I've always liked my name. I remember asking my mom why she named me Zina. She stated that she used to watch a TV show, in the 1960s, called The Doctors and the Nurses, which starred Zina Bethune and she liked the name so she named me Zina. Even though this name is a lot more popular today (still not used frequently) than it was in the 1970s, when I tell people my name, I still get surprised comments about how unique my name is. At first, my mom thought of naming me after her - Senorita. Her father got her name from a poem entitled, Little Senorita. I don't know the author of this poem; however, I remember finding the poem in a book when I was in first grade, but have not seen it since. Thankfully, she did not name me Senorita, but she did come up with a middle name for me that was similar to her first name: Sheranda, pronounce Sha-ran-da (long 'a' sound), exactly as it looks. I have a cousin who is named after me. Her first name is Sharanda, pronounced Sha-run-da. Growing up, my brother would make fun of my name by making it a sentence: Zina, she ran da hall (my maiden name is Hall). Actually, it's kind of funny. But his name is also funny - Leroy Hall, Jr. named after our father. I've always called him Roy, though.
My son's name is Cervantes Jeans Henry. However, this was not the name given to him at birth. He had another name, but his nickname has always been CJ. So you're probably wondering why his name changed? Well, in 1996 I married this awesome man named Eldridge Henry, II. I was eager to take his last name: Henry, especially since my initials would not change (lol - just joking). I love hearing his name and my last name. His nickname, Big El, is usually what I'm called when his friends see me. "Are you Big El's wife?" or "Hey, Mrs. Big El!" However, at home he's just El (or Big Daddy or Big Red or okay that's enough-lol) to me. However, when CJ was 15, we made the decision to change his name (for reasons I won't go into), by removing the first and last name and the Jr. he was given at birth and adding Henry to come up with Cervantes Jeans Henry. There's that name again. I even love saying it and typing it. I'm proud to be a Henry (okay more on this later). I've never dated anyone named Eldridge nor had I ever met anyone with this name. I remember after a year of us being married I wanted to surprise El with a tattoo of his name on my leg, but I had to look at my checkbook to make sure I was spelling it correctly (ha). Don't judge me...I wanted to make sure I got it right. Tattoos are permanent (lol). I was (and still am) proud to be married to El. I have heard women protest giving up their last name or hyphenated it with their husband's. I was proud to become a Henry. For me, this meant I was becoming a part of El's family. I was becoming his wife. I was becoming his. And I'm okay with that. I'm glad to say I belong to him. My new name signifies that I am married. I'm taken. I'm off the market. Our last names signify unity. And now that CJ is also a Henry, we are more unified than ever. When I hear CJ's name called at church or elsewhere, I perk up, because he is linked to his father and mother. He's ours. And other people don't have to question who he belongs to - he's a Henry. Hopefully, we're setting a good example and he's proud to be a part of our family. Hopefully, he's proud to be a Henry. (I think he is because he wanted to change his name as much as we wanted to). No more walking into the school and being called Mrs. Jeans. Ugh! That was not and has never been my last name. I would constantly have to correct CJ's teachers - "It's Mrs. Henry, thank you." Oh but when he got to high school - "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Henry! CJ has been..." You get the picture. We were identified by his last name which is also our last name. [For those of you that had children after marriage and have never lived in a blended family, this may not seem like a big deal to you. I grew up in a household where my parents' last name was the same as mine. My parents were married until my father died. However, as a single parent, me and my son had different last names and that didn't change when I got married. It means a lot to me (and always has) to have a unified family, not just in name but in Christ as well.] Maybe a name is not that important to you. That's fine. I was just thinking about how it makes me feel to be associated with my husband. I was thinking about the warm and cozy feeling I feel when I'm out and people recognize me as "Big El's wife" or "Mrs. Henry". Or when they recognize CJ as "Little El" or "Little Henry". I also like it when El is recognized as "Zina's man" (inside joke) "Mr. Zina" or "You Ms. Henry's husband? (this question is usually from former students and coworkers). My name - Mrs. Zina Sheranda Henry - signifies I belong to a wonderful man and we're family!
New video available on YouTube now! Watch as El and I discuss marriage. Do you want to get married? What are your reasons? Instead of concentrating on your reasons, ask God to send you a spouse and then start preparing yourself for the spouse He sends you. It starts with developing a relationship with Christ.
Click here if you don't see the video. Love, El & Zina
Just about every day we hear about the breakdown of some one's marriage. Either by infidelity or other trust issues. Married people just can't seem to get it together. So what's wrong? Well there's a breakdown of the family when the marriage is broken. God designed marriage (Genesis 2:24) and this design was never to be abused the way it is today in our society. Two pure (virgins) people (a man and woman) were supposed to come together, marry, and start a family (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). However, with the onset of pre-marital births, divorces, and remarriages, things have gotten out of order. The family is suffering today because we are doing things out of order. This is not to fuss at anyone who has had a child out of wedlock, divorced, or remarried (I was a single mother, myself); this is just to call your attention to the facts. But the disorder didn't stop with those areas. We've allowed it to spill over into our marriages, as we continue to live "single" lives. Lives of isolation - without our spouses and without God (Mark 10:7-8). Nothing has changed in our walk, yet we are expecting a change in our marriage (Ephesians 4:22-24). We are quick to give up and walk away (when most of should have did that before the wedding), instead of fight for our marriage. Furthermore, this disorder has caused a strain on our children. We have young people growing up in households where there is discord and this discord is a direct hypothesis for their future actions. As a result, there are more couples living together without the option of marriage and those that do marry already have a plan of escape prepared if things don't work out. So what can we do?
1. Start with self! You can't change your spouse or anyone for that matter. Change yourself. Give your life to God and really let him steer you from here on out. Ask Him to show you those areas in which you need to change or improve. Then start improving yourself. Take it one day at a time and you don't have to tell anyone you're doing this. They'll notice without you saying a word. Even your spouse will notice. Stay connected to the vine so you can continually grow in Christ (John 15:4-6). 2. Read marriage information. Read all you can about marriage. There is a wealth of information about Christian/biblically based marriages that will inspire you and help you become a better spouse. Don't just read the information, start changing. There are also videos and podcasts to view or listen to if you're not a reader. 3. Get involved. Many couples think a marriage enrichment class is just for those struggling in the marriage. That is quite the contrary. A marriage enrichment class is exactly what it says - enrichment. Most of us will have a few good days and think we are fine and don't need a class. But what are a few good days compared to a lifetime? Enrichment helps you gain a lifetime of good days (or at least more good days than bad). It's also a place to share your successes and pain with a group of people that can support you and lift you up in prayer. 4. Date each other! Most couples stop dating after they get married. It's important to keep dating. El and I have a standing date night (every Saturday). And don't just go on a date, but get dressed up and talk to each other on the date. A good date book is Love Talk, by Gary Chapman or 10 Great Dates, by the Arps. Or if you need help, contact me, I'll give you a list of questions to ask each other on a date. You may also want to surround yourself with another Godly couple that you can go out with or visit. Having other Godly couples keeps your marriage interesting and you can hold each other accountable. It also gives you someone of the same sex to talk to with similar experiences. 5. Just do it! Stop wasting time and start having the marriage God wants for you. Start spending time with Christ by reading His word and praying. Start obeying God's statutes. Start spending more time with your spouse (at least 2 hours a day). Be at the door with a smile when they come home from work. Hug and kiss them. Let them know you're glad they're home. Cuddle with them at night. Stay in the room with them even if you don't like what they're watching on TV. Be in the kitchen while they're cooking. Save your conversation for your spouse and listen attentively when they talk to you. Life is short. Start having the married life you deserve today! Love, El and Zina We're praying for your marriages!
Are you "happy" in your marriage? View the video as El and I give 3 tips on happiness in the marriage.
How are you and your spouse staying happy in your marriage? Leave your comments below. Note: Please be patient with me and the blog posts. I am studying to take the counseling exam and will be back to writing soon. I'll try to do some quick posts in between studying but I can't promise. Lol. Love, El & Zina
