GUMM outing and movie (War Room) reflections!

Go see War Room!! You will not be disappointed! If you can't see the video, please click HERE!

Roles & Responsibilities

Have a discussion about roles and responsibilities with your significant other or your spouse. If you don't see the video, click HERE.

The Kissing Game

Many of you may not remember the song I Like the Way (The Kissing Game), by Hi-Five; that says: "I like the way you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game, I like the way you keep me looking forward to another day." How awesome is that? Someone who inspires you and makes you smile. 

The other day this song was playing while I was in the kitchen and El grabbed me and we started slow dancing and singing along with the song. I appreciate these moments of intimacy, where it seems as if it's just us in the world. Time stopped for that moment while we were in the kitchen swaying back and forth. I thought, he's my man and I'm his woman. We've been through storm together and now we can see the rainbow and I believe there's a pot of gold at the end of it. We're taking the time to enjoy each other and to be close and to be in the moment. To enjoy each other's kisses. To talk about everything. To listen attentively and regurgitate information later for more stimulating conversation. To let each other know we're here and we're not going anywhere. To block out the world and all it's negativity. To be quiet sometimes in our space together. To be free from judgment and fear. To worship together. To praise together. To play the kissing game. 


Make time to be in the moment with your spouse...

1. Stop and smell the roses. Slow down and enjoy the little things with them. Enjoy that story they tell that may take them forever to finish; notice the inflection in their voice and the excitement on their face. Dance in the middle of the kitchen. Pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time the next time you go to the grocery store. Walk in the rain. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Enjoy these moments today! 
2. Think positive thoughts. It's easy to concentrate on all the things your spouse isn't doing. But what about those things your spouse does that you do like? What about those qualities that impress you? Focus on those things. And pray about the other things. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Think positive thoughts today! 
3. Play the kissing game. Blindfold your spouse and sneak kisses on different parts of their body. Make some kisses soft and some wet and sensuous. You may want to lick parts of their body to tease them. See how long you can hold a kiss when your spouse first comes home. Ask your spouse where is his/her favorite spot for you to kiss. Tomorrow's not promised to us. Play the kissing game today!


I like the way you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game, I like the way you keep me looking forward to another day.


Playing the kissing game every chance we get,
El & Zina

Money Talks

A discussion about money. If you can't see the video, click HERE.

People don't talk no more...all they do is this!

Social media has taken over...so much so that many people can't seem to unplug from their technology. They have to be tuned in to social media. Have you ever watched the people around you when you go out? Just look around and you'll see that most people are on their phones or looking at their phones. When you check statuses on Facebook, you'll quickly get a glimpse of someone's life - what restaurant they went to, what they're buying at the store, where they went out of town, the people they find funny in their family... the list goes on. 

However, what has happened is that we now have a generation of people with poor communication skills or just refusing to talk. I remember when I was teaching English to 10th graders (about 10 years ago) and they were asked to do a paper. I was shocked that so many of them used words (in their paper) like "cuz" instead of "because" or "btw" instead of "by the way" or "the @ symbol" instead of the word "at". One of the things I tried to express to them was that there was a type of dialect for every situation and in my class the dialect was that of correct English. I wanted them to know that it was socially acceptable to talk/text (with friends) using short phrases or abbreviations; however, in class or in professional situations they needed to know correct English. 

Fast forward to 2015 and now there is a whole world of social media that seems to make talking face to face obsolete. Very few people actually read a good book and then have an analytical conversation about it or analyze a movie after they've watched it. Or what about just having an engaging conversation? How many conversations have you and your spouse had that were actually engaging and left you stimulated? I get excited when I see El read a book (even if it's on audio) because I know his brain is being stimulated which gives us more stimulating conversation, which is sexy as hell. It's hard to talk to someone who can't help you carry the conversation. You know those conversations that start out with a simple question such as "So, how was work or tell me about your day?" and the response is "It was good." then silence. So what was good about it? Did you see or hear anything interesting? What about a crazy customer or coworker? What did they do interesting? ...Our conversations shouldn't be short or curt. We're trying to build intimacy with our spouse. We need stimulating conversation to help us do this. Wouldn't you like to have more stimulating conversations with your spouse? If your answer is yes, then let me give you a few tips to have engaging communication.

1. Pay attention. Pay attention to events or other things happening around you. Be observant. Look for details in the world or TV shows/movies or things that might be left out that you could interject. Then think about those things. For example, what would happen if they introduced a new character to the TV show "Power" such as a long lost child of Tommy's? How would the show be different because of this child? Paying attention gives us more insight into things we might overlook and miss. This helps us analyze and question situations we might otherwise fail to notice. This also gives you something to discuss with your spouse. 

2. Talk about your thoughts. Have you ever had a thought but didn't share it? For example, maybe you thought someone else's dress at church was pretty, but you didn't tell her. Share your thoughts with your spouse. He/She can't read your mind. Tell them what you're thinking about. Tell them if you're thinking about having sexual intercourse. Just because you put on a sexy negligee (nightgown) doesn't necessarily translate sex for your husband. Tell your spouse your thoughts. Tell them if they are sexy or if they look nice. (I guarantee you that someone else will share their thoughts with your spouse - so make sure they hear it from you first). And men, don't be afraid to share your thoughts. Let your wife know what you're thinking (if you are thinking something - lol). And women, just know that sometimes our husbands really are NOT thinking about anything. They have a "nothing" box in their brain that they actually go to and think about nothing. So if he says he isn't thinking about anything, chances are he isn't.  

3. Ask questions. You may think that you know everything about your spouse because you've been married for 15+ years and you dated all throughout high school, but there is always more to learn. Ask if they're favorite color has changed. Or if they have a different favorite food. Or if there is something they always wanted to do but haven't had an opportunity to do yet. There are so many questions you can ask. How did your parents discipline you when you were a child? Did your family eat dinner together at the table? Did you take summer vacations and if so, where'd you go? Did you enjoy being an only child or wished you were the only child? Did you want a brother instead of a sister? Why? If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be and why? If you could change one thing about your life now what would it be and why? Are you content with your life or do you wish you had done something differently? Why? What car have you always wanted? What is your dream job? These are just a few questions you can ask your spouse. Ask these questions on a date night or a night at home. Make inquiries often. You'll be surprised what you learn about your spouse even after years of marriage. Gary Chapman's book Love Talk is full of questions you can ask your spouse. (It appears that this book is out of print, but there is an e-book version via Christianbook.com). 

Married people need to set an example for the world to see God's love for the church. How can you be an example if you don't talk to your spouse? If you go to one end of the house and your spouse is in another part of the house, how can you build intimacy? How can there be closeness if you are always on the phone? Your spouse is right there in front of you! Be in the moment! Be present with your spouse! 

Talking to my spouse everyday,
El & Zina

Deal or No Deal?

Join us as we discuss deal breakers and red flags in your relationships. Tell us what your deal breakers are. Some of our deal breakers were that neither of us wanted to date someone who smoked (cigarettes or weed), someone who was an alcoholic, or someone who misused drugs. You need to know your deal breakers and don't deter from them. If you see red flags, don't ignore them. Pay close attention to them. 


If you don't see the video, please click HERE. 

The Quick Fix Marriage!

Marriages are going to have conflict. Why wouldn't they? You have two people, a man and woman, who are completely different by nature and by upbringing. You weren't raised the same way your spouse was. You each have different experiences from your childhood. You each have different beliefs and views about child rearing, life, careers, money, interests, etc. So why wouldn't you have conflict? The key is not to be conflict free in marriage. The key is to learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner and to be good at resolving conflict so you aren't holding grudges. Learning how to resolve conflict effectively takes time and practice.

However, what I've discovered is that most couples want a quick fix! Looking at El and I one would think we arrived at this "happy" place overnight. That is far from the case. Our first couple of years were a little rocky. We have always been best friends; however, we didn't know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. We argued, fussed, fought, and held grudges. We would make up and then continue the cycle of conflict again. Don't get me wrong, El and I had a really good marriage, we just didn't know how to handle conflict and no matter how mad we were we never mentioned divorce. But my point is we had to learn how to communicate better and we had to learn how to handle conflicts. 

Today, we have very few conflicts. And when we do, we resolve them quickly by discussing our feelings. There was no quick fix to how we arrived at this point. We've been married almost 19 years and we are still learning how to be married the way God intended us to be. So let me share a few tips for a quick fix marriage lasting marriage!

1. Christ! I know you've heard this before, but you can do absolutely NOTHING WITHOUT GOD! You cannot do your marriage without Christ in the center. And this is not lip service. You (as an individual) have to have a solid relationship with Christ. He (Christ) has to be the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing on your mind at night and all throughout the day. You have to KNOW Christ! 

2. Time. You have to SPEND TIME with your SPOUSE. You can't live a separate life and just have a fly by night marriage. You should be spending at least 2 hours a day with your spouse according to Dr. Willard Harley and I agree. Not only should you be spending at least 2 hours a day with your spouse, those 2 hours should be enjoyable hours with your spouse (or why would you want to do it). For example, doing things you both like to do together. El and I spend just about every free minute with each other. We wake up in the morning and read our devotions (separately). Then we talk while getting dressed. We IM each other via Yahoo Messenger throughout the day. We hug and kiss in the evening. We talk some more about our day, such as 'what was funny, interesting, exciting, etc'. We share important information with each other (schedules, bills, etc.). We talk about our plans for our days off, date nights, weekend, etc. We may watch a movie or TV program together. We analyze and talk about the shows we watch. Then we have pillow talk at night and hold each other. We spend time together. Enjoyable time! I'm anxious and excited to be around El and he feels the same way. 

3. Friendship. Become your spouse's BFF! Let them be the first person you want to tell good news to. Enjoy their company as you would a same sex friend. Laugh with them. Joke with them. Your marriage doesn't have to always be so serious. Laughter is good for the soul. Be best friends. El is my best friend!

4. Transparency. Be OPEN and HONEST about your feelings. Most conflict in marriage is because someone has withheld their true feelings and then when they are tired, they explode. Stop sweeping stuff under the carpet. Tell your spouse how you feel (of course with love). Let them know if they've hurt your feelings. And discuss calmly how you can overcome these issues. Work on resolving conflict effectively. If you need help, pick up a book. There are several books on how to resolve conflict in marriage. I recommend He Wins, She Wins, by Willard Harley and the accompanying workbook. Also, on Dr. Harley's website, Marriage Builders, there is a wealth of free information (including articles and questionnaires) to help you have a better marriage. El and I have a better marriage because we have not only been teaching marriage information but we are practicing it! 

5. Touch. Touch and love on each other often. Hug and squeeze each other tightly and hold the hug for at least 60 seconds. When you kiss, hold your kisses and make kissing noises. Slide your tongue in each other's mouth. Gently suck each other's tongue and upper/bottom lip. It's okay, you're married! Kiss your spouse's neck. You'll be surprised at how sensual kissing is. Kiss other body parts as well (i.e. hands, feet, legs, thighs, chest...you get the picture). El and I play a little game where he kisses my neck and then I turn my head so he can kiss the other side and I turn my head again and I keep this up until I'm satisfied with the kisses. Hold hands. Grab your spouse's hand and hold it tight. Hold hands whenever you're together (in the mall, while shopping, at church, on a date, in the movies, at dinner, in the house, whenever). Touch your spouse often. Touch their arm, leg, shoulder, wherever. You'll be surprised how much touch is needed and welcomed even if it's not your spouse's love language. This is not my love language but I enjoy and yearn for El's touches. 

There is no quick fix marriage. Marriages are going to experience conflict. What you want is a marriage where you and your spouse are able to resolve conflict quickly and get on with the life God has intended for you. 

How do you and your spouse resolve conflict? Are you expecting a quick fix or are you willing to work on having a godly marriage? Share your thoughts. 

Working on a lasting marriage,
El and Zina

New Video: Intimacy (In to me, see!)

El and I discuss three types of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Keep the conversation going. Tell us what you and your spouse are doing to keep intimacy in the marriage. 

If you can't see the video, click HERE.