God's Union

Car Truck! or Look at God!

2011-12-12T18:46:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you've seen this car, the Chevy El Camino or "car truck", around the city at some point or time. They are a rare appearance because there are only a few left. This is not the most popular car on today's modern streets. Well my husband and son started playing a game they call, "Car Truck". Whenever they see an El Camino they yell, "Car Truck!" and they collect points which they mentally keep track of as to who gathers the most points based on who has seen the most El Caminos. I started playing this game with them (I didn't want to feel left out) and became so obsessed with the game, that when my husband and son weren't around and I saw an El Camino, I would take a picture with my cell phone and send them a picture text labeled: "Car Truck!"

What if we did the same thing with God? That whenever we saw the glory and beauty of His work on earth and in our lives we would yell, "Look at God!" That we would begin to give glory and praise to what God is doing in our lives and the lives of others. How much time do we spend having pity parties or feeling down about things that are happening in our lives. If we put all of our energy on blessing God with our praise and gratefulness for amazing glory; we wouldn't have time for our pity parties.

Imagine waking up to the birds singing outside... because you can hear: "Look at God!" or smelling the morning dew...because you have your sense of smell: "Look at God!" What about the seeing your loved ones waking up in the morning to see another day...because you have sight: "Look at God!" How about being able to step out the bed and feel the cold floor...because you have the use of your legs: "Look at God!" Opening the bedroom door...because your arms and hands still work: "Look at God!" Or maybe you can't be grateful for any of these things....but you're still breathing: "Look at God!"

I challenge you to look at God for everything...and the next time you're riding down the street and you see an El Camino - instead of yelling "Car Truck"; let it remind you of God and His glory and yell, "Look at God!" You may even want to mentally keep track of the points you rack up as you examine all of God's glorious blessings and how many times a day you said, "Look at God!" Maybe you'll take a picture of God's blessing and text it to someone with the message: "LOOK AT GOD!"

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2). Keep your eyes on God.

Faith or Fear?

2011-11-16T21:43:00.000-06:00

I was driving one day and noticed my gas light was on letting me know that I needed gas. Well because I was in a hurry, I did not want to stop so I thought I would get the gas on the way back home. I continued to drive... but I was afraid the whole time that I might not make it to my destination and that I would be stranded. I kept looking at the gas hand as if it was going to miraculously change. I tried leaning toward the tank to put weight on that side and turning the car in a way that would make the gas hand move or stay above the empty line. I was really afraid that I would run out of gas so I ended up stopping to get gas and risked being a little late to my destination so I wouldn't be stranded on the side of the road.

However, on another occasion when my gas hand was low, I was unconcerned because my husband was trailing behind me. My gas light was on and I was driving all over the city as if I had a full tank of gas, without a care or concern. Why? Because my husband was right behind me the whole time. If I was to run out of gas, it wouldn't have mattered because he was there to save me. I could hop into his car and we could ride to the gas station; get gas and take it back to my car...no problem!

Well, that is how we should feel about life. Driving around without a concern for mediocre happenings. Why? Because our Father is right there. If we run out of gas, God is right there waiting to save us. He is waiting for us to hop into His car and ride with Him to the gas station to get gas and take it back to our car...no problem! God has it all in control. The question is are you living in fear or in faith? Are you driving around afraid that you will run out gas or are you trusting that if you do run out of gas, God is right there to save you?

In Matthew 14, Jesus had just performed the miracle of feeding 5,000, then he sends the disciples across the sea to the other side of the mountain and after dismissing the multitude, Jesus goes to pray by Himself. Later He walks on the water out to the disciples and startles them...but He assures them that they don't have to be afraid because "it is I". In fact, Peter joins Him on the water. But when Peter saw the wind, he became afraid and took his eyes off Jesus, that's when he began to sink and cry out for Jesus to save him. Notice what Jesus says to him, "You of little faith." But notice what Jesus does immediately...immediately Jesus reaches out His hand and catches Peter. But His question to Peter is "why did you doubt?"

My question to you is why do you doubt? When you know that Jesus will immediately reach out and catch you...why do you doubt? Are you exhibiting faith or fear?

Lord, thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for immediately reaching out and catching us when we are about to fall. Thank You for caring about us even when we don't trust You. Thank You! Amen.

Lord, remove this thorn, please? Part 2

2011-11-05T16:28:00.000-05:00

2 Corinthians 12:9 My Grace is Sufficient...
I never mentioned what the thorn in my life was and that was done on purpose. We all have thorns and I didn't want you to think about my personal thorn; but about your own life and what God is doing in your own life with your own personal thorn. A thorn can be anything such as our children, the job, our spouse, our in-laws, our spirituality, it can even be ourselves. Whatever your thorn is in your life allow God to work a miracle in you to move you to greatness. God may remove your thorn or like Paul, He may tell you that His Grace is Sufficient.

Well, since my last post...the specific thorn that I was asking God to remove is no longer there. This is not to say that I won't have other thorns in my life in the future. But I was praying for God to remove this particular thorn when I realized that I really didn't need God to remove it; this was something I could do on my own. Sometimes we ask God to do things in our lives that we can ourselves but we won't do it because we lack faith. The only reason why I hadn't done anything was because I was worried about the outcome in the future and what would happen down the road. (For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jeremiah 29:11) But just as God's grace is sufficient so are His provisions. So I have stepped out on faith and I am allowing God to provide for my needs. Is this an easy thing to do? No. But God. Is this something we can do on our own or by ourselves? No. But God. Are there going to be hard times, trials, the enemy's trickery? Yes. But God! But God has it all under control and if we trust Him in the midst our trials; in the midst of our storms, in the midst of our thorns - His Grace is Sufficient!

Philippians 4:13 says: I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me. The Amplified Bible says it like this: "I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]." But God! With Christ I am able to do some things I wouldn't normally be able or willing to do. With Christ I self-sufficient - with His sufficiency. I am adequate or enough with God's adequacy. I am ready! Why? Because of God's strength in me. So why am I worried about my thorn when I know God has already taken care of it? So why am I concerned about the economy when God has already taken care of it? So why am I depressed about paying bills when God has already taken care of it? So why am I envious of my brethren when God has already taken care of it? So why don't I have a closer relationship with God? Why don't I pray every day? Why don't I read His word? ...But God. Without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5); but with Him we can do all!

So don't fret when there is a thorn in your side. Ask yourself and God what is the purpose of my thorn? Reflect on if you have been spending time with God as you know you should. We have to be attached to the vine in order to produce the fruit of that vine. If you are not attached to God, then you are not producing good fruit. And to be attached to God means making Him a priority in your life by serving Him (no other gods - and those gods can be our cars, houses, money, jobs, spouses, children, anything that you worship more than God); talking to Him in prayer; listening to Him by reading His Word; and applying His statutes in your life (allowing His Will to be your will).

Remember, sometimes God allows us to go through things - not for us - but for others; for our testimony will help someone else. Sometimes it is because we need to grow. We cannot stay babes in Christ forever. And sometimes it's preparation for something God has planned for our lives. Whatever the reason for your thorn allow God's grace to be sufficient and ask Him to give you guidance in the midst of your thorn. Ask God to show you the next step for your life. Use your thorn as a learning experience and get closer to God in the process. And when your thorn is removed, don't forget God! Remember Him daily.

Thank You, Lord for Your love, Your grace, Your provisions, Your awesomeness, Your greatness, Your healing power, Your mercies, Your Son, Your Self! Thank You! Amen.

Lord, remove this thorn?

2011-09-20T21:26:00.000-05:00

When you get a moment, read 2 Corinthians 12. It speaks of Paul who seems to be ranting about his treatment. I want to draw your attention to the statement he makes about asking God to remove the thorn from his flesh and God replies that His Grace is sufficient and His strength will be made perfect in Paul's weakness.

Well I have been struggling with my own personal thorn and I have asked God to remove it several times and like Paul, my answer seems to be the same (that God's grace is sufficient and His strength will be made perfect in my weakness). We don't like to be weak, nor do we like being imperfect (even though we know we'll never be perfect). We spend all day at the beauty shop getting just the right hair style. We take our time to get dressed, picking out the shoes and purse that match our outfit exquisitely. We make sure our suit has the perfect tie with just a hint of blue in it that will bring out the blue in our slacks. We want to be perfect. We don't like weakness. We won't cry in front of our spouse because we don't want to show weakness. We hide our feelings when we feel that we are getting to close to anyone so we won't get hurt. We don't like weakness.

But in God's world, we aren't perfect and we don't have to be strong. God will be our strength. God will be our perfection. I have struggled with asking questions of why? God, why have you allowed this to happen to me? Why does it seem I have no peace? Why would you bring me this far to leave me? Why, Lord? And His answer seems to be the same: "My grace is sufficient and My strength will be made perfect in your weakness." As I write this and sigh with a deep breath, I can be thankful that I don't feel the tears well up in my eyes...I won't lie, I have cried myself to sleep a many nights; I have cried and prayed with my face to floor; I have cried in the car calling out to Jesus! I have asked God over and over what is the plan? What's the next step? I have questioned my very existence and my purpose. ...But God. "My grace is sufficient and My strength will be made perfect in your weakness." Well Lord I am weak, weary, and worn. I need your grace. I need your strength.

Sometimes God allows us to go through things - not for us - but for others; for our testimony to help someone else. Sometimes it is because we need to grow. Sometimes it's preparation. Whatever the reason is for me...I'll remember "His grace is sufficient..." and if He removes the thorn too soon, I may not get all that I need to go to the next level. As Paul stated, if it had not been for the thorn, he would not be the man he was destined to be. He began to see the limitation as a gift...a gift from God and Paul allowed God's strength to move in on his weakness. Sometimes we need the thorn...to make us who we are destined to be.

Lord, help me to accept Your grace. Comfort me as I bear this thorn. Give me peace of mind and keep me in Your Will. To God be the Glory! Thank You Lord, for my trials for I know they are just a stepping stone to get me closer to You. Amen.

Congratulations!!

2011-07-31T02:00:00.000-05:00

How has this challenge changed your heart and life? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working?

Remember that God is faithful, and He will bless you for your willingness to obey Him. His ways are not our ways, and perhaps He will honor you in ways you do not expect, but one thing is sure: you will never be the same because of your commitment to be more like Christ!

Don't forget to post your comments, to journal your progress, and to continue encouraging your husband. Hopefully this has been a wonderful journey of renewal. And if you didn't do so well, then do it again next month or the month after. Our challenge is to continue this for a lifetime.

DAY 30 of 30 Day Challenge!

2011-07-30T02:00:00.000-05:00

"This is my beloved, and this is my friend . . ." (Song of Solomon 5:16b)

Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so "used" to him that you don't appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today.

Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he "just knows"?

Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don't step on each other's hearts.

The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge," celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him.

Perhaps you can prepare a special meal, just for the two of you, and read the letter or poem to him. Ask if you can pray for him, and if he is willing, thank God for your love and friendship, asking for His blessing on your home.

Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action.

Lord, as I finish the 30 day challenge, please don't let me forget to incorporate this encouragement for a lifetime. Thank You for my best friend. Thank You for our marriage; our relationship. Keep us, guide us, and strengthen us. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 29 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-29T02:00:00.000-05:00

"A prudent man foresees evil, and hides himself; the simple pass on, and are punished." (Proverbs 27:12)

As you near the end of this challenge, take time to think about your husband's responses to the wickedness of the culture, the media, etc. Does your husband recognize and avoid evil? Does he regularly turn his back on pornography, sexual temptations, and the urge to lie and cheat?

This is a valuable character trait. Like Joseph in the Old Testament, who fled from the wicked advances of Potiphar's wife, this takes an understanding that these kinds of sins are first and foremost, sins against God (Genesis 39:9).

Praise your husband when he recognizes and turns his back on wickedness. If you can think of a circumstance where your husband stood for righteousness, remind him of that today--and express your gratitude.

Lord, again thank You for protecting my husband from the wickedness of the world and for giving him a way of escape when he is faced with temptations. Continue to keep us in the path of righteousness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 28 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-28T02:00:00.000-05:00

"The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility." (Proverbs 15:33)

Sometimes, when we just "know" we are right and our husbands are wrong, it takes great humility to honor them. It is difficult to speak well of our husbands when our own hearts are puffed up with pride.

As part of your challenge today, pray that you will respond to the Lord in faith and humility before you react to your husband. Speak wisely and well, and leave the results to God.

The humility that comes from a right relationship with God--the humility that comes when a man is willing to listen to God and be taught from His Word--is indeed a beautiful quality. Jesus was an example of this kind of humility when he was willing to submit to His Father's will (John 6:38; Matthew 26:39).

Does your husband have that kind of humility? Is he willing to learn from and submit to direction from the Lord? Let your husband know how precious this is to your marriage relationship.

Lord, help me not to be boastful in my relationship. Help me to always speak wisely of my husband even when I may not feel like it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 27 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-27T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24)

You have almost completed the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge." Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of ecouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared.

There are lots of "tough guys" in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the attacks of the Enemy?

Psalm 27:14 says this kind of courage comes from "waiting" on the Lord for His strength. If your budget allows, "award" your husband with a medal, trophy, framed picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of God. Praise evidences of your husband's courage in protecting you, your marriage, your family, or your home.

Lord, thank You for a courageous husband...one that is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in. Thank You for his faith in You and for his relationship with You. Help us to better at serving You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 26 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-26T02:00:00.000-05:00

"And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." (Luke 2:52)

If you have faithfully encouraged your husband, you will no doubt have seen some changes in his life . . . and your own life, as well. Encouragement is a wonderful habit that we hope you will continue for the rest of your life.

The important thing is to keep growing in Christ and obeying the Word of God as you respond to your husband. As you consider today how to bless your husband and not tear him down, think of ways that you can encourage balance in your home.

Jesus led a balanced life. He grew mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. As you see your husband branching out in these areas, is there a pattern of growth? Is your husband striving for balance in his life? If so, let him know you have noticed, and ask how you can further encourage that balance.

If your husband is out of balance--focusing on one area to the exclusion of the others, consider whether there are things you can do to help restore or create balance in his life. Can you encourage times for sports or exercise? Keep the children quiet for a study time? Invite friends over for dinner? Stimulate his mind?

Be sure you are working toward balance in your own life, as well. Be an example!

Father God, help me to be an example of balance in the home. Thank You for balancing us when things seem out of order. Continue to keep our home life balanced so that we are able to do what needs to get done at home, work, and in every aspect of our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 25 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-25T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Seek peace, and pursue it." (Psalm 34:14b)

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." (Isaiah 26:3)

Before you consider whether these verses describe your husband, consider your own presence in the home. Do you promote an atmosphere of peace, or do critical words often flow from your mouth? Do you struggle with anger? If so, before you continue with this challenge, confess these sinful habits to the Lord, and determine to speak words of peace to your family today.

Does your husband bring an atmosphere of peace into your home? Is his presence a calming influence? Does he bring music, entertainment, books, or people into your home that build a sense of serenity? Let him know how much you appreciate this wonderful quality, and support his choices.

If, on the other hand, he is quickly angered or he creates chaos rather than calm, ask God to give you an abundance of the kind of peace that will speak to his heart. Be patient and loving. Create an inviting atmosphere of peace, as much as possible.

Thank You, Lord, for perfect peace. Peace that I did not understand until now. Thank You, Lord, that You allow us to have a peaceful home and for my husband's calm spirit. Help me to be better at creating peace and calmness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 24 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-24T02:00:00.000-05:00

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to give up.

Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills.

If you don't have children, is your husband positive and encouraging around other people's children? Let him know that you have noticed.

If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents, and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him how to parent--while still maintaining his authority in the home.

Lord, I thank You for my husband's place in our home and for his involvement with our children. If there is any tension between him and our children, please remove that now and allow him to have a positive relationship with them. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 23 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-23T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Let your speech always be with grace." (Colossians 4:6a)

You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you've committed:

"You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to him or to anyone else. Each day, say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to him and to someone else.

"In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works." (Titus 2:7a)

Does the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge" seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the surface of ways to encourage your mate.

Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more of these traits that you see in him.

Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to help him with disciplines he has not yet developed--but this does not include nagging.

Whatever the need, you can be your husband's cheerleader, encouraging him when he wants to give up.

Thank You, Lord that I have an organized husband and that he is diligent in his life and persistent with his goals. Help us both to continue this pattern. And help me to appreciate these qualities in him. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 22 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-22T02:00:00.000-05:00

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." (Matthew 6:33)

If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do, or say is seen from an eternal perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful.

Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world.

If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. Only two things will last into eternity: the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right things.

Lord, thank You that my husband has an eternal perspective and that he is not focused on materialism and temporal values. Help us to continue to grow in relationship with You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 21 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-21T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

It's time for some heart examination. As you continue in this 30-day challenge, have you found any roots of bitterness that are contaminating your relationship with your husband? Do you understand that as long as you are unwilling to forgive your husband (by God's grace and in His power) you will not be able to encourage him? Your own resentment will keep getting in the way. Now is the time to deal with any unforgiving attitudes. Forgive him, even as God has forgiven you.

Is your husband a forgiving man? Does he keep short accounts of your problems? Express your thankfulness for such a man.

Does your husband seem to harbor grudges against you? If so, could there be things you need to change? Do you possibly need to ask forgiveness for an offense? Help your husband be more forgiving by quickly forgiving him for his mistakes.
***
Ladies, usually doing something for 21 days becomes a habit. Have you gotten into the habit of encouraging your husband, yet? If not, maybe you haven't done this for 21 days...keep trying. We want this to be habit forming. We want to be lifetime encouragers.

Lord, thank You that You are a forgiving God and that You don't bring up my past faults - You cast into the sea of forgetfulness. Help me to also be forgiving to my husband. Don't allow me to harbor bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart for him and don't allow him to hold bitterness and unforgiveness in his heart for me. Help us to love one another the way You would have us to love with agape love. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 20 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-20T02:00:00.000-05:00

Read this wife's description of her beloved in Song of Solomon 5:10-16.

Criticism leaves scar; encouragement can bring healing. Remember that today as you focus on your "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge."

Almost nothing is as devastating to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive. Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands' bodies.

Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men and women? No matter how a man looks by the standards of the world, a loving God designed them all, and they are all "beautiful" in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his uniqueness.

As you look over your husband's body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head, thank God that your husband is "wonderfully made," then admire your husband verbally. (Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders? Compassionate eyes? Broad smile?)

Lord, thank You for the beautiful man in my life. Thank You for this sexy husband, for his big hands and big heart. Thank You for his sexy eyes...for his sauve smile...for his touchable ears...for his kissable lips...for his nice strong grip...for his thick thighs...for his huggable back...for him! For his being here every morning when I wake up. For his being here when I go to sleep. For his caresses. For his touches. For his kisses. For his love. Thank You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 19 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-19T02:00:00.000-05:00

"You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy. Happy are the people whose God is the LORD!" (Psalm 16:11a; 144:15b)

"A merry heart does good, like medicine." (Proverbs 17:22a)

It's hard to criticize others when we are enjoying their company. Instead of speaking negatively to your husband today, enjoy him! Encourage him! As you experience fullness of joy with God, share some of that joy with your husband.

Does your husband have a playful side? A great sense of humor? Is there a "little boy" that wants to escape from time to time, reflecting the joy in his heart?

This is a wonderful part of who he is, and a great strength. Let him know that you appreciate his joyfulness and his playful spirit. Find opportunities to join him in positive play times.

If your husband can sometimes be overly serious, coax him out occasionally for some play times. It will help him relieve stress and relax.
***
Ladies, make sure you are journaling your progress thus far and that you are praying that God will help you continue on your journey.

Lord, thank You for the husband You have given me. Help me to appreciate his qualities - all of them. Help me to love him for who he is and not to try to change him. Only You can change him and I want him to be what You want him to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 18 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-18T02:00:00.000-05:00

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." (Proverbs 9:10)

Are you a wise woman? Do you open your mouth with wisdom, as Proverbs 31:26 suggests? As you continue in your 30-day challenge, remember that a wise woman encourages her husband.

Is your husband a "wise man?" Does he have a godly perspective that comes from knowing God and walking with Him in obedience? Does he have a sense of purpose for his life and vision for your home? Tell him how much this means to you.

If you are not sure about your husband's vision for your home, ask him, "Honey, what do you want to accomplish with our marriage and home in the years to come?" and "How can I help you accomplish that?"

If he does not have a vision, your questions may inspire him to develop one.

If your husband is not walking with God--or perhaps, does not know the Lord--you have the opportunity and responsibility to practice your faith and create a thirst for God. Thank God for giving your husband a place in his heart that only He can fill, and keep praying that he will turn to the Lord to fill that vacuum!

Lord Jesus, thank You for making me a wise woman and thank You for a wise husband. I pray that You will help me to encourage my husband to walk in obedience to You and that I will be supportive of his vision for our family (even if I don't agree with it). I thank You that my husband is inspired by Your wisdom and that he continues to walk in alignment with You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 17 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-17T02:00:00.000-05:00

"And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18)

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women criticize their mates, their husbands may long for solitude. Be careful today not to criticize your mate, but look for ways to encourage him personally and publicly.

Speaking of communication, does your husband communicate with you? God has made you a companion and helper for your husband, and part of being "one flesh" with him is the privilege of sharing and discussing personal needs and concerns. Thank God for that wonderful gift. Thank your husband for communicating with you.

If your spouse does not communicate as you wish, look for ways that he communicates that are normal for him--smiling at you, nodding his head, even a pleasant "grunt!"--and then thank him for letting you know that he cares. Perhaps he needs to be lovingly taught how to communicate. Be patient with him . . . and listen when he does speak.

Lord, help me to affirm my husband as he communicates more with me. Help me not to be criticizing so that he won't want to share with me through communication. Help me to lift him up and not judge him and to listen to him attentively when he is talking. Thank You for a husband that wants to communicate with me and not anyone else. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 16 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-16T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
(2 Peter 3:18a)

Sometimes we live so close to our spouse that we fail to see him as others do; we only see our husband's faults.

Take a step back. Perhaps he is growing spiritually in ways you have failed to appreciate. How can you encourage his growth in a fresh, new way? Remember--your husband is accountable to God for his spiritual development. You are accountable to God to encourage and not hinder that growth.

Can you identify an area of spiritual strength in your husband? Does he pray or read his Bible regularly? Does he like to read about or discuss spiritual matters? Does he go to church with you? Is he a spiritual leader? What do others say about him? If you can identify a specific area, praise him for that.

If not, pray earnestly that God will work in his heart, and watch for signs of spiritual growth in the future.

Lord, I want to thank You for a praying husband, for a church-going husband, for a husband that loves You and reverences You. Thank You that he is trying to serve You for the benefit of our family. And Lord help him to be the man that You would have him to be. The husband that You would have him to be, not what I want, but what You want him to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 15 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-15T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Let your speech always be with grace." (Colossians 4:6a)

Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If everything my family and friends knew about my husband came from a filter of what I've said about him, what would they think of my husband?" Do you need to change the filter?

Do you speak positively about your husband to others, or do you complain and criticize? Your speech should reflect 1 Corinthians 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never "rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area; be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests."

Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8b). Present your husband before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse. Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may come back to him, and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never tearing him down.

Don't forget: you are always criticizing--or encouraging--before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace.

Lord, do not allow the enemy to penetrate my heart and in turn speak evil of my husband. Help me to always be uplifting in my speech about him and to say only good things about him to others. Use me as a vessel in which only good things are poured out of about my husband-that when others hear they will know how great he is. Lord I can only do this with Your help. Remind me that this is exactly what I would want to hear about myself from my husband. Help me to see him with Your eyes. Thank You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 14 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-14T02:00:00.000-05:00

"The righteous man walks in his integrity." (Proverbs 20:7a)

Every week there are news reports about men who gave in to temptations and compromised what they said they believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden infidelity, and hypocritical leaders. It's so easy to focus on these things and ignore those who are being honest, faithful, and genuine. As you continue in the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge", determine to look for ways that your husband stands against the culture.

Is your spouse a man of integrity? Is he fair in his dealings with people? Does he understand the meaning of justice? Is he honest in business? Unhypocritical in his faith? Consider all the ways a man can live in integrity, and praise your husband for one of them.

As you have the opportunity--as it is appropriate--share examples of your husband's honesty and integrity with others.

Dear God, help my husband to remain faithful to his vows and keep all temptation away from him. Thank You, Lord that he has not fallen into the trap of temptation and that if he does, You will make a way of escape. Thank You for protecting my family from harm and the scars of unfaithfulness. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 13 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-13T02:00:00.000-05:00

"I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me." (Song of Solomon 7:10)

The sexual relationship. It's one of those elements--along with money and children--that can derail a marriage through negative comments. Negativity destroys intimacy, but encouragement builds and strengthens the marriage bond.

Let's get practical here. Is your husband a "good lover?" Have you told him so? Be specific. Let him know when he pleases you. Most husbands genuinely want to please their wives, especially in this important area of marriage.

In moments of intimacy, do you find your mind wandering? This can change as you focus on something wonderful about your husband. Realize that your husband wants intimacy with you. His desire is toward you.

Does this area of your marriage need some work? Remember that this is a sensitive area for men. Be sure to encourage his lovemaking and masculinity in positive ways.

Dear Lord, help me to appreciate my husband as a lover. Make our marriage bed one of great satisfaction that my desire is only to him and him alone. Help to see my husband as a beautiful creation from You and to tell him that he is a great lover and mean it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

The Adjustment Bureau

2011-07-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

I was watching a movie the other night called The Adjustment Bureau. I had already seen the previews, so I knew a little bit about the theme of the movie. It is about a man who is running and leading for senate but something in his past surfaces (which could keep him from winning) and he his numbers begin to plummet. Then he meets a lady and instantly they fall in love, but he doesn't get her name or number. However, he runs into her again on a bus and this time he gets her number. This is where the adjustment bureau comes in to change his fate or destiny because he can't be with this woman. He is supposed to eventually run for president; and she is eventually going to be a world renowned ballet dancer. But if the two of them stay together, they will crush each other's dream...because basically they will want to spend all their time together and not pursue their goals with as much effort as they did before. Sound familiar?

Well all of this made me think about the adjustments in our own lives. How sometimes we take a detour instead of going the same way home from work and we avoid an accident. Or we are running late for work and we avoid traffic. Or we decide to go to this particular gathering and we meet our husband or wife. Or we choose this store to shop in and we meet our new best friend. Chance occurrences, surprise meetings, fate, destiny...or God?

When we're really in tune with the Holy Spirit (our adjustment bureau), He will guide our footsteps and tell us when to go left, when to go right, when to keep straight, when to stop. He will keep us from that big accident, that traffic jam, from the wrong husband or wife. The Holy Spirit will help us become who we are destined to be: senator, president, cashier, store clerk, student, counselor, teacher, fireman, postal worker, coach, professional ball player, etc. In the movie, the adjustment bureau's job was to keep David and Elise away from each other and to get David's life back on track to be president; but they weren't able to control David. But that's not the case with our God. God is always in control...however, sometimes He allows us to do what we want...like the children of Israel from this week's Sunday school lesson. (They were disobedient when God told them to kill all of the Canaanites, but they didn't and they began to worship the gods of Canaan (Baal and Ashtaroth)and upset God so much that the hand of God was upon them for evil. Read the story in Judges 2 when you get a chance). But sometimes God allows us to do what we want and then when we get into trouble, we tend to call on Him. But again when everything is fine, we seem to forget Him.

This movie made me think about our relationship with God and how important it is to have one. I can't begin to tell you how many mistakes I made because I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit. I know that He has always talked to me and you have heard Him too, but thought that you should have followed your first mind (that was the Holy Spirit) but if you are not in tune with Him, His voice is real faint and you can barely hear Him. It's that inner voice that tells us when we're doing wrong...when we're going the wrong way...when we need to go this way or that way...when we need to help someone...when we need to speak to someone...when we need to listen to someone...when we need to be obedient. How many times have you had a conversation with a stranger and afterwards, you thought "Wow, I needed that!" Jesus promised us a comforter and that comforter is the Holy Spirit (John 14:26) And because of our disobedience; we are sometimes put into situations where we're unhappy and calling on God about our situation. But God wants you to check with Him before you make decisions that will cause you grief. Most of the time, we don't have to check with Him...if we just read our manual (the Bible) then we will know what to do in many situations because He has already told us and He has given us examples of people who were in the same situation and how they conquered or failed and their consequences. God has given us everything we need to survive in this world, but many of us don't take the time to read the manual (in fact I wrote a blog about reading the manual - that we read a manual for our car, for putting together a bookshelf, for fixing a leak, etc. but we won't read our manual to know what we are to do).

Okay, back to the movie- how many people have you met over the years and later you thought...that was supposed to be husband or my wife but you let them get away and now it's too late? Or maybe you were like the characters in the movie - they decided no matter what; they were going to be together and they took that chance? We don't have the luxury to see into the future like this couple; but we do have a God that can give us the wisdom to know who is right and wrong for us. We don't need the "adjustment bureau"; we have our own: God; Jesus; the Holy Spirit. Do you need an adjustment? Have you talked to your adjustment bureau lately? Have you read the manual lately? Do you need an adjustment?

DAY 12 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-12T02:00:00.000-05:00

"With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)

Part of the difficulty you may face as you continue in this 30-day challenge is that you really are struggling to find positive things to praise your husband for. Perhaps the problem is not with your husband. Have you checked your own heart?

Sometimes we get disillusioned because of our own unreasonable or unrealistic expectations (Proverbs 13:12). It may not be that our mates are doing something wrong; it's simply that we expect too much in some areas.

Our expectations must be met in God alone, and then we will have the right perspective to ask God for the healing and grace we need to respond to others.

How sad that we give more grace to others than to those in our own homes. Today, try to look at your husband through eyes of grace. Verbally thank your husband for what he is already doing.

Lord, help me to find positive things to say about my husband. Help me to put my expectations in You and not in my husband. Help me to understand that he is not able to fulfill all my needs and that only You alone can do that. But sometimes it is hard for me to grasp this idea. Help me to be mindful of this and to turn to You when my husband does not fulfill my needs. Thank You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 11 of 30 Day Challenge

2011-07-11T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day 11

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)

Women who are constantly negative toward their husbands--especially by speaking evil of them to others--show great disrespect. Determine not to do that today (or ever!). This challenge to encourage is closely connected to submission.

Men respond to women who respect them. What do you respect about your husband? Part of that respect includes submission to his authority. Let your husband know how respecting him makes it easier to submit to his leadership. Show your respect in public by listening to him and smiling at him when he speaks. Place your hand in his as you walk together.

If you feel there is nothing to respect, search harder . . . nearly every man has some core characteristic that can be nurtured and respected. In any case, you must still cultivate a submissive spirit to his position of leadership . . . "as to the Lord."

Lord, help me to remember my husband as the leader of our family. Help me to respect him and submit to his authority as he submits to You. Thank You for a husband that is leading by example and following God's example. Thank You, Lord for my husband. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 10 of 30-day Challenge

2011-07-10T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day 10
"Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant!" (Song of Solomon 1:16a)

We all crave appreciation. We want to know that we are valued and loved. Early love letters probably reflected your admiration of your husband, but if you're not careful, your spouse will forget why you were drawn to him. If you still have any of your old love letters, re-read them for clues to deepen your current level of appreciation for your spouse.

When we spend time criticizing our husbands, we lose time that could be spent
admiring them. As you consider various ways to encourage your husband, ask, "How can I admire him?"

Does your husband know that you think he is attractive? What was one of the
characteristics in your husband that first drew you to him? Was it a physical
characteristic, or something else?

Was it his gentle, compassionate eyes? Kindness or concern for others? An easy-going confidence? A steadiness that comes from trusting in the Lord? Strength of character in a culture that lacks integrity? Do you see at least a glimpse of that characteristic in him today? Whatever it is, tell him!

Lord, remind me of how attractive my husband is and help me remember his love for me. Help me not to take him for granted. Help me to admire him and lift him up. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 9 of 30-day Challenge

2011-07-09T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day 9

"Be swift to hear, slow to speak . . ." (James 1:19b)

We are often so busy speaking that we don't take time to listen. We are so quick to offer a comment--negative or positive--that we don't really "hear" our husband's heart. Remember, we have two ears and only one mouth. We need to listen more!

As you continue in your 30-day challenge, hear the Lord's admonition: "Be swift to hear."

If listening is a real problem for you, play a game with yourself. See if you can listen to your husband for one whole day, only speaking when asked a question. If your husband notices the difference, explain that you are learning to listen more--not only to God, but also to him.

One easy way to express admiration for your husband is to ask a question about something he enjoys, and then listen to his response. If it's an area of personal familiarity, keep asking questions until you learn something you didn't know, then tell him, "Wow, I didn't know that!"

***
Okay, Ladies is this a hard one for you? We all like to talk, but let's just listen.

Lord, help me to listen to my spouse more. Help me to really pay attention to what he is saying. Help me to focus on him completely when he is talking (and not doing something else - while listening). Thank You that I have a husband that is willing to talk to me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 8 of 30-day Challenge

2011-07-08T02:00:00.000-05:00

How are you doing with the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge"? In case you've forgotten, here's the challenge:

* You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband, or to anyone else.

* Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your husband and to someone else.

"But who can find a faithful man?" (Proverbs 20:6b)

Faithfulness is a wonderful but rare quality today, especially in regard to marriage. Do you understand how important this quality is? Your challenge is to continue to root out all negative speaking, and plant seeds of encouragement instead. You may be amazed at what will grow.

Contemporary culture often entices men to be unfaithful to their wedding vows and spiritual commitments. Appreciate your husband's faithfulness--how he is loyal to you. Let him know that you are glad he has "stick-to-it-iveness" in your marriage. Appreciate his faithfulness to God.

If you have an unfaithful husband, this is a difficult area for you. Pray, speak the truth in love, remain faithful yourself, and discover ways to encourage faithfulness in your mate. The Bible says that husbands may "be won by the conduct of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1b). You may also want to seek counsel from a mature, godly individual or couple.

Lord, I pray that you will keep all temptation away from my husband. Help him to remain faithful to his vows and to his wife. Give him a way of escape when he is tempted. I thank You for his faithfulness to me and our family. I thank You that I have a husband that is committed to me and only me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 7 of 30-day Challenge

2011-07-07T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day 7

"Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease! For riches certainly make themselves wings." (Proverbs 23:4, 5b)

"That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth, that I may fill their treasuries." (Proverbs 8:21)

Money is the root of much marital discord. Ask yourself, "Am I being negative toward my husband in the area of finances?" Determine not to speak evil of your husband in this area. Discover ways to encourage and help him instead.

Does your husband handle finances wisely? Does he make good financial investments, based on biblical principles? Does he have a budget? Does he make wise decisions about purchases--checking many sources before he buys? Is he a good steward of his money before the Lord? Let him know how much you appreciate his strengths in financial matters.

If he is weak in this area, encourage any good decisions that he does make. Perhaps you can help him, if he's open to the idea, by organizing financial files or providing other practical assistance. Or, if he wants you to handle the finances, ask for his input before you make decisions that will affect him.

***

Ladies, it has almost been a week... how are you feeling about the challenge? Are you being an encourager? Hopefully you are staying on track. Remember this is about the time that you want to journal your progress and your thoughts. I am sure that each of you are doing an excellent job! Keep it up!

Lord, I come to You again...to say thank You! Thank You for a wonderful man of God, one who knows how to handle our finances and is not frivolous with our funds. Lord, thank You for a man who takes care of our home and supports our family. And Lord, if my husband is struggling in this area, please bless him that he will do better. That he will be the husband You have called him to be and that he will be a good steward over our finances. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 6 of 30-day Challenge

2011-07-06T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day 6
"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31b)

Do you recognize and appreciate your husband's creativity? Or do you criticize and demean his efforts? Instead of negativity, determine to be positive. Perhaps you can help your husband see that his efforts are an opportunity to glorify God.

Is your husband the "creative" type? Does he have any artistic gifts? What is that special "knack" he has? Affirm him for his handiwork--a hobby, music, gardening, tinkering with cars, working with wood, etc. Remember: Even if he doesn't measure up to your standards, praise his efforts. If your budget allows, buy him a book or magazine that will continue to encourage his special skill or talent.

If you have a hard time finding his "creative side," understand that men's creativity sometimes is related to their work. Find something he does to make his job run more smoothly or something he does that adds value to his work, and let him know that you have noticed.

Make his day--Praise his accomplishments in public, while he is listening.

Lord, You made my husband - and I am thankful. I thank You for his creativity, for his gifts, and for his love. Thank You, Lord for making such a wonderful creation for I know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord (Romans 8:28). In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 5 of 30-day Challenge

2011-07-05T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day 5

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29)

Another way to describe the positive side of this "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge" is by using the word "edify," which means, "to build up." Negative comments only discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build.

Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is especially important with other family members.

Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband's mother know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you respect your husband, love him, and support him--in spite of whatever flaws and weaknesses he may have.

Dear Lord, remind me that my husband is special and a gift from you. He could have chosen any woman, but he chose me. Remind me that our marriage is a gift and help me to edify him always despite his flaws and weaknesses. In Jesus' name, Amen.

DAY 4 of 30-Day Challenge

2011-07-04T02:00:00.000-05:00

"Let him labor, working with his hands what is good . . ." (Ephesians 4:28b)

We are all accountable for the things we say, both negative and positive words. Have you embraced the challenge to speak only positive things to your husband and to others about him? Here's a suggestion that touches the core of your husband's world.

Some women take their husband's career for granted, and they show it in many ways. Do you "dump" on your husband at the end of the workday, or do you strengthen and encourage him with your words? A wise wife will make her husband feel that she values and appreciates his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others.

If your husband is out of work, unable to work, or refuses to work, you'll need to be more creative. Praise him for a character quality that you see in him that would be a vital part of a successful career - such as persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, good with people, good listener, determination, etc.

Father God, help me to accept my husband for who he is and to accept his career. Help me to show my appreciation by not adding to his stress. Help me to not take his career for granted. Show me ways that I can be appreciative and build him up. In Jesus' name, Amen.

30-Day Challenge DAY 3

2011-07-03T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day Three
Love suffers long, and is kind. (1 Cor. 13:4)
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ
Jesus. (Phil. 4:19)
Love indeed suffers long and is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge,
determine today that you will not say anything negative to or about your husband.
Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement.
If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank
him for his kindness and consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to
be both tough and tender.
Sometimes it's difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender—especially if he hasn't had
role models in these areas. If he's not a considerate person, appeal to him for help
without complaining. Let him know that it's hard for you to handle some things alone.
Then, when he moves in to help, don't insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is
responding, and express your gratitude.
Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc.
Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart.

Ladies, I know you are doing a great job with this challenge. I hope by now since it's the weekend that you have had a chance to journal a little and record your thoughts, your changes, your demeanor, or your husband's changes. Maybe he's wondering why you have been so nice the last couple of days. Hopefully this not too out of character for you.

Father God, we come to tell you thank you for blessing us with a wonderful husband. Help us not to take him for granted and to appreciate even the little things he does such as taking out the garbage, getting my car washed, calling me throughout the day, going to work, & for loving me. Thank you that you've allowed me to wake up every morning and find he is still living and beside me. I know that there are some women that have lost their husbands, thank you Lord for allowing me to spend more time on earth with mine. Help me to continue to be a blessing to him, daily. Thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

30-Day Challenge DAY 2

2011-07-02T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day Two
Through love serve one another. (Gal. 5:13b)
How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing and encouraging your
husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say
something negative? We hope you're off to a good start. (If you blew it, don't give up - start again today!) There are so many practical things you can praise, if you look for them.

Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help
around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget
allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn't
think it's part of a "Honey Do" list!
Maybe your husband's not a handyman, but does he run errands for you? Let you go
first? Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength.

Okay, Ladies - this is day 2! If you didn't do so well yesterday, that's okay. Dust yourself off and try again!

Father God as we struggle with our own shortcomings, give us strength. Help us to understand that our husbands will never be able to supply all of our needs - that's Your job! But give us comfort when they fall short and help us to still be what they need even when they are not being what we need. And Lord, be swift to pick up the slack so we won't even notice that they haven't met our needs. Thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com
Info@ReviveOurHearts.com

30-Day Challenge DAY 1

2011-07-01T02:00:00.000-05:00

Day One
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does
him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Prov. 31:11-12)

To refresh your memory, here's the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge for the next 30
days:
 You can't say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband.
 Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband . . . to your
husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband!
To help you get started, have you ever thanked your husband for choosing you above
all other women? He found you attractive as a person, and appreciated you. Though
many circumstances in your marriage may have changed, let your husband know that
you are glad God led you together, and that you want to be a blessing to him for the rest of your marriage. Let him know that he can trust you to be in his corner.
One of the best opportunities to express your gratitude is first thing in the morning. How do you greet your husband each morning? Is he confident in your love? Give him a "wake up call" that he'll never forget—a big "I love you" and an "I'm so glad I'm your wife!" and you may want to add: "I respect you"!

Suggestions for creativity with this: instead of just saying it; write a letter to him expressing this. Write it on pretty stationary and place it in a matching envelope and spray a little perfume on the letter (not too much, you don't want the ink to run). If you don't have any stationary - don't let that stop you, write it on notebook paper or computer paper. Then slip the letter underneath his pillow or in his pants pocket or his lunch (that you prepared). Be creative! Have fun with this!

So what are your thoughts? Day one doesn't seem too hard. Take a deep breath...exhale...now go encourage your husband (or significant other). You can do it! You can do all things through Christ that has strengthened you. (Philippians 4:13)

Father God, please bless every woman reading this post and completing this challenge...give her the strength and compassion to be the wife you've called her to be. Let her light so shine that men will see and that You will get the glory. Allow her to be a blessing to her husband and help her to build him up and not tear him down. In Jesus name, Amen.

Are you up for the challenge?

2011-06-30T12:42:00.000-05:00

I was reading Every Woman's Marriage, by Shannon & Greg Ethridge, last night and I had to get a few bandages for the cuts I sustained while reading. I was reminded that I have fallen short in my marriage in the way I handle situations, my attitude, and my conversation. There was a part in the book where the wife explains how she was working in all these different ministries at church and her husband only worked at his job - he wasn't involved in any ministries at the church and she wondered why, so she asked him why he wasn't more involved in ministry like she was. And do you want to know what he said? He told her that when he married her, God told him that she would be his ministry...and until further notice he was not to have another one. Ouch! You mean marriage is a ministry? Yes it is... and a very lucrative ministry (it may not bring you financial revenue, but the profit you gain is great in comparison). If this husband had been involved in different ministries at church and if he worked a full-time job, then when would have time for his wife? She would probably not be happy with that situation either. She realized that his working 50 hours a week - provided time for her to be a part of different ministries without having to worry about going to work, taking care of a family, and being a good wife. That, basically he supported and provided for them while her job was taking care of the home and doing ministry. She then began to be thankful for his non-involvement in other ministries.

Sometimes we can be so caught up in doing church business that we forget about our families. How can we be effective ministers to others outside our home, if we are neglecting those inside the home. How can I minister to a couple about their relationship and the time they spend when I haven't invested that time in my own relationship? Our marriages are to be examples to the world about God's love for the church; but if our marriages don't reflect that image, then the world is getting the wrong picture. This husband clearly understood his role as a husband and knew his role in ministry. How many of us can say the same? Wives do you know your role as a wife and in ministry? Do you know when you are doing too much outside the home and not putting that same energy into your spouse? The bible says we are to be helpmates (Gen. 2:18)- this encompasses many areas: encourager, builder, lifter, supporter, lover, server, forgiver, respecter, encourager. (Don't get bent out of shape with some of these titles) God has called us as wives to reverence our husbands (Ephesians 5:33b); let's start by encouraging them. The best thing you can do for a man is to let him know you got his back. That when the world has failed him, you won't. That when the world has let him down, you'll build him back up. Pick your husband up! Don't let him fall; because when he falls...you fall - you are one flesh.

So I am challenging the wives to step up this month (starting July 1) and minister to your husbands. I am giving you a challenge. And that challenge is to encourage your husbands for 30 days! You can't say anything negative about your husband, to your husband, or to anyone else. I know what you're thinking - wow, 30 days - that's a long time; but he is worth more than 30 days...this should be a life time commitment. But I'm also challenging you to keep a journal (for your own personal use) about how you feel, how the process is going, what are some changes you see in your spouse, what are some changes you see in yourself, etc. And then finally if you want to post comments or share anything (as long as it's not negative about your husband), please feel free to do so. You can post comments here or send them to my email: godsunion@comcast.net. And lastly, I will encourage you! I know this won't be an easy month for some of you who accept the challenge. But know that I will be praying for you and your marriages every night. I will try to post the challenge every day and words of insight and encouragement. But you will not be alone. There will be a host of other women and we'll be connected spiritually through our journey. And God will be with you - allow Him to work through you and don't forget to go to Him daily for yourself, your marriage, and for strength. I love you and I look forward to hearing from you. Share this information with other married women, engaged women, or women in relationships.

It's time to build up our men! Are you up for the challenge?

For information, go to Revive Our Hearts or click on the title of this post above.

Marriage Conference with New Hope Enterprise

2011-03-07T11:58:00.000-06:00

To view this poster in its entirety, go to http://zhenry88.edu.glogster.com/false/

Convenient Christianity

2010-12-29T12:41:00.000-06:00

Why are so many Christians or (non-Christians) turning to other religions? Or why do you think people don't take Christianity seriously? Maybe it's because we are practicing Convenient Christianity... you are a Christian when it's convenient for you. For example, you are a Christian on Sunday during church service because you know someone is watching; you are a Christian on Wednesday during Bible Study; you are a Christian when someone at work mentions they are a Christian too; you are practicing Convenient Christianity!

So when do you read the Word of God to have His statutes embedded in your heart? How often do you pray - having intimate conversation with God and not just, "God is good, God is great, let us thank Him for our food, Amen", or "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep..."? When do you practice Godly wisdom and are you able to be Godly in the face of adversity? How often do you witness to others either verbally or non-verbally? Do you have a real relationship with God; one that is not flaky, one that is rooted in faith and trust--where you believe God enough to not only save your soul, but also pay your bills? Where is your faith?

Do you pursue obedience to God or slavery to the enemy? Are you walking with God or running for the devil? Is God your father or are you the son of lies? Where is your loyalty? Are you a Christian; a child of God; joint heir with Christ everyday, every hour, every minute, every second? Or do you put on the mask of Christianity when it suits you?

Is this too much for you to think about right now? Am I asking too many questions? Are you feeling guilty about your Christian walk? Sorry to inconvenience you...

Are you working? (I Go to Work, Part 2)

2010-09-18T22:27:00.001-05:00

Little did I know that my last post would end up being my mantra and that I'd be singing it even when I didn't want to. Shortly after posting the blog, I went to work and I went to work hard. Just a quick run down of my schedule: I work five days a week, teach aerobics 3 days a week & work out 2 more days other than that, attend bible study 1 day a week, attend church service 1 day a week, attend class 2 days a week (yes I'm back in school), cook dinner at least 2 days a week, study every day of the week (whether it's for school, Sunday school, marriage ministry, or hospitality ministry), conduct a marriage meeting twice a month, have a hospitality meeting once a month, date night once (sometimes twice) a week, pillow talk at least 3 times a week, wash clothes, grocery shop, and I'm sure I'm leaving something out... have I made you tired yet? ...I go to work.

I don't say all of this to make it seem as if I want sympathy. I say this to call your attention to the date night and the pillow talk. No matter how busy your schedule gets, don't forget your spouse. Everything in life is work... but your marriage is work also. I feel energized to get away for a few hours with my husband once a week. And even though I may be exhausted at night, the pillow talks are so refreshing and informative. It's like pulling out your PDA and reviewing your schedules so you keep each other abreast on upcoming events. Throughout the day we make it a point to talk to (or text) each other even if it's just a few minutes at a time. Steal some time for your spouse. Pencil them in your PDA. Make your marriage intentional.

I ask again, are you working? Now are you working on the right things? Break time is over! Get back to work.

"I Go to Work"

2010-08-05T20:50:00.000-05:00

The famous rapper, Kool Moe Dee, released his third album entitled Knowledge is King in May of 1989 where the song, I Go to Work appears. This rap song explains that what Kool Moe Dee does (rapping) is actually a job, contrary to popular belief. In this song, his lyrics state that he puts a lot of effort into his writing; making the analogies between rapping and being a doctor, an architect, and a boxer. That he is very much skilled in what he does and if you think that this is not a job, think again, rapping is very much work for Kool Moe Dee. I don't write, I build a rhyme...And if it's weak when I'm done; renovate and build another one... ...You wanna know my occupation? I get paid to rock the nation. Very powerful words by Kool Moe Dee twenty years ago.

Well marriage is work... It may not seem like a real job, but it is. Parenting is work... School is work... Life is work... Relationships are work... Serving God is work... Are you working? As long as it is day... Night is coming when no one can work. (John 9:4). Anything in life worth having is work.

On your job, if you don't work, you don't get paid and you may get fired. You can't sit around and expect the work to get done on its own.

Being a parent is work. Children have needs at every stage of their lives. At birth they need close supervision and care. As a toddler they need guidance and love. As a preschooler they need nurturing and instruction. As a preteen they need sheltering and quality time. As a teenager they need guidance and correction. As an adult they need advice and a listening ear. Parenting is work.

School is work. You go to school twelve plus years, do homework, complete projects, write papers; only to graduate and do it all over again in college. But learning should be an ongoing process for the student as well as the person not in school. School/learning is work.

Life is work. We're conceived, struggle to get here, grow into adulthood, experience failures and successes, meet good and bad people, make mistakes, etc. But it's all a learning process and it's all work.

Relationships are work. You have to work at being a friend: being considerate, saying thank you, I'm sorry, are you alright, what can I do to make it better, etc. Being in a committed relationship is work. The relationship doesn't mature on its own. You have to work.

Serving God is work. You can't just be a pew rider. You have to get involved and stay involved. You have to come to bible study, not just Sunday service. You have to read the Word yourself. You have to pray often. You have to live Godly. You have to be obedient to the Word. You have to witness to others. Serving God is work.

Marriage is work. You can't just say "I do" and then "don't". You have to work. "I do" means: I do and will love you. I do and will encourage you. I do and will respect you. I do and will make our house a home. I do and will work to make our marriage a Godly marriage. I do and will accept you just as you are. Marriage is work.

Are you working? If not, get busy!
Gotta go ...I got work to do.

Common Courtesy

2010-07-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

Hello. Good morning. Thank you. You're welcome. Excuse me. Please. Is there anything you need? How are you? I miss you. You look nice. I appreciate you. I'm sorry.

There is nothing wrong with a little common courtesy. We learned it grade school. We practiced how to be courteous and cordial. We apply it on our jobs. Why can't we use it in our homes, with our spouses, with our children, with our friends, and relatives?

So many times we take each other for granted and assume we don't have to be courteous because "they know we love them" or "they know how we feel". Your spouse does not know how you feel unless you show it. And what better way to show it than with words and deeds. Let them know that you do appreciate them for preparing dinner. That you are sorry for not calling when you were going to be late. That you do miss them when they are away. That it is a good morning every time you wake up next to them.

Common courtesy - basically the little things you do to make your loved one feel special. It only takes a moment.

Scenario One:

Husband: "Honey I just called to let you know that I was running late and that I should be home before 5pm".

Wife: "Thank you for calling. I really appreciate that. I'll keep your dinner warm."

Scenario Two:

Wife: "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to wash your gym clothes. I will try to get to it by the weekend."

Husband: "That's okay. I know you've been busy. I thank you for thinking about me."

Scenario Three:

Wife: "I'm going in the kitchen, is there anything I can get for you; another dinner roll; some more tea?"

Husband: "Oh sure, I would like some more tea, please."

Scenario Four:

Husband: "Good morning, beautiful."

Wife: "Well hello to you to."

Common courtesy. It only takes a moment. It lasts a lifetime. Safeguard your spouse's heart. Be kind. Be courteous. (Ephesians 4:32).

**It's also okay to use this courtesy with friends, relatives, & people who cross our paths. :)

Thank you.

Where is God in your relationship?

2010-05-28T19:04:00.000-05:00

By now most people know about Carrie and Big from Sex and the City and how they finally got married after dating for several years, living together, being jilted at the alter, breaking up, and then getting back together only to finally marry. But where was God in their relationship?

Or how about the four couples that vacation every year together in Why did I get married?: Sheila & Mike (now the Sheriff, Troy), Angela and Marcus, Patricia and Gavin, and Dianne and Terry. Each of these couples struggling with their own issues and problems. Sheila and Troy with financial burdens and trust issues. Angela and Marcus struggling with trust issues. Patricia and Gavin struggling with forgiveness and power. While Dianne and Terry are struggling with intimacy and communication. But again where was God in their relationships?

Or what about the movie Boomerang, Marcus is the ladies' man, dating a different woman every night until he meets his match with Jackie and she treats him the way he's been treating every woman. With a taste of his own medicine, he sulks and finds true love in Angela but doesn't know it until it's too late. At the end of the movie, he eventually gets back with Angela and it seems as if they will live happily ever after. But where was God in their relationship?

Or what about the latest movie, Just Wright. Leslie Wright meets what seems to be the perfect man, Scott McKnight, until her best friend, Morgan, intrudes. Scott thinks Morgan is the perfect woman for him until he is hurt on the court and she feels as if his life is going no where so she leaves him. When Leslie becomes his personal physical therapist, their relationship grows. In the end, Leslie gets her man. But where was God in their relationship?

How about your marriage? Is it a story book romance? Did you have the perfect wedding with all the right floral arrangements and six course meal? Did you wear the long white flowing dress studded with pearls and diamonds? Did you adorn the finest jewelry past down from generations? Did you have on the designer tuxedo with the paisley bow tie and cummerbund? Did you have an outdoor wedding at Botanic Gardens at sunset? Did you have twelve bridesmaids and groomsmen? Did you set doves free at the end of the ceremony and ride away on a horse and carriage? Maybe you had the best photographer and videographer. You probably shared memories with friends and family in your big white cloth covered photo album. You bought several different outfits for each part of the wedding. You had five different cakes because you couldn't decide which one you liked the best. After all of this... after all of this... where is God in your relationship?

Was HE there when you met your spouse? Was HE there when you started dating? Was HE there when you moved in together? Was HE there during the proposal? Was HE there when you started planning the wedding? Was HE there at the wedding ceremony? Was HE there on the honeymoon? Was HE there while you were planning to have children? Was HE there after the children came? Was HE there while your were raising your children? Where is HE in your life; in your relationship; in your relationships? Where is God? Has anyone seen HIM lately?

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33) Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

Don't lose sight of God!

I’m staying…and you’re gonna love me

2010-04-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Veiled Tunisian Women

There was a popular movie out called: Dreamgirls. It was a story about an African-American female singing group (Effie, Deena, & Lorrell), striving to make it big in the industry in the 1960s. The lead singer (Effie) was slightly overweight, but had a gorgeous singing voice. As the ladies became famous, Effie fell in love with the manager of the group (Curtis). Eventually he decided it would be better if Deena was the lead singer because of her physical appearance and her ability to cross over to pop. He eventually fell for this woman and her status and replaced Effie. Upon arriving late to a rehearsal and finding out that she had been replaced by Curtis’ secretary, she became very upset and sang the very popular song, “I’m staying and you’re gonna love me.” However, in the end, he left her and eventually married Deena.

Similarly, a woman in the bible by the name of Ruth declared the same thing: I’m staying…and you’re gonna love me. The story of Ruth is one of the most acclaimed love stories in the bible. It speaks of a love that is ready to denounce all of the past for a new beginning. This story begins with a woman named Naomi who, with her husband and two sons, leaves Bethlehem (their home) because of a famine. They travel to Moab (a city filled with worshippers of idol gods). When they settle in Moab, the family is hit with tragedy as Naomi’s husband dies. After staying another ten years in Moab, the two sons marry Moabite women and then tragedy strikes again. The two sons die. Naomi is left without anyone to care for her except her two daughters-in-law. After hearing that the famine is over in Bethlehem, she decides to go back home. She begins her travels with her daughters-in-law, but then tells them to go back home to their mothers where they may marry again and live joyful lives. Orpah decides to go, but Ruth is determined to stay with her mother-in-law; as she states in Ruth 1:16: “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” She also goes on to say that wherever Naomi is buried, she wants to be buried there also. Ruth is denouncing her family, friends, and everything she has ever known to be with Naomi and her God. After years of worshipping idol gods, Ruth decides that Naomi’s God is with who she wants to be. “I’m staying…and you’re gonna love me.

How many of us are willing to stay with God no matter what? In sickness and in health? In riches or poverty? For better or for worse? Are we with God when times seem hard? Are we with God when it seems as if He is not with us? Are we staying…and know that He is gonna love us?

What about your spouse? Are you staying and making them love you? Are you trying to be the spouse God has called you to be? Are you with your spouse in bad and good times? In sickness and in health? In richness and poverty? For better or for worse? And think about that for a moment…it’s easy to be there for the health, richness, and better. But what about the sickness, poverty, and worse? Are you caring for them, supporting them, and being kind to them? Are you being loving and respectful? Are you staying? And are they gonna love you?

Why can’t we get it right?

2010-03-03T22:56:00.000-06:00

What’s wrong with Christians that we always seem to go astray? Why do we continually go to church praising the roof off while we’re there only to walk out the door and curse somebody in the parking lot? Why do we pretend that we love God; but act like we don’t know Him at work? Why do we constantly backbite and gossip about others instead of helping them to be better? Why are our marriages failing almost as quickly as the world’s? Why aren’t we willing to work on the marriage that God has designed and ordained? Why are we so quick to throw in the towel; only to be bitter and lonely? Why can’t we get it right?

In every walk of life, there appears to be an instructional manual on how to build, construct, repair, and maintain. When you buy any equipment from the store, such as a bookcase, a table, a lawn mower, a bar-b-que grill, etc. there is an instructional manual. The manual tells you how many pieces came with the item and how the pieces fit together. The manual tells you approximately how long it will take to put the item together. The manual gives you phone numbers to call if you have any questions or problems with the items you’ve bought. The manual even gives you instructions on where to return the items if any pieces are missing and where to order additional pieces. When you buy a car, there is an instructional manual in the glove department. This manual tells you how often to get the oil change, where all the secret compartments are located, and how the car works. When a woman becomes pregnant, there is a manual that tells her what to expect during her pregnancy, how long she will be pregnant, what will happen during each stage of pregnancy, what to expect during labor and during the healing process after the baby is born. When the baby is born there is another manual that tells her how to care for the child; what things to expect during the first six weeks, how the child’s schedule will differ from hers, what things to feed the baby, and how to raise the child.

Now I’ve said all this to say: when you get married, there is no instructional manual (per se) on how to be married and stay married. Everything else we encounter comes with an instructional manual except for our marriage. But God has given us an instructional manual; not only on how to be married, but also on everything pertaining to us as children of God. So if God has given us His Word (the bible) as our instructional manual, then why can’t we get it right? We have the proper tools: the bible is our paper manual; the Words tell us how many pieces (body parts) have come with the item that was bought (God purchased us with the price of His Son). There are instructions on how to build, construct, repair, and maintain. So why can’t we get it right?

Because we haven’t opened the manual. Or we haven’t read the manual. Or we aren’t reading the manual and talking to the Person who wrote the manual. We aren’t obeying God’s word. In fact, we have been disobeying God’s word for so long and on several topics other than marriage. We were so disobedient that God had to send His only Son to die for our sins! God did this to reconcile us back to Him. Now God didn’t have to do this, but He did. He is our Father. And what father has ever hated his child? Parents show mercy on their children and continue to love them even when they do wrong. Just as God continues to show mercy and grace upon us and continues to love us even when we do wrong. But the bible instructs us that our walk, our lives, our marriages are not about us! Everything that you do in life is about you glorifying God. Your life is not your own. You belong to God. If you begin to live your life as though you have given it to God, then you will be able to handle situations better. People won’t make you angry as fast. You will speak words that edify. You will stay away from gossiping. You will want to be in God’s presence more. You will be kind and compassionate. You will become more like God.

So when are we going to get it right? When are we going to start taking our Christian walk seriously? Well only you can make that decision. Only you can decide when you are going to stop playing with God and get it right. Only you can make the choice to be more Godly in every aspect of your life. Only you can get it right with your spouse. But let me suggest that you start today. Get it right; right now!

Lent

2010-02-18T00:11:00.000-06:00

The season of lent begins on Ash Wednesday (which this year is February 17th)and ends the day before Easter (or Resurrection Sunday) April 3rd. Lent is a representation of the 40 day/night fast that Jesus endured. As we embark on this lent season; we are reminded that Jesus gave up food for 40 days/nights to give us an example that we too can endure fasting and be victorious over the enemy. (Matthew 4:1-11). During the season of lent; Christians give up something as a sacrifice for 40 days (if you count Sunday; it is actually 46 days). This sacrifice is usually some form of food: sugar, candy, sodas, bread, meat, etc. Usually it is something that may seem hard for you to give up. For the past 3 years, our family has given up our Friday ritual of eating fried fish at Cracker Barrel. But this year we've decided to give up something else: television. Not only do you give a sacrifice; you should also spend time praying and reading God's Word. This is very important-so you won't be tempted and also to continue growing in a deeper relationship with God.

How wonderful it would be if we got closer to God through reading His Word, praying, and fasting. Examine the closeness we could gain with our spouses by getting closer to God. Remember the enemy wants to destroy your union; don't let him. Build a strong hold; be victorious during lent and get stronger in the Lord.

If you haven't already started fasting; do it today. Make the sacrifice. Christ did for us.
God Bless.

Stubborn?

2010-01-29T12:36:00.000-06:00

In the book of Exodus (starting with chapter 7); Pharaoh shows his stubbornness. He is unwilling to let God's people go after several miraculous signs were performed by Moses at the hand of God. God allows Moses' staff to become a snake, HE sends the plague of blood, frogs, gnats, flies, livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and a plague on the firstborn. Pharaoh continued to keep God's people in captivity; agreeing at first and then changing his mind when the plague was released. (When you get a chance, read these chapters in Exodus, starting with chapter 7). It wasn't until something really drastic happened that Pharaoh agreed to let God's people go.

The same is sometimes true with us. We are severely stubborn until God does something really drastic in our lives. We are having an affair, but won't stop until we are caught (and some won't stop then-if we think we can be smarter next time) and have the risk of everything taking away from us. We are not committed to our spouse; but more committed to our jobs. It is not until we lose our jobs, that we realize we've neglected our spouse. We are not committed to God and His purpose for our marriage; but our commitment comes and goes as we go through trials and tribulations and HE continues to bring us out. It is not until something drastic happens that we are snapped back into full commitment. We are verbally abusive to our spouses; but it is not until they leave, that we understand the error of our ways.

Why are we so stubborn? We know right from wrong. Most of us have been raised to have at least been taught that. Those of us who are Christians, we have a greater sense of responsibility. We know more than right from wrong. We know God's way is the only right way (even when it doesn't make sense).

The word stubborn means unreasonably or perversely unyielding : mulish : justifiably unyielding : resolute. Think about those words for a minute. Unreasonably or perversely unyielding. You have no reason to justify your stubbornness; you just are. Think about Pharaoh. He didn't have a good reason for keeping God's people. He had seen the miracles performed and one miracle should have been enough for him to let the people go. (Of course God wanted the Egyptians to know that HE is almighty and that it was HIM and not Moses performing the miracles - so there was a method to the hardness of Pharaoh's heart). But with us, most of the time, we just want to do what we want to, when we want to, how we want to, and with whom we want to. Usually God hasn't hardened our hearts; we just haven't opened our hearts to God completely. We're wondering why we aren't being blessed like we should; because we are stubborn. We're wondering why we can't hear God's voice; because we are stubborn.

Pastor Ray taught a sermon in Bible study a few weeks ago from Psalm 37:1-7. We should take heed to listen to the commands of God (not requests or suggestions - but commands). Specifically around verses 3-5; God commands our trust, delight, and commitment. HE is not asking us, God is telling us. Verse 4 - tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Well, most of us want the desires of our heart; but we don't want to delight ourselves in the Lord. And Pastor was explaining when we delight ourselves in the Lord, our desires WILL CHANGE. We won't want the same things we wanted before; we'll be in line with God's will for our lives. So why are we stubborn? I think that for many of us, we just want the freedom to do whatever without consequences. But the problem with that is that isn't freedom at all. That's the enemy's way and his way is bondage. Our freedom comes with doing it God's way. We have to dismiss all the things we've been taught about what makes us happy, successful, rich, loved, etc. We have to realize that happiness is temporary (it depends on what's happening); joy is what we really need and that comes from God. We have to realize that success is not how much money you make, or the car you drive, or the house you live in. Success comes from God and HIS standards. If we acknowledge it came from God and it's not ours then we won't be selfish with things or kill ourselves working to get things. We have to realize that riches are from God. They are not in our paycheck. Love comes from God. When we accept HIS love for us; we can then begin to really love others (especially our spouses).

You're not missing anything when you submit to God. Stop being stubborn. Surrender to God. Your life will be so much better. Let's not end up like Pharaoh. Stop being stubborn.

What can I do to make it better?

2010-01-16T19:49:00.000-06:00

Romantic Rendezvous, by John Holyfield (jamesloveless.com)

Wife #1: "I had a really hard day at work. My students failed the test I thought they were better prepared for and my principal said I didn't turn in my paperwork on time!"

Husband #1: "What can I do to make your day better?"

Husband #2: "The car quit on me today and my check was short because I missed two days of work!"

Wife #2: "What can I do to make it better?"

Husband #3: "I'm tired of working outside. The temperatures were below freezing last week. I wish I could quit my job!"

Wife #3: "What can I do to help make your situation better?"

Wife #4: "I'm tired of staying at home with the kids. I never get to talk to any grown ups and the laundry seems to never get done!"

Husband #4: "What can I do to help?"

All of these scenarios have one thing in common: The response of the spouse. "What can I do to make it better?"

How many times has your spouse openly confessed their feelings and you shot them down with a negative response: such as "everybody has a hard day at work; suck it up"; or "why was your check short and why did you miss two days of work"; or "I'm tired of working, too; why don't we all quit and be homeless"; or "if you did all the laundry on Saturday, you would have this problem on Monday and don't you have any friends that you can talk to".

Most of the time, your spouse really doesn't want a solution, a smart comment, or a rebuttal. But they do want your sincere expression of love and care. When you ask, "What can I do to make it better?" many times the response will be something like this: "just rub my feet or hold me - I'll be alright"; "I'll get the car fixed, Tony knows this mechanic that will fix it free"; "just help me find my insulated gloves - you know I'm not going to quit my job"; "can you just help me fold this last load and talk to me about your day". Your spouse just wants to know that you got their back; that you will be there when times get hard; that you will love them unconditionally - even if they didn't have a job; that you will be there. Your spouse needs reassurance that you're in their corner.

So the next time, your spouse has what you think is a complaint just ask them if there is anything you can do to make it better. And then try to do it. If they say: rub my feet or kiss me or help me fold the clothes - do it. How much energy does it take to make our spouses day a little less stressful. With all they are dealing with in the world; let them come home to peace.

And watch out for their reaction. They won't be expecting you to say: "What can I do to make it better?" They may think it is a trick. But you will be surprised how your spouse will just melt when asked this question. Let your spouse know that you really care...

What can I do to make it better? that is the question!

Temptation

2010-01-08T13:37:00.000-06:00

Samson and Delilah by Alan and Aaron Hicks jamesloveless.com

This week's Sunday School Lesson deals with the devil tempting Jesus after His forty day/night fast. Matthew 4:1-11. There are three things evident in this temptation. #1 - the lust of the flesh; #2 - the pride of life; & #3 - the lust of the eyes.

In our marriages, we have to make sure that we don't yield to these temptations. Remembering that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear and that He always offers an escape. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. Temptation is basically wanting to do our own thing; instead of being in God's Will and doing it God's Way.

Think about that for a moment...you are tempted everyday in every walk of your life. When you get to work in the morning and someone makes you mad; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you want revenge or to hold a grudge. When that handsome/pretty office assistant smiles at you (and you're married); instead of doing what is right (God's way), you want to get a number, go to lunch, or maybe even more. When your spouse is not being loving/respectful; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you treat them unloving or disrespectful-knowing you are to be obedient to the Word of God (Ephesian 5:33). When your children are seeking your attention; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you continue to ignore them because you're busy or tired. When your pastor asks for your tithes; instead of doing what is right (God's way), you think the money is going to be used for the pastor's new house, so you don't give anything. (Malachi 3:10).

How many times during our lives do we continue to do things our way and not God's way? Why is it so hard to do it God's way? He gives us an escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). His Son has already been victorious (Matthew 4:1-11). His rewards are greater than the world's (Mark 10:29-30). God's way is the only way. Let's not yield to temptation. We can still have a wonderful life without corruption and a sinful nature(John 10:10). In fact, we will live fuller lives doing it God's way.

Remember to keep your mind stayed on God, and when temptation is facing you - pray and seek God as a way of escape.

God Bless.

Reminiscing

2009-12-11T19:53:00.000-06:00

LOVE

2009-11-18T21:15:00.000-06:00

I just want you to listen to the words of this song, by Kirk Franklin. Really listen and read the words below. And then think about God's love for us and the love you have for your spouse.

Listen now!
Love, by Kirk Franklin.
Paitent love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat 4 times)

Verse 1
Love a word that comes and goes
But few people really know what it means to really love somebody
Love though the tears may fade away
I'm so glad your love will stay
'cause i love you and you show me
Jesus what it really means to love

Patient love, kind love, sweet love, kind love (repeat twice)

Repeat verse 1

Bridge
The nights that i cry you love me
When i should have died you love me
I'll never know why you love me
Its a mystery now that i can finally see Jesus

When all was gone you love me
You gave me a song that you love me
Now i can go on 'cause you love me
Its a mystery now that i can finally see Jesus

Repeat Bridge

What it really means
What it really means
What it really means
To love .............................................................

Patient patient kind
That's love
To love...........................
Patient patient kind
That's love

My BFF

2009-10-19T13:37:00.000-05:00

Remember when you were younger and you had a best friend. Some of us still have that same best friend or someone else who is our best friend. You know the best friend that you talked on the phone with all the time. The best friend you went shopping with. The best friend you played sports with. The best friend that cried with you during a good movie. The best friend that you just wanted to be around all the time.

My BFF (Best Friend Forever) is my husband. He is the person I want to talk on the phone with all the time. He is the person I want to go shopping with. He is the person I play games with (chess, connect four, Life, Uno, etc). He is the person I cried with several times during a good movie. He is the person I want to be around all the time. I never get tired of spending time with him. I never get tired of being around him.

It's funny when I think about how we have several days carved out just for us.
Sunday is church and usually nap day
Monday is relaxation day with a movie
Tuesday is church night and not much else
Wednesday is fun day with dinner and a movies (lately it's been marriage bible study night - which is also very fun)
Thursday is down time
Friday is Cracker Barrell night for cod fish and family night
Saturday is usually date night

Do I look forward to all of these days and nights? YES! I am anxious each week for the upcoming events. I can't wait for date night which isn't always on Saturdays; sometimes we'll do an impromptu date in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the week. I enjoy every moment that we spend together. I don't want to waste any of that time harboring ill feelings toward El. So if we have a conflict, we try to resolve it quickly and in a Godly manner.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because in a world where many women have best friends and men hang out with their best buddies-we forget about our spouses. We spend all of our time trying to get married and then we disregard our spouses. Instead we spend more time with other people; doing things with them and not including our spouse.

Genesis 2:24 says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.

Become one with your spouse. Take the time to really get to know them. Spend as much time as possible with them. Make your marriage intentional. And why not make your spouse your BFF.

Are you in the wilderness?

2009-09-16T17:39:00.000-05:00

The book of Deuteronomy deals with the people of Israel around the time Moses led the people out of bondage and into freedom under God's guidance. This book also talks about much of the people's disobedience to the Lord and how they repeatedly disobeyed God, grumbled and complained, questioned God, and even wished that they were dead or back in slavery in Egypt. Eventually Moses joined the people and sinned against God as misery can be contagious. The people were right on the outskirts of their promised land, when Joshua and Caleb agreed that the land could be taken over and that God was with them. Once the Israelites were finally in their promised land, God told them not to conform to the people of the land. He told them that after they take over the land, that they were to still hold on to God's statutes. But the people again disobeyed God. So even though they were literally out of the wilderness, they were figuratively still in captivity; and eventually they were taken captive by the Babylonians because of their disobedience.

Are you in the wilderness in your marriage? Are you wandering aimlessly not really knowing how to get to the promised land? Are you reacting to your spouse's emotions, instead of being proactive? Are you being loving and respectful? Are you filling your spouse's love tank on a regular basis? Are you praying for your spouse and with your spouse daily? Are you reading the Word of God and responding to God's Word daily? Are you in the wilderness?

Sometimes we know exactly what to do in our marriage to keep our spouses content, but we fail to do it. Sometimes we know exactly what buttons to push to make our spouses upset, and we do it often. We need to see our spouses as God does. Think about it. How many times do you make mistakes and want God to forgive you? Probably every moment of the day. God loves us with an unconditional love. No matter what we do or have, God loves us. His grace and mercy is new everyday (Lamentations 3). So why can't we love our spouse like God loves us? By human nature, that may be impossible; but spiritually and with God's help, it is quite possible.

As El and I embark on new missions to save marriages, we are encountering couples that seem to be in the wilderness. They are just going through the motions of being married but they are really wandering. On the outside everything seems okay. They smile, nod at the right time, hold hands when they think someone's looking, they finish one another's sentences, they appear to be the perfect married couple. But they're in the wilderness. God can't save them because they don't want to be saved. They want to stay right where they are. They want the stage to continue to be their backdrop. They need the lights and the camera to perform their next scene. We used to be one of those couples. We put on the makeup before we left the house and in between scenes we did a touch up or changed clothes for the next part. What's good is that God brought us out of the wilderness, but not until we wanted to come out. We were just like the Israelites, we complained, grumbled, and questioned God. Why is this happening to me? Why me, Lord? But most of the turmoil we had brought upon ourselves by being disobedient to God. Not doing what His word says to do. Trying to do things our own way. Until we poured out our heart to God and repented for sinfulness (selfishness, unforgiving hearts, disobedience), we couldn't be content. We were wandering aimlessly with face paint. God restored our marriage and stripped us naked (thanks Zenobia for that word) to each other so we weren't ashamed to be exposed. God allowed us to really see Him and each other. He allowed us to see the gift He had given us (each other). And we allowed God to really step in our marriage and be the head, the guide, the center, the everything.

I don't know about you, but if you are anything like the Israelites, I'm sure you don't like being in the wilderness. Even though they grumbled and complained, it was their fault that they were in the wilderness because of their disobedience. Don't be like the Israelites, disobedient. Live your life according to Christ's. Get out of the wilderness. Allow God to move your marriage to the promised land, a land flowing with milk and honey. Trust God today and get out the wilderness.

Are you using your marriage tools?

2009-08-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

Ephesians 5:33 says: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

My husband and I went to a Love & Respect Marriage Conference this weekend at Bellevue Baptist Church. Our marriage ministry is currently studying this book. It was interesting to reflect on the conference afterwards because I was wondering would I learn anything different or get any new information. El and I were talking about how most (and I use that word loosely) married couples have been given information or tools to use in our marriages; but we don't. And it's not that we don't know how, we make a conscious decision not to use these tools. Well to say the least, I did learn something new. Emerson helped us understand what Ephesians 5:33 is really saying to us. He helped us focus our energy on God when we try to be loving or respectful. To focus on God and not our spouse.

Okay, let me back up to the meaning of this scripture. Simply put, husbands are to love their wives (even when they are unlovable) and wives are to respect their husbands (even when they don't deserve it; haven't earned it, or are disrespectful & unloving toward us). This sounds hard. And I agree, it is hard. If you are in like or in love with your spouse right now, this doesn't sound like much. But if you have ever been mad at them, this is very hard. It is hard to love a woman who continually criticizes you, puts you down, tells you you are worthless, less than a man. It is hard to respect a man who doesn't show you love, cuddles with you, only wants sex, or doesn't want to be around you. This is hard. But Emerson encouraged us to picture God standing over the shoulder of our spouse; so that when we feel like being unloving or disrespectful we will quickly remember that it is God who told us to be loving and respectful and we are not hurting our spouses so much as we are hurting and disobeying God. This command came from God, not our spouses. When we fail to do what the bible says (or what God says), we are being disobedient. And you can't say, "I didn't know". We must obey God. We can't say, "Well Lord, they are making me act this way." No man has control over you. Or you can't say, "God knows my heart." Yeah He does and He is not pleased, because what's in your heart will come out in your actions; and God should be in your heart.

So, as we pondered the many couples who would probably walk away from the conference and say, "That was a good conference," but then return to their old ways & thinkings; we began to pray and thank God. Not too long ago, we were one of those couples. We had the tools, but we weren't using them. We knew what the bible said, but we didn't care. We were continually spinning on the "Crazy Cycle" and would get on that wheel several times a week. Through prayer and ministry we began to become aware of things that would get us on the "Crazy Cycle"and we used our marriage tools to get us off. As we began to use more tools: praying together everyday, being kind to one another, communicating effectively, being compassionate & loving, seeking & giving forgiveness freely; we began to see a change in our marriage. We started having a healthy, happy, & loving marriage. We started to see a change in our family. We are using our marriage tools.

When you don't use the tools, it's like going to church every week and then placing the bible on the table when you get home until the next week. You never talk about God during the week. You don't pray. You don't give Him praise. You just wait until service the next week and then you continue the same routine over and over. Nothing in your life changes. You don't put your faith into practice. You don't put your patience into practice. You don't have trials & if you do, you don't handle them well because you don't know God. You don't witness to anyone. You don't do any ministry. You life is stagnant. Well when you are married, you have to polish the marriage. You cannot remain stagnant. You have certain tools that should be used to help your marriage grow and flourish. God should be at the center of all this. Then you should begin to use other tools. And if you don't have any tools or don't have enough, visit our website; there you will find conferences to attend that will give you the tools needed for a thriving marriage. Or you can email me at godsunion@comcast.net . Whatever you do, don't sit back and do nothing. God did not intend for our marriages to be stagnant and stale. He wants us to live in harmony, peace, and love. He wants us to be happy in our marriages. God is so awesome that He knew everything we would go through in life, so He gave us an instructional manual to help us along the way. And all we have to do now is USE it.
Are you using your marriage tools? If not, start today!

When everything seems fine?

2009-08-06T21:46:00.000-05:00

Psalm 100: 1Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
2Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

When everything seems to be going fine, beware! Be cautious not to let your guard down. Praise God and continue to pray. Continue to walk in His Word. It is when everything is going fine, that we begin to think we don't need God. We begin to think that we are okay without going to church. We think it's okay not pray. That we don't have to be watchful. That we don't need to spread the good news. However, it is when everything is going fine, that we should be praising His Name. For God is almighty and wonderful!

There have been some trying times in my marriage. Some times when I didn't think God was around. But lately, everything has been going fine. I can't remember the last time El & I had a serious argument. Or the last time we were really upset with each other. We have been using the tools that God has given us and the tools we've learned in conferences to have a healthy, happy marriage. I enjoy waking up beside him, still watching him sleep as he rolls over. I enjoy talking to him throughout the day, letting him know that I am thinking about him by texting him little messages. I can't wait for him to get home from work, so we can sit on the couch and sometimes watch TV or do nothing but talk. I love our date nights, when our son is at work and we can alone time without any interruptions. I like hearing the made up songs he sings even though they don't always make sense. I admire the way he handles his customers when I hear bits and pieces of his conversation while he's at work. I'm in love with him. Everything is going fine.

With that said, I know the enemy is somewhere lurking around waiting for me to let my guard down; but I have bad news for the enemy. The enemy won't catch me off guard, because I know and understand who I belong to. I know who holds all power in HIS hands. I know that God is real. And I continue to worship Him, praise Him, depend on Him, thank Him, love Him, give Him reverence, give Him benevolence, talk about Him... God is my all. God is why everything else in my life is possible. God is my very reason for existence. God is the very reason for my husband's existence. Do I take any of that for granted? NO! I know life can end in the blink of an eye. I know that tomorrow is not promised to any man.

When everything seems fine, don't let the enemy catch you slipping. Don't forget about God just because you don't have any prayer requests or all your bills are paid. When everything is fine, give God more praise and worship. Pray fervently. Be grateful. Spread the good news to others about your very fine life. When everything seems fine, thank God!

Thank you Lord for your precious blessings. Thank you for keeping us mindful of you always. Thank you for your love, grace, and mercy. Thank you for loving us inspight of ourselves. Thank you for being God. Help us to be all that you have called us to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Are you watching closely?

2009-07-22T22:05:00.000-05:00

But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry. (2 Timothy 4:5).

The world is full of thrills and fun. People are carelessly spending more time doing things for their own personal enjoyment than ever before. People are moving away from what the Word tells us to their own devices for personal gain and support. No longer are we living in a society where we stand firm on what God says. People would rather find something that supports what they are saying. So as married couples, we have to be watchful. Marriages are under attack now more than ever. The enemy is preying on pastors, especially. So you may be asking, what can I do?

First, you can understand that others are watching. As a married couple, your living example should be proof to others what God's love is like for His people. People should see your marriage and see a representation of God's love for the church. And people are watching, whether you want them to or not. So instead of giving them the Jerry Springer show that they expect; give them another show: one that God would want you to give them (living testimony). Understand that others are watching.

Second, your marriage is a ministry. When others see you happy and blissful, you are showing them that it is possible to be happy in a marriage. However, if you show that you are unhappy, that is ministering to them also. But if we follow the Word in our marriages and allow it to be our instructional manual; we will be able to show a positive ministry to others. Your marriage is a ministry.

Third, you can abide in God's Word. Let the Word of God saturate your very being and allow the Holy Spirit to rule over your life. God should be on your mind every moment of the day. He should be your all. Abide in God's Word.

...Are you watching closely?
There's another part of this question I want you to consider. Are you watching your spouse closely? Are you paying attention to their wants, needs, desires, etc.? Watching your spouse with a close eye will give you insight into their likes & dislikes; their preferences, their special requests. We should be trying to please our spouse and one way to do that is to know them. You can get to know them by watching them. Of course communication is also another way to get to know them, but watch them also. Watch their body language when you talk to them. Watch their habits: the way they eat, sleep, talk, walk, what music they listen to, how they respond to others, watch. Not like in a stalker kind of way, but in a way that you notice them. There are certain things you should know about your spouse: like how they order food when they go to certain restaurants; or what shoes hurt their feet; or how they like their food prepared; or what their favorite outfit is; or who's their favorite sport's team; or where they like to sit in the movies; or what is their favorite movie; or what their favorite past time is; or what gas station they like to go to; or how they like their clothes ironed; or...
The point is be watchful.

I know that El likes extra mayo on his sandwiches. That he eats his french fries first before his hamburger because he doesn't like them cold. That he starts out sleeping on his right side, but will end up on the left before morning. That he likes his shirts ironed so the crease will show in the sleeve and the collar will lay flat. That he loves his son and will do just about anything for him. That he takes his job seriously and can tell you anything about stereos. That he shakes his leg and pats my back when he is on the phone. That he likes to make up songs. That he likes Transformers and basketball (& he likes when I show interest in both of them). I've been watching him. I am still watching him. And I like watching him. Why not? Who else am I going to watch?

Are you watching closely? Keep watching.

Do you like your spouse?

2009-06-30T01:11:00.000-05:00

The past three weeks have been extremely busy. El & I were teaching vacation Bible school for two weeks and then we traveled to Detroit for the National Baptist Congress. I did a lot of thinking during the 10-11 hour drive to & from Detroit. I thought about how much I've learned since we started doing marriage ministry. But it is amazing how we learn things and how quickly we forget them.

I say all this to say that sometimes when you are cooped up in a car with someone for hours and there is nothing else to distract you, this can be a determining factor to finding out just how much you like (not love) your spouse. Most of us love our spouses, but do we like them? El & I had a few disagreements (to say the least) but we remembered to use the tools we learned. We realized that we were on the crazy cycle (of unlove & disrespect). We were challenged to resolve conflict quickly and in an unhurtful manner. We evaluated each other's love tank (to determine if either needed a fill-up). We also examined "the root" of the problem (one: I didn't want to be in Detroit; & two: El was tired from the drive, work, & other activities).

When we arrived back home, we evaluated the trip and discussed if we each had a good time. It was nice to get away and I really didn't care where we were as long as I was with him. The hotel was nice and we enjoyed the made to order omelets every morning and the cocktail hour each night. (Those two things were the highlights of the day; probably because they were free). We played Gin Rummy almost every night & ordered pizza three of the five nights we were there. We managed to break away from my mother and our son when we went to late night service & afterwards drove around Detroit & talked. We went to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night one night and joked with cashier. El learned the workers' names in the hotel and by Tuesday evening was speaking to them as if they were his old friends from high school. I caught up on some pleasure reading (staying up to 3am because I couldn't put the book down - and sorry it wasn't a marriage book). We played with the navigation unit in the car laughing about how we missed a turn twice in the same day & if the unit could talk; it would probably call us idiots for missing that turn twice. We all got a history lesson (compliments of El) about the buildings in Detroit. We were entertained with a wedding party on Friday afternoon. We even got a workout in the gym (one night with treadmill & bike; another night - El was in the pool & I was on the treadmill). I got a chance to watch him through the window and I waved whenever he popped his head out of the water. We talked about how Michael Jackson ruined our chance to go to the Motown Museum because there were too many people there & we didn't want to be in the crowd. (And by no means, do we take his death lightly.) We laughed about how we couldn't fit all the luggage in the van on the way back because we had an extra passenger. El put his suitcase on top and we prayed it didn't rain. (It would have been National Lampoon's Family Vacation all over again - LOL). I think it is safe to assume, we had a good time.

I don't just love El; I like him.

It is important to use the tools of marriage (starting with God & the Bible; then get around other Godly married couples; visit biblical based marriage conferences). Then don't just love your spouse; like them. Enjoy being with them. Talk with them. Hold hands. Kiss. Tickle each other. Laugh together. Dance together. Joke with each other. Life is too short and time passes fast. Make the most of your time with your spouse. Be your spouse's best friend. Try liking them, not just loving them.

Why don't we quit playing?

2009-05-13T22:12:00.001-05:00

Why are we playing house?

Let me explain. We are married, we live in the same house; but we are playing games with each other. You know it is really time to stop playing house. We are not little kids anymore playing with dolls, playing doctor and patient, or playing house. We are grown people and we need to grow up. We need to realize that our spouses are a gift from God. We are wasting precious time when we don't treat our spouses with love and respect. Again God commands us to love our spouses and He commands us to respect our spouses. (Ep. 5:33) Why are we not doing what God has COMMANDED us to do. When we don't do this; we are disobedient, plan and simple. There are no excuses. We're disobeying God's command. God wants our marriages to be successful and fulfilled. The devil on the other hand wants to destroy your marriage. The devil wants you to be unhappy, unfulfilled, and unGodly. Don't give in to the devil's trickery. Don't allow the devil to steal your joy. Don't let the devil destroy your marriage.

Put God in the center of your marriage. I know you have heard this before, but we need a revival. We need rejuvenating in our marriages. Too many of us are just going through the motions; we are not really living in God's Will. We are not doing what God has called us to do. God is not going to accept mediocrity; He wants your whole heart. He wants all of you: body, mind, and soul.

Quit playing games. Quit playing house. Quit playing.
Get real with your spouse and get real with your self. Do what God has called you to do, be real in your marriage.

Are you tired of playing, yet? If not, you ought to be. Eventually your game is going to lead to disaster and destruction. God is tired of playing with you. He wants His people to be leaders and set apart. Our marriages shouldn't resemble those in the world. Our marriages should resemble the love that Christ has for the church (an unconditional love).

Are you tired of playing? If not, you should be. Game over.

The Five Love Languages

2009-04-22T20:32:00.001-05:00

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains your love language and what things make you feel loved. Below is my love language. If you want to know your language or your spouse's love language, click on take the quiz. Both of you will need to take the assessment to find out your love language. Then begin speaking each other love language. Love with action.

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	10
Acts of Service:	8
Receiving Gifts:	6
Words of Affirmation:	3
Physical Touch:	3

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

The Devil's Trickery

2009-04-15T20:39:00.000-05:00

The devil is always on the prowl. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10). The devil is very tricky. He knows each of our weaknesses and he plays on them. How can you protect your home? By continuing in prayer. And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint. (Luke 18:1). Not only should we pray, but also be vigilant. Keep an eye out for the devil. Be aware.

Don't allow simple disagreements to blow up into a huge argument. Take the high road, and calmly talk things out with an open heart and listening ear.
Don't allow too much time to come between you and your spouse; in other words have quality time as much as possible.
Don't let a day go by where you haven't spoken to each other. Everyday spend some time talking and listening to your spouse.
Don't go to bed angry, allowing things to fester. Resolve conflicts quickly.
Don't forget the little things. Be romantic. Love each other. Say nice things to each other daily.
Don't be afraid to be intimate. This doesn't always mean having intercourse, but sometimes it means cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc.
Don't be afraid to be sexually intimate. Sexual intercourse releases stress and brings you closer to your spouse. (women don't be afraid to initiate sex).
Don't forget to say, "I love you". So many times we think our spouses know it, but it is nice to hear it.
Don't forget to show love as well. Saying it is lovely, but showing it is divine.
Don't be fooled by the devil's trickery. He will throw you a curve ball at you when you least expect it. And if you are not looking, you will fall right into his trap; and if you are not careful, you'll get stuck and won't be able to get out.

When the devil is on the prowl, just know that a blessing is somewhere around the corner. So don't miss your blessing. Shake the devil off and stump on his head.

Prayer:
Father God, help us to be mindful of You always. Keep our minds and hearts stayed on You, that You will keep us from falling. Make us the type of Godly spouses You would have us to be. Give us the tools to be all that You have called us to be. Keep all danger, seen and unseen, far away. Help us to love our spouses as You love them. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Complacency

2009-04-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

Complacency. We all know the word too well. It is when we become satisfied with the way things are. When we let our guards down and say all is well and I don't have to anything else but what I'm doing right now.

Don't let complacency ruin your marriage. When you become complacent, you allow the devil to come in and destroy your marriage. We should continue to look for interesting ways to improve our marriage, rejuvenate the love, and revitalize those feelings of romance. Your spouse will be amazed at your efforts to keep your relationship fulfilled.

I am reminded of the five love languages when I think about complacency. My love language is quality time and when I don't get that from my spouse; I tend to get moody, irritable, and sometimes angry. In the frustrations of my feelings, in which I am well aware, I begin to feel withdrawn from my husband. It is at these times, that we have become complacent in our relationship and it is at these times that we open the door for the devil to come in. So what do I do when that happens? I simply (and gently) remind my husband that my love tank is low. He usually knows it before I tell him and will say, "I know I have been slacking. I will make it up to you." And he does. I also know when his love tank is low. His love language is physical touch. There are times when my schedule is so hectic that I am pulled in several directions and I have forgotten to fill his love tank. It is then that I must fill his tank. Recognizing your spouse's low levels and being able to fill them is important in your marriage.

So don't let complacency ruin your marriage. Continue to be alive in your marriage. Keep your spouse's love tank full. Continue to be romantic in your relationship. Love your spouse unconditionally even when they seem unlovable. And wives respect your husbands even when they seem undeserving of your respect.

Do little unexpected things for your spouse to show you care and to keep your relationship exciting.

Write them a love note, cook a special dinner, take them out, clean up the house, wash the clothes, write love notes on the mirror with a dry erase marker, love them.
Get up and do it now! Don't be complacent.

For Keeps Marriage Conference

2009-03-30T18:45:00.000-05:00

Need rejuvenation in your marriage?
Need a break from the kids, work, & the stresses of life?
Need some fun and relaxation with your spouse?

Join us at the For Keeps Marriage Conference on Saturday, April 18, 2009 from 9am until 12pm.
Visit the website for more details.

God in Me

2009-03-23T21:35:00.000-05:00

{On Saturday, March 21 I spoke at my church for our Women's Meeting and I wanted to share that lesson with the bloggers.}

The song by Mary Mary says
It’s the God in me.
You see her style you think she’s nice
You look at her whip you say the whip is tight
You look at her crib you thinking she paid
You look at her life you think she’s got it made
But everything she got; the girl’s been given
She calls it a blessing, but you call it living
When it comes to money she can be a hero
She writes them checks with a whole lot of zeros
But whatcha don’t know is when she gets home
And gets behind closed doors she hits the floor
And whatcha can’t see is she’s on her knees
It’s the God in me
You think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me

Is it the God in you? Are we really striving to be more like God? Are we really working on having a relationship with God? Do we even know what that relationship looks like? We’ve gone through so many failed relationships that maybe we don’t know what a relationship is supposed to be like. We may not have had a good example of what a relationship is supposed to be. Maybe we came from a single parent home and didn’t have a relationship with our dad. Maybe we came from a two parent home but didn’t have a relationship with either parent. Maybe we were raised by another relative and didn’t know either parent. Our first experience with relationships usually begins with our parents. They are the most important people in our lives. But if we didn’t have a good example, then we may not know how to be in a good relationship now. Our past experiences usually shape our future relationships.

Webster’s definition of relationship is the state of being related or interrelated or the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship & a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings & then a romantic or passionate attachment.

So how do you have or commit yourself to a good relationship? First we need a good relationship with God, so we may have other successful relationships.

First, we need to seek God. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; an all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)
Seeking God will not only make our relationship with God better, but it will also help our other relationships flourish. Because in seeking God; we won’t be seeking gossip. We’ll be so consumed in seeking God that we won’t have time to seek anything else.

Secondly, read the Bible. The bible is God’s way of communicating to His people. God talks to us through the Word. If we are reading the bible often we are listening to God speak to us. And when we do this often we won’t have time to listen to anything negative.

Third, we need to pray to God. Luke 18:1 says that men ought to always pray, and not faint. When we read our bible, God is talking to us; but when we pray- we are talking to God. If we are praying (or talking) to God always or often, then we won’t have time to talk about anyone else.

Then last, be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). When we are not conforming to the world’s standards, we are being obedient to God. The world says it’s okay to have premarital sex. The world says it’s okay to talk about your fellow sisters and brothers. The world says it’s okay to not need a man because you can do anything by yourself. The world says it’s okay to come to church when you want. The world says you don’t have to pray, fast, or read the bible. The world says don’t trust God we were created by evolution. The world will have you believing that you don’t need to get your relationship right with God. But if we are transformed or changed with a renewed mind in Christ, our relationships on earth will be better because we will have a new heart, a new spirit, and a new mind.

A new heart that will truly love those around us. A new spirit that will pray for those around us. A new mind that we will think differently about those around us.

What is your relationship with God like? Do you seek God daily? Do you listen to God by reading His word? Do you talk to God by praying often? Do you strive to be more like God?

What is your relationship with your fellowman like? Do you seek to do them good always? Do you listen to them when they need a shoulder to cry on? Do you listen without judging and without telling someone else? Do you talk to them and give them Godly advice or counsel?

Are you ready to get your relationships in order? Then renew your relationship with God today. And then renew your relationships with others. Remember that we are not perfect and we may continue to fall while we’re working on getting it right, but don’t let your fall keep you down. Get UP!
Again, Mary Mary says:
Get up cause you can’t stop, Get up got a lot to do; 24 hours almost gone. Get up don’t sit there; get up if you wanna get there. Clocks don’t stop & time won’t wait.
First – seek God
Second – Read your bible
Third – Pray always
Fourth – Be transformed

Your relationships with others should be a reflection of your relationship with God.
When people look at you – they should be able to say: It’s the God in you!

The Perversion of Thought

2009-03-18T23:01:00.000-05:00

The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. (Genesis 6:5)

Since the beginning of time, man has had wicked or evil thoughts. That is no different from today’s mankind. The problem is our perversion of thought can turn something not so bad into something evil and totally misconstrued.

For example, a wife who has had her heart broken can begin to get over her pain, but suddenly her thought process takes her right back to the very day she received her pain and her mental rotors start turning and before she knows it, she is ready to hurt somebody (preferably her husband). Or that husband who has had a bad day comes home and nothing’s been prepared for dinner gets extremely upset and his psyche tells him his wife is no good and does not love him.

The perversion of thought. Our minds work in mysterious ways. The mind is so powerful that it can create a movie in seconds, download a video in a minute, and play it back rewinding sections at a time to show the same scene over and over. Our minds can pick up an image and hold on to it for years or the same mind can scan an image and completely delete it from the files never to be seen again. How is it that the mind can work so well?

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Proverbs 18:21). Usually what is in our minds comes out of our mouths. So if we are not careful, we may say something we later regret.

So you may ask: how do I keep from having perverted thoughts? The answer is simple: keep your mind stayed on Jesus. But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 4:29). By seeking God, you will be praying, reading your bible, fasting, spreading the good news about God, changing your heart, etc. The only way to revert your perverted mind is to keep it on Jesus. Keep Him everywhere you go. Keep Him on your mind always. And when perverted thoughts come up, rebuke them, and pray to God. Ask Him to help you.

Don’t let your perverted thoughts keep you from living peacefully.

Make a date!

2009-02-21T22:00:00.000-06:00

You remember when you used to date? You would call up that person and ask them out. Why can't you date your spouse? You can!

Dating 101...

Plan an evening, day, or morning date for your spouse (make sure their schedule is clear and babysitters have been arranged)
Send them an email, text, or letter (or a simple phone call) and invite them on a date with you
You may want to say, "I hope you don't have any plans, because I would like to take you to lunch, dinner, etc." or "Will you meet me for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, etc." or "I was wondering if you would like to meet me to watch the sunset or sunshine" or "I would like to take a walk with you this evening" (you get the point)
Next make sure you have something you would like to talk about with your spouse - you can ask them a series of questions (and it's okay to have them written out); or you may have a riddle for them to complete; or a puzzle; etc
Make sure you have stimulating conversation - make a point to talk about the things that interest your spouse (so women if you are making the date - talk about the things that interest him)
Be cordial, polite, and kind, and respectful
Plan a follow up date (kind of like a follow up appointment) "We will meet again same time, same place next week" or "See you when you get home for dessert" or "Next time I'll pick the place"
Make the date memorable (you can do this by giving your make a token symbolizing the date - for example: a letter, a poem, a candy or real necklace, a candy ring, a flower, a bookmark, a book, a golf tee, a picture, or a small gift bag of little goodies (such as chocolate, potato chips, gum, pens, note cards, teddy bear, footies, etc.{check your dollar stores or corner stores}); some small token showing your appreciation for them)
Take time to date your spouse - this is how you continue to grow in love with them and continue to get to know them
And tune everyone else out while you are on your date; don't bring your cell phone or talk about the people around you; focus on your spouse

(I know we've talked about romantic ideas before, but it is important to continue to do these things. Life is too short. Don't take your spouse for granted. Go on a date).

~This is not just for the men, either. Ladies you can also plan a date for your husband. :)

It's the little things

2009-02-18T21:53:00.001-06:00

Valentine's day has come and gone, but that does not mean that you have to stop being romantic. Take a look at the e-card I sent my spouse. All week before Valentine's day we were competing to see who could do the most creative and romantic thing. I started with a box of dove chocolates with personalized notes on each wrapper (courtesy of dove.com). He came back with a dozen chocolate roses from dove & a teddy bear. I received two dozen roses on Thursday. We continued to give cards and little notes and e-cards. Don't let Valentine's day be a day of the past or just something you do once a year. Make everyday Valentine's day! E-cards are free. Send one to your spouse today.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Love & Respect, part 2

2009-02-02T16:58:00.000-06:00

Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Respect part two. Wives you must respect your husbands. Again husbands are supposed to love their wives and we are supposed to respect our husbands. Well you may ask yourself, what does respect look like in a relationship? That question is what does respect look like in your relationship? Respect is different in every relationship. A man would rather be alone and unloved than disrespected. He values respect in a relationship over every other emotion or feeling. So how do you respect the man in your life? First, if you have no idea, you may want to ask your spouse. Find out what makes him feel respected and find out what things make him feel disrespected. Beware though! You may not like his answers, but LISTEN. Really listen to him. I suggest that you ask him when you have quiet time with just the two of you. And then practice what you've heard from him. Practice respect with your husband. Practice showing respect to your husband in front of others. Practice respect. Wife respect your husband.

Then beware again. When you begin to respect him, he will continue to love you. It is the crazy cycle that Emerson talks about: the husband needs to be respected in order to show love and the wife must be loved in order to show respect. So who breaks the cycle of unloving & disrespectfulness? Who cares. But wives if you waste time trying to wait on him to love you before you will respect him, then you are wasting precious time. If he dies tonight, will it matter who broke the cycle? I doubt it. But you will be sorry that you didn't take the first step. Break the cycle. Respect your husbands. Not only will you be loved, but it is a command from God- so if nothing else you will be obedient to God and that is reward enough in itself.

Respect your spouse.

Love & Respect

2009-01-28T20:35:00.000-06:00

I want to revisit the Love & Respect concept (Ephesians 5:33) and the crazy cycle from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Dr. Gary Chapman has discussed the five love languages for spouses. I want to examine the language of respect for the next couple of days. Webster Dictionary defines respect as an act of giving particular attention : consideration. We are going to examine respect as it relates to this definition.

What does it mean to give particular attention to or show consideration? Since the bible commands a woman to be respectful to her husband, I will be dealing with the wives on this respect issue (don't take it personal, ladies). Okay, back to giving particular attention or showing consideration. Well, when you pay close attention to something, you study it, you examine it, you take good care of it. Think about how you are with your children or other children. You watch their movements carefully, you cater to them, you make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable, you show consideration, kindness. Okay now think about that concept with your spouse. Pay close attention to them. watch their movements carefully, cater to them, make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable, show consideration and kindness.

It is impossible for you know about your spouse without paying close attention to them as well as communicating with them. Spend time with them, catering to their needs. Speak their love language; but most importantly-speak their language of respect. Well you might ask: "What about me? What do I get in return? What if they don't love me or respect me back? What if they don't receive it?" Philippians 2:3 says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. When it comes to our spouses, we should not be selfish. Remember your marriage is not about you. Your life is not about you. Your marriage is about showing others the love God has for the church. You should be an example of that love. Your reward comes from God.

Respect your husbands. Love them. Show consideration for their needs. Pay particular attention to them. Do it today.

Ephesians 5:33, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Patience

2009-01-24T22:10:00.000-06:00

1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

We are a society that wants everything fast. We microwave our food in 3 minutes. We drive 80 mph. We won't wait if the line is too long. We hate to sit at the doctor's office more than an hour. We won't leave a message if the voicemail takes too long to pick up. We can't wait for the weekend or vacations or just the next day to come. We go through online courses that take 8 weeks to complete. We rush through accelerated programs to get out in a hurry. We are a society that wants everything fast. But patience is a virtue.

Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

We must learn to be more patient. Patient with our spouses and all their inadequacies. We must learn to be patient with their love. We must learn to be patient. God does not work on our time. He works in His own time. Being patient with our spouses doesn't mean allowing them to use and abuse us, it means that we wait on God to work in their lives and in the meantime, we are patient. We are praying. We are protecting. We are providing. We are prevailing.

Look for opportunities to be patient with your spouse this week. Instead of expecting and wanting everything fast. Sit back and relax and enjoy the ride. Take time to smell the roses. Take time to see the sun rise. (If you haven't, it's a gorgeous sight.) Take time to see the sun set. This is also a beautiful sight. Take time to look for the good in your spouse. If you look close enough, you'll find something that they have of value to add to your relationship. Remember God is patient with us everyday. Be patient to others. Be patient with your spouse.

Be patient with them, God isn't finished with them yet.

Love & Respect (Dr.Emerson Eggerichs)

2009-01-17T21:48:00.000-06:00

Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In Eggerichs's book, Love & Respect, he talks about the Crazy Cycle that spouses get on in a battle for love and respect. Women want to feel loved and men need to feel respected. As our ministry begins to study this book, a few thoughts crossed my mind. I wondered if I am respectful to my husband (learning that my disrespect makes him react unloving). I also wondered am I able to identify times when I am being disrespectful or times when I'm about to be disrespectful and stop myself. It is important that as women, we embrace Ephesians 5:33 in it's entirety. It is a command from God. Sometimes, as women, we tend to think that just because we make more money, have the better job, have been independent long before we got married, or may not need our spouse financially- that we can say whatever, do whatever, and act however. The fact of the matter is God did not design us to be independent of our spouses. He (God) designed us for man, Genesis 2:18 says The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We are the man's helpmate. We are to complement our spouses. I am not saying accept any and everything he does without recourse, but when you confront him-do it RESPECTFULLY. You don't have to put up with his horrible actions, but you DO have to respect him as a man. You do because God commanded it. You can also confront him respectfully without a condescending tone.

Men need to be respected. Give it to them and they will give you the love you need in return.

Receive Love

2009-01-02T09:14:00.000-06:00

Your spouse is a gift from God. Receive them as such.

Can you imagine Adam refusing to receive Eve (a gift from God)? Can you imagine rejecting any thing God offers? Well when we don't love our spouses the way we are supposed to, we are in a way rejecting God's gift. God gives us companionship and what do we do with it? We talk down to each other, we talk about each other, we complain, etc. But if we were alone without a mate, we would complain about that. Enjoy the gift God has given you. Enjoy your spouse. Your time is limited on earth so make the most of every day.

Receive Love.

A New Year

2008-12-29T10:51:00.001-06:00

Out with the old and in with the new. Don't bring the same stuff from your marriage into the new year. Make this new year - new, fresh, lovely, and special. Stop holding grudges with your spouse. Forgive and walk into the new year with a different perspective on your marriage. Walk into the new year with a different perspective on your life. Start this new year serving God with your heart, mind, and soul. Start this new year serving your spouse, loving your spouse, being one with your spouse.

No matter where you are in your marriage, there is no better time than the present to make your relationship wonderful. There is always room for improvement. Just imagine if your spouse died tomorrow. How would you feel? "Give the flowers while they are still alive." In other words, spend time with your spouse now. Love your spouse today. Give them gifts, love them, share with them, and treat them kind. Most times we only get one shot at true love. We must make the choice to love our spouses as if they are our only true love and that we will never get another chance.

This is it. Out with the old. In with the new. It's a new year. What are you going to do with it?

God centered

2008-12-04T21:57:00.000-06:00

Where is God in your life? Is He the first person you think about in the morning? Is He the person you reference throughout the day? Is He the last person you say good-night to? Where is God in your life?

Where is God in your marriage? Is He the person you focus on to help you through your problems? Is He at the center? Is His Holy Spirit leading your marriage and your thoughts toward and about your spouse? Do you allow God to give you guidance or do you rely on your own resources?

To be God centered means to put God in the midst of your mess. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. God wants to see you through. If we leave God at home when we go out, then we are saying we don't need Him. If we read His Word and don't respond to it, then we are saying Lord, I don't care about what you are saying. If we pray without considering His Will, then we are saying, Lord I can handle it; I don't need your way. God must be considered at all times. He is the source of all we need. He is there to help us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Leaving God at home, can be dangerous. Sometimes we feel as if we don't need to take God with us because we don't want to be convicted of our wrongness, but that's when God needs to be in the center. He can help us out of our pits of fiery furnaces if we put Him in the midst. God wants your marriage to be the best it can be. Allow God to be in the center.

How do I put God in the center? Communicate with Him daily.
When you read the Bible, respond to it by asking God for understanding, praising Him, or thanking Him for His Word. Then pray to God about the things on your mind. Continue to listen for His Voice to guide you throughout your day. Keep Him on your mind and in your heart constantly. Go to Him in pray continually.

Become God centered today!

Renewal

2008-11-23T21:54:00.000-06:00

Renew your love life with your spouse. Make a date with your spouse. (and this is not just for the men - women, you too, can apply these tips in your marriage). Take your spouse to their favorite restaurant, sports game, for a walk in the park, or a romantic dinner at home. Let me give you a few tips:

Favorite restaurant - or any restaurant. Make plans ahead of time. Get dressed up. Invite your spouse with a nice little written invitation or a text message. Make sure they are able to go at the time you schedule the dinner date (so you won't be disappointed).

Sports game - if your spouse is a sports fanatic, get tickets to their favorite game and take them. If you can't afford the professional sports games; go to a high school game. Again make sure your spouse is available before you get the tickets. If you can't afford any game, plan to watch it on TV and prepare your spouse's favorite snacks for the evening.

Walk in the park or downtown - plan to go for a walk. Bring warm clothing for this time of the year. Bring a light picnic lunch, a blanket and find a quiet spot to sit and talk. Bring a favorite book (a marriage book or a poem book) to read to your spouse. Make sure the weather is not too cold and your spouse is available. As you walk, ask your spouse questions about their week, the day or what they are interested in. Ask where they see themselves in five years. What was their favorite date with you? What job would they love to have if they could work anywhere? What character from TV would they love to play? etc.

Romantic dinner - Plan a romantic dinner (don't worry if you can't cook - you can buy some food and serve it on dinner plates). Set the table, with candles, nice plates, cloth napkins (if you have them), wine glasses (even if you don't drink). Play some jazz or soft music. Dim the lights and light the candles. Serve dinner and talk about your marriage and love life. Concentrate on just the two of you. You might even want to slow dance in the living room afterwards.

Love your spouse. Renew your relationship. Show them that they are still special in your life. You should do this often. Renewal shouldn't take place only on special occasions. Renewal should take place at least twice a month. These are just some suggestions. Renewal can take many other forms. Write a poem or letter for your spouse. Run bath water for your spouse (with candles, cheese, grapes, etc). Place rose petals on the bed. Decorate the room with balloons and Hershey kisses on the bed. Clean the house for your spouse. Wash the car for your spouse. Renew your relationship. Love your spouse. They are a gift from God. Cherish their love.

Renew your relationship. Love your spouse.

God's Part, by Zina

2008-11-17T21:16:00.000-06:00

Cupid shot an arrow,
aimed straight for your heart
to win love with a bow
was not God's intended part

He made marriage to be a show
for the whole world to know
that God has a love for His own
and through marriage, that love is shown

It's not about me; nor about you
God's love, grace, mercy, saving power
helps us deny self anew
and gives a fresh outlook of the hour

To cherish, honor, and forsake
A vow we should seriously take
for we make it in front of God and everyone
As we confess our love to become one
Do we truly understand what that really means?
Do we focus on God and use His Holy team?
Do we block out the world and their views?
Do we look to God for His Good News?

Cupid shot an arrow
aimed straight for your heart
to win love with a bow
was never God's intended part.

Weekend to Remeber Update

2008-11-15T22:42:00.000-06:00

If you were unable to attend this weekend's marriage retreat; you need not to miss the next one. We have been enjoying ourselves tremendously this weekend, since Friday night. I do not want the weekend to end; however, Sunday is our last day. Thus far we have learned how to keep God at the center of our marriages, stay focused on our spouse's needs, make them a priority in our lives, and love unconditionally. We wrote a love letter to our spouses and I can truly say this is a weekend to remember. We shared, cried, and learned to love again.

Thanks to Familylife.com/weekend

Love as an action

2008-11-10T22:47:00.000-06:00

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Love is an action, not a feeling. God loved the world - and in loving the world, He did something: gave! And not only did He just give something; He gave His ONLY unique Son (Jesus). That we might be saved. However, we are saved only if we believe.

So if God loves by action; we also should love by action. How many times have you told your spouse you love them? What was their reaction? In the beginning, it was probably cute, sweet, and a cozy feeling was felt. But as time went on, just saying I love you, gets old. Let me give you a few examples. A man beats his wife and then apologizes and says: "You know I love you." A spouse commits adultery over and over, but then claims that they are sorry and they love their partner. A woman spends all of her time away from home, but tells her husband: "I love you, baby."

"What do you know about love? What could you possibly know about love? You know, I'm sick and tired of men using love as if it's some disease you just catch. Love should have brought your *** home last night." (Boomerang)

I'm sick of tired of us throwing that word love around. Love is more than words. Love is an action. How do you show love? Go back to the first blog post. I listed several ways to show love by finding your spouses' love language and then speaking it. I'm revisiting love because God is love. 1 John 4:16: And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

Even when you examine the book, The Love Dare, by Kendrick; he gives a 40 day challenge to show love by doing something everyday. When you get a chance, go see the movie: Fireproof (it is only playing at the Cordova cinema in Memphis), but the movie gives you a glimpse of a failed marriage that seems irreparable until one spouse takes the love dare.

The challenge to love is loving someone when they don't show you love in return. As humans we base our love on conditions (and this should not be the case). This means that I will love you if you look good. Or I will love you if you have money. Or I will love you if you love me. We should have agape love. Unconditional love; the kind of love that says I will love you no matter what! I will love you even when you don't look good. Or I will love you when you don't have money. Or I will love you even if you don't love me back. I can't explain why I love you, I just do. I just love you. Make love unconditional with spouse (no pun intended). Do love. Love actively!

Anniversary

2008-11-08T17:51:00.001-06:00

Do you know what today is? It's our anniversary. November 9, 2008 will mark 12 years of marriage for my husband and me. I am very blessed to have this man in my life and although we don't and will never have the perfect marriage, I believe he is the man God sent to me and for whom I am supposed to be a helpmate. The Bible says "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10.

What about having an honorable, righteous, honest, and upright man? Those are wonderful qualities to possess for man or woman. So on this anniversary eve, I want to appreciate my husband for honor, honesty, uprightness, and righteousness. I want to appreciate him for loving me even when I am unlovable. I want to appreciate him for giving of himself time and time again. I want to appreciate him for his caring spirit and gentle heart. I want to appreciate him for choosing me to be his wife. I just want to tell him 'thank you'.

This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.

Appreciation for our spouses doesn't have to happen once a year on our anniversaries. Appreciation should occur everyday. Never take your spouses for granted. Love them like this is your last day on earth with them. Tomorrow is not promised to any man; so love your spouse and appreciate them today. And for the record, love is not just saying the words, it is an action! So take action. LOVE!

Weekend to Remember Retreat

2008-11-02T20:40:00.001-06:00

Don't forget to register for the retreat. Group code #18375. You must call 1-800-FL-TODAY. The retreat date is November 14-16 for the Memphis Hilton Retreat. You only have until midnight, November 4, 2008 to use the group code for the Memphis retreat on the 14th-16th. So please hurry! Register Today!

Selfishness

2008-11-02T20:17:00.000-06:00

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

We've read it and seen it a thousand times. But what does it really mean? God loved us before He even knew us. God loved us even when we weren't lovable. God loved us so much that He gave His only Son for us. Can you imagine sacrificing your own child for a dying world that you don't even know? A dying world that doesn't even care about your child. A dying world that is ungrateful. A dying world that is selfish. God's love for us was the most unselfish act of all.

I wonder how many of us can be unselfish for our spouse. I petition every one of you to do something for your spouse this week. Something completely and utterly unselfish. Something that you would not normally do. For example, men: wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner, etc. Women: take out the trash, wash the car, be intimate, etc.

Selfishness is embedded in our bodies, because we are born into it. We have to learn to deny ourselves in order to please our spouses. We also have to deny ourselves in order to please God.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2

Do something for your spouse. Love them.

Forgiveness

2008-10-28T19:56:00.000-05:00

"Forgiveness means more than saying sorry." (From the movie Just Friends).

So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. Matthew 18:35.

Every day we are given new mercies and new grace. God continues to bless us even when we don't deserve it. So how is it that we are unable to forgive our spouses when they fail us? Everyone of us is human. We are all capable of mistakes. In fact, we continue to make mistakes everyday - but God is like a big eraser. He erases our mistakes and they are no longer visible, not even the imprint. When someone looks at us, they don't even know that we made the mistake - there is no trace of it, no record.

So why can't we forgive our spouses? Sometimes it's hard to forgive people. I know. But let's look at it from a different perspective. Let's examine this from the other side. If you make a mistake and feel really bad about your error, don't you want to be forgiven for your wrongness? Of course you do! You want God to forgive you every time you ask Him.

Forgiveness is not about you. Your marriage is not about you. Your life is not about you. God has a purpose for everything in your life. Things happen in your life so that in the end, God gets the glory. Your marriage represents Christ's love for the church. When people see your marriage, they should see the love between a husband and a wife as representation of Christ's love for His church (people). When people see you forgiving your spouse, they see a representation of God's love for His people and God's grace and mercy. So unless you don't want or need forgiveness, then you have no reason to forgive anyone else. But I beg to differ that we all need forgiveness; therefore, we should all forgive. Read Matthew 18:21-35 in its entirety about the unmerciful servant. And remember when your spouse does something that hurts you - they don't necessarily mean to, they don't know that they did it, they don't know what they are doing, or they aren't saved. So we could do several things: we could be mad, hold a grudge, seek revenge; but as Christians none of these are Godly. We should; however, pray for them, pray for ourselves, seek reconciliation, forgive them (even if they don't ask - remember it's not about us), and love them. We could also do something nice for them - write them a letter, give them a card, send flowers, give a hug or kiss, etc. I know this sounds strange but in order to heal and get past the hurts once you've reconciled you will need to do something to erase the memory of the scar. Doing something nice for that person every time you think about the hurt will eventually replace the hurt feelings with lovely feelings. This won't be easy at first, pray for guidance, strength, and the love that God gives. And notice that the word forgive has the word give in it.

Now forgive.

Interactions between a husband and wife

2008-10-25T22:32:00.000-05:00

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

What does it mean to be kind? Some synonyms are affectionate, loving, generous, sympathetic, caring, nice, benevolent, considerate to name a few.

What does it mean to be tenderhearted? easily moved to love, pity, or sorrow, compassionate, kind, gentle, tender

What does it mean to be forgiving? merciful, lenient, pardoning, forbearing, sympathetic

When we look back at Ephesians 4:32 and really examine this verse, first we see the conjunction and which tells us that something else goes with this verse. If we look at the verse before this one we will find these words: Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (Ephesians 4:31). This verse tells us to put all bitterness (resentment, hostility, sourness) away. Meaning don't indulge in bitterness. Don't allow bitterness to reside in you or your heart. Don't be bitter. It also says to put away malice (hatred, spite, meanness), anger (irritation, annoyance, fury), clamor [clamour] (shout, scream, yell), and evil speaking (wickedness, sin, immorality). When you look at the real meaning of these words and really understand what it is God is saying, you begin you understand verse 32 a little better. This is also a command. God is not asking us to do this, He is telling us to do it. He is telling us to put away evil things and be kind. He is telling us to be loving to one another. What is our premise for wanting to do these things? God, Himself. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

1 John 4:8 says: He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

So if we put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking; we can be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving toward one another. But the verse doesn't end there-it ends with what God has already done for us and continues to do for us. So if we are in need of kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness, why can't we give these things to our spouses?

Think about it. Ask God to help you love your spouse the way He loves your spouse. And then BE kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. This is a command!

Prayer

2008-10-23T22:30:00.000-05:00

Do you talk to God? If so, how often? Does He talk to you? If so, how often? Do you listen when He speaks? It is important that we talk to God. In your marriage, the most essential part is God. He should be your center. He should be your guide. He should be at the head of your house. If God is not the focus in your marriage, then your marriage won't survive. We must remember to keep Him in our hearts always - even when times are good. It is usually in those times that we seem to forget about God because everything is going well. But we must never forget about God.

Pray with your spouse when you wake up in the morning. Pray with your spouse before you go to bed at night (and bow down on your knees). Pray with your spouse before every meal. Pray with your spouse whenever.

How do you pray with your spouse? You can pray silently with your spouse and when you are finished you quietly say "amen" and wait for your partner to finish (Gary Chapman - A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage). Or one spouse can pray aloud for both parties. Or you can pray conversationally. Which is where one spouse begins to pray and then pauses; then the partner begins to pray elaborating on the same topic and then pauses for the first spouse to continue to pray until the two finish (Gary Chapman - A Couple's Guide to a Growing Marriage).

So pray with your spouse. Pray for your spouse. Pray. Talk to God and listen to God.

Infidelity

2008-10-22T22:04:00.000-05:00

Infidelity is a touchy topic. Okay. Here we go.

When a spouse goes outside of the marriage for whatever (romance, conversation, intimacy, love, etc.) it can leave a nasty burn at home. Some marriages are scarred through infidelity with a lifelong reminder of a child. Some marriages are burned so badly the bridge is no longer there. Other marriages are glued back together only to find out the adhesive wears off and the stickiness fades.

Then there are the marriages that God fixes after infidelity and both parties are restored to complete fullness and the scar from the burn is invisible as if it were never there.

There is no reason why a man or a woman should commit adultery, but sometimes they do. And just because they do, this doesn't mean it is the end of the world. God can take our worst circumstances and turn them into something miraculous. Something spectacular. Sometimes we feel as if the infidelity of our spouse was brought on because of something we did or didn't do, the fact remains that it is wrong. When we are married, we take a vow to love one another and forsake all others. However, this doesn't automatically make us unable to cheat. We aren't instantly enclosed in a "spouse bubble" and the only one who can get in is our spouse. We have to make a conscious decision to stay faithful. To love the one we're with no matter what - even if they are unlovable. All of us are unlovable at some point in time (and God continues to give us another chance).

Let's make a conscious decision today to stay in love with the one God allowed us to be with and commit completely to them. Leave outsiders just where they are - on the outside. Don't allow infidelity to ruin your marriage or your testimony to others. Remember our marriages are a representation of God's love for the church. So when people see your marriage they should see God's love so much that they will want to be a part of His family.

Infidelity. Okay. There it goes.

Love Notes/Letters

2008-10-20T17:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Lovers,
Remember when you were dating and you would write a love letter to your mate? You may have had a special way to fold the letter so that it would be unwrapped for more pleasure. You may have had a special pen that you wrote the letter in so that it would look enticing. You may have had a special type of perfume or cologne that you sprayed on the letter so your mate would have a scent in which they would remember.

Well why not write a love letter to your spouse? Why not tell him or her about how special they are to you or how they make you feel? Why not make a little questionnaire for them to fill out on different things you want to know about them, such as their favorite restaurant, favorite movie, movie they would like to go see, favorite type of clothing, favorite store, dreams they haven't accomplished, etc.? Why not? Write your spouse a letter and put it in a nice envelope or use your special fold. Type it on the computer with a different font other than Times New Roman. Print it on color paper. Put it in a colored envelope. Spray cologne or perfume on it. Draw hearts or diamonds on the envelope or use clip art. Leave it under their pillow or in a drawer. Give it to them over dinner that you prepare. Do something nice for your spouse; write a love letter. It's small, but it's meaningful. They'll appreciate you for it.

With Love,
Always

Weekend to Remember Retreat

2008-10-19T22:21:00.001-05:00

Family Life www.familylife.com/weekend is hosting a Weekend to Remember Retreat for couples. This is a time to reconnect with your spouse, find new love with your spouse, rekindle old love, or keep love alive. Please visit their website and check out the information for the Weekend to Remember Retreat. The retreat date for Memphis, TN is November 14, 15, & 16 at the Hilton Memphis. If this date is not convenient, you may use the group code for any of the retreat dates until July 2009.

If you use the group code #18375 you can save $80/per couple. When using the group code, you must call 1-800-FL-TODAY in order to register. You cannot use the group code online.

God's Union Marriage Ministry would love for you to join our group in November for a weekend to remember. Again marriage is too important to allow it to slowly dissolve. Join us! Keep your marriage alive!

God's Union Marriage Ministry

2008-10-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

Marriage is ordained by God. With this said, then why do so many married couples get divorced? We live in a society where marriage is not taken seriously. Just look at Hollywood; couples are switching spouses with every new movie, with every new music release, or with every new season. In order for our children to grow up with healthy views about family, we must show them a picture of a healthy family. If spouses are arguing, fighting, unlovable, that affects the children. Many of our children are angry and unloved. They can't change their attitude if they have no examples of how to be loving and kind. It starts at the top. The father and mother (preferably the husband and wife) have to show love, exhibit love, give love and then the children will learn from example. You have trusted someone enough to marry them, but you don't give them the love and support they need to continue in that love. Before you got married, you were inseparable, in love, attentive, and romantic. Now after the wedding, you're separated, out of love, inattentive, and not romantic. Now you don't have time. Now you are tired. Now you are mad. Now you are... The list goes on and on. Well you had time before (where did it go?) and you haven't changed. You weren't tired before (staying up until 4 in the morning on the phone) and you haven't changed. You weren't mad before (nothing made you mad - you were in love) and you haven't changed. You weren't... and you haven't changed!

Ephesians 5:25 says: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
This is a command from God, not a request or a suggestion. It starts at the top. The husband is the top (after God). Then the wife. We need to start with love. Loving each other the way God loves us.

How do you love someone? Find out what makes them feel loved and then do that which makes them feel loved. Speak their love language (Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages). In his book, he talks about five love languages that make a person feel loved.
1. Words of affirmation - you feel loved if your spouse tells you nice things or writes you nice letters. i.e. 'you look nice', 'dinner was great', I like your hairstyle', 'that suit looks good on you'
2. Physical Touch - you feel loved if your spouse gives you gentle touches. i.e. rubs your shoulder, strokes your hair, touches your thigh, gives you a hug or gentle kisses, sexual intimacy
3. Receiving Gifts - you feel loved if your spouse buys you gifts. (they don't have to be expensive). i.e. box of candy, roses, jewelry, book, etc.
4. Quality Time - you feel loved if your spouse spends time with you. i.e. quality time is time away from distractions such as the TV or newspaper. You spend time talking and listening to spouse. Take a walk with spouse. Play a board game. Read to spouse.
5. Acts of Service - you feel loved if your spouse does things for you. i.e. vacuums, does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, makes up the bed, picks up dry cleaning, picks up dinner, etc.
Many people may have more than one love language but there is always a dominant language (one that you prefer over all of them). If your spouse speaks this language enough, your love tank will be full and you will feel loved. Therefore love is in the air and the children feel loved. But both spouses need to feel loved. Love is not a one way street. Once you master the love languages, you can ask your spouse, "How is your love tank, today?" If it is not full, then you know what you need to do. Think about: if your spouse died tomorrow, how would you feel? Would you feel as if you did your best to make them feel loved? Or would you wish for more time with them for a second chance to get it right? Get it right the first time. Get it right now!