The past three weeks have been extremely busy. El & I were teaching vacation Bible school for two weeks and then we traveled to Detroit for the National Baptist Congress. I did a lot of thinking during the 10-11 hour drive to & from Detroit. I thought about how much I've learned since we started doing marriage ministry. But it is amazing how we learn things and how quickly we forget them.
I say all this to say that sometimes when you are cooped up in a car with someone for hours and there is nothing else to distract you, this can be a determining factor to finding out just how much you like (not love) your spouse. Most of us love our spouses, but do we like them? El & I had a few disagreements (to say the least) but we remembered to use the tools we learned. We realized that we were on the crazy cycle (of unlove & disrespect). We were challenged to resolve conflict quickly and in an unhurtful manner. We evaluated each other's love tank (to determine if either needed a fill-up). We also examined "the root" of the problem (one: I didn't want to be in Detroit; & two: El was tired from the drive, work, & other activities).
When we arrived back home, we evaluated the trip and discussed if we each had a good time. It was nice to get away and I really didn't care where we were as long as I was with him. The hotel was nice and we enjoyed the made to order omelets every morning and the cocktail hour each night. (Those two things were the highlights of the day; probably because they were free). We played Gin Rummy almost every night & ordered pizza three of the five nights we were there. We managed to break away from my mother and our son when we went to late night service & afterwards drove around Detroit & talked. We went to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night one night and joked with cashier. El learned the workers' names in the hotel and by Tuesday evening was speaking to them as if they were his old friends from high school. I caught up on some pleasure reading (staying up to 3am because I couldn't put the book down - and sorry it wasn't a marriage book). We played with the navigation unit in the car laughing about how we missed a turn twice in the same day & if the unit could talk; it would probably call us idiots for missing that turn twice. We all got a history lesson (compliments of El) about the buildings in Detroit. We were entertained with a wedding party on Friday afternoon. We even got a workout in the gym (one night with treadmill & bike; another night - El was in the pool & I was on the treadmill). I got a chance to watch him through the window and I waved whenever he popped his head out of the water. We talked about how Michael Jackson ruined our chance to go to the Motown Museum because there were too many people there & we didn't want to be in the crowd. (And by no means, do we take his death lightly.) We laughed about how we couldn't fit all the luggage in the van on the way back because we had an extra passenger. El put his suitcase on top and we prayed it didn't rain. (It would have been National Lampoon's Family Vacation all over again - LOL). I think it is safe to assume, we had a good time.
I don't just love El; I like him.
It is important to use the tools of marriage (starting with God & the Bible; then get around other Godly married couples; visit biblical based marriage conferences). Then don't just love your spouse; like them. Enjoy being with them. Talk with them. Hold hands. Kiss. Tickle each other. Laugh together. Dance together. Joke with each other. Life is too short and time passes fast. Make the most of your time with your spouse. Be your spouse's best friend. Try liking them, not just loving them.
