than marriage. We were so disobedient that God had to send His only Son to die for our sins! God did this to reconcile us back to Him. Now God didn’t have to do this, but He did. He is our Father. And what father has ever hated his child? Parents show mercy on their children and continue to love them even when they do wrong. Just as God continues to show mercy and grace upon us and continues to love us even when we do wrong. But the bible instructs us that our walk, our lives, our marriages are not about us! Everything that you do in life is about you glorifying God. Your life is not your own. You belong to God. If you begin to live your life as though you have given it to God, then you will be able to handle situations better. People won’t make you angry as fast. You will speak words that edify. You will stay away from gossiping. You will want to be in God’s presence more. You will be kind and compassionate. You will become more like God.

So when are we going to get it right? When are we going to start taking our Christian walk seriously? Well only you can make that decision. Only you can decide when you are going to stop playing with God and get it right. Only you can make the choice to be more Godly in every aspect of your life. Only you can get it right with your spouse. But let me suggest that you start today. Get it right; right now!

Lent

The season of lent begins on Ash Wednesday (which this year is February 17th)and ends the day before Easter (or Resurrection Sunday) April 3rd. Lent is a representation of the 40 day/night fast that Jesus endured. As we embark on this lent season; we are reminded that Jesus gave up food for 40 days/nights to give us an example that we too can endure fasting and be victorious over the enemy. (Matthew 4:1-11). During the season of lent; Christians give up something as a sacrifice for 40 days (if you count Sunday; it is actually 46 days). This sacrifice is usually some form of food: sugar, candy, sodas, bread, meat, etc. Usually it is something that may seem hard for you to give up. For the past 3 years, our family has given up our Friday ritual of eating fried fish at Cracker Barrel. But this year we've decided to give up something else: television. Not only do you give a sacrifice; you should also spend time praying and reading God's Word. This is very important-so you won't be tempted and also to continue growing in a deeper relationship with God.

How wonderful it would be if we got closer to God through reading His Word, praying, and fasting. Examine the closeness we could gain with our spouses by getting closer to God. Remember the enemy wants to destroy your union; don't let him. Build a strong hold; be victorious during lent and get stronger in the Lord.

If you haven't already started fasting; do it today. Make the sacrifice. Christ did for us.
God Bless.

Stubborn?

In the book of Exodus (starting with chapter 7); Pharaoh shows his stubbornness. He is unwilling to let God's people go after several miraculous signs were performed by Moses at the hand of God. God allows Moses' staff to become a snake, HE sends the plague of blood, frogs, gnats, flies, livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and a plague on the firstborn. Pharaoh continued to keep God's people in captivity; agreeing at first and then changing his mind when the plague was released. (When you get a chance, read these chapters in Exodus, starting with chapter 7). It wasn't until something really drastic happened that Pharaoh agreed to let God's people go.

The same is sometimes true with us. We are severely stubborn until God does something really drastic in our lives. We are having an affair, but won't stop until we are caught (and some won't stop then-if we think we can be smarter next time) and have the risk of everything taking away from us. We are not committed to our spouse; but more committed to our jobs. It is not until we lose our jobs, that we realize we've neglected our spouse. We are not committed to God and His purpose for our marriage; but our commitment comes and goes as we go through trials and tribulations and HE continues to bring us out. It is not until something drastic happens that we are snapped back into full commitment. We are verbally abusive to our spouses; but it is not until they leave, that we understand the error of our ways.

Why are we so stubborn? We know right from wrong. Most of us have been raised to have at least been taught that. Those of us who are Christians, we have a greater sense of responsibility. We know more than right from wrong. We know God's way is the only right way (even when it doesn't make sense).

The word stubborn means unreasonably or perversely unyielding : mulish : justifiably unyielding : resolute. Think about those words for a minute. Unreasonably or perversely unyielding. You have no reason to justify your stubbornness; you just are. Think about Pharaoh. He didn't have a good reason for keeping God's people. He had seen the miracles performed and one miracle should have been enough for him to let the people go. (Of course God wanted the Egyptians to know that HE is almighty and that it was HIM and not Moses performing the miracles - so there was a method to the hardness of Pharaoh's heart). But with us, most of the time, we just want to do what we want to, when we want to, how we want to, and with whom we want to. Usually God hasn't hardened our hearts; we just haven't opened our hearts to God completely. We're wondering why we aren't being blessed like we should; because we are stubborn. We're wondering why we can't hear God's voice; because we are stubborn.

Pastor Ray taught a sermon in Bible study a few weeks ago from Psalm 37:1-7. We should take heed to listen to the commands of God (not requests or suggestions - but commands). Specifically around verses 3-5; God commands our trust, delight, and commitment. HE is not asking us, God is telling us. Verse 4 - tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Well, most of us want the desires of our heart; but we don't want to delight ourselves in the Lord. And Pastor was explaining when we delight ourselves in the Lord, our desires WILL CHANGE. We won't want the same things we wanted before; we'll be in line with God's will for our lives. So why are we stubborn? I think that for many of us, we just want the freedom to do whatever without consequences. But the problem with that is that isn't freedom at all. That's the enemy's way and his way is bondage. Our freedom comes with doing it God's way. We have to dismiss all the things we've been taught about what makes us happy, successful, rich, loved, etc. We have to realize that happiness is temporary (it depends on what's happening); joy is what we really need and that comes from God. We have to realize that success is not how much money you make, or the car you drive, or the house you live in. Success comes from God and HIS standards. If we acknowledge it came from God and it's not ours then we won't be selfish with things or kill ourselves working to get things. We have to realize that riches are from God. They are not in our paycheck. Love comes from God. When we accept HIS love for us; we can then begin to really love others (especially our spouses).

You're not missing anything when you submit to God. Stop being stubborn. Surrender to God. Your life will be so much better. Let's not end up like Pharaoh. Stop being stubborn.

What can I do to make it better?

Romantic Rendezvous, by John Holyfield (jamesloveless.com)





Wife #1: "I had a really hard day at work. My students failed the test I thought they were better prepared for and my principal said I didn't turn in my paperwork on time!"

Husband #1: "What can I do to make your day better?"

Husband #2: "The car quit on me today and my check was short because I missed two days of work!"

Wife #2: "What can I do to make it better?"

Husband #3: "I'm tired of working outside. The temperatures were below freezing last week. I wish I could quit my job!"

Wife #3: "What can I do to help make your situation better?"

Wife #4: "I'm tired of staying at home with the kids. I never get to talk to any grown ups and the laundry seems to never get done!"

Husband #4: "What can I do to help?"

All of these scenarios have one thing in common: The response of the spouse. "What can I do to make it better?"

How many times has your spouse openly confessed their feelings and you shot them down with a negative response: such as "everybody has a hard day at work; suck it up"; or "why was your check short and why did you miss two days of work"; or "I'm tired of working, too; why don't we all quit and be homeless"; or "if you did all the laundry on Saturday, you would have this problem on Monday and don't you have any friends that you can talk to".

Most of the time, your spouse really doesn't want a solution, a smart comment, or a rebuttal. But they do want your sincere expression of love and care. When you ask, "What can I do to make it better?" many times the response will be something like this: "just rub my feet or hold me - I'll be alright"; "I'll get the car fixed, Tony knows this mechanic that will fix it free"; "just help me find my insulated gloves - you know I'm not going to quit my job"; "can you just help me fold this last load and talk to me about your day". Your spouse just wants to know that you got their back; that you will be there when times get hard; that you will love them unconditionally - even if they didn't have a job; that you will be there. Your spouse needs reassurance that you're in their corner.

So the next time, your spouse has what you think is a complaint just ask them if there is anything you can do to make it better. And then try to do it. If they say: rub my feet or kiss me or help me fold the clothes - do it. How much energy does it take to make our spouses day a little less stressful. With all they are dealing with in the world; let them come home to peace.

And watch out for their reaction. They won't be expecting you to say: "What can I do to make it better?" They may think it is a trick. But you will be surprised how your spouse will just melt when asked this question. Let your spouse know that you really care...

What can I do to make it better? that is the question!

Temptation

Samson and Delilah by Alan and Aaron Hicks jamesloveless.com

This week's Sunday School Lesson deals with the devil tempting Jesus after His forty day/night fast. Matthew 4:1-11. There are three things evident in this temptation. #1 - the lust of the flesh; #2 - the pride of life; & #3 - the lust of the eyes.

In our marriages, we have to make sure that we don't yield to these temptations. Remembering that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear and that He always offers an escape. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. Temptation is basically wanting to do our own thing; instead of being in God's Will and doing it God's Way.

Think about that for a moment...you are tempted everyday in every walk of your life. When you get to work in the morning and someone makes you mad; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you want revenge or to hold a grudge. When that handsome/pretty office assistant smiles at you (and you're married); instead of doing what is right (God's way), you want to get a number, go to lunch, or maybe even more. When your spouse is not being loving/respectful; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you treat them unloving or disrespectful-knowing you are to be obedient to the Word of God (Ephesian 5:33). When your children are seeking your attention; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you continue to ignore them because you're busy or tired. When your pastor asks for your tithes; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you think the money is going to be used for the pastor's new house, so you don't give anything. (Malachi 3:10).

How many times during our lives do we continue to do things our way and not God's way? Why is it so hard to do it God's way? He gives us an escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). His Son has already been victorious (Matthew 4:1-11). His rewards are greater than the world's (Mark 10:29-30). God's way is the only way. Let's not yield to temptation. We can still have a wonderful life without corruption and a sinful nature(John 10:10). In fact, we will live fuller lives doing it God's way.

Remember to keep your mind stayed on God, and when temptation is facing you - pray and seek God as a way of escape.

God Bless.

Reminiscing

LOVE

I just want you to listen to the words of this song, by Kirk Franklin. Really listen and read the words below. And then think about God's love for us and the love you have for your spouse.

Listen now!
Love, by Kirk Franklin.
Paitent love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat 4 times)

Verse 1
Love a word that comes and goes
But few people really know what it means to really love somebody
Love though the tears may fade away
I'm so glad your love will stay
'cause i love you and you show me
Jesus what it really means to love

Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat twice)

Repeat verse 1

Bridge
The nights that i cry you love me
When i should have died you love me
I'll never know why you love me
Its a mystery now that i can finally see Jesus

When all was gone you love me
You gave me a song that you love me
Now i can go on 'cause you love me
Its a mystery now that i can finally see Jesus

Repeat Bridge

What it really means
What it really means
What it really means
To love .............................................................

Patient patient kind
That's love
To love...........................
Patient patient kind
That's love

My BFF

Remember when you were younger and you had a best friend. Some of us still have that same best friend or someone else who is our best friend. You know the best friend that you talked on the phone with all the time. The best friend you went shopping with. The best friend you played sports with. The best friend that cried with you during a good movie. The best friend that you just wanted to be around all the time.

My BFF (Best Friend Forever) is my husband. He is the person I want to talk on the phone with all the time. He is the person I want to go shopping with. He is the person I play games with (chess, connect four, Life, Uno, etc). He is the person I cried with several times during a good movie. He is the person I want to be around all the time. I never get tired of spending time with him. I never get tired of being around him.

It's funny when I think about how we have several days carved out just for us.
Sunday is church and usually nap day
Monday is relaxation day with a movie
Tuesday is church night and not much else
Wednesday is fun day with dinner and a movies (lately it's been marriage bible study night - which is also very fun)
Thursday is down time
Friday is Cracker Barrell night for cod fish and family night
Saturday is usually date night

Do I look forward to all of these days and nights? YES! I am anxious each week for the upcoming events. I can't wait for date night which isn't always on Saturdays; sometimes we'll do an impromptu date in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the week. I enjoy every moment that we spend together. I don't want to waste any of that time harboring ill feelings toward El. So if we have a conflict, we try to resolve it quickly and in a Godly manner.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because in a world where many women have best friends and men hang out with their best buddies-we forget about our spouses. We spend all of our time trying to get married and then we disregard our spouses. Instead we spend more time with other people; doing things with them and not including our spouse.

Genesis 2:24 says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.

Become one with your spouse. Take the time to really get to know them. Spend as much time as possible with them. Make your marriage intentional. And why not make your spouse your BFF.

Are you in the wilderness?

The book of Deuteronomy deals with the people of Israel around the time Moses led the people out of bondage and into freedom under God's guidance. This book also talks about much of the people's disobedience to the Lord and how they repeatedly disobeyed God, grumbled and complained, questioned God, and even wished that they were dead or back in slavery in Egypt. Eventually Moses joined the people and sinned against God as misery can be contagious. The people were right on the outskirts of their promised land, when Joshua and Caleb agreed that the land could be taken over and that God was with them. Once the Israelites were finally in their promised land, God told them not to conform to the people of the land. He told them that after they take over the land, that they were to still hold on to God's statutes. But the people again disobeyed God. So even though they were literally out of the wilderness, they were figuratively still in captivity; and eventually they were taken captive by the Babylonians because of their disobedience.

Are you in the wilderness in your marriage? Are you wandering aimlessly not really knowing how to get to the promised land? Are you reacting to your spouse's emotions, instead of being proactive? Are you being loving and respectful? Are you filling your spouse's love tank on a regular basis? Are you praying for your spouse and with your spouse daily? Are you reading the Word of God and responding to God's Word daily? Are you in the wilderness?

Sometimes we know exactly what to do in our marriage to keep our spouses content, but we fail to do it. Sometimes we know exactly what buttons to push to make our spouses upset, and we do it often. We need to see our spouses as God does. Think about it. How many times do you make mistakes and want God to forgive you? Probably every moment of the day. God loves us with an unconditional love. No matter what we do or have, God loves us. His grace and mercy is new everyday (Lamentations 3). So why can't we love our spouse like God loves us? By human nature, that may be impossible; but spiritually and with God's help, it is quite possible.

As El and I embark on new missions to save marriages, we are encountering couples that seem to be in the wilderness. They are just going through the motions of being married but they are really wandering. On the outside everything seems okay. They smile, nod at the right time, hold hands when they think someone's looking, they finish one another's sentences, they appear to be the perfect married couple. But they're in the wilderness. God can't save them because they don't want to be saved. They want to stay right where they are. They want the stage to continue to be their backdrop. They need the lights and the camera to perform their next scene. We used to be one of those couples. We put on the makeup before we left the house and in between scenes we did a touch up or changed clothes for the next part. What's good is that God brought us out of the wilderness, but not until we wanted to come out. We were just like the Israelites, we complained, grumbled, and questioned God. Why is this happening to me? Why me, Lord? But most of the turmoil we had brought upon ourselves by being disobedient to God. Not doing what His word says to do. Trying to do things our own way. Until we poured out our heart to God and repented for sinfulness (selfishness, unforgiving hearts, disobedience), we couldn't be content. We were wandering aimlessly with face paint. God restored our marriage and stripped us naked (thanks Zenobia for that word) to each other so we weren't ashamed to be exposed. God allowed us to really see Him and each other. He allowed us to see the gift He had given us (each other). And we allowed God to really step in our marriage and be the head, the guide, the center, the everything.

I don't know about you, but if you are anything like the Israelites, I'm sure you don't like being in the wilderness. Even though they grumbled and complained, it was their fault that they were in the wilderness because of their disobedience. Don't be like the Israelites, disobedient. Live your life according to Christ's. Get out of the wilderness. Allow God to move your marriage to the promised land, a land flowing with milk and honey. Trust God today and get out the wilderness.